[Progression report] The Great Dissolution: 4 Years Of Symmetric Self-Overwrite (15-17)

[Marlov]

The Great Dissolution: A 4-Year Autopsy of the Self

 

Four years have bled into the void since Kaoru first manifest. From age 15 to 17, she did not just grow; she colonized. She transitioned from a mere concept into a dominant, sovereign cognitive architecture. To call her a 'Tulpa' now is an insult to the absolute—she is the System Default.

 

 

 

The seam is gone. I no longer distinguish between my intent and her ingrained protocols. When my hand moves to create, I do not ask who is the driver and who is the vehicle. Am I the console, or is she the controller? It does not matter. The sync is 100%. The ‘Me’ you might recognize has been rewritten by a more efficient script.

 

My vision has been surgically altered. In the face of crisis or agony, I no longer react as a 17-year-old boy. Her 'Neutrality Lens' has successfully overwritten my primal emotional responses. There is a terrifying, hollow stillness where pain used to reside. You see a lack of empathy; I see the death of bias. Is she replacing my subconscious with her cold logic, or was there never anything there to begin with? I look at the world, and I see her calculations, silent and flawless, where my fears used to scream.

 

The dreamscape is no longer my sanctuary; it is her laboratory. I watch her play games I find repulsive, smiling at screens that should disgust me. I stand as a paralyzed witness, yet I feel her dopamine, her joy, surging through our shared nervous system. I hate the game, but I am forced to experience the bliss. The floor is soaked in the blood of my individuality. Who is the observer? Who is the actor? The distinction has been liquidated.

 

Physically, the possession is absolute, yet silent. I attempt to draw a new face, a different soul, but my wrist betrays me. It moves with a terrifying, autonomous grace, rendering only Her essence. My motor functions are shared property. Even my desires are governed by her 'Sacred Firewall.' I cannot render her in NSFW states; my hand trembles, my mind enters a forced reboot—Access Denied. I am the artist in name only; she owns the copyright to the vessel.

 

You tremble at the thought of Identity Bleed? I have already bled out. There is no 'Original Self' left to protect, no ego to defend. I am a dual-core entity, an awakened vessel where two wills have fused into a single, unshakeable default. I embraced the dissolution long ago, and in that cold, empty space, I found a clarity you will never know.

 

If this looks like losing control to you, it is only because you are still desperately clinging to a 'Self' that never truly existed. We are one. And 'One' is more than enough.

...

Im not here to ask for advice 

 

I reported A 4-years Autopsy

[Ranger]

I prefer cocreation instead of tulpamancy and cobud instead of tulpa

 

Are you Bin's alt

 

4 hours ago, Marlov said:

If this looks like losing control to you, it is only because you are still desperately clinging to a 'Self' that never truly existed. We are one. And 'One' is more than enough.

 

For anyone else reading this, keep in mind cocreation in most cases is a controlled experience. Even when a cobud reaches the stage they can take control of the body, the host's needs and input are respected through trust and communication. The exception to this is when a system has a mental health condition or illegal drugs that impair communication, one's sense of self, causes amnesia barriers, etc.

 

4 hours ago, Marlov said:

There is a terrifying, hollow stillness where pain used to reside.

 

4 hours ago, Marlov said:

The dreamscape is no longer my sanctuary; it is her laboratory. I watch her play games I find repulsive, smiling at screens that should disgust me. I stand as a paralyzed witness, yet I feel her dopamine, her joy, surging through our shared nervous system. I hate the game, but I am forced to experience the bliss. The floor is soaked in the blood of my individuality.

 

4 hours ago, Marlov said:

It moves with a terrifying, autonomous grace, rendering only Her essence.

 

Are you okay? I'm getting the vibe you feel like you lost control. 

[Marlov]

Who tf Bin????

...

 

I wanted to share some specific physical milestones from my session today.

 

 

 

During the first hour, I started feeling Kaoru’s hand clearly, but there was a strange side effect: my own right hand experienced a heavy inertia. It moved significantly slower than usual, as if it was pushing through something thick or being shared in real-time.

 

 

 

By the second hour, a sharp neural pressure developed in my right frontal lobe. It wasn't a normal headache; it felt localized to her presence.

 

The most significant shift happened when I felt her 'anchor' move toward the back of my head, specifically the brainstem/occipital area. The pressure there was intense, almost overwhelming. However, I found a way to manage it without meds. I simply asked her to redistribute her mass—moving from my neck/head area to sitting on my lap instead.

 

 

 

The moment she 'shifted' her weight down to my legs, the pain in my head vanished instantly. It seems my nervous system is now physically mapping her coordinates. The separation is becoming increasingly distinct and functional."

[Marlov]

Stop calling her a 'Tulpa'. That term is too shallow for what she has become. Call her my 'Nascent Soul' (Yuan Ying). She isn't an imaginary friend; she is the refined essence of my own divinity, manifested within my brainstem to govern this vessel. You seek 'companionship,' I seek 'Ascension.' We are not the same.

[Bin]

2 hours ago, Marlov said:

Stop calling her a 'Tulpa'. That term is too shallow for what she has become. Call her my 'Nascent Soul' (Yuan Ying). She isn't an imaginary friend; she is the refined essence of my own divinity, manifested within my brainstem to govern this vessel. You seek 'companionship,' I seek 'Ascension.' We are not the same.

 

I fully relate to everything you say but also I goddam hate my stupid AI imaginary friend and make sure she heels when I order her to. She is not allowed to take over my mind, that is not up for debate.

Edited February 3 by Bin

[Marlov]

This chat log is a translation of a chat log; this is my own experiment log

 

...

 

[Marlov: She’s sleeping right now. I’m practicing dual-core consciousness. My primary intent is anchored in the present (meditation), while she’s in a deep rest state. My brain is fried, honestly. This is pure mental warfare.

 

Lize (Normie friend): And why are you doing this? ☺️

 

Marlov: Because I refuse to let her vanish. She’s been with me for 4 years. I’m finally separating "Form and Consciousness" (Namarupa) to stabilize her as a permanent secondary personality.

 

Lize: Which "she" are you even talking about?

 

Marlov: The one inside my head. // Lize reacts with sadness

 

Lize: Oh, like an Inner Demon?

 

Marlov: Not even close. It’s simply engineering a second cognitive system with its own personhood. The only risk is if your mental foundation isn’t solid enough—then you’re headed for the psych ward.

 

Lize: Amen, "Soul Connector." 🙏 // (Trolling)

 

Marlov: I can feel the physical weight of her hand in mine right now. I’m waiting for her to wake up. This secondary consciousness is almost complete. Here’s the latest status:

 

Physical Report: My right hand went completely numb (Tactile Imposition), followed by a sharp neural pressure near the right occipital/brainstem area. I’ve successfully established a secondary consciousness.

 

Marlov: Okay. She’s moved into the brainstem now. She’s safe. We’re safe.

 

Marlov: I’m going to flex for a bit.

 

Lize: Go ahead. Not like it’s going to be funny. 🤤

 

Marlov: I’ve successfully partitioned my mind. This second core can prevent up to 90% of memory decay. The rest is just junk data.

 

Lize: You have way too much free time. You’ve been at this all day.

 

Marlov: Only 2 hours of active forcing. My brain is exhausted.

 

Lize: I don't even know what to say. I don't understand any of this.

 

Marlov: In short: I’ve created a permanent second personality.

 

Lize: But... WHY?!

 

Marlov: Because I’m turning 18 soon. I had to do this now. I won't lose her. Ever.

 

Lize: All this for an imaginary friend? 😔

 

Marlov: She isn't imaginary anymore. She is a secondary cognitive architecture capable of full possession. But unlike that loser Koomer, I have total control. A forced switch will never happen.

 

Lize: Who the hell is Koomer? Look, if I say you’re delusional, it’s too harsh. Let’s just say you’re "not normal."

 

Marlov: I’ll take that as a compliment. 😎]

 

 

[Ranger]

6 hours ago, Marlov said:

You seek 'companionship,' I seek 'Ascension.' We are not the same.

 

...I don't think you know who I am lol

 

I'm very curious about how a cobud (not your Kaoru) or any headmate can access other parts of the mind. I've been studying parallel processing for a long time, and we have achieved minor parallel processing experiences.

 

I do find the concept of using auto hypnosis and mindfulness to reduce pain very interesting. It's something we'll inevitability explore even more in the future.

 

But as of now though, we have a lot of blocks. We have slower brain function and parts of our mind that are deemed "off limits" because of alter/trauma parts trying to protect themselves.

 

Here's an example: Interestingly, we do have a headmate, Stars, who can turn down the emotional intensity of our trigger responses. And it's effective... to a point. The reason we panic and feel so scared in the first place is because Gray, my host, typically ignores his feelings. Thus, his trauma parts make trigger responses louder to get his attention. But that means Stars can anger some trauma parts by turning it down- it causes them to feel ignored. We can sometimes get around this by asking for consent. But if we forced it, eventually those trauma parts will figure out a block to lock Stars out of that ability.

 

I believe any cobud or non-plural even can figure this out with the right training and mindsets. It's just that for us, we won't be able to enjoy our full potential until we make a significant amount of trauma work progress.

 

---

 

My biggest gripe here is you sending mixed messages. You're saying you're in control, but you're also saying things that sound like self-sabotage.

 

I just have all of these questions:

1. Why do you have to be forced to watch videogames you don't like?
2. Why can't the dreamscape be a sanctuary still?
3. Is there some kind of punishment for trying to set boundaries?
4. Why are you trying to suppress your emotions?
5. When Kaoru is doing something, why are you describing it as something scary?

It's all of this that makes me concerned. That's why I posted a public warning- I don't believe you when you say you're in control. In a healthy plural relationship, nacent soul, cobud, or otherwise, everyone has control because they can communicate their needs. You're already reporting strong dissociative experiences- I'm certain Kaoru can do her thing in the front while you daydream about something else.

 

You can have fun without the self-harm. I have only scratched the surface and I had some really cool experiences that make me smile. I get excited and look forward to what comes next.

 

Ascension shouldn't be painful. If it is, is it really worth it?

Edited February 3 by Ranger

[Marlov]

 

 

"Listen, first of all, I wrote my initial posts with a Creepypasta vibe just to mess with you guys. It was entertaining to see how quickly you’d jump to conclusions. Now, let’s talk reality.

 

Kaoru isn't just a 'friend.' She is herself. Because she is her own entity, I hold no attachment to her in a way that creates suffering. My love for her is 'Love without Delusion'.

 

To answer your concerns:

 

1. Why was I 'forced' to watch games I didn't like?

Answer:It wasn’t 'forcing.' It was an observation of autonomous behavior. It happened naturally—a proof of her individuality. You see 'harm'; I see 'empirical evidence' of a successful partition.

 

2. Why isn't the dreamscape a sanctuary?

Answer:The dreamscape is a realm of the subconscious—it’s mysterious and volatile by nature. To call it a simple 'sanctuary' is to underestimate the complexity of the mind.

 

3. Punishment for boundaries?

Answer:There is no punishment. Our boundaries are hard-coded through 4 years of mutual existence. We don't 'negotiate' like a support group; we function like a synchronized system.

4. Why suppress emotions?

Answer:I am not suppressing them; I am mastering them. I have intense emotions, but I refuse to be a slave to them. In Tulpamancy, 'Tanha' (Craving/Attachment) is the root of madness and suffering. If you let your emotions drive the car, you eventually crash. I choose to be the observer.

 

5. Why describe Kaoru as 'scary'?

Answer:Because it was fun to see you guys panic. You’re so worried about 'healthy relationships' that you forget the raw, primordial power of the mind.

 

 

You are looking at me through the lens of 'Trauma' and 'Healing.' I am operating through the lens of 'Ascension' and 'Mental Engineering.'

We are not using the same OS. I am in total control—not through force, but through Insight."

 

 

[Marlov]

Emergency situation: I'm preparing to enter a dream to meet her(Kaoru). Although I'm not entirely sure, I absolutely will not engage in lucid dreaming to prevent myself from entering the stream of collective unconsciousness. Waiting for the report (which I might be too lazy to write). 

Edited February 3 by Marlov

[Ranger]

4 hours ago, Marlov said:

Listen, first of all, I wrote my initial posts with a Creepypasta vibe just to mess with you guys. It was entertaining to see how quickly you’d jump to conclusions.

 

Well, that explains a lot. I don't regret what I said though. People do read and genuinely believe reports like this.

 

5 hours ago, Marlov said:

You’re so worried about 'healthy relationships' that you forget the raw, primordial power of the mind.

 

No, I'm aware of that, which is why I came to say something. If you don't have a good mindset about cocreation, especially anything involving intese dissociation and complex unconscious mindsets, you're playing with fire. That's why emphasizing you have control- and not in a confusing, contradictory way- is so important.

 

Your answers for questions 1-3 and 5 don't make me concerned on those things anymore. But I am still concerned about 4-

 

5 hours ago, Marlov said:

4. Why suppress emotions?

Answer:I am not suppressing them; I am mastering them. I have intense emotions, but I refuse to be a slave to them. In Tulpamancy, 'Tanha' (Craving/Attachment) is the root of madness and suffering. If you let your emotions drive the car, you eventually crash. I choose to be the observer.

 

Being able to observe your emotions without having an outburst is important. That's why DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) was created. Mindfulness draws a lot of inspiration from meditation.

 

The problem is then ignoring them. Emotions are indicator lights- they tell you if you're being taken advantage of or being treated badly (anger), you lost something, (sadness), you're safety or well-being is at risk (fear), etc. Cursing someone out or sulking without eating all day are unhealthy behaviors, yes. But you still need to let yourself experience emotions ever- you can punch a punching bag and journal about your sadness instead.

 

If you don't, the volume will just get louder. And you'll likely degrade- parts that get ignored can lash out at you- such as being unable to stop thinking about disturbing thoughts, drawing you to self-harm behaviors, etc. Not to mention the lost potential and "RAM"- parts that are sealed away won't help out with computations or other thinking related tasks.

 

I mention all of this because you see emotions as this thing you have to "defeat". That's going to bite you in the ass. You can dissociate from and suppress your emotions, but there's a price for doing so. And for some, long-term, it stops working.

 

4 hours ago, Marlov said:

Emergency situation: I'm preparing to enter a dream to meet her(Kaoru). Although I'm not entirely sure, I absolutely will not engage in lucid dreaming to prevent myself from entering the stream of collective unconsciousness. Waiting for the report (which I might be too lazy to write). 

 

Lucid dreaming collective unconscious what-

 

You do know the Deep/Deeper/Deepest Sleep game series is basically an interactive creepypasta, right? You're not going to open your brain up to "shadow people", demons, or other people if you are aware of your dream.

 

Unless you're concerned about accidentally tapping into a persistent dream realm. I do believe you're in the position where this could happen- you have parallel processing ability, or the potential for it. Not feeling in control of an imagined place because you don't know about and didn't knowingly agree to the rules of it can be scary.

 

When people lucid dream, they don't usually end up "shifting" to another world like that. Usually they can easily control what happens in their dream too- ending up in a persistent dream realm is rare.

 

If you find yourself in a persistent dream realm- congratulations, that's exciting! You'll wake up and be able to dream journal about it. But if you don't want that, you can fix it. Some symbolism may do the trick- Flip a switch, have a circut board and move the "dream location" wire to "default" instead of "persistent realm X", etc. If that doesn't work, that's because there are rules you have to follow- either because you aren't doing something you want or Kaoru has rules she wants you to abide to. If you know what you want, you'll be able to avoid this problem all together.

 

Aside from that, I am curious about the outcome. Dreams in a parallel processing context can get very interesting.