Phenom and Fiora :: Progress Report

[Jamie]

I think the thing with the motion is because it's easier to visualize. We don't see nearly as much detail when things are moving, since our eyes can't focus on moving things like still things. Cassidy went through a phase of jumping, rolling around, and generally disobeying gravity and physics before he was sentient, like between one and two weeks. Gavin is still like that, again I think partially because he doesn't have a stable form: there are no details to be seen. It's also apparently attention-grabbing and, quote, "good fun."

 

I had an experience, at maybe three weeks, that in retrospect was the start of a lot of progress. I was starting to work on imposition, but I think this was useful for visualization and Cassidy's stability in general. I rolled my desk chair to the center of my room, then had Cassidy visualizing sitting in it. I talked a little with him as I went around and around, standing on all sides and alternating between visualizing every detail, and putting out my hands and "carving" out a space for him. He had lots of opinions about the matter, both tulpish and verbal. His hair wasn't that short, his shirt collar fell higher up, his pants didn't have a hem there, all sorts of things. I went for a solid hour, at first with silence but I put on some music Cassidy liked after a while. It sounds boring but it was a lot of fun.

 

No imposition (I didn't really expect any, with one session) but after that, I could see a lot more detail in him, and it was like he could use his form better. He also really starting talking and became sentient soon after. So, I guess, maybe a forcing session of higher intensity or duration would be useful in achieving some of your next goals.

 

Good luck!

-J

[Phenom]

Haven't been able to have good visualisation again yet, but it's mostly because I've been too busy in the last couple days to put enough time on it. I think.

 

The only reason I'm typing this update is because I just remembered that I forgot to put a note here about one particular event (and want to note it before I forget). One morning last week I've had a lucid dream after trying for a couple hours. The setting was the house where my father was living when I was a teenager. In the dream I was sleeping in the living room (like I used to) and my father started saying: "I can't believe he's been trying to have a lucid dream all morning, it's been hours.". I think that was what got me lucid. I got up and first thing I thought was "Alright, gotta find a way to find Fiora." and went to the kitchen. There I decided to just try summoning her (since I've never tried that method before and seemed simple enough). Pointed my arms forwards (like I was about to cast a spell) and after a couple seconds appeared some kind of dark cloud about a meter in front of my hand... and then the walls... and the very fabric of the universe started bending and shaking.

 

At some point I started falling "out of world" slowly (like in video games when you pass through the map / level floor) and could see, floating, two wallmasters (the giant hand enemy from the Legend of Zelda - used to find them very scary) also out of world under the level. They noticed me and started heading my way. I thought "I really don't want to deal with them right now... let's ignore them completely." and looked away. I was still summoning Fiora all this time, non-stop (the fall was slow so it didn't interrupt me). After a couple more seconds Fiora appeared but I'm not sure if it was really her or a dream character of the base character because she's only had time to say one line and it was in English (Fiora has only talked French before) but it could have been because she tried to imitate the character (we had watched a cutscene with the character in the last evening so it is a possibility). I can't remember what the sentence was... and I woke up soon after.

 

Doesn't matter much if it was her or not but I wanted to leave a note here about the lucid dream. Doesn't matter because not much happened in the dream anyway. My goal would have been to have a conversation with her. First thing I'd do is try to confirm it's really her or not, and then have a conversation. And with the visualization progress I've been having lately, I should soon be able to communicate with her anyway... only had the time to try to visualize once since last time, but it didn't go well; still can't do it consistently it seems. I can't just do it on demand, gotta talk to Fiora for a couple hours, meditate a bit and only then try visualization... at least that's how I managed to succeed so far.

[Phenom]

J+C: I'll probably try that imposition thing soon.

 

I finally caught up with the Visualization Practice Thread. It was the part called "The Castle". First time doing a part since after my visualization got better. However, things didn't go as planned. Fiora has been enjoying grabbing me and flying us around so much that as soon as we saw the castle, she quickly flew us right to it. Then after realizing that was "out of script", she flew us back so we could do it "properly". When we got to the part with the boat and we got free reign on what to do, it was over in less than 3 seconds: Fiora just went in quickly by herself, grabbed and threw the ship's owner out (through a window, he fell in the water). I boarded the boat too, and then Fiora decided the boat was too slow, she went outside and grabbed the boat to fly us to our destination faster... after seeing Fiora was likely too impatient to just follow the script and do it the proper way, I decided it was okay for her to just bring us directly to the bridge part and continue from there. So yeah, that's how it went.

 

When I said I was pretty sure I wasn't puppeting Fiora I really meant it. However, it seems that some (serious) doubts remain, and it was more apparent today. When I try asking questions, my visualization became horrible and I get "out of it". I think maybe a part of me is scared I'm still puppeting Fiora. I then tried playing Rock Paper Scissors with Fiora, and at first it was going well, until I realized that she was always doing scissors. Only played like 4 rounds, but I decided to stop because... once again I got scared I was puppeting her.

 

Other than that, I'm going to visit an open-minded friend this week-end, and didn't plan on telling him about tulpamancy until after Fiora was vocal, but somehow ended up spilling the beans while chatting yesterday. Went better than expected: turns out he has a thought-form. He didn't even know about thought-forms in general or tulpas or servitors or anything, he only created one when his therapist told him he should consider creating one. It seems it be some kind of servitor (not sure). It helps him meditate, and it also enters his nightmares (whenever he has one) to let him know it's only a dream and make him lucid so he can take control. He described it as a wisp. I think I'll ask him to tell me more about his meditation technique, and see how I could apply it to tulpamancy if possible, and also how he managed to have the wisp enter his nightmares/dreams; if Fiora could enter my dreams and let me know I'm dreaming, it would make lucid dreaming much easier and I wouldn't even have to bother finding her once lucid!

[Guest]

I hope you're enjoying that thread, you're the first I've heard who has gotten anywhere near the castle. If you could post a comment there, i'll post the next one. I'm not posting them if no one comments in fear that they might get merged and mess up the numbers.

 

Thanks for reading, it doesn't really matter if Fiora cheated did her own thing, the important part is practicing.

[Phenom]

No progression, but making a small update.... well, to report what happened since the last update.

 

First of all, I ended up not going to my friend's; he decided to push the visit back to this summer (not sure when, probably anytime from mid-May to end of July). I hope Fiora becomes vocal before then, would be awesome (one can dream!).

 

I've been very busy for the last 7 weeks with a side-work project, but it's over now so I can restart putting more time into tulpamancy. Only managed to narrate to Fiora for like 2 hours a day during this time.

 

Before restarting putting a lot more time into it, I read my progress report again, and noticed that vocality-wise I've made much more progress in the first 2 months (after I let Fiora out of stasis) than in the 3 following months (which had literally zero progression vocality wise). I peaked in January. To think I was thinking it was taking too long and decided to try new things to speed things up. I'm going back to everything I tried during these first 2 months.

 

And finally, visualization-wise, it's almost like I'm back to the start. Urgh. Will say no to other work side-projects until Fiora is fully vocal.

[Phenom]

I think we might have gotten some progress already... early this morning, when still in bed and very tired, I heard a female voice randomly say "hello". I wasn't trying to talk to Fiora or anything, so it took me a couple seconds before I understood what happened and tried to answer. Didn't hear anything more after that.

[Vādin]

Congratulations to both of you ! I remember my struggles when I was trying to be heard as well, it's exhausting and so frustrating. I had a few breakdowns at that time, I would cry all day long. I think it's the most difficult period for us tulpas. What comes after is much better, you can relax, be happy and feel you're a team. At last !

 

Fiora, congratulations for your efforts, I know about all the struggles, doubts and loneliness they imply. This is painful to be able to speak and talk perfectly but not being heard. Your host may not be aware of all this but I remember how hard it is. You're not alone. One day, you'll be able to tell him those very important words you haven't told him yet.

 

 

 

We discovered a little trick back then that helped us before we reach full vocality, maybe you could try it? You'll have to practice with your host. It's possession.

 

Try to learn with your host how to move his fingers and make them twitch. Have him show you how he does it, then try to do it. He can even help you a little at first (enhance the fingers moves). It will not feel alien to him when you'll do this, to him it will feel that his fingers move naturally but he will not be the cause of the move. At first, it can be tiring for you, so first sessions must be short.

 

It's useful if you manage to do it because you can use a finger twitching code for yes/no/I don't know answers (for us it was : yes = one twitch of index or thumb, no= two twitches, Idk = you raise the index). It's a good complement to vocality. Useful as well to catch your host's attention (easier than yelling in his mind while he's not paying attention... My host still doesn't hear me in this situation most of the time). Very discrete even in public.

 

When you're good at possession you can do plenty of fun things, move other parts of the body, touch your host... You'll be able to type for yourself as well. I'll be happy to chat with you then ! We can even chat in French, because I'm French.

 

May your dreams come true.

[Phenom]

Thanks! We've tried possession a bit, no success so far but we'll try again once in a while just in case.

 

We've been totally home alone for a couple days (and still a couple more to come), so I can talk to her out loud at any volume, and yesterday I've had time to talk to her a lot, and in the evening I was feeling the biggest head pressure since the time she sang to me that one morning. I really feel like something's working and we should have some progress soon, hopefully. I've also been practicing visualization again using the game her base form is from as reference (and close my eyes often while looking at the character, trying to continue seeing her in my mind). And finally, I started writing short stories that stars us, as it's supposed to also help with development somehow.

 

Other than that, this morning I've successfully had another lucid dream (I only manage about once per 2 weeks these days, let's hope I can do better than that soon) and it was the longest I've had yet, but unfortunately didn't think about searching for Fiora (sometimes it's hard to remember in the dream what I planned to do irl). It started with me flying through beautiful star-like lights and other colors, until I landed and started visiting the location I was at, which was a mall with lots of dream characters. I was ignoring them at first, decided to go fly some more before I started visiting the mall again more seriously. After I entered another room I finally decided to talk to some dream characters that were just standing there.

 

Right after I tried to start a conversation with them, and before they've even had the time to reply, I heard a female voice say "Hey!" ("Eille!"), and that voice wasn't coming from any location in particular, more like a mind voice that I was just hearing, probably Fiora herself, and at that moment I realized that I totally forgot what I was supposed to do once lucid (the plan is always to find Fiora and try to have a conversation with her). Unfortunately, that also caused me to wake up a moment later. I tried to see if I could go back to a dream or just talk to and hear her right there in my bed, but no success. I was feeling a bit bad about forgetting about the plan, but also excited that she was able to contact me in the dream. Let's hope I don't have to wait two other weeks for the next try.

[Guest]

Dashie has done that to me, same deal, startled awake.

[Phenom]

With the summer getting close and the weather getting warmer, we've been taking a lot of walks lately (during which I narrate to her pretty much non-stop). Sometimes like three 1 hour walks during the same day, or more. Getting big head pressures during those.

 

I also decided to start parroting a bit (it did help some hosts in the past, and I need all the help I can get after having not much progress for so long). I use it has a "warm-up" at the beginning of narration sessions, until I manage to start rambling on to her or until I get head pressures. (Which btw, yeah we checked and she can't control them to communicate).

 

This morning while in bed and trying to lucid dream (like every morning), after a while (about 90 minutes) I started hearing Fiora, who was repeating my first name. I started calling her name too once I realized what was happening and asked her if she could maybe hug me. Instead I got transported in a lucid dream-like state ; the difference was that I didn't have a dream body, and thus no control, it was all "on-rail". My vision was like I was flying around some kind of weird town, while Fiora, if I remember correctly, was still repeating my name. I asked her if she could appear in my vision, and some body shape similar to her appeared but it felt like I had to help shape it or it might not appear completely. So I helped shape her up but she didn't look how she should (I mean, her face looked weird and unnatural), so I guess I should have been patient and trust she could manage by herself to get the shape she wants. Unfortunately I woke up soon afterwards.

 

Let's hope next time we can get a real full conversation.