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I always love a good en dash or, even better— an em dash. -J


The world is far, the world is wide; the man needs someone by his side. 

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Double dash can be used in a similar way Lumi--what's broken out using double dash also needs to be a complete sentence--and it can be in the middle or end of a sentence; I use these because it's fun for me--short sentences can sometimes be boring. (Though I don't always do a perfect job of it, so don't look at me as your grammar teacher.) <-- I really wanted to cram that in the previous sentence.

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I wanted to put this here, because I'm sure a bunch of you have heard about that thing that always comes up... "With DID, it's even possible for some alters to be blind while others aren't!" This is where it comes from, afaik. 

 

The clip uses some outdated terms (MPD is now DID, "personality shift" is now"switch") and uses slightly cringey clips from Sybil (it's pretty uncommon, tho not unheard of, that alters will not know they're in one body/think they have multiple bodies... however, I think it's far more common for alters to just deny that the others exist at all.) and you don't get "diagnosed with 68 personalities", you just get diagnosed with a dissociative disorder. 

 

Also pretty cool that they respected that, the host isn't the original host, and goes by a different name. -J

 

[video=youtube]


The world is far, the world is wide; the man needs someone by his side. 

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Merry Christmas, everyone


Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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What are you fellows up to these days? Reply with stuff and things so I can easier justify using this thread as a platform to complain about existence between the dialogue.

I'm really consistently into VR these days I guess, not a whole lot else. Not social VR, I'd rather eat lead paint than really get into that, but in general it's nice. I'm not usually playing many video games in general, but every couple weeks I'll throw the headset on and play Beat Saber or Skyrim VR for a while, it's cool. Really excited that it's growing like it is lately.

I did actually get into Kenshi really hard recently, which has been a problem. Straight-up, I haven't binged a video game in like three or four years, but I've been pulling twelve-hour sessions with Kenshi over the last week. I'm up to uhhhhh, 87 or so hours right now if I were to wager, since I started playing last Tuesday. I don't sleep anyway, and I've been going to work on two-four hours of sleep for the last three years as it is, so at least I'm doing something with the nights recently lmao.

Also buying horse books, fuck me, woof. I've got 12 physical fic prints with two more on the way, and another nine on the buy-asap list. I really love cozying up in the recliner and reading books but I'm just, way too fucking autistic to read anything but horsefic these days lmao. Accepting that I don't have literary standards is the absolute best thing that's ever happened to me, because now instead of reading a couple dozen standout fics a year and having nothing else, I can just consume garbage and average stuff until I'm dead without ever getting remotely close to running out.

Other than that, yeah, shit's lame, just waiting to die at this point, not much else going on lmao.

Anyone else? Please reply, god I need attention.


If you only knew what all this cost - What she gave up, just to save her art

 

What is fashion, fashion without love? Like an odradek, a spool without purpose

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I've been doing a lot of stuff, too much stuff in fact.

 

aside from wonderlanding with Miela and other tulpamancy stuff, I've been working a lot on reforming hDaDmas (the language I made) and getting it into a form where I can share it with other people and making quizlet sets on it so I can learn it. I've also been listening to a few podcasts, especially The Adventure Zone (a comedy TTRPG podcast) and Conlangery (a podcast about various aspects of conlanging), both of which I am now caught up in. I've also been volunteered to DM a D&D game at my school's D&D club, so I've been doing that. I have also recently joined a Monster Of The Week (a TTRPG) campaign, which is fun, especially since I'm new to Monster Of The Week. this surge of TTRPG playing has inspired me to put in some more work on the TTRPG system that I've been working on. I've also been playing some civilization 6, and my fire emblem 3 houses game finally arrived, so I have started that as well. I've also been doing some research into politics and economics and philosophy

 

Miela has also gained some hobbies recently. well just one actually; she has started making a fictional world where humans still exist, but most of the geography and flora and fauna are different. her current goal is to see how humanity progresses, as well as to make the world as detailed and realistic as practical. I've helped her a bit with the necessary research, but she has done all the creative work.

 

I was also badly sick a couple weeks ago and am still trying to make up for all the school I missed during that time. it's kind of amazing how much work I missed after just a bit over a week of school. this work has been a pain to make up and is seriously been cutting into my and Miela's time to do anything other than school. as some of my friends put it "if school isn't for sleeping, than home shouldn't be for homework". at least I'm close to having it all done. maybe next time I should just go to school and get everyone infected and see how they like that


I have a tulpa named Miela who I love very much.

 

 
"People put quotes in their signatures, right?"

-Me

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We've been doing roleplaying and game development as well. I've been GMing Dresden Files (Iris' setting) on Saturday afternoons for almost four years. Iris is one of the major supporting characters and took over playing herself about fifteen months ago. Vesper has played the local version of herself a few times, but isn't entirely comfortable with the differences.

 

Iris and I have been the players in a weekly spinoff campaign in her setting for just over a year. Roleplaying with a headmate is enormous fun and has greatly improved our co-fronting/switching skills. We're about to start a second spinoff campaign, flashing back to her teen years, alternating with the existing one in the same time slot.

 

I'm wrapping my flagship Dresden Files game in three to four months and starting a Vampire the Masquerade (Vesper's setting) campaign with mainly the same players. Vesper and I have been preparing for a while now, but it's very hard. I don't like the Storyteller system, so we're adapting the game to a highly customized version of an unpublished Fate variant I play with yet another GM.

 

We also have a lot of setting to clarify for the incoming players, as Vesper's setting isn't the normal World of Darkness, but a hybrid between that and the setting of her original GMs' unpublished novels. The result of this is that every time I consult White Wolf material for the adaptation, Vesper launches into a tirade along the lines of, "I am not a monster! These people know nothing about Kindred!"

 

-Ember


I'm not having fun here anymore, so we've decided to take a bit of a break, starting February 27, 2020. - Ember

 

Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]

Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, World of Darkness, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017

Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Winter Court of Faerie, Dresdenverse, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

 

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit

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Hmm, I can't just say "LOTS of video games, like a modded Minecraft server with my friends, Warframe, Smash Ultimate, Breath of the Wild (3rd run, challenge run of only using things I can buy/receive from NPCs), and absolutely no Pokemon Sword/Shield"?

 

Well, I've been working on myself a lot. Starting in December I've been attempting to impose at least one of my tulpas for at least a few minutes several times a day (which is significantly more and more consistent than it was before) and just generally spending more time with them, and despite this being the longest amount of time they've all gone without fronting, it's also the most active they've all been overall in a long while I'd say. But I've also been working on my motivation issues, doubly so since I stopped trying to lucid dream directly as Tewi identified our motivation issues/inconsistency as our biggest roadblock to lucid dreaming.

 

And after 2.5 months, as of about 30 minutes ago actually, I think I've finally made the breakthrough I was looking for. Though actually.. maybe it's too weirdly "me" to get into here, you know how I can be. Basically, I've been aiming to make default a mindset that I've only rarely been able to be in, where everything feels positive and effortless, even things that are just plainly effort. Thanks to Lucilyn getting close, then switching with me to try and do it myself and being totally unable (2 hours ago, lol), I was actually led to figuring out the difference in me and her on this subject. Put simply, I just wasn't letting myself be particularly happy, or letting myself treat things as not-effort, et cetera, because "it's not who I am". Except that's all been on an unconscious level, a sort of background mental check that's been saying "Nope" without my awareness of it. Luci being able to made me compare our experiences, and now that I've identified that previously unconscious "(in the) background mental check", I can start working with it. And working with my thoughts and mindset is something I have a decade of experience with now.

 

I might (I mean, probably should..) go more in-depth in our PR later, once I've had a few days to practice this at least, possibly after but maybe before Tewi's taken her turn, since unlike Luci and Reisen the two of us have a lot of mental work to do to get to such a mindset, with Tewi's goal being slightly different (she's aiming more for "peaceful serenity" while I'm with Luci on "Innate happiness and effortlessness"). Flandre may have to do just a bit of work herself too, but in the past she's always been quick to follow my lead on however I'm thinking and feeling, so I'm sure it won't be hard for her after.

Edited by Luminesce

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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It's been a really long time since I've played anything tabletop, I'd definitely like to get into it again. Then again, our last big campaign kinda puttered out because we've all just got a lot going on, my friends and I, so there's not much for it. And I'm not willing to play with people I don't know, so it's whatever. I don't have a super coherent brain for these kinds of things anymore, anyway.

What exactly goes into designing your own system, Breloomancer?


Motivational issues have been a pretty consistent plague in my life for a long time as well, Lumi, yeah. With art-stuff these days, mostly. I'd gotten to the point where I was finally doing stuff on a weekly basis, but I've had a kinda rough patch with getting put on meds over the last few months and I'm back at the point where I'm only really drawing once a month if at all, it's a bummer. I've stopped taking them though, because it's unironically way easier to manage being super unwell than to manage weird drug side-effects, or the disappointment of them not doing anything. So hopefully I'll be able to build what little work-ethic I'd established back up over this next year, ugh.

I have no idea what you're talking about in paragraph three, your breakthrough and stuff, brain is kinda just throwing out all of the information there, so I'm not really remembering the words after I read them, wack. I'd reply otherwise.

Is the imposition thing you're working on like, actual visual imposition or what? I know I made a big fuss about not using tupper terminology with Coco horse, but I still can't even fathom that being possible, from a personal viewpoint. I mean, Coconut hasn't really improved in any regard since the beginning, so I guess it's not something I should be worried about anyway. Would be really cool, though.


If you only knew what all this cost - What she gave up, just to save her art

 

What is fashion, fashion without love? Like an odradek, a spool without purpose

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Literally no issues, from lack of motivation to getting sick all the time, would surprise me from you. Your lack of sleep is extremely upsetting to me and I cannot believe you've not done something about it yet, but your life will probably never feel particularly great until you've fixed those issues. I don't get why you can't see the importance of this, I'd be begging any family/friends I had for money for a sleep study/treatment well before the point you're at

 

You don't have to get anything I said, how I work as a person is super weird and won't make sense to most people lol. Just take it as me making progress on my motivation issues

 

Yes, visual imposition. Now, I've definitely seen a person or two (like AGGuy) with what seemed to be practically hallucination levels of imposition, but my normal idea of imposition isn't usually that unbelievable. For us, we've got what seems like three separate levels of visualization/imposition on a spectrum. The most basic is the "mindspace", where my tulpas have always naturally resided while active, since they've never naturally been in the wonderland without the fronter specifically doing visualization of it. The mindspace is obviously entirely in my head, but still feels like there's some relative space to it, it's weird. My tulpas feel like they're to my right (by default, or left if they ended up over there, like from switching out, I guess), but if I were to reach my hand out, they'd feel like they were closer than that. It's like hammer space if you know what that is, there's a mental dimension of space in between my (physical) head and the rest of the world, and that's where it feels like they are normally.

 

Visualization feels "deeper" or detached, like my tulpas going from the mindspace to the wonderland feels the same as them going from imposition to mindspace, like they've gone down a level or something. Wonderland still feels immersive enough, but it doesn't feel related to where my body is at all. Going from wonderland to mindspace feels like my tulpas "came back", I guess.

 

And then imposition, by necessity will always still take place in your head. But I describe it as "Physical thing -> your eyes/sensory organs -> (imposed senses) -> conscious perception/reaction". It can seem more or less real to any given person, but anyone accomplished in imposition should alike feel as if their tulpas are actually in that real space. The easiest example is that my eyes have no trouble focusing on the open air that my tulpas are imposed in, and could follow them in focus if they walked away from me and back. I still see through them obviously (it's rare but possible that someone reports not consciously seeing through their imposed tulpa) just fine, but the sense of presence (which I emphasize as the most important sense to get down, as it makes up for any lack of actual visual/touch/etc. depth for example) is completely there regardless of how well I can visualize them at that moment. Weirdly to me since I don't practice visualization almost at all but we frequently do imposition, they're a fair bit easier to see when visualized (especially in any detail) than when imposed. Guess that doesn't sound weird to anyone else, but seriously, they're like 85% imposed and 15% visualized in our day to day life. 

 

Also, I somehow just realized the other day, I can barely impose their faces/facial expressions at all (only on particularly good days/after lots of practice), when they talk/make expressions I see it in the mindspace/visualized instead of in the imposition. It's weird and stupid, but unsurprising given how poor not just our imposed visual clarity is but our visualization clarity itself. Their facial expressions/facial details at all often (always?) draw from pictures of them as bases, but I guess when imposing we can't really do that because they look more realistic. So, imposing Flan yesterday, she looked fairly normal/realistic but when I tried to see her talking it went back to the mindspace and looked kind of like this, slightly (less happy) more realistic, but only slightly. Like yes, to the point where it didn't even really match her imposed form lol. Obviously this is super into mind/thought stuff that can't be explained in words territory (I could not explain how I see a visualized face when trying to look at an imposed one), but hopefully you get the point.

 

... I don't know what the point was, but hopefully you get it. That there's a level of difference between imposition and visualization, I guess. I'm not even 100% sure everyone has this "mindspace"/wonderland visualization separation like we do, but the imposition vs whatever they do have should remain the same. Oh, and I guess I should note our imposition can seamlessly transition into semi-imposition, semi-mindspace, such as if one of them walked through a wall with the intent to still be seen. That's complicated and hard to explain, lol, and I imagine if someone only had contact/visualization with their tulpas in their wonderland they'd be totally unable to do that. But that's why I called it a spectrum. Normal one-on-one imposition practice for us is still pure imposition though, with me shaping out their forms in the air, walking around them (or physically spinning them around, recently, both help a lot). Better visualization clarity would make the experience far more believable, but we've been doing imposition for what, at least five years now, so the sense of presence (knowing that they're there) completely covers the immersion that might be lost when I otherwise can't clearly see their features in any detail. (Reminder that my visualization clarity is HOT GARBAGE and I can barely even see my tulpas' faces, let alone hair/hats and more detail than just color on their clothes)

 

 

Oh but yeah, seriously, save up money for a sleep study or something. How you live is not okay

Edited by Luminesce

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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