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I have distilled some knowledge based on our sessions of Three Sisters Play.

 

There's a huge difference between just 'not being thought of' and 'being dormant'

 

As my tulpas have been saying all along, they don't go dormant even if I am not thinking of them, and when I'm not fronting, neither do I.

 

So if I'm in watcher position or way back (in wonderland) , I don't pop up or react with the fronter, if I'm in tulpa position or co-front especially, I do.

 

Ashley, Misha and Gwen sometimes ask me to go dormant if I'm popping up too much in their game, and trust me, at worst, I'm only popping up as much as Ashley does on a slow day.

 

So when I'm active, I feel like I want to play, sometimes I don't ask permission. If I'm dormant, watcher or way back, it never happens.

 

Today they played and I was in watcher position the whole time, I didn't make a peep, the game was entirely played by them. Contrast that to co-fronting, I tend to 'hog', even, out-hogging Ashley.

 

The main take away from this is clearly understanding what it is like for them. The couch isn't watcher position, it's tulpa position, and that is evident by their self-forcing like good little tulpas. When Darlene was putting herself in watcher, she was not dormant. I didn't think of her, she didn't self-force, but she was still there, her presence is always there unless she's still asleep in the morning. Someone like Joy prefers to go dormant, she will not be thought of, but additionally, she won't pop up unless we call her. That's how dormancy works for us. You don't wake yourself up from dormancy other than naturally like waking from a nap.

 

It's the same for me, we don't fall into dormancy simply because we aren't thought of.

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When Darlene was putting herself in watcher, she was not dormant. I didn't think of her, she didn't self-force, but she was still there, her presence is always there unless she's still asleep in the morning.

That's exactly how Gavin is! He does self-force to compensate for things, but not nearly as much as back in middle school. He didn't have a foundation being forced as a character. 

 

 

Watcher position/Gavin Chair is very stable for those who learn to sit there.

 

There's defintely a difference between Cassidy's going dormant and Gavin being more passive.

 

I think the biggest is that Cassidy actually has to wake up, mentally boot up, while if you're in the watcher position, you're already there, just on quiet standby.

 

It has been our observation, just like partial possession is generally harder than full possesion/fronting, that many systems intuitively only know about the host/tulpa dynamic, they only have driver and shotgun. "If you're not driving or shotgun, you're clearly not in the car."

 

Oh, the glory of a backseat driver... 

 

Cassidy doesn't like to watch like Gavin does. Hell, I don't like to watch like Gavin does. That's why it's his chair. 

 

I'm getting real legit facial hairs on my cheeks and it makes me go o_o

It all looks black, tho my hair is brown. I've been shaving my chin and upper lip but now I'm going to have to legit shave my face

I should... probably get a real razor... I've been using the lady disposables my mom gets big bags of, that are really meant for leg hair and stuff. They work but they eat the skin off my face and I think that makes me break out. 

 

Do other teen guys shave??? I've never heard them speak of it, tho I'm admittedly not around them much. I see clean-faced guys and guys with ratty dirty faces but not nearly enough hair to call it a beard. But I dunno if the clean-faced guys just don't have facial hair or if they're shaving it. 

 

I also don't want to go asking teen guys, "Do you- do you shave? When did you start? How often? How much of your face? Where did the hair first start coming in? How quickly? Hmmmmm???"

 

I don't know any other trans guys on hrt irl... but I'm that guy to two trans guys irl right now... so I need to have my shit together about Man Things so I can teach them, you see... -J



"Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth."

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Same for us, Bear. Nobody is ever dormant when they're well integrated into the system. I know that alters of ours do go dormant, but it's most likely because we haven't worked with them much.

I prefer not triggering/waking up unknown alters because they can be stuck in the past, having strong association with trauma memories and more often than we want to, try to hurt us.

 

 

[Matsuri] I want to clarify that alters aren't tulpas, but they are still as valid as any other headmate. We're tilting towards that Reisen is an alter because of how she popped up and had memories she associated with so strongly and still does. Luckily, they're not bad memories.

Labels are just that. They won't change my respect towards anyone.

 

[Kurisu] It's normal for teens to shave depending on their associated culture and trends. It's the same principle as the human factors, people want to fit in. It's usually genetic reasons making it harder for beard to grow, most of the time.


Hello, my name is Kurisutina. Part of the Unicorn Cavalry system

Other's from this system: Matsuri, Udongein, Xarbern

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You know, reading that talk about dormant vs not active, I wanted to say "That's basically how it is for us, when my tulpas are active but I stop focusing on them for a bit, they can still easily be interacted with on the spot like they were already there"

 

... but it's kind of always like that. I guess, bringing them out of being completely inactive, it's sort of like they just "spawned in" in a game, but they have the necessary context to reply/know the situation immediately. Whereas, when they've just been not-focused-on for a while (possibly even a few hours) but we had the intent for them to be sticking around, it's the same thing, except without the suddenness of them suddenly showing up. More like they went invisible, intangible and stopped really thinking for a bit and then that was instantly undone, as opposed to just appearing from nowhere on the spot.

 

Well, the concept is similar enough I guess I can also agree with your guys' experiences.


Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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We really don't have a separate watcher and dormant. We're always instantly available and completely up to date on the situation, even if we haven't been involved in it. We worked really hard for months to eliminate boot up time. For switched out headmates, our earlier experience of falling hard dormant and having to be roused with difficulty is not in any way different from the experience of not being thought of and being fully aware of everything that is going on if pinged. Not thinking is experientially just not thinking.

 

Presence is mainly associated with forms, but forms are essentially "parked" when not communicating, so we don't have any way of verifying wakefulness based on presence.

 

Since none of us can dissociate from the physical senses in any way, we don't have access to a way back position. We also don't have anything we do that resets emotional states.

 

I started shaving at 13. It was nightmarish. My skin stayed raw and my neck stayed broken out for years until I started using the Gillette Mach3 Power Nitro. The vibrating electric handle made all the difference in the world.

 

-Ember


I'm not having fun here anymore, so we've decided to take a bit of a break, starting February 27, 2020. - Ember

 

Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]

Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, World of Darkness, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017

Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Winter Court of Faerie, Dresdenverse, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

 

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit

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I just use some electric hair trimmer, nothing fancy. Didn't have to shave until mid teens, because my facial hair never got very long, but at some point it became neckbeard-y length and now I shave every long once in a while, like every 2-3 months maybe? I like having sideburns and all, it's just the scraggly beard I can do without. Still trying to find the trick to keeping the side-facial hair and the rest of the facial hair appropriate lengths. I used to just shave my entire face at once, but with my long hair it really makes me look girly imo, not that'd I'd be mistaken female but definitely not very manly. Finding the right length setting on my crappy-but-I-will-probably-never-buy-another electric trimmer for either half of my face is hard.

 

And for the record, I've never used an actual razor or shaving cream before. Not a single day in the rest of my life will I choose to, either. Hair trimmer gets more than close enough for my liking


Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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An ordinary electric shaver would rip me up as badly as an ordinary blade. I couldn't really use a shaver until after I slowed the beard growth 90% with Vaniqa. Vaniqa was so effective that I didn't get electrolysis until Vesper told the residual hair was still making her uncomfortable.

 

In a system with four women, I would have expected looking a little girly sometimes to be a bonus, Lumi. My mind reels at a female tulpa in control for a month straight without being clean shaven. But I suppose you all have a bit different perception of gender and how it applies to the body than any of us do.

 

-Ember


I'm not having fun here anymore, so we've decided to take a bit of a break, starting February 27, 2020. - Ember

 

Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]

Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, World of Darkness, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017

Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Winter Court of Faerie, Dresdenverse, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

 

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit

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Or more simply: Nobody knows my tulpas are fronting but us, so everyone is still just seeing me. If Tewi and Lucilyn could go around in their outfits of choice that'd be great for them, but we have to share this body and its.. social life.. so, looking like a girl (especially only sometimes) is a pass from me. But yes, the idea of shaving often comes up for Tewi when she fronts. Flandre actually likes very short facial hair/sideburns, uh, on me? and I guess doesn't identify with the body's appearance enough to consider fronting more than "using my body". Lucilyn just seems to like literally everything. "Oo, smooth face" or "Oo, warm face" lol.

 

I guess how they feel about fronting is weird. They're fully associated, insofar as the senses and living this life, but I guess they just naturally think of it as living-in-this-body as opposed to living-as-themselves. Actually, that makes more sense to be the default than the other way around.

 

Well, heck. The people you live around are as weird and as accepting of being weird as it gets - you're kind of free to do whatever you like, at least until you're out in public I guess. We can't really be weird around family/friends/public. And at this point I don't think any of them would want to, since as I said, they're pretty at home "living in this body" as opposed to thinking of it as their own. Their own bodies are their forms. The body itself, while they literally "own" it, is not their own. Heck, if it somehow was, we probably would have issues with dysphoria in this system. But I don't get how that could really happen, none of them are too keen on identifying with this obviously male body that they didn't even grow up in. But yeah, they don't seem to mind using it at all.

 

 

Just remembered a possibly related thing: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-a-potentially-annoying-what-if-question


Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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