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Got an upper respiratory tract infection immediately after the lower one, so still sick. Can't practice possession/switching anytime soon, feeling extremely depressed. One thing I wanted to talk about here that I've been TRYING to push as an idea to people just to see what they think (but people really don't seem to care about or think I'm just crazier than I already am), is about the "merging" incident.

 

Basically, a couple years ago, I followed someone's "possession" method in private, and this method in particular led to what felt like a merge between me and Kara. It was extremely messed up and we couldn't tell who was who, to say the least... and not in the manner of "Who is moving the body right now?" but actual identity issues. We went through this big process to try to undo it and all. After that, I seem to have had no memories from "my" past from before that point, or most of them. They all come back over time as faded or broken memories, and I don't know what to do with them but just entertain the ideas that they may or may not have happened, if at all, to "me". I don't really feel like "Maple" as I should, I feel like I'm just a byproduct of this incident. If anything, I feel like I may still experience things in the same way as before, but I really just can't find the answers on my own as to if I'm still the same person that I was before, and not in the way that people change over time, I mean in "consciousness", I guess. I don't know, maybe I am going even crazier, I don't really know what to think about it. It's been bothering me for quite some time.

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I don't remember anything about how I was going about dissociation for switching, or anything that I had done before for switching a few years ago. But something new that has developed that is quite annoying, is that I'm disconnecting from the body quite frequently, more than before. It appears to happen even more as I have an identity crisis, and is starting to just spiral out of control and happen randomly and I can't control it. It's quite hard to describe, because I feel my grip on the body slipping almost entirely at once, yet I can still feel, see, hear, etc. etc. but my body goes into autopilot mode. Trying to figure this out is extremely difficult, and I'm wondering if this has any ties to the merging accident. My mind is wandering to worst-case scenarios of things that could happen, including just losing control of the body completely and everyone possibly dying. Don't know why. It's causing a lot of anxiety and stress currently.

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@Maple

 

please get well soon.

 

I cannot entirely know how you feel, yet I can empathise with how you describe losing control of your body as well as the magnitude of dissociation involved. What immediately springs forth to my mind is the few times it felt like my brain stem was about to physically snap from my spinal column and the partial ego-death that I had endured through out child hood well into my early adult years. What you describe as being a kind of byproduct reminds me of how I felt like I had to slowly put my own psyche back together again while accepting that I simply cannot be the same exact person I was before hand, a conclusion I find common with some who have sought recovery from addiction or severe onset of mental illness. Interestingly enough others have described these kinds of experiences as an important (albeit costly) step in their personal growth rather than a fatalistic expression of internal defeat or compromise.

 

This is just my opinion, yet I would think that if you can muster enough effort and concentration in your attempt to tell us how you feel as well as share the basis of your troubles, you too can eventually make the arduous and mutually stirring journey to a much less worrisome and inversely far more stable atmosphere.

 

As for your "disconnecting", have you ever considered that what you feel is like a kind of hypnosis or semi-conscious state of awareness? I ask because hypnosis can be triggered and utilised by the body to ease its self in to and more efficiently conduct tasks (like driving a vehicle on a highway system over long distances). More speculation on my end, but maybe this is a kind of response to ensure basic life functions and responsibilities whilst you are recalled or withdrawn inwards to better grapple with your identity disorientation.

 

Our minds do concentrate so much more on the negative outcomes, yet this alone should not consign you to despair. Perhaps I am wrong, but rather than seeing you as some one dead or about to perish, I see you and yours as those who have weathered a great deal and are deserving of refuge. You're making the necessary acclimations despite the confusion, stress and dread. This speaks volumes to me about the formidable resistance you've offered thus far.

I've seen good people bleed

And I thought I'd seen it all

But my own two eyes would prove me wrong that day.

 

There are things that I've done

Only seen by the sun

And those things will be buried in my grave.

 

 

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After wanting to change his name for a couple of years, Bithore is now "Celedyr". We asked for recommendations from a friend, and he liked that one the most. I also like it, but it's going to take me forever to get used to calling him by his new name after calling him Bithore for so many years. Same form, different name. Also, I believe another name or a couple of names on the original post are outdated, as well as some forms. I'll have to update it soon.

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Well, we do have quite a few more name/form changes. I need to change them in the original post soon at their discretion, since some of them just don't want people to know EXACTLY what their forms/names are due to some bad experiences from the past. Had surgery about a week and a half ago, but I'm still very ill. They're keeping me occupied so I don't really think about it, but the physical issues cause a lot of disruptions in any attempts at doing anything. At least it's not cancer.

 

I still really want to push forward with switching and imposition, but all this nonsense is getting in the way and I'm still needing 3 more surgeries so we'll see. Just feeling too miserable to try anything honestly.

 

Just trying to get some more issues with doubt solved as well with people that I added before separating myself from a few more communities on Discord about a month ago.

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Hope all goes well. Tulpas should be the perfect company for when recovering from a surgery I should hope; Flandre once kept Lumi company during a surgery.

 

Switching may be a bit much, but imposition (at least passive, if not intensive outlining and walking around with them and such) should be possible to get a little practice in even from bed. Visualization and other similar skills have little better time to practice than when you're stuck doing nothing, though.

Hi, I'm Tewi, one of Luminesce's tulpas. I often switch to take care of things for the others.

All I want is a simple, peaceful life. With my family.

Our Ask thread: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas

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I feel like I'm coming close to the end here, honestly. Not too sure. I started all this nearly 6 years ago now, but for the longest time, I've been regretting not just staying with one tulpa. Obviously that's my own fault and me being dumb at that age, but I can't go back and fix the past. I literally don't have time to try to fix anything, and it just feels... insignificant now, and I feel like Jimmy (minus the over-the-top insanity with whatever "mind murder" crap he pulled). I was hospitalized last month (which has seemed to be a yearly thing for me the past 6 years), but I did not really think about my tulpas while I was in there like I usually did. It's rare that I do in general. I don't want to give up, but lord it is hard not to when mostly everyone I talked to basically just up and left ages ago, and those that I find now to try to help give me inspiration are just mostly total nutjobs. I can't stand it. I don't know what to do at this point, and all these surgeries are just adding wood to the fire. I'm still debating on what to do, but I honestly don't know if anything is going to work out.

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I was hospitalized last month, but I did not really think about my tulpas while I was in there like I usually did. It's rare that I do in general. I don't want to give up, but lord it is hard not to when mostly everyone I talked to basically just up and left ages ago, and those that I find now to try to help give me inspiration are just mostly total nutjobs. I can't stand it.

 

I don't get it, how come it's hard not to give up tulpamancy if the people you meet are hard to talk to? Shouldn't that make tulpamancy more appealing? Unless you mean talking to people about tulpamancy in which case uh, maybe just stick to the forum and not the fringes of the community like random people from Discord. And like.. is there a problem with tulpamancy for you aside from you not giving them attention? 'Ya don't need to do possession especially if you're not having any progress after so long, y'know. Also, are you still having the issues you've talked about in the past? I can't tell because you haven't mentioned them recently

 

Dissociative episodes are definitely bad though, or maybe it's called depersonalization, either way you should try and see someone about that if it's actually scaring you. Like that ain't tulpamancy and we probably can't help with it. You'd wanna see a psychiatrist for that, and I dunno, for anything else bothering you too. They're trained to diagnose stuff, and can prescribe medication if necessary.

 

That stuff about "not knowing if you're the same person as before" is interesting.. can you tell me if that's still bothering you? 'Cus the quick answer is that tulpamancy and all this stuff is NEVER a one-time/one-sitting permanent change where suddenly everything is ruined. Even for first time switchers, if the tulpa didn't switch back they'd probably slowly (definitely the next morning after waking up) go back to it just being the host. But it's definitely easy to tell yourself you could'a messed yourself up y'know, and make your own symptoms. You said you had OCD so that seems pretty likely, right?

 

Our system's kinda good at uh, well we have the mental discipline/control to "change ourselves" if we wanted to, but we don't normally 'cus it hurts your sense of identity, yeah. But like, we could probably talk more about sense of self/identity and changing it if that was still bothering you. I mean I don't really wanna make you think you're some new person - you're you! What was in the brain, how it worked, is still there, even if your confidence might not be. Having a solid foundation for self-identity is pretty important, but only because you doubt yourself if you don't have it, not because "who you are" actually changes. Like by default not trying to be anyone else, you're gonna default back to how you've always been.. so at least, if you can, don't worry about that okay?

 

but yeah I mostly wanna know specifically what your problems (still) are so I can help

Hi, I'm one of Lumi's tulpas! I like rain and dancing and dancing in the rain and if there's frogs there too that's bonus points.

I think being happy and having fun makes life worth living, so spreading happiness is my number one goal!

Talk to us? https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas

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I don't get it, how come it's hard not to give up tulpamancy if the people you meet are hard to talk to? Shouldn't that make tulpamancy more appealing? Unless you mean talking to people about tulpamancy in which case uh, maybe just stick to the forum and not the fringes of the community like random people from Discord. And like.. is there a problem with tulpamancy for you aside from you not giving them attention? 'Ya don't need to do possession especially if you're not having any progress after so long, y'know. Also, are you still having the issues you've talked about in the past? I can't tell because you haven't mentioned them recently

 

Dissociative episodes are definitely bad though, or maybe it's called depersonalization, either way you should try and see someone about that if it's actually scaring you. Like that ain't tulpamancy and we probably can't help with it. You'd wanna see a psychiatrist for that, and I dunno, for anything else bothering you too. They're trained to diagnose stuff, and can prescribe medication if necessary.

 

That stuff about "not knowing if you're the same person as before" is interesting.. can you tell me if that's still bothering you? 'Cus the quick answer is that tulpamancy and all this stuff is NEVER a one-time/one-sitting permanent change where suddenly everything is ruined. Even for first time switchers, if the tulpa didn't switch back they'd probably slowly (definitely the next morning after waking up) go back to it just being the host. But it's definitely easy to tell yourself you could'a messed yourself up y'know, and make your own symptoms. You said you had OCD so that seems pretty likely, right?

 

Our system's kinda good at uh, well we have the mental discipline/control to "change ourselves" if we wanted to, but we don't normally 'cus it hurts your sense of identity, yeah. But like, we could probably talk more about sense of self/identity and changing it if that was still bothering you. I mean I don't really wanna make you think you're some new person - you're you! What was in the brain, how it worked, is still there, even if your confidence might not be. Having a solid foundation for self-identity is pretty important, but only because you doubt yourself if you don't have it, not because "who you are" actually changes. Like by default not trying to be anyone else, you're gonna default back to how you've always been.. so at least, if you can, don't worry about that okay?

 

but yeah I mostly wanna know specifically what your problems (still) are so I can help

 

I meant that it was hard to resist giving up. Those dissociative episodes and ideas of me not feeling like I'm the same person honestly seemed to be tied to part of some sort of garbage placebo type of deal, because it only lasted for a good month or two during which I talked to two certain people who were feeding me bullshit, and when I cut ties and went with my own ideas (which, by the way, has also led to me being negligent as a byproduct), I felt pretty normal in that regard. Maybe I just stopped giving a shit, who knows. I know that my psychiatrist said I most likely have Borderline Personality Disorder, but that shit I was feeling wasn't even part of the bigger picture to begin with... I told them about it, but I felt like it didn't count still in my eyes.

 

And possession/switching is something I've wanted to do since a few months after I started (but I set the goal off due to development reasons at the time). I tried for so long to do things right, but I kept getting tips that weren't really tips and were just "HEY READ MY GUIDE AND FOLLOW IT STEP BY STEP" which I know you shouldn't do, but I don't have a proper baseline, and a lot of the guides I was linked at the time were full of crazy shit that I was like... I know I'm crazy, but I'm not dissociative enough to do that stuff. There was one guide in particular by Fuliam I believe for possession/switching that was REALLY good and helped a lot of people who started in 2012/2013 around the same time as me, but a lot of people now are saying that literally doesn't work now because it's "outdated" but I just don't believe them. At the same time, I can't find the guide, and I still found a hard time making my own methods out of the information given. I feel like a lost cause.

 

I want to make the most out of our time together, but I never know what the hell to do at this point. People just say "just do anything" but I don't know what "anything" could be for us since I'm generally just too depressed to do anything. It's come to the point where some days I'm torn on the fence on if any of this is real and I just feel like it's going to just fade out of my life because of it being completely fake, or on others, I will cling so hard to it and not want to let go. It's a confusing rollercoaster.

 

Sorry I don't exactly check this thread too often as you can see by the distance between my old posts but I just happened to have the tab open still from after writing and it refreshed. I'm generally on Discord more often. I made a throwaway account that I tossed into the .info discord and a few other tulpa servers that I was in, but I don't really read it unless I feel like it.

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Did Fuliam write any possession/switching guide other than this one?

 

https://community.tulpa.info/thread-switching-guide-on-how-to-switch

 

People are still using it, for better or worse, because it's the only GAT-approved switching guide. If it worked six years ago, it works now. Human brains still work pretty much the same way they did six years ago.

 

Fuliam's guide does presuppose parallel processing and the ability of the host to be active and fully immersed in wonderland while not thought of by the tulpa controlling the body. These are controversial ideas now, but that doesn't invalidate the experiences of Fuliam and the other pioneering tulpamancers.

 

-Ember

I'm not having fun here anymore, so we've decided to take a bit of a break, starting February 27, 2020. - Ember

 

Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]

Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, World of Darkness, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017

Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Winter Court of Faerie, Dresdenverse, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

 

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit

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