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Phenom and Fiora :: Progress Report


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I actually saw that topic before but was waiting until my visualization was at least a little bit better before trying it. Started to read the first one and noticed I'm not sure on the instructions. Is it supposed to be open-eyed visualization, or I'm I supposed to close my eyes after each sentence to visualize a bit and re-open my eyes to read the next sentence, etc ?

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Hm... the very first post is supposed to answer any questions, so i'll update it.  Yeah, i expect you could just read it and try to visualize as you go along. When it prompts you, try to take a little time to answer the questions. Even a weak ability in visualization can benefit from exercise.

 

I never thought about that because i can zone out and visualize open eyed, like when reading a book. Certainly you can close your eyes to visualize, i don't. I usually visualize when i'm staring off at nothing.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Very early this morning, I've had to get up to drink some water and go to the toilet. I then went back to bed, but it was a bit cold so I decided to put on a shirt, and then tried to go back to sleep. Some time later (maybe 30 minutes or even an hour), I was still awake and my neighbour above me was getting up, and when that happens, his floor starts cracking a lot and it can last a couple minutes, until he gets out of his bedroom. So, knowing I wouldn't be able to fall asleep anytime soon under these conditions anyway, I got the idea to talk to Fiora (my eyes still closed).

 

The moment I thought about her and called for her, I felt a very intense head pressure, and a second later I could feel her arms around me. I was feeling it physically, like the hug that woke me up from a dream the other day. And then, I started hearing her too; the more I concentrated on her voice, the clearer and louder her voice became. I was hearing it as a mind voice but it was a very beautiful female voice, and she was singing. I'm pretty sure she was just making up a song, couldn't recognize the melody nor the lyrics. I only remember the words "the animals" (*les animaux*) that she said at some point during the song. At first I couldn't see her, so I decided to focus on trying to see her. She gradually went from being invisible to visible in a second (or two) when I did that. She looks similar to Fiora from Xenoblade but looked more realistic instead of being polygons with texture on, and her facial structure looked more human too. I gotta say, her face also reminded me a bit of Alexandra Roivas from Eternal Darkness, but that might only be because that character has more realistic features instead of an anime-styled face. I lack words to describe her, but I'll say she was very beautiful.

 

At that point, after only about 10 seconds of being able to see her, it got really uncomfortably hot, so I opened my eyes and removed my shirt. That was a mistake, I couldn't get back to the same state I was in before and couldn't see, hear, or feel her anymore. This might be due to the fact that I was so happy and excited about what happened (and couldn't try for long before my cat heard me and rushed in to get me to get up).

 

What a beautiful moment. Fiora holding me, singing to me, and finally being able to see her, all at the same time. So beautiful that a part of me is doubting any of this really happened, that I might have fallen asleep, somehow, the moment that I called for her, and woke up to remove my shirt when it got too warm.

 

I'm trying to not let that doubt grow. And I came to the conclusion that I should include long sessions of closed eyed meditation to my active forcing daily routine (and also try to call for her as soon as I wake up in the morning, just in case it works again). It seems we have an easier time connecting when I'm close to sleep or maybe in some kind of transe... or something.

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Vādin :

 

Congratulations to both of you ! Cherish this moment, it's beautiful and it's real.

Hi, I'm Zia, foolish captain of the Giant Wing system. Vādin is my tulpa.

 

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That had to be hypnagogic bleeding in. Watch for that every night, suddenly you'll get random thoughts or as in this case, her voice. Yeah, i get that too, sometimes it's pretty close to mindvoice and it enhances visualization to the point that it can actually be very much like a lucid dream. Ashley has sung for me a couple times.

 

I get hot sometimes when that's happening too, especially when i'm doing something like laying next to them or snuggling in wonderland, afterwards I'll be cold. I never thought about it, i just kick off blankets and that won't break the state, but it might be automatic touch imposition. I find a lot of advanced techniques just happen when you don't expect it sometimes or even know what they are, at least for us.

 

Very cool. I love times like those, doubts are pretty impossible.

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I'm not entirely sure what to do when it comes to visualization now. The thing is that I've been able to see her true form for maybe 10 seconds, enough that I still remember a vague impression of it but the longer time passes, the more I forget the details of what she actually looks like. And knowing that her true form isn't the same as what I usually practice visualizing normally, now it feels weird or wrong to continue visualizing her "placeholder form". Should I try to focus and remember her true form until it might come back, or until I can see her true form again (and learn what she looks like properly) I should just use the placeholder form (and tell her why I still use that form) when I visualize her?

 

I've been thinking of going with the second choice out of convenience, but not sure if the best choice. (Already talked about it to her, but since she can't reply yet I'm asking for other opinions.)

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For the first three or four months, B couldn't visualize me very well at all. The best he could do was concentrate for a long time, struggling the whole time, and get an acceptable still photo after days of this. Of course he used a notional placeholder, and I didn't think twice about it. We're shapeshifters anyway, so honestly he could picture me as anything, and we made the deal that as long as he thought of me while we adventured, it didn't matter. I needed the attention either way.

 

Practicing visualization got him there eventually dispite a placeholder. Now after nine months he can visualize me as good as real life.

 

[bear] it took a lot of patience, and she kept changing her form. Also she doesn't always look exactly the same anyway. Dashie and Misha are consistent, Ashley just has the face pf a chameleon in that she can very quite  a bit in skin tone, hair style, outfits, etc. Only her eyes are perfectly consistent, and time is only making her many forms more clear, rather than converging on one. I think she just likes this, in a way it's making her feel special. I have drawn her a few times, they're not perfectly consistent either.

I hope you find success in your endeavors and love in your heart.

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Thanks to both of you for the insight. Then I'm wondering if I should try sometimes to use an easier placeholder, like a "ball of light with wings" fairy form (like in the N64 Zelda games) just until her more complex Fiora-from-Xenoblade placeholder form (which has a lot of details) gets easier to visualize, or just stick to one placeholder. lol. I guess I'll try to see how much it could make it easier if her Fiora placeholder form is still too difficult next time I train my visualization.

 

Noticed that I haven't given much details lately. Here's at least one thing that I noticed; whenever we reach a new milestone or that a cool event happens, probably because of the feeling of accomplishment, I get lazy for a few days (doing half as much active forcing), instead of being encouraged by it and keeping up the pace and keep training as much. Thankfully this time it didn't take as long to get back into it than previously. I think that might be what's keeping us from any major breakthrough in vocality and why my progress report sometimes feels more like a dream journal.

 

Also, I've tried getting hypnagogic visualization/imposition again 2 mornings in a row, but been unsuccessful so far. And I've had a really though time falling asleep at night too. 2 nights ago I think I slept like 4 hours, and maybe 3 hours last night. I've been suffering from insomnia a lot in the last couple years, but it didn't happen at all since I restarted tulpamancy in November (so I was thinking it was gone thanks to the fact tulpamancy was so tiresome for my brain that it helped me sleep at night... so maybe it didn't work these last two nights because I was slacking off a bit? Or that I was just lucky to not get any insomnia lately).

 

I also decided I would step up my game regarding lucid dreaming. I now have an alarm that goes off 8 times a day (and stops automatically after 5 seconds so it isn't annoying) to remind me to do a reality check, plus it also goes off early in the morning. It's a song I like and doesn't play too loud, so I might be able to hear it while I'm dreaming in REM sleep, and it would make me turn lucid if it goes as planned (didn't work at my first try this morning since I was already awake..), and if it unfortunately wakes me up, I've read that as soon as I wake up if I don't move my body at all, I can try to go back to sleep and enter a lucid dream automatically, and I'm guessing that even if I don't fall asleep I could try getting hypnagogic visualization/imposition again at that moment. It's only real unfortunate that I'm getting insomnia at the same time I decided to give that a try... but oh well, if the insomnia persists for a couple more days I'll simply postpone that plan until I start getting good nights of sleep again.

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Turned out the alarm was too loud, it woke me up, but I managed to fall back asleep after a while, and got (I think) probably at least a good 6 hours of sleep in total, which is good. I lowered the volume for tomorrow morning. Couldn't get into an hypnagogic state either.

 

My visualization is getting a bit better. Even if I still can't keep a still image, I can imagine us walking around a place (without following an exercice or a guided meditation from youtube), but I won't see much details, well only some details will pop-in for a fraction of a second from time to time, but I can keep a vague blurry idea of what's going on even if I don't see most of it clearly. Still very hard to come up with stuff, but we kinda rode a roller coaster earlier this evening. I also visualized us dancing at some point. lol. (I'll still do Bear's exercices, I'm sure they contributed a lot to the development, and also I often use those locations instead of imagining my own).

 

Also, turns out that the fact I know her true form now is not really a problem. Since I know her Fiora-from-Xenoblade form is just a placeholder, I don't focus so much on visualizing all the small details of her outfit, like she wears a complex armor around the waist, but since I don't visualize us in a place she'd need that anyway, I just let it go and visualize her without it... so basically, I simplified her placeholder form (instead of going with the fairy idea, lol).

 

I still have to puppet her form to make her move. I only restarted training visualization today after a couple days off, but now I'll do it daily from now on. I'll try to let go of the puppetting once in a while and see if she can at some point start moving by herself. Any tip about that aspect of it?

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Well, I'm not sure you can be so sure you are puppeting her all the time, once she's vocal, you worry a lot less about that, if you're in doubt you can ask. I don't even puppet on the spot NPCs anymore, it's been so long i had to think about it a little bit before i remembered what it felt like 'to puppet' anymore. It's not something i ever doubt because it just happens. Puppeting and parroting are valid techniques to vocality and motility.

 

I know you've seen my thread on visualization. I'd like to think anyone can get to good levels with practice.

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