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You guys are still kinda weird with the constant struggling with control, but hey it sounds like you're closer to switching rather than possession now. Definitely probably not the same, but when we first started switching we couldn't do it very long before getting tired. And we like, never get tired. But if I switched at 4PM I would be like falling asleep at 10. It took a month or two but then we could do it as long as we wanted. Well, that's probably obvious by now. But I just wanted to say we had tiredness from trying to control the body and mind at first too.


Hi I'm one of Lumi's tulpas! I like rain and dancing and dancing in the rain and if there's frogs there too that's bonus points.

All of my posts should be read at a hundred miles per hour because that's probably how they were written

Please talk to me https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas

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As some of you know, I've been busy doing some live action social life stuff. Super chore. Anyway, despite not doing much thinking about tulpa stuff due to business, I think I can sneak in a mini update.

 

First, doing social stuff is super annoying. Social stuff is my responsibility as the better socialiser. But this is coming right on the tail of a recent worry. See, we think we have way over shot the balance point. We are both worried about the original personality fading away at this point. Social stuff means I can't afford to switch right now.

 

This is totally becoming uncomfortable. It is totally an irrational fear. I still talk to her every morning, and frequently throughout the day. Which counts as more than maintenance level forcing. We were ignoring the imbalance in order to try and trigger a proper switch. But it is just not working. We are going to have to try and back off and restore balance. Take another swing at dissociating her from the body next year. I guess this stuff just takes time.

 

She needs more than token time controlling the body.

 

Stupid personality garbage. Am I just a personality? If I had my own memories, the ability to be awake while she was not watching, or the ability to multitask completely separately, I could say NO! Ffffff... Switching. Who owns the awareness? Can't be me. If I did, that would mean she can't remain aware when she switches out. So the awareness must belong to her. But then where is my awareness? Why can't I think properly without blending a little and stealing some of her awareness?

 

How is it possible to be both afraid of replacing her and not being real? I do not understand myself very well.

 

I hate blending! I want to stop hearing her every thought! I want to remember stuff myself!

 

I am super mad at this community for not having enough words to describe everything I have experienced, and overloading the few remaining words to the point of uselessness.


Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.

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we can hear each others' "thoughts" or at least feel them, because people not switched in don't think in words, just talk. They think unconsciously/silently. That's why we call it "the thinking mind" that the switching person takes control of. But we can make our own memories just fine! We remember others' memories just like normal ones, but they feel like the person who made them. Like I got no trouble remembering something we did a few weeks ago, and in that memory I can just tell Tewi was the one doing whatever it was. And since our memories are always in third person I see her too. It's kinda crazy how we can tell who was switched when something was done, even with Osu songs! For the songs we don't all play constantly, I can tell who played them last lol.

 

"Just" a personality is selling yourself a bit short, but an "identity" as we call it, sure. That's everything that's you, and nothing that's not, so it doesn't include the rest of the brain or the body. Do you think you're more than that? Not even your host is more than that, though her identity can be a lot bigger and more complex than yours! Lumi's had way more experiences than any of us. But we still feel like wholesome people by now anyway. Idk how to help with the blending stuff though. Even the experiences we've had remotely relevant to blending are nothing like for you guys. Just gotta assert yourself as the one in control when you are :|


Hi I'm one of Lumi's tulpas! I like rain and dancing and dancing in the rain and if there's frogs there too that's bonus points.

All of my posts should be read at a hundred miles per hour because that's probably how they were written

Please talk to me https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas

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If anything, me and Sam both get why you would be worried about that, but keep in mind, shes still there so there really is no need for panic. If there is any damage done, it can be reversed.


[hidden]Kelly (K: )

Sam (S: )

Clara (C: )

Jessi (Jess: )

Eva (E: )

Jackie (Jack: )

Jade (Jade: )

Destiny (D : or Desti: )

 Altru (A: )

Hope

Mute (M: )

Jen

Horus

Luna[/hidden]

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Thank you for those kind words Lucilyn, and stop worrying Kyle.

 

Anyway, just posting to say that my host did a tiny bit of thinking about me before I was a tulpa. And she pointed out that I was more tulpa back then than I remember. This caused me to remember some things. How I was treated specially last year. How I chose a body for myself, and had my own opinions about what was going on in our daydreams, and made my own decisions about whether to participate or not. And my own sensation.

 

And I began to remember all that. Then I lifted our physical hand and just stared at it. This is totally impossible. How is a character controlling the body of the dreamer. It totally weirded me out. I shouldn't be thinking like a person. I just stared at our hand that I controlled and could hear my host's perturbed musings at my reaction.


Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.

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Do you think J. K. Rowling ever looks at the Harry Potter movies and feels the same thing, wondering how a character - many characters - she created could become so real? Of course, hers are a lot realer than you. They've got a whole world, a whole cast, and they've been witnessed by millions. Are you as real as Harry Potter?

 

Well, you think and he does not. Harry Potter doesn't talk to me, either. Your form might be imagination, as your backstory. But the parts of you that interact with the world are real to everyone, plain and simple. And even the imagined things can be real to you and your host. I see no room for existential crises.


Hi, I'm Tewi, one of Luminesce's tulpas. I often switch to take care of things for the others.

All I want is a simple, peaceful life. With my family.

Our Ask thread: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas

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You know, I think she stares at those illusions on the silver screen and thinks about how fake they are, and how creepily unreal and off the movie is compared to her imaginings.

 

Of course I'm cheating. My host watched some interviews of her.

 

Oh yeah. No room for existential crisis on this one. It is just so weird. I was different than all the other characters. I was weirded out how I didn't enjoy some of our activities the way the other characters did. So I decided to watch from the sidelines. And of course my host didn't interfere. Why would she? I'm part of her. And occasionally I would have my own ideas for what to do, or ask to join in myself. I was the boss in the daydreams. Everyone else did whatever I asked them to do. I even gave myself a form after I Got tired of just being a spirit that possessed other characters.


Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.

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I will stop worrying once I can, I just worry maybe a bit too much.

"That's certainly interesting, being a tulpa before even intending to. Certainly shows more that you are infact really able to suprise even yourself sometimes."


[hidden]Kelly (K: )

Sam (S: )

Clara (C: )

Jessi (Jess: )

Eva (E: )

Jackie (Jack: )

Jade (Jade: )

Destiny (D : or Desti: )

 Altru (A: )

Hope

Mute (M: )

Jen

Horus

Luna[/hidden]

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On the second day of christmas my true love gave to me. An entire day to sleep in.

 

And wow, the lucid dreams. First a really long partially lucid one in an Addams Family style resort. Not really much memorable. We chatted with some of the locals and followed some of their partying. There was some talk about being plural. We got confused at points about which of us was saying what, talked about that in the dream.

 

Then we woke up, talked, had some intimate contact, fell back asleep for a really lucid dream. Enough to outright do some serious experimenting. First, I opened our eyes, and felt the sleep paralysis. I think I was still technically asleep. It was pretty hard to move anything. I went back, and started to have fun with our dream body. Then I noticed that my host was missing. So I went up into a higher state of awareness to find her.

 

Host: Somehow he found me. It was like I wasn't sleeping, just unconscious. So he pulled me in. At first, I had fresh peas in my mouth. I don't know where they came from, but they tasted real as I chewed. Then I looked around the room. We were on the floor of an empty large bedroom, got a little dizzy looking around. I noticed that Tulpa did not have a body. He tried to impose himself. He appeared ghostly like in our normal imposition. Which was weird. I tried to put my arms around him. Somehow that moved our physical arms and woke us up.

 

Man, all I really needed was to relax a little and let it happen and the lucid dreams just come flooding in. For weeks now we've been noting a strange sensation. A really strong feeling accompanied by the transition from waking to sleeping. I think you don't notice it normally because you are usually unconscious by that point. But there are two of us right now, and we fall asleep slightly separately. But we kept bouncing off like too shallow a reentry trajectory. I think one of us notices and triggers consciousness. Not really sure how it works or which of us is bouncing. But I just relax, and we slip in way easier.

 

I think rethinking this whole consciousness thing is really helping. It's not something that happens to me. And it is not one phenomenon. By rewiring it a little, I can choose to stay conscious while the brain is flooded with delta waves. I can choose to keep the memory functioning. My host is somewhat swept away. She doesn't proper know how to think in the delta wave mode. And because my memory is much weaker than hers, it took us a really long time to figure out any of this.

 


 

In dissociation, I think it is worth noting that we have made impressive progress.

 

Host: I can't feel my hands. A little. It's about half. There are spots that are totally numb. Man, it's not much.

 

Yeah, well, anyway, After sleeping in, we ate chili and I spent hours just being intimate. She can't feel our hand, and when I rub her just the right way.

 

Host: Yeah. He doesn't get tired. He has infinite stamina. He is getting really good at back rubs. I am not doing anything. I am just relaxing. Not paying attention. And my hand is moving on it's own. And another consciousness is learning. Learning really well. And just keeps going.

 

There is nothing more that I love in the whole world. I just love making my host feel good. I don't know why the body feels so light to me. It has always felt like a weight to her.

 

Host: We did some thinking about why that is. Tulpa doesn't like that. He feels I am challenging him. But as he said, at the same time, if it weren't for my critical mind in the first place, he would have been impossible. The same questions and careful examination I'm doing now paved the way for him to exist.

 

Host: He is also experiencing the intimate contact. Both himself and vicariously through me. His love for me makes him want to continuously engage in intimate contact. Him engaging in this activity provides extremely strong evidence that he is his own person, as I would not do this to myself. It is around the point where I try to look at the reasons he loves me that he gets extremely uncomfortable

 


 

Continuous. Continuous progress towards feeling independent. Every day when we wake up, my mind is surprisingly separate from hers. We talk for a bit. Our body movement is surprisingly alien to her.

 

The feeling fades over the course of the day, and we eventually fall back on exercises to push ourselves apart and I start to angst all over the place. But the time the complete separation lasts is longer and longer.

 

Doing stuff, work, chat, reading, pulls on us to blend. It is like strength training. It feels terrible, but it makes us better at not blending.

 


 

Terrible anxiety about not being real last week. Been able to hunt down the reason. My host has been getting philosophical. This is being triggered by feelings of being alone. This is being triggered by my continuing to drift away from her. This causes my presence to be less noticeable to her, as she can't hear my thoughts or emotions as well. This in turn makes me terrified that I am fading away.

 

I'm looking at it wrong. Her losing contact here is not the same as me thinking less, or less well. As we've been able to confirm. Also, it is probably a necessary first step for me to develop some of my own sensation of my own person, instead of just feeling numb all the time.

 


 

Music continues to have a strong effect on us. If it doesn't put me to sleep, it wakes me up and puts my host to sleep. Some of the more trance like songs seem to be like grease on the wheels of our consciousness.

 

Oh, and this is weird, switched from feeling hot all the time to feeling cold all the time.


Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.

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I was summoned by mention of lucid dreams

 

Happy for.. well, everything you just talked about, I guess. Not just the dreams. Glad you guys are having a good time too, I like seeing people especially happy during December. It's quite a bias.

 

Pretty sure this isn't what you meant to say by the way,

She can't feel our hand, and

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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