Conscious and subconscious conflicts

[LlamaMaster]

I've been trying for a while now to settle on a form for my tulpa, but my conscious and unconscious mind are constantly fighting each other. By this I mean that I have consciously decided exactly how my tulpa will look, but my subconscious keeps trying to screw me over by changing traits around (like hair color) while I'm tulpaforcing. Obviously this is deviation, but it's a deviation that I consciously think is retarded. It feels like my subconscious is trying to make a shitty recolor.

 

Should I just give in to the deviation and come out with something I might not like, or ignore deviation and go through with my initial conscious plan? Both options seem like they can turn out badly.

[SSaint]

I don't think all changes are deviation. When you begin visualizing something, the picture won't be exact, and it will shift around. This isn't your subconscious changing things, you just haven't gotten a solid picture of it in your head. When I started visualizing my tulpa's hair (the first thing I visualized), it would change style, length, color, etc. constantly. If I didn't force it to look how I wanted it to, it'd still be shifting around constantly.

[ThatOneGuy]

Let things run their course and see how it turns out. You might like the final result much more than you ever thought you would.

[Nevermore]

I have to agree with TOG here, just let it go where it goes and see what happens.

[WhiiteRussian]

Make sure you're either looking down or straight forward when you're visualizing. Looking up or to the sides makes visualization 10x harder and you get distractions that fuck up your visual.

[Guest applesauce99]

to elaborate with WhiiteRussian, nighttime tulpaforcing while you lay in bed on your side is a no-no.

[LlamaMaster]

Alright, I finally broke through my visualization funk (which I've been fighting on and off for weeks now). What was happening was that I was constantly getting a nagging feeling that told me to change my tulpa's hair color to black. Black hair was all that was popping up in my mind whenever I tried to tulpaforce, and I never felt good about it. The color didn't match my tulpa's personality, and it certainly didn't match the rest of her body. It felt like I was losing my tulpa to a different form, and it felt wrong to call this "new" tulpa by the name of my "old" one. With the name gone, I felt like the personality attached to it was gone to. With the name and personality gone, narration just started feeling wrong, and I stopped doing it altogether. I wanted to get a form settled for my tulpa before I started narration again, but nothing I did ever felt right. This continued on for quite a while, and my motivation to continue tulpaforcing tanked.

 

Eventually (about 3 days ago) I just caved in and accepted the black-haired tulpa my subconscious was forcing on me. I forgot about trying to force my old tulpa's form on the new one, and indulged my subconscious by spending all my energy tulpaforcing this new black-haired form. And now that I have done that, I can safely say that both parts of my brain (conscious and subconscious) hate it. I always hated it, but now it finally feels like I can get rid of the idea for good. I no longer have the black-haired form clogging my subconscious, and I finally feel free to get back to my original plan.

 

TL;DR: I wasted weeks fighting deviation; finally accepted it; grew to hate what I accepted; got back to my pre-deviated plan; feel much better now.