Lets do this.....

[Aarix]

2/2

 

Things are slipping and I hate it so much. We wonderlanded pretty far and had a decent walk. When danceable slow music played irl we decided to dance in the middle of the street in our wonderland. I saw her arms around me, I saw my hands around her waist and we were swaying. But I could'nt feel anything. I kept swearing to myself telling me to feel this moment until I got tears. But nothing, even after all of this. I know she's rubbing my back but I can't feel it. I dont know how much more I can handle. I'm at a loss at this point. Only one who can help is me and right now I'm immensely p***ed. Nothing's paying off and Were both feeling depressed and no ones to blame but me.

 

---

I've hit a wall. I'm at a complete loss and the worst part is only me or Sam can get me through it. I've done the best I can however, nothing's shown to me by it. Sam still is unable to do anything more than what a NPC can and you know whose fault it is. Mine. I can't compromise with my Subconscious. I can't imagine anyone having any advice that I haven't heard before. I can believe all the hell I want. I have and still do but actions speak louder than words. Sam is a shell without my help no matter how much power I want Sam to have. For some reason, she is unable to perform anything by herself completely. She's not the kind of person to not do something for any other reason because she can't so it's not her fault in any way whatsoever. It's mine, how? I don't know. Like I said, only I can help myself and I have no clue what to do. I'm so miserable at this point because it dawned on me how weak she is no matter what I've learned, experienced or done. What can I do? My subconscious only wants Sam to be completely nothing and I can't fight it and develop Sam too. So I apologize for my incompetence. I apologize to my (our) friends. I can't handle this and both me and Sam our unable to help ourselves/ receive help. We know what advice everyone has and it's futile until I figure out what we can do.

 

Sam is away for Tonight and shes fine. so I'm going to rest in turmoil. Im not going to whine about this in the shoutbox or forums. I only hope this fatigue goes away and I can get back on track helping others.

 

Edit: Aurora, if you're reading this please don't worry. I'll talk to you regular time as always,

[Viceroy]

get on skype

[MrCrazy]

I'll be keeping an eye on this PR. Hope everything'll turn out ok, bro.

[Aurora]

Things are slipping and I hate it so much.

 

....

 

I'm sorry to hear this, please visit the chat as soon as you can. I'll stay there and will be checking very VERY frequently until I see you two. Hang in there.

 

I'll admit, I am a bit worried.

[Aarix]

2/2

 

Been a long day, every tulpamancer has usually some sort of problem. We're all fighting parts of ourselves. If your entire head is able to work in unison on the path to tulpas, you're the luckiest guy here. We're all holding on. Fighting belief issues, concentration issues, depression issues, and how to go about this in a way that isn't a chore. I know this now, we're all fighting to reach what we need. We all have someone there and they're there forever. That's a very long time, you better get used to having them around and enjoy their company. I'm lucky, lucky that Sam is who she is, her character, her love and emotions is something I'm to stupid to fathom half the time. She's patient and understanding with me. She's weak still, I'm going to fix that, you guys can count on that. After chatting with Dylan and Auroras Host the pieces are coming more together. Thank you everyone. I'm still going to have problems and right now I'm mentally fatigued and I can't feel Sams essence. Thank you everyone, truly for the support and help. After this I'm going to force, I may not know what to work on but everyone's fighting the good fight. We're the first wave of tulpamancers in this community. Picture all of us 10 years from now. I see Sam embracing me. Your tulpas love you. Their staying strong, some stronger than most. Just know it'll all be worth wild. I'm going to lay down, next to Sam wether I feel it or not. Give your tulpas affection always. For they will return it.

 

 

Edit: I did 45 minutes and bonded. The feeling wasn't there for me but it was for Sam I think. Right now that's all I care about.

[Raetin]

Those words are very inspirational, especially now that you're motivated again. I was all, "yes!" after reading it. I'm happy that you're not going to give up, losing Samantha would be awful. Like you said, I'll be counting on you because I care about you guys.

 

Reah: Samantha, I'm not going to say much because from what I've seen, you've always been there to support your host. You know how much I love Raetin (jeez, I hate that you have to say that) What, it's true. :3 Anyway, I was going to say that this relationship goes both ways, and you got to help him as well. I think that you got that handled though. Best wishes to you and Aarix. :)

[Aarix]

2/4

 

We're figuring things out, I'm trying to understand better why Sam hasn't developed much after all of this time. Also tried a new position during medatitive forcing, That helped a lot. Anyway it's severely discouraging and we'll continue to talk in the shoutbox, and just hope we find out what's wrong in my friggin head.

Take care everyone.

[Viceroy]

That's not something you get your hopes up for, dude. Don't let all of your joy hinge on that. It might not happen. You may never figure that out. Nothing wrong with trying but don't let it be your one hope.

[Aarix]

2/5

 

Hello everyone. I've recently been accepted to take a regional academy computer engineering test. Since the only reason I can is because someone dropped out. I have 48 hours to study. Active forcings been put on hold, well just wont do it as often.. Will only reserve time to aurora on here for Samanthas sake, shes going to tag along but shes still not able to be known without my support.

 

So Ill be busy for a few days.

[Aarix]

 

Entry 19

 

Hello everyone, I hope everyone is doing well. Aarix is done testing, fighting some depression but hopefully he'll use that to get more immersed in his wonderland like we both want. I want to be able to help him but so far I can only talk to him. Going to figure out what we can work on to fix our problems. I'm sorry many tulpamancers have to deal with these issues. If only things could go smoothly.