Stupid Jokes Thread

[Guest Anonymous]

Knock knock

 

Who's there?

 

Doris

 

Doris who?

 

Doris closed - that's why I knocked

[Guest Anonymous]

A biologist, a chemist, and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses five feet to the right. The statistician yells "We got 'em!”

[jean-luc]

And then a sensible statistician comes over and smacks the stupid one and proceeds to give a lecture about how error margins should always be calculated as absolute values.

[Guest Anonymous]

If someone from the 1950s suddenly appeared, what would be the most difficult thing to explain about life today? One answer: “I possess a device in my pocket that is capable of accessing the entirety of information known to man. I use it to look 
at pictures of cats and get into arguments with strangers.”

[Guest Anonymous]

I want a job shining mirrors. It's just something I could really see myself doing!

[Guest Anonymous]

A guy walks into a bar and takes a seat. Before he can order a beer, the bowl of pretzels in front of him says "Hey, you're a handsome fellow." The man tries to ignore the bowl of pretzels, and orders a fine Pilsner beer. The bowl of pretzels then says "Ooooh, a pilsner, great choice. You're a smart man." Starting to freak out, the guy says to the bartender "Hey what the hell, this bowl of pretzels keeps saying nice things to me!" Bartender says "Don't worry about it, the pretzels are complimentary."

[Brassow]

A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill:

"One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian".

The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill, where Upon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.

The voice once again calls out:

"One Finn is better than one hundred Russian."

Furious, the Russian commander sends his next best 100 troops over the hill and instantly a huge gun fight commences.

After 10 minutes of battle, again Silence. The calm Finnish voice calls out again:

"One Finn is better than one thousand Russians"

The enraged Russian commander musters 1000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the hill.

Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought... Then silence.

Eventually one badly wounded Russian fighter crawls back over the hill and with his dying words tells his commander,

"Don't send any more men...it's a trap. There's two of them."

[glint4]

My motto is just like my blood type.

 

B negative.

[Guest Anonymous]

In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

[Solune]

How many wolves does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

The answer? Wolves can't change a lightbulb, you stupid idiot.