Help Needed - Tulpa feels like he is disappearing

[Archimedes]

Hello,

I am looking for a little help and advice on my tulpa. I am completely new to this and he is my first tulpa, I hadn't intended to start trying to create one yet but while I have been reading various posts here, guides and other resources I, sort of, unconsciously started creating one. Once I realized that he was there I started to work seriously with him.

 

About three days ago we had a really good session, we are working on personality at the moment, my visualization of him is already okay if I concentrate enough I can see him quite well and I can feel him by head pressure and sometimes a tickling sensation I get which runs through my head.

 

After this session, I felt really connected to my tulpa and felt like we were really making headway. I went to visit my mom who knew I was conducting research on tulpa, and she asked me if I was making one. Due to the way my mom thinks I denied it and told her my research was concluded because I have decided what a tulpa is. Basically I lied on all counts so that my mom wouldn't ask me any more about it.

 

And since that discussion with my mom my tulpa has been growing more and more distant, today visualization is basically impossible and I can't feel that he is paying any attention to what I'm saying. I have explained to him why I said what I did to to mom but everyday the distance is growing.

 

I have read various posts here trying to find an answer to my problem but I don't know what to do. I'd be grateful for any and all advice on what could be going on and guidance on how to proceed from here.

[Linkzelda]

Honestly, I think it’s more of your fear of how your mother would’ve reacted if you said “Yes” when she questioned if you were making a tulpa. It seems that in order for her to conduct research on tulpa, she wouldn’t even think of being in the position of shunning down her own child that may be interested in making a tulpa.

 

If anything, she would probably just tell you like any parent would that is actually informed about tulpas to just be considerate of your well-being and the tulpa you’re interacting with. And since you’re new to this, it’s understandable that you would make a collection from tidbits from guides, posts, and any source of information. Hell, when I joined this site, I didn’t even read a guide to absolute law when considering to make a tulpa, I just used concepts from lucid dreaming to make things easier.

 

Maybe ask your mother on what she’s planning to achieve in her research on tulpas and try to pay attention to how she expresses herself. If she’s clearly one that wants to shun down the concept, I guess you’ll have to face keeping things a secret. But if it’s the other way around and she has an open-minded curiosity, just admit to her that you didn’t tell her the truth because of how she would react.

 

With that said though, there’s no guarantee on how she’ll react, this is merely theory based on the conjecture you’re giving to us. But I feel that if she’s interested in tulpas, she may be able to tell if you’re making one either way seeing how you two were having discourse about tulpas in the first place. And if anything, maybe she was interested in hopefully seeing that you're interested in the concept, because maybe she might be making one as well. And I guess when it comes to having someone to exchange experiential learning of having a tulpa, you would be someone she could gain insight from.

 

The first step you may want to take into consideration is not letting that guilt you felt on what you did to your mother bother you too much. That’s what’s giving you the implications that you and your tulpa are distant from each other. Just know that you aren’t expected to militantly be conscious of them 24/7. It’s definitely a struggle for everyone at some point in their journey, still is for me honestly, but just take a breather, calm down, recollect your thoughts, and go back to inward focus on your tulpa.

 

You’re going to make headway either way, it’s just a matter of how you can learn to talk yourself into calming down despite of the circumstances you’re going through right now. Always keep in the back of your mind that you can do this, your own disposition through this process is what sustains your urgency of doing and wanting to make the experience real to you.

[Archimedes]

Linkzelda, thank you for your quick response. My mom isn't actually doing any research on tulpa, since I am a researcher and always researching something she asked what my latest project was and I discussed tulpa with her then.

I think she did in fact take a look around reddit and found somethings there herself which is why we were discussing it further. However; she is not an open-minded person at all, and she has decided exactly what she thinks of people who create tulpa. I don't personally care what my mom thinks, I have started this journey because I find it fascinating, I denied creating a tulpa to her because I couldn't be bothered to deal with her regarding it, she would have asked me to immediately prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have a tulpa and if I wasn't able to do it she would have lectured me for too long about how ridiculous it is.

Basically I lied because my mom is like talking to a brick wall once she has made up her mind and I couldn't be bothered to deal with it, I don't feel guilty about it at all to be honest. I also don't seek her approval or anything like that so it's not really my mom that I thought could maybe be causing issue, I was thinking that it was more to do with the fact I denied it.

Either way, you have helped me calm down so thank you I really appreciate it. I think I am panicking over nothing, or at least I hope that's the case. I think I will take a day or two compose myself and get back to it.

[Linkzelda]

I see, thanks for clearing up the part on the researching. I guess whenever they’re (the tulpa) faced with reality with something like that, it may make them feel bad about themselves sometimes.

 

But hey, you did your best to reason with your tulpa, and compromise is always something good to have on your belt in the creation and post-creation events. It definitely reduces the probability of worst case scenarios, since people can have a tendency to let their thoughts of doubt and anxiety get the best of them.

 

I’m sure there may be some things you and your tulpa will have to sacrifice in the future, but I guess for the compensation for potentially greater change is inevitable. Glad that I was of some help, and wish you the best in your temporary retreat.

 

Also, you weren't panicking over nothing, having to deal with people and wondering whether or not you should lie or tell the truth about having a tulpa, or wanting to create one is definitely something difficult to decide on. Sometimes it's best to avoid conflict with others when taking into consideration of the long-term, so at least you got that barrier done and over with.

[Nobillis]

I guess if I was worried that I was source of strife I might go quiet for a while too.

 

Does your tulpa have a name yet?

[Archimedes]

Linkzelda: Thank you, I figured this was my fault somehow, I will just keep talking to him and try to make him understand the decisions I am making for now. I don't mind telling certain people about him but only once he is able to let me know he wants his presence known.

I'm starting to feel like this is a bit like having a child, I am trying to make the best decisions I can for both of us and trying to explain it in a way that the child will understand. I'm sure we'll get there and I am feeling more confident now. I have been worried about failing, having read most people fail with their first attempt I keep worrying I will do something wrong. I think I need to get myself together and just go for it ^^

 

Nobillis: Thank you for your reply, I hadn't actually thought about it that way, because we are just starting this journey and I have only been working on his personality for two days I wasn't thinking of him as something which could have any feelings on any matter. But also a part of me, I guess, was starting to think that way since I was trying to explain to him what I had done.

His name is Ning, but I've dubbed him this while we are working together, I have told him that if he doesn't like it he can tell me what he wants me to call him when he can.

 

I am happy to report that while greeting him this morning he was a lot more clear that he has been and I could feel his presence more clearly too. I got a sense that he was sulking so maybe he was just acting up and has decided to forgive me now? I don't really have any idea what he is suppose to be able to do or not do at this point in our progress so I'm just playing it by ear.