Awakening Eyes PR

[Maple]

I've always kinda beaten myself up because of my inability to multitask like at the very least just talking to my tulpas while doing stuff, because I always just get so focused in whatever it is I'm doing, aaaaand I just forget for the rest of the day. I never really found a good balance between spending time and doing what I'm doing throughout the day.

[Maple]

Had a pretty major meltdown this morning that lasted a few hours and honestly I can still really feel it. Just feeling terrible. I have a hard time calming myself down from the insanity, and I can't really ever talk to my tulpas during the time that it happens (and usually I never even think about doing so since I'm just so caught up in the moment). I still don't really know what we're doing either, this is not really good. Fellas, we're on a downhill slope from here.

[Lucilyn]

you better be looking into getting a CPAP machine! it's a seriously big deal, and it really will change your life for the better once you're using it/used to it, really don't put it off

 

tulpamancy and all your other philosophical worries come second to having a healthy brain and actually getting restful sleep

[Maple]

Feeling trapped. Something that really helped me feel more like my tulpas were real than anything, was seeing them interact with other people. Problem is, the people that we interacted with have kind of fucked off from talking to us and pretty much every single time is my fault. It's been over half a year since our last attempt to just sit down and converse with other tulpamancers or tulpas via Discord or whatever. The fourth post from the bottom of page 8 of this thread is the first time I've seen Celedyr want to say something out in the open in general in a long time. Just none of them have talked to anyone directly since last June after I fucked up another friendship and ditched pretty much all the discord servers. Got therapy in about 11 hours, can't sleep so I'm going to be dead tired when I go there probably since I'll sleep for like 5 hours before going most likely. Therapist doesn't know anything about my tulpas and I don't think I'll ever tell him, I don't understand the want for people to tell random people about their tulpas anymore and I never will. We had our own little existence planned out and that is intended for us and nobody else, but at the very least, I did want them to have their own friends, and so I made some online accounts for a couple of them in the past.

 

EDIT: I'd like to point out that there's plenty of proof that every time is my fault because a few people reading this have been telling me to not blame shit on myself 100%, but there is so much factual evidence in the DMs and interactions with those people that points to it being my fault. I know why the shit happened and what I did wrong, and trying to improve myself, I am making pretty much no progress in those regards. I don't think I'll ever see them again. Even two people that I added from the servers and message once in a blue moon, I am too fucking scared to even message actively, especially since I have not much to say even and they intimidate me in ways that a lot of people usually don't (though I am usually intimidated by just about everyone, this is different).

[Flandre]

Plenty of tulpas talk on this forum every day, you know. Check out the Forum Games threads, namely Last One To Post Wins where you can literally write "Post." if you want to. Perhaps you should drop DMing entirely and stick to safe public places instead. This forum is as safe as it gets.

 

Anyways, CPAP. Sleep study. Talk to your primary care physician about it and they should be able to set you up. https://www.sleepapnea.org/treat/getting-sleep-apnea-diagnosis/

This is very important, just from the change we've seen in our brother's life after learning to sleep with his. The rest of your life will likely be easier after you've got the basic human need of sleep figured out.

[Maple]

Plenty of tulpas talk on this forum every day, you know. Check out the Forum Games threads, namely Last One To Post Wins where you can literally write "Post." if you want to. Perhaps you should drop DMing entirely and stick to safe public places instead. This forum is as safe as it gets.

 

Anyways, CPAP. Sleep study. Talk to your primary care physician about it and they should be able to set you up. https://www.sleepapnea.org/treat/getting-sleep-apnea-diagnosis/

This is very important, just from the change we've seen in our brother's life after learning to sleep with his. The rest of your life will likely be easier after you've got the basic human need of sleep figured out.

 

I guess the reason why I preferred keeping it to DMs was because I was able to pick and choose who got to see what was said and keep it to a limited group of people because I was tired of seeing all the batshit insane shit that people were saying that was just so outlandish that there was just no way any of it was possible and it was really bothersome, and they are a lot of the times just about on the same level of the "Tulpa is turning off xbox hep" or getting to that point. I'm just a jaded old bitch I guess.

[Guest Reilyn-Alley]

Eh.. we discuss possibilities and have fun.. Pushing the boundaries of things and discussing concepts like what people think of confabulated memories and if people think parallel processing in a sense is possible, experimenting scientifically, explaining our experiences and just hanging out as a loose group of friends.

 

Even I would roll my eyes at someone who claimed "my tulpa turned off my xbox" unless they were possessing or switched in and literally moved the body and did that. Now, "my tulpa managed to reduce the pain from my headache" that sounds intriguing and considering deep meditation and even placebo can accomplish that now, it's plausible and I'd like to hear more.

[Maple]

I NEED this sleep study done if we're even going to do anything, but the weather conditions here have been SO BAD (-30C, a foot+ of snow... I feel hot all the time but the snow is a problem) and I haven't been able to reach my doctor either because of my odd hours of sleeping, or because of the offices being closed for random reasons that they don't even state (or both). I really don't know what steps to take from here, especially since we always go all the way back to square one with possession and I just never know what the fuck to do or how to do it. The whole loneliness and depression isn't really helping either considering most people are just walking out of my life.

[Maple]

I literally JUST realized that yesterday (soon to be the day before yesterday), marked the 6th year since I started creating Kara and started this fucked up journey riddled with doubt and bullshit. Normally I would just go through my first few entries in my physical journal just to look at how weird I was back then, but god I have no idea where it went. I have a digital version, but I dunno, too depressed to look at it. A late happy birthday to Kara, just unfortunate that I've been spending most of the day in bed for a few weeks now.

[Tewi]

You sound like our brother. Know what's been helping him? Getting actually restful sleep...

I feel bad not saying much more to help than to get a sleep study/CPAP machine, but it's just so much more important than everything else. "Food and sleep" are two basic things you need to have established in your life before you can tackle anything else, and your sleep is sorely lacking.

 

Happy late birthday to Kara. Most of us in this system don't even have birthdays, so.