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6 hours ago, Enny said:

I don't have the brain to process fuck all of what you wrote, but you bring up microdosing in the last paragraph so that's cool there. Yeah, days two and three didn't do anything for me, unfortunately. Like, at all, it was dumb. If I'm gonna do it I've probably gotta up the regular dose to .45 or something, idk. I wound up just taking the rest of what I had yesterday (knowing that it wouldn't hit me too hard since I'd microdosed the day before) and actually had a kind of bad trip lmao, so that's cool. Was something like 1.8g's and I just felt really self-loathing and sad for about four hours. Wasn't in the territory of like, full on hallucinating and oh god this is awful but I've got five more hours before the hell ends, but yeah, just left me in a sad mood. I'm gonna take a couple months off of them and try it again then, idk. I can get my hands on about anything right now, so I'll maybe fuck around with small doses of some other stuff. LSD has typically been a lot more manageable so I could dissolve 100ug in some vodka and microdose that, see how it does.

Or fuck, I hear ketamine has super lasting effects on a lot of people's depression, so maybe I'll look into that. Just gotta play it safe and make sure I can source it safely, do the right doses, etc.

Yeah, sorry for just not replying to 99% of what you said, way too much for me.

It’s no biggie! Most of it is stuff related to posts you wrote months ago lolol so it’s not as relevant to your last post. Some is just background stuff that’s related but not essential to my points. But an essential name out of understanding depression is Johann Hari, so I give a lot of credit to that guy.


More background:


But anyway I’ve had this issue with many drugs (for antidepressant use) over the years - mainly that they eventually stop working. Even stuff like St. John’s wort - it kinda works for a little while but after I’ve been taking it continuously it stops working eventually, and then the only option really in order for it to keep working is to up the dose. And upping the dose leads to me eventually taking massive doses which need to be stepped down again anyway, once they reach a certain limit where you can’t safely increase the dose any higher so they’re discontinued.


Now I feel like ‘episodic doses’ could be more effective in some cases than continual, static dosing (same drug same time every day no exceptions) but this is against the prevailing view of western medicine, I’d say.


My issues have been episodic - and while a static unchanging dose of mostly any drug creates a certain dependency and could potentially help me overall, it doesn’t help me during the times when I really need it, namely during the episodes. So that’s why I think a drug that could be administered that morphs continuously while essentially remaining the same (like cannabis in legal states - each variety has similar active compounds but hundreds of varying other chemicals that influence the actives further, aka the ‘entourage-effect’) could decrease the body’s ability to gain tolerance to that particular treatment, due to the changing schedule - hence keeping the effects more potent.




But yeah everyone’s kind of different (their body chemistry) and I think that’s important to keep in mind. The most effective drug could look different for everyone. For example, some of the most common antidepressants that a lot of people have success with either did nothing or gave me horrible side effects, and the only one that came the closest to making me feel better was one of the atypicals that everyone else apparently hates and says is horrible, but I didn’t really have any side effects while using it, and I even quit that one cold turkey. Of course then I got side effects but that’s because I wasn’t tapered off of it completely. My point again is that everyone’s body chemistry is different.


For ketamine, I’ve heard that people have used it successfully. I used to take dxm (which I can’t recommend) which acts on the same receptors as ketamine I think and has a similar dissociative effect. I characterize it as being kinda ‘out-of-body.’ It’s kinda different from psilocybin or acid (which tend to increase empathy or a feeling of connection to one’s surroundings), I’d say more disconnected, so it’s definitely different. However when I had those experiences, I was really surprised because afterwards there was a pretty strong antidepressant effect for a while, I felt pretty good for several days afterwards. I knew someone who was self-medicating with dxm (which once again I do NOT recommend lolol) but at least then I understood why he did it. And then when I heard about ketamine and that it acted similarly I could see why people were pursuing it as treatment, and I realized it could probably be pretty effective for me if even this nasty syrup was having such a strong positive effect. But it’s unavailable where I live lol and cost-prohibitive anyway.

Tulpa: Sierra

Forcing since July 2012

Couguhl’s Progress Report

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