Fear of Switching and "Imposter Syndrome"

[XxgrimzxX]

Me and my tulpa attempted to practice switching for the first time two days ago. It was a lot easier than I expected, which was cool! Switching was what i was most excited to do with him. After the experience, however, I'm now afraid to try it again.

 

I know that blending is normal when first learning to switch. We've blended and merged before, but switching made us merge extremely hard. We were stuck like that for a couple hours and it was distressing to me. It also increased the amount of intrusive thoughts I received, causing me to have excessive doubt in what my tulpa was saying to me. It scares me when our communication is down like this, especially when his guidance is extremely important in keeping me grounded during tulpamancy practice. 

 

We also had an intense experience with our spiritual feelings being mixed up during this. I have recently learned that my tulpa has different religious views, which I'm fine with. When we merged/ blended, though, this gave me severe anxiety. I couldn't handle believing what he believed and it was triggering my CPTSD. I've found that now that we're separate again, I have no problem with his feelings or beliefs at all.

 

Also the "imposter syndrome" thing in the title. By this I mean when we switch it makes him feel way less distinct from me. This, paired with the blending, overwhelmed me with thoughts like "this is all fake" and "he isn't real" and "I'm just pretending to be him". I have thoughts like this a lot, but these were the absolute worst.

I'm aware that to an extent I am supposed to be "pretending to be him". I'm fine with doing that. The part that scared me was the feeling that I was alone. It felt like I didn't have a tulpa anymore and he was just part of myself.

 

If anyone could share advice, experience, or soothing platitudes, we'd really appreciate it. he really wants to switch again, and I want to let him. The fear is stopping me now, though. I can't get myself to let go of control when I'm afraid of so many things.

[Tewi]

Switching is likely to involve a lot of self-affirmations that you are you, that your thoughts are (and should only be) yours, and that unwanted thoughts and habits and such are the host's or the body's. (there's a bit of difference)

Of course, your brain can't already have an entire personhood's worth of neural connections for how to habitually think and act just because you created a not-yet-switching tulpa, but they have everything they need to carve out their own norms in the brain.

 

So normalize making switches correct rather than worrying about if they are or not. The more time a tulpa's spent switched the easier it'll be for the brain to default to their ways of being without resistance. I myself had to do a lot of mental work when I started switching, as I demanded a much quieter and stricter mind than my headmates, but I did eventually achieve that and haven't had to "fight" with our habitual thought patterns and such since then. My other systemmates have done this to varying extents too, as each fairly different people from each other, so there's plenty of space in a brain for all that. But it takes some training it to be how you want it to be.

Edited January 24 by Tewi

[Seagull]

I would like to add to Tewi's answer by suggesting examples of self-affirmations that you can use in the form of a list, and after that a tulpa training exercise.

 

1: A mindset - If you and your tulpa have different ways of thinking, it can bring about different vibes.

2: Music - If you and your tulpa have different music tastes, listen to that genre before you switch.

3: Catchphrases and general word choices - If you and your tulpa speak in different ways.

4: Visualise the other at a distance in your mind and talk to them - Thus reaffirming who is in what position.

5: An object (IRL) that you associate your identity with - Zara has a plushie that she uses for this purpose, it can be anything, as long as you have an emotional attachment to it.

 

As for the training exercise, it is to type up conversations with you tulpa whilst having those conversations, proxying, if you will, marking what has been said with a signature after every line of dialogue, this will allow your tulpa to train their ability to stay both awake and focused, as switching and staying switched takes a lot of effort for a tulpa that has yet to... as Tewi put it, "carve out" their identity into the brain, allowing them to switch more easily, like riding a bike, so make sure that this is firmly established before returning to switching.

 

I hope you find this information of use. Just remember the power of suggestion on the subconscious mind, your tulpa will stay as a separate entity as long as you truly believe that they are a separate person.

- Alexander

[SeekingMyPlanet]

We talk using radio communication protocol, where we say who we're talking to and then who we are before each communication..

Example: "<Tulpa's name> <my name> How are you this morning?"

"<My name> <tulpa's name> I'm good. That was a weird dream last night, huh?"

"<Tulpa's name> <my name> Agreed. What do you make of it?"

...

 

It makes it clear who's doing the talking. We don't blend quite as often.

Edited January 25 by SeekingMyPlanet