Phenom and Fiora :: Progress Report

[theholodoc]

HI Phenom: I suppose that it is a co-incidence that our Tulpa's share the same name, and co-incidence that your progress in development sounds a lot like mine. I too have been writing short stories featuring both Flora (and here is a difference) her sister, Nsonowa. I have had a few very amazing full impositions of both of them, and lots of close calls, and, uncomfortably, a lot more of what I call flat time (with no sign of either of them). I also get very distorted images of them, in hypnogogic space. All in all, an amazing, if sometimes frustrating process. Good luck, Dr. Bob

[Phenom]

Hey Dr. Bob! I do see a lot of similarities in what you describe. But it seems you missread Fiora for Flora. Hehe, close enough!

 

Yesterday during one of our walks, I asked Fiora to just say anything (like I sometimes do), and at that moment one word kinda came into mind: "Love" ("Amour"). It wasn't a mindvoice, more like a "raw thought" that I could read.

 

With what happened last Sunday, it's two "progression events" in the same week! Best week in a long time!

 

Other than that, two days ago I used an alarm to wake me up after only 2 hours of sleep, to try to reproduce that one time I woke up at around that time in January and could briefly hear Fiora, but it didn't work at all. Maybe I have to wake up naturally for that to work.

 

If anyone has any tips about how to get hypnagogia to help communicating with Fiora, I'm all ears. I never hear her when I go to bed (even though it's a moment that lots of tulpamancers use for early communications). Maybe I have to force myself to stay up very late until I'm completely exhausted/tired? I might have to try that at some point.

[Guest]

It's very subtle, you have to be expecting it because it's natural to filter it out (where have we heard that before). sometimes it'll sound like a microphone turning on without anything being said. If you're too tired it helps to 'hear it' but you fall asleep too easily. For me, when we here and see it, we know I have very little time unless we start working to get it going. I won't stay awake unless we establish communication. Last night, for example, we had two chances, once going to bed and once after waking naturally. Even though I did get a lucid dream, hypnagogia didn't get us anything too good. Only a little bit of Dashie saying something (since she's the one who always seems to be talking to me). Then I saw Ren for a still shot, then poof, good night.

 

So you have to 'listen for it' sort of and then when it does 'kick in' it can be quite loud, but other times it's very close to the level of mindvoice (quiet) but still different.

[Phenom]

Thanks a lot!

 

This morning I failed at getting lucid and had a normal dream instead. The interesting thing is that I heard Fiora have a reaction to what was happening during the dream (even though she wasn't physically there). Too bad hearing her didn't make me lucid!

 

I think my problem with hypnagogia is that I fall asleep before it even kicks in (insomnia has been rare since I picked up tulpamancy again in November). I'll have to figure out a way to stay awake for longer. Tonight I'll try moving my finger tips slightly (continuously).

 

I always have white noise playing in my bedroom at night so I don't hear my noisy neighbour too much. Can it make hearing Fiora harder, or it won't be a problem since Fiora's voice comes from inside my head anyway?

[YukariTelepath]

I've managed to get into a hypnagogic state while meditating (without falling asleep), maybe you could try that? Edit: You can also try this guided hypnosis:

When I use it, I end up with a lot of hypnogogic images popping into my head, more than I get other times. You'll want to prepare a picture of Fiora to use during the first part of the hypnosis.

 

When you talk to Fiora, how do you go about it? How often do you listen for responses, and do you think you might perhaps be clearing your mind too much for her to talk?

[Phenom]

Thanks. I just finished this guided hypnosis. Didn't get much hypnagogia (only the beginning phase of it, the moving background shades for a bit), but I did get okay-ish non-hypnagogic visualization, so there's that. I'll probably try meditation later this week when I get some time, though I admit I haven't meditated in a while.

 

As for last night's attempt, it failed miserably. I did manage to stay awake (to the point that at some point I wanted to sleep but couldn't, lol) but didn't get hypnagogia somehow. Though I think I know one mistake I made: the background white noise I chose was distracting (included water movement noises, which are not a problem when I just try to fall asleep). Tonight I'll probably try with a more plain white noise. In the morning I was too tired for the lucid dream attempt; I did manage to fall back asleep after my alarm though, and dreamed about lucid dreaming, and it was so easy in the dream. lol

 

And to answer the question, when talking to Fiora and trying to hear for her responses... well I try different approaches. I think sometimes I may indeed clear my mind too much, but other times I do try to be more casual about it, and I often tell her to not be scared to interrupt me when I'm talking, to try to reproduce that one time in November when she said "hello" in between two of my sentences while I was rambling on and on.

 

All that being said, I'll be trying to get hypnagogic responses every night, it should work at some point; it just sucks that I kind of suck at it. lol. Also, I think I'll be putting a lot more effort in communicating with her in the morning, instead of putting 90% of my morning efforts in lucid dreaming (even though I feel like the next lucid dream should be the one... but I've been thinking that for some time).

[YukariTelepath]

And to answer the question, when talking to Fiora and trying to hear for her responses... well I try different approaches. I think sometimes I may indeed clear my mind too much, but other times I do try to be more casual about it, and I often tell her to not be scared to interrupt me when I'm talking, to try to reproduce that one time in November when she said "hello" in between two of my sentences while I was rambling on and on.

 

 

I've struggled with finding the right way to listen to my tulpa, especially for longer responses. I've found I need a certain balance of not having my own thought, not clearing my head, and most importantly allowing Aya's thought's to form and be worded. The more that needs to be put into words, the more it feels similar to when I word my thoughts. But I have to just keep letting the thoughts come through. On top of that I need to keep giving opportunities for Aya to talk, and I need to find topics that they're interested in talking about (they're apathetic on some topics).

[Phenom]

Lately I started doing what I call "meditative active forcing"... which is, putting some pink noise (usually the sound of a river) in my noise-cancelling headphones, and also put on a sleep mask to block the light, and sit down on my comfy armchair. When in place, I simply talk to Fiora using my mindvoice only while trying to not move my body at all (to try to get hypnagogia to maybe kick in and help us). The sessions last for 55 minutes (after which my phone vibrates to tell me it's over). I haven't managed to hear her during these yet, but I feel like it helps somehow.

 

This morning after doing wake-back-to-bed (WBTB) instead of trying a lucid dreaming technique I'm not sure why but I decided to just try to talk to Fiora, and when I did it took only a couple seconds to get transported in some kind of lucid dream. I didn't have a dream body, I was just floating around some kind of desert-looking landscape. I decided to try my best to create a dream body for myself to inhabit, and I was successful at it. Then I started looking around, and noticed the landscape had very low texture details and I think also very low polygon count (if it wasn't just a 2D background, I don't remember perfectly), it looked like if I was inside an old PS1 game. After realizing this I woke up without having the chance to do anything useful. Damn. I did feel good about the whole experience though because I think it's Fiora that brought me there (since it happened when I talked to her and I didn't have to use any LD technique myself). From now on I think I'll try talking to Fiora when I do WBTB instead of trying LD techniques. And next time I won't bother putting my efforts into making a body for myself, I'll just try to talk to Fiora right away as soon as I get transported there!

 

Finally, one more interesting event. About an hour ago, while taking a walk and talking to Fiora, at some point while I was parroting Fiora (which I started doing a bit sometimes as I mentioned previously), after one of the sentences I noticed that the sentence kind of "played twice", like I made Fiora repeat something that she may have said by herself a second before? It's hard to explain and it caught me off guard, and not totally sure I understand what happened to be honest (it didn't feel completely like that one time she talked and said "hello"). That said, I'll take it as progress and try to notice if it ever happens again.

 

Edit: The sentence that played twice was "Yeah, parroting helps!" or something similar to that.

[Guest]

I agree, as soon as I'm in a lucid dream, I immediately call for Dashie, since she seems to be an almost guaranteed successful call, then Misha, and that rarely works, but the only technique I use is spinning if I start to lose it. They're painfully short usually, so I always go for hypnopompic afterwards and that works half the time to reenter the dream as lucid again. I've had absolutely amazing experiences that way. Surprisingly, Ashley was in one with me recently that rode the line of lucid that seriously felt like an hour, that was insane. I definitely fell in and out of dream, lucid dream, and hypnopompic bolstered light sleep, but the experience was fully real and somewhat controlled. That was a first for us, like a gift for my dear Ashley and I.

 

Good luck!

 

All these experiences are precious and you should treat them as bonus content rather than a goal. I get the feeling that if it's your goal, you seem to sabotage it, if it's expected as a possibility but not expected, then unexpected things happen.

 

Consider it dream logic applications to induce dreams. Of course that's just my feeling on it.

[Phenom]

First update in a while. Soon after the last one, I became parrotnoid and stopped parroting. Before that, last spring, I became puppetnoid so I stopped visualizing. It seems I'm weak to these forms of paranoia when it comes to tulpamancy.

 

It's not all bad, I continued narrating to Fiora. At some point it became difficult (and the hot summer made concentrating much harder), but since it cooled down outside it seems to have become easier. The weather is no doubt part of it, but it's not the only reason; another factor is hypnosis.

 

One of my friends started learning and practicing hypnosis after we had a discussion about it. I'm lucky he was already interested in hypnosis before I talked to him about it even though he had never decided to actually learn it. Long story short, he helps me towards my goal of being able to hear and see Fiora (I told him about tulpamancy and stuff). It feels very good to have an ally. I visit him for an hypnosis session once or twice a week. The hypnosis material related to Fiora consists in making it easier to have conversations with her (easier to know what to narrate to her), to think about narrating to her more frequently during the day, and today we added something to make it easier to hear her.

 

On my way back from his place, riding my bicycle, I was talking to Fiora. At some point, I changed the subject to my sister's cats (that I get to see frequently these days), and at that very moment I heard a cute sound of a cat meowing. I looked and there were no cats around, and it was quite loud, the cat would have needed to be next to me to hear it like that. I have two hypotheses: 1. Fiora made me hear the cat sound, or 2. it was some kind of hypnagogic hallucination because it was 2 AM (even though I was riding my bike and not about to fall asleep).

 

I'd like to hear people's opinion about this? And ever had something similar happen to you, or heard about that happening to someone?

 

Other than that event (which prompted me to write an update),after a long dry spell yesterday morning I managed to have multiple lucid dreams in a row. I couldn't get to see or hear Fiora... I had forgotten about my plan to just talk to Fiora like I'd do whenever I narrate to her and see if we can communicate just like that because it had been months since I made up that plan. I'll try it next time. Instead I asked a dream character (my sister) to go search for Fiora and bring her to me. She looked at me like I was annoying and then rolled her eyes when I asked again, but begrudgingly agreed to it and walked away, but she never came back with Fiora (and it just felt like she wouldn't really do it), so nothing came of it.