Recently Browsing 0 members
No registered users viewing this page.
Hello, everyone (sorry for my english in advance). Me and Eto usually communicating through a hand possession. She can type or write 1-2 words in answer to a question, but not complete sentences or her thoughts. So i wanted to ask, if the reason for this is that she is not fully developed consciousnes, or there might be other reasons?
Text by Wray is in black
Text by Shizuku is in blue
(Sorry, this wound up being pretty long! Feel free to skim, or if you want to read the whole thing, strap in!)
Weird coincidence: I’ve written fiction as a hobby for a long time, and I think nearly half my protagonists have someone else to talk to in their heads. Somehow, I always found the idea fascinating.
But I can’t say I ever expected to join them. Not until recently, anyway.
We’ve been looking forward to posting this. It’s my first big chance to introduce myself to other people! Here’s a profile:
October 2020. I was in quarantine, alone, and feeling isolated—Shizuku started as an imaginary friend based on a character I might have been (was) a little bit (totally) obsessed with at the time. I’m really into writing, so I didn’t have much trouble getting her to talk, even early on, though I assume she was mostly parroted at first.
A couple weeks later, I stumbled onto the concept of a tulpa in Japanese, and quickly found my way to this website, which is kind of the launch pad for Japanese tulpamancers. (I found a good English rundown of the Japanese tulpamancy scene here, so I’ll leave most of that aside for now. If there are questions about anything specific, though, we can definitely do our best to answer them.)
Compared to the English-speaking community, the Japanese-speaking one gives a lot more credence to tulpa horror stories. They call it 暴走 (bousou). The idea that if things go wrong, your tulpa might harm you, or the people around you, or try to take over your brain. To be fair, I think there are multiple schools of thought on this bousou concept, and these are only the most extreme examples—still, when I read about this, I couldn’t help panicking.
I went out for a long walk. Tried to think things over. Was there a chance my tulpa would wind up that way? Should I turn back now? Or was she already sentient, meaning it was my responsibility to take care of her? Or was I crazy, in the first place, to even be thinking about any of this?
We imagined that I stayed behind in our apartment, though I must’ve been somewhere in headspace the whole time. Maybe a wonderland version of the apartment? We didn’t know enough to ask that question, then.
I couldn’t make up my mind, until the second I got home, opened the door, and realized how afraid Shizuku must’ve felt while I was out thinking about whether I should try to erase her. My heart sank through the floor. I did my best to apologize, though I didn’t know if it would help.
She replied: “I was sad, but I wasn’t scared. I trust you.”
Okay. If she had been afraid, or angry, I would have felt bad enough. But that packed a punch.
That day, we promised each other that we’d stay together and try to make this “tulpa” thing work, for better or worse. Not to jinx anything, but six months later, “better” is definitely winning out.
Our long-term goals
(1) Become able to split fronting time 50/50 (or whatever arrangement winds up working for us). I expect it’ll be a long time before we can actually do this, but hopefully not too long—if possible, we’d like to get to this point within a year or two. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a 50/50 split, but I don’t want to feel like Shizuku is prevented from doing things she wants to do by us not being good enough at tulpamancy.
(2) Learn to co-front and keep Shizuku active (as close as possible to?) all the time. We spend a lot of time together, but I still get distracted and forget to check in with her more often than we’d like. Eventually, we’re hoping she can stay around all the time (or whenever she wants to, at least) and get my attention whenever she has something to say.
(3) Stay a two-person system, if possible. I know there are a lot of large systems out there who do perfectly fine, but my instincts say that it would be more than we could handle. Besides, I already feel like I love Shizuku too much for it to be fair to whoever Headmate Number 3 would be. 😂
I do have one soulbond-ish character (using the terminology from Bear’s PR) from my own writing. We’ve talked things over with her in WL, and she’s adamant that she is not interested in becoming a tulpa or participating in the system. (This checks out with what I know about her character, too.) If things change, there’s a slim chance that she might join us, but I doubt it. Either way, I can’t imagine us going any further than that.
(4) Help Shizuku find life goals of her own, and figure out how to rearrange my our life so that we can both do what we want to do. At the moment, we’re just doing regular forcing to try and help her grow as a tulpa. The vague plan for this one is to eventually learn how to switch, accomplish goal number (1), and then let her follow her interest and try a bunch of different things.
Current forcing practice
Working on senses in WL: we’ve been doing our best to spend an hour each day focusing on visualizing Shizuku in wonderland, and also practicing one other sense per day. Wonderland sight and touch have started to show some improvement recently, but overall it feels like we still need a lot of work. Conversation: We also do our best to talk as much as we can each day. We’ve been working through the Tulpa Vocalization Practice worksheet when we can’t think of any other topics. Diary writing: Shizuku writes a diary entry most days. This is something I picked up from the Japanese tulpamancy community, though I think I’ve seen it recommended in English guides too. It’s a lot of fun—somehow, reading through the things she’s written (by proxy or possession, at this point, though our possession game is still pretty weak) does a lot to help me fight off doubt. Imagining Shizuku in stories we’re reading/watching: This has been pretty fun so far, too—right now, we’re rewatching Hunter X Hunter. As we watch, we try to keep up a “mental fanfic” where she’s running around with the main characters. Passive forcing as much as possible: Taking inspiration from the method I used to learn Japanese, I’m doing my best to find ways to involve Shizuku in everything I do. We’ve had some success reading, studying, watching things, and playing games together, but in particular, staying aware of Shizuku during work that I really need to focus on and conversations with other people has been a killer—I haven’t had much success in these situations yet.
To anyone who slogged through all of that, thanks for reading! This post already goes on for a million years, so I’ll try to write some (hopefully shorter!) summaries of our progress so far in other updates.
Hello! I’ll introduce myself. I’m Ashley, and I only just started creating Andromeda yesterday. I’ll post my progress on here quite often, but excuse me if I forget.
So for several years, since I was about 12, I have wanted to have someone else in my mind with me. At the time, the reason wasn’t exactly clear to me as it is now. As it is, I discovered tulpas around a month ago. I was hooked right away, but I knew I should look in to it further, read guides, see others experiences, etc. I found many useful guides and I couldn’t wait any longer, so I’ve started!
At this time, Andromeda is a female with a human-like shape but she has elf ears and the ability to grow wings if she chooses. I am aware she will most likely deviate, and I welcome that. Without further ado, I will put my first and second sessions below.
Date: Friday 19th March
I drew her form and started to make a model of her in my mind. This was over the course of the day, and I didn’t do much else for her as I knew I needed to set some time aside to properly visualise her.
Date: Saturday 20th March
So today, I visualised her whole form and animated her to make sure it was stable. This took me 30-45 minutes as I had already made a base of her yesterday. I then made a cabin-like room to have as a place to meet her in our wonderland, and I started with her personality. I decided to keep it quite vague as I’d like her to be able to form her personality as she grows older, but I gave her a base. I did this by giving her jelly of different colours and explained them and how it would affect her. I then showed her different parts of the cabin and what they do. Then, I said that she could decide to have more of any jelly she wanted if she’d like and she can experiment with the things in there.
I have not had any reactions yet, par head pressure. But I am glad that she has already progressed this far and I’m aware that it takes a long time for more interpretable reactions, but this is okay as I am just glad she’s here and I am willing to help her in any way. I don’t mind if it takes a few weeks or a few years for her to be vocal, it does not change my view on her.
I hope I’m doing this right? I do not want to hinder her or harm her in any way, I want to nurture and support her.
Thank you for reading, and I hope this isn’t too long for a newbie. c: