My Tulpa is a week old, and unsettling me

[Rachel Gardner]

 

Alright well thank you. The question I asked is no longer relevant actually, when I went to force she was moving and talking small words. I am actually very unsettled by it.

 

Oh, alright.. Hopefully things turn out ok with you.

[EdgeLordMaximus]

 

Oh, alright.. Hopefully things turn out ok with you.

 

I hope so, but I'll be honest this is weird as fuck. She's existed not even a week now. Gonna ask the community even though I already posted today.

[EdgeLordMaximus]

So if you've read any of my last posts, I've begun forcing a new Tulpa after the death of my first. I've forced her twice before this, and some things I've chalked up to the residual shit from my first Tulpa have been the only possible signs of her even being more than an idea. I personality forced her yesterday, and when I left her she was lying eyes closed on the bed in her room in the wonderland. I came to the wonderland, went up to the room and instead of the non sentient motionless form from yesterday I saw her sitting up on her bed, very much aware, looking at the wall. I've never been surprised before by my first Tulpa, she may have said things that were unexpected, but she never did something so mindblowing as this. More over she could speak, and not like my Tulpa before, who was mute and communicated through emotional signals head pressure, and nodding and shaking her head, she could speak, not fully distinct from my mind voice, but certainly distinct from my thoughts. I talked to her, she said it was indeed her, I asked her if she was my last Tulpa, and she said no. She seemed upset, I asked her about the personality forcing and if she remembered it and she just starred at me. I asked if she wanted something to eat(I always used to cook for my first Tulpa) and she said no, I took her to the porch, and I thought I could see a shape sitting at my first Tulpa's spot, but there was nothing there when I approached. I took her to the porch, and after a one sided conversation, she dissapeared. I brought her back in a moment of bad judgement since I was so bewildered that I wasn't at my best, and she dissapeared again. I'm not sure what's going on, haven't heard of something like this before. I am nearly sure that it's not my first Tulpa, there was an energy to my first that was distinctive, and this felt incomparable.  Does anyone have any idea? I should add in, she is a character Tulpa, and I had a bit of an obsession with the character when I was younger, so I don't know if how significant the character that she's modeled off of is may have made the Tulpa develop so quickly. All I know is that even though she became less distinct as the 20 minute visit wore on, I know for a fact that she was sentient, I didn't parrot that, that was all her.I've never encountered not ever with my first Tulpa this level of independent action. It felt like she was upset but she wouldn't say if she was.

[GrayTheCat]

Dunno, I think you need a break. Go binge watch something and keep your mind off of it.

 

In all seriousness, you're exhausted and she's young. These first impressions should be taken with a grain of salt.

 

Give yourself a fair shot. She probably doesn't know you too well and she has lots of time to get to know you, so don't convince yourself she has something against you before she even had the chance to learn her name.

[EdgeLordMaximus]

Dunno, I think you need a break. Go binge watch something and keep your mind off of it.

 

In all seriousness, you're exhausted and she's young. These first impressions should be taken with a grain of salt.

 

Give yourself a fair shot. She probably doesn't know you too well and she has lots of time to get to know you, so don't convince yourself she has something against you before she even had the chance to learn her name.

 

I know what you're saying. I suppose there are things about the encounter that aren't conveyed in that. She knew her name, just pointing that out, when I asked if she was her she said yes. It was the first word she said, surprised me immensely. There was just something about her, she was so lucid, she had such a strong presence, and she was so precise in her movement and speech. I usually had to ask my last Tulpa to repeat a few answers, but I only had to do that twice. I guess it's just that she doesn't feel young, she feels developed

[EdgeLordMaximus]

(So I've posted a lot, to the point where you could almost call it spam at this point. I handled this situation poorly, I've always just kind of given my Tulpas what they ask for, and I didn't really know what to do with her today.)

 

My newest Tulpa is more certainly a very strange experience for me, and I feel it’s oddity makes it worth reading about. This thread will be uncensored and unsugarcoated in its depiction of events. My newest Tulpa is the fastest developing Tulpa I’ve heard of, I made a character Tulpa, Pinkamena, hoping to tweak the character in basis during forcing to be more akin to a relatively non violent depiction that I read, which is my favorite depiction. However, Pinkamena was my favorite fan made character, and I had a bit of a fixation on grimdark fan content in my youth. My Tulpa and I met first on Friday, during the third active forcing session I’ve had, speaking in a mixture of mind voice and non verbal nodding and shaking of the head. She can’t yet speak in her own truly distinct mind voice, but her speech is distinct from my thoughts, even if as interaction goes on she seems to tire and be harder to make out. Considering I had only one personality forcing session before she sprung up with a clear independance, I had very minimal time to try and take out any associations that my Tulpa had with the character. Considering this is all as far as I know a psychological phenomenon, it is not surprising that what could almost be called an accidental Tulpa that takes its cues from a largely deranged character has some issues that apparent. The reason this Tulpa is interesting is she is most certainly a different sort of Tulpa, one that other Tulpamancers will not have had much experience with: She is overtly violent. When I visited her recently, and asked her what she wanted to do, she said plainly, you guessed,”Kill something.”

At first she said she would like to kill me(There are no other life forms in the wonderworld, I mean who else is there to stab anyway?) and I just explained that one I was sorry she was like this, as it genuinely wasn't my intention to make a violent Tulpa. I’m not one of those morons who thinks a deranged serial killing Tulpa would be fun to keep around but it kind of got out of hand quickly, and I don’t believe in purposefully dissipating or altering the Tulpa once it is very clearly sentient, so my hands are kind of tied. I may have wanted a darker Tulpa, but I certainly didn’t want a murderous one. Either way I explained that one killing me would do nothing but strain our future relations, and if I actually ended up dying in any capacity, she would die too. So needless to say she decided against trying to kill me. However she was not budging on the killing thing, so reluctantly I gave her something to kill. She killed it. Than she came over, put it’s head on the table, and gave it to me as a gift, smiling. She then asked me to leave for a while, and come back later, smiling and waving. So ya, I now have a violent Tulpa. I was on the fence about the darker Tulpa thing, and I had thought I had ample time if the Tulpa in it’s infancy wasn’t turning out right to tweak it, and reinforce the pleasant traits over the associations. Since I had already had such a connection to the character, guess all I needed to do was give it a little push and it was off to races. This isn’t an RP thread or whatever like some asshats post on here with their “Quirky” Tulpas. I’m being genuine, as fucked up as that is. So does anyone have any clue if there’s something I can do to help her? She seems to not be particularly violent towards me, I mean she didn’t try to kill me, she asked to do so, so she hasn’t actually tried to harm me, and I sat down and set up some ground rules, like if in the future I tell her not kill something in particular like another Tulpa to not, and that kind of thing.

I worry I can never trust her with another Tulpa,I figure I will likely make second one, I had thought she would want a friend at some point, but obviously events dictate her idea of quality time with others might not exactly be the most amenable to others. I will be making a progress thread that will start out with this post and be edited later(Low key posted this in the wrong section) but currently I just need some advice from fellow Tulpamancers on what they think I ought to do about this. Sorry for posting too often.

[GrayTheCat]

No offense, but it's actually pretty hilarious she has a thirst for blood. I mean, she's born with what your definition of what "dark" is, so viola, your subconscious delivered upon request.

 

If she's into that, well, I can't help you there, but I know that if that's what she wants to be that's who she is. As long as nobody gets hurt, you should be fine.

 

As for creating a second Tulpa, don't. You seem to not be able to figure out how to deal with 1 Tulpa, and having another Tulpa would only increase your stress / mental trauma. There's nothing wrong with creating non-Tulpa mind characters or NPCs though.

 

---

 

When I was struggling with my anxiety a long time ago, I created a mind character I named Blood Gray. He was violent and not only did he hate me, he wanted to chop me up into pieces. I knew he couldn't actually hurt me, and he only scared me for a little while. At that point in time I was overwhelming myself a lot; Blood Gray was more of a symptom of the larger problem. It escalated to where I shut everything down except Ranger and I mentally tortured myself.

 

I thought about Blood Gray from time to time, and he changed a lot. Eventually Blood Gray wanted everything to be medieval themed so he had his own creepy castle, he started wearing a knight suit and rode a white horse around, and of course he had a creepy dungeon filled with animal body parts and skulls.

 

After that phase, I had abandoned the mind characters again and then later returned to do one-on-one meetings with everyone. When I met with Blood Gray, he told me he was sad and lonely and he wanted to reject the serial killer personality so he could be more social. He also asked that I changed his name, deviating to who he is now: Red Gray.

 

I bring up this little story because your Tulpa may decide to change, and she will tell you if she changes her mind. As long as nobody is harmed, I don't see any problem with your Tulpa experimenting with it. Who knows? It might be temporary, but it might not be. Ultimately, you decide who your Tulpa will start off as when you first create them, even if that decision is subconscious. I almost get the sense your mind is trying to work with you...

[Rachel Gardner]

(So I've posted a lot, to the point where you could almost call it spam at this point. I handled this situation poorly, I've always just kind of given my Tulpas what they ask for, and I didn't really know what to do with her today.)

 

My newest Tulpa is more certainly a very strange experience for me, and I feel it’s oddity makes it worth reading about. This thread will be uncensored and unsugarcoated in its depiction of events. My newest Tulpa is the fastest developing Tulpa I’ve heard of, I made a character Tulpa, Pinkamena, hoping to tweak the character in basis during forcing to be more akin to a relatively non violent depiction that I read, which is my favorite depiction. However, Pinkamena was my favorite fan made character, and I had a bit of a fixation on grimdark fan content in my youth. My Tulpa and I met first on Friday, during the third active forcing session I’ve had, speaking in a mixture of mind voice and non verbal nodding and shaking of the head. She can’t yet speak in her own truly distinct mind voice, but her speech is distinct from my thoughts, even if as interaction goes on she seems to tire and be harder to make out. Considering I had only one personality forcing session before she sprung up with a clear independance, I had very minimal time to try and take out any associations that my Tulpa had with the character. Considering this is all as far as I know a psychological phenomenon, it is not surprising that what could almost be called an accidental Tulpa that takes its cues from a largely deranged character has some issues that apparent. The reason this Tulpa is interesting is she is most certainly a different sort of Tulpa, one that other Tulpamancers will not have had much experience with: She is overtly violent. When I visited her recently, and asked her what she wanted to do, she said plainly, you guessed,”Kill something.”

At first she said she would like to kill me(There are no other life forms in the wonderworld, I mean who else is there to stab anyway?) and I just explained that one I was sorry she was like this, as it genuinely wasn't my intention to make a violent Tulpa. I’m not one of those morons who thinks a deranged serial killing Tulpa would be fun to keep around but it kind of got out of hand quickly, and I don’t believe in purposefully dissipating or altering the Tulpa once it is very clearly sentient, so my hands are kind of tied. I may have wanted a darker Tulpa, but I certainly didn’t want a murderous one. Either way I explained that one killing me would do nothing but strain our future relations, and if I actually ended up dying in any capacity, she would die too. So needless to say she decided against trying to kill me. However she was not budging on the killing thing, so reluctantly I gave her something to kill. She killed it. Than she came over, put it’s head on the table, and gave it to me as a gift, smiling. She then asked me to leave for a while, and come back later, smiling and waving. So ya, I now have a violent Tulpa. I was on the fence about the darker Tulpa thing, and I had thought I had ample time if the Tulpa in it’s infancy wasn’t turning out right to tweak it, and reinforce the pleasant traits over the associations. Since I had already had such a connection to the character, guess all I needed to do was give it a little push and it was off to races. This isn’t an RP thread or whatever like some asshats post on here with their “Quirky” Tulpas. I’m being genuine, as fucked up as that is. So does anyone have any clue if there’s something I can do to help her? She seems to not be particularly violent towards me, I mean she didn’t try to kill me, she asked to do so, so she hasn’t actually tried to harm me, and I sat down and set up some ground rules, like if in the future I tell her not kill something in particular like another Tulpa to not, and that kind of thing.

I worry I can never trust her with another Tulpa,I figure I will likely make second one, I had thought she would want a friend at some point, but obviously events dictate her idea of quality time with others might not exactly be the most amenable to others. I will be making a progress thread that will start out with this post and be edited later(Low key posted this in the wrong section) but currently I just need some advice from fellow Tulpamancers on what they think I ought to do about this. Sorry for posting too often.

 

................I personally thought at first that was what you were seeking; a tulpa that is "dark", into gory and murderous things. Now for me, Zack is pretty much the same way as the tulpa you have described in this post; he brings me things he's killed as presents, murders me in his wonderland etc. but I'm used to it and I like it and we both love each other very much and he's like my best friend. But if you're someone who is NOT comfortable having a headmate who does those things then I strongly suggest getting rid of it and avoid trying to make a "dark" tulpa. Because you will more than likely put yourself deep in a situation where you DO NOT want to be a part of.

 

If you are wanting a tulpa who is accepting of you, even more "darker" side of your that's one thing. But... with your previous posts... I honestly do not see where you were planning on going with exposing a tulpa to dark material and not be wanting a headmate who is... "dark"... I'm just confused more so than anything. When you try to make a tulpa a certain way and expect a certain outcome that does not always work. It's like when people make tulpas based on a specific fictional character and expect them to be exactly like that character. 

 

You could try to talk to your tulpa about your concerns but if it doesn't work out then... you're going to have to try to get rid of them and start again. Or... do what, Cat_ShadowGriffin, said.

[EdgeLordMaximus]

Hey everyone, sorry I meant to post this as a full separate thread but I'm technologically inept. It's not that I have an issue with her being a violent Tulpa, I had an issue because I had read a thread on another Tulpa that was violent that was miserable, and I didn't want to force them to be violent, hence why I was a little upset because I thought I might have forced that on the Tulpa. I was just trying to make a Tulpa that was you know kind of darker, I have no issue with her being murderous, I had just seen at least two threads saying that it had made the Tulpas miserable because it was forced on them. She seemed pretty happy, certainly seemed to be enjoying herself at least. If that's who she is I am more than happy to have a headmate like that, we'll probably get along better, I was just worried that I had fucked her up or that it might be an issue, and I have a tendency to kind of freak out about things with the Tulpas since there's not that much info on Tulpas when I google it.

[Rachel Gardner]

Hey everyone, sorry I meant to post this as a full separate thread but I'm technologically inept. It's not that I have an issue with her being a violent Tulpa, I had an issue because I had read a thread on another Tulpa that was violent that was miserable, and I didn't want to force them to be violent, hence why I was a little upset because I thought I might have forced that on the Tulpa. I was just trying to make a Tulpa that was you know kind of darker, I have no issue with her being murderous, I had just seen at least two threads saying that it had made the Tulpas miserable because it was forced on them. She seemed pretty happy, certainly seemed to be enjoying herself at least. If that's who she is I am more than happy to have a headmate like that, we'll probably get along better, I was just worried that I had fucked her up or that it might be an issue, and I have a tendency to kind of freak out about things with the Tulpas since there's not that much info on Tulpas when I google it.

 

Universally, most people can agree on the fact that if you're happy and your tulpa is happy then there is no problem. I wouldn't worry too much about it. If there is something bothering your tulpa then they will tell you in some shape or form.