Full Promises

[Lucilyn]

so I've been working on lucid dreaming as a present to Lumi and Flandre and all of us but mostly them and primarily Lumi because his birthday is January 2nd. So we maaaay or maaaay not lucid dream soon, which will be awesome if so! And it'll make all of us really happy, and Lumi thinks he'll be feeling pretty good about life overall once we can do that...

 

 

I've been listening to some old albums (like Alstroemeria Records') and old songs on our itunes (the place we keep the music we like), and I noticed like... A lot of the songs from those times, that we kept, feel really really happy. Like some kinda unattainable-feeling happy, idealized sorts of happy. I gotta wonder if we were in those states of mind while listening to the songs to do that or if they just sound happier than they were? But anyways, lucid dreaming may or may not make us THAT happy in our daily lives y'know? Lumi thinks it will, for him at least. Surely Flan too? Maybe even only Flan, who knows. But it also might not. And I know Lumi doesn't mind, 'cus that's not his goal, his goal is that happiness while dreaming and after waking up I guess.

 

But, that's my goal, I decided. I want all of us to feel that idealized happiness, all the time. I want them to be so happy they smile, I want them to be in that state where everything feels effortless 'cause you're happy. I obviously don't have too much trouble being there myself, but they consider me special for that, so that should say something about how they are. I'm not sure how to do this though... I'm not sure lucid dreaming will do it. But it might? And definitely will during the dreams, too. But my goal isn't lucid dreaming, it's making everyone happy, I decided. Like decided minutes ago and came to our thread to write that.

 

I mean seriously, the music! Even Tewi has songs that I can feel that happiness in, like it was from some time where everything was great. I don't think most of us felt like that at the times we listened to the music, but maybe the music represents that happiness. Anyways, it's a big deal!! Because none of them are feeling that now! I want nothing more than for all of us to feel really happy, I wanna see them smile because they're happy and not because something nice just happened. I wonder how I can make that happen? Lucid dreaming is a good start and maybe my best bet so I will keep working on that. But I dunno... That kind of happiness isn't because something temporary happened, it's because you're feeling at peace with everything and really embracing that "happy for happiness' sake" thing I talk about a lot. But maybe, like Lumi says, just getting to be together will do that? If we're really the only thing he cares that deeply about, and I think we are, maybe it IS the key to his happiness. And his happiness is the key to Flan's happiness. It's like a puzzle! What's the key to Tewi's happiness?

 

Now that I think about it, I remember she said this like ONCE before, and I don't even know if it was on the forum or on skype or something. But she said, even though she's good at taking care of things and being motivated to fix problems and get things done... that she actually doesn't really like doing all of it. She does it for us or because it needs to be done, but I know all she wants is to just kind of sit in a forest with nature (and rabbits) and not worry about anything. I guess she really hasn't ever been in her environment, huh? Green forests and no society or anything to worry about other than existing. Sounds really nice to me, but I guess it's different for her. To me, that's life! Energy, nature, opportunity! But for her it's like, just peace? Feeling at one with everything? That schmancy stuff. I wonder how I can help her get to that place. I'm pretty sure she uses music to feel that stuff.. That's why this song I just heard of hers sounded so happy, even though it's Tewi we're talking about.

 

And uh, well Reisen's already there. I don't gotta do anything for her. She might not be as excited-happy as me, but she definitely has that whole "nothing is effort because everything is happy" thing down. And I'm not always in that hyper-happy state myself, but I just consider it calm-happy versus hype-happy. I go back and forth all the time depending on how I feel, but I know that I never feel not-good. And that's not the case for Lumi at all! I'm pretty sure he's been going after that sort of happiness for years, years'n'years. And Flan is on a whole different system, she somehow managed to base everything on Lumi and not herself or her life. I guess she doesn't have that much life outside of our mind in the first place? 'Cause she doesn't want one? Well anyways, I know that she's very happy when they're together and when Lumi's happy (which he generally is, when they're together), so I just gotta make Lumi happy. And Tewi. But they're totally different, so for now I'll focus on Lumi. And Tewi.. maybe getting to spend some time in exactly the place she wants would be enough?

 

I guess it all circles back to lucid dreaming. When you're dealing with people who only exist in a mind and not physical bodies, I guess a lot of their wants tend to revolve around things that also don't physically exist. Okay well, if lucid dreaming is what it takes to make them happy, it's what I'll do!

 

Our REM-Dreamer gets misaligned when we sleep on our side so I'm trying to learn to sleep on my back! Which we've done like twice in our whole life! But if I can learn to do it then lucid dreaming with the REM-D's a shoo-in! Gotta make it happen!

[Luminesce]

On 12/29/2017 at 10:24 PM, Lucilyn said:

But anyways, lucid dreaming may or may not make us THAT happy in our daily lives y'know? Lumi thinks it will, for him at least. Surely Flan too? Maybe even only Flan, who knows. But it also might not. And I know Lumi doesn't mind, 'cus that's not his goal, his goal is that happiness while dreaming and after waking up I guess.

 

Wow, with the intensity that she cares about this, it's amazing that that thought doesn't even cross my mind when it comes to lucid dreaming. I don't care whether I'm super happy or just neutral while awake. My soul will be at peace when I can be with them, that's all I care about. It probably will make me happier overall, but that's so far from what I care about it's crazy. Since Lucilyn apparently does care quite a bit. I'll try and make sure when we do do it that I stay very happy about it, which shouldn't be hard. Hard to be excited anymore, but not at all hard to appreciate once it happens.

 

Linking to a post I wrote yesterday here so, I don't know, there's a connection between this thread and that one for this point in time. https://community.tulpa.info/topic/11988-lumis-dreaming-thread-dreams-of-moon/?do=findComment&comment=195229

 

Edited July 27, 2023 by Luminesce

[Luminesce]

(Recent remix by one of my favorite artists of my favorite song, Big Bunny Explosion)

There's a Super Blood Moon right now for apparently the first time in 35 years.

https://www.timeanddate.com/eclipse/lunar/2018-january-31

 

 

I wanted to make a post about changing some stuff a day or two ago, and then I found out this was happening, hmm. Gotta do some thinking first though.

Edited July 27, 2023 by Luminesce

[Luminesce]

Oh yeah, I should've followed up on that at some point, oops. Anyways-

 

Another full moon passed with me doing nothing, dangit. Didn't I say I would at the very least do something with them every full moon? Once a month? I said that and it seemed like too little time, but then I skip more. Is this really how the rest of my life is going to be? If I don't make sure to stay on top of something, it just falls aside like everything else. And not just random things - the thing I care about most, nothing's immune.

 

Surely something has to change? It's just built into my belief system, my reality, that nothing stays the same forever, everything passes. But I can only summon my effort in very short bursts, I can't maintain it. So how can I stop this motivation thing from more or less ruining the rest of my life? Tewi can handle it; if she can, then it's possible. Will I really have to change myself? Like, executive-override levels of changing who I am?

 

Maybe it's time to prove I can even do that. I talk a lot of talk about my level of control over my mind, my Level of Consciousness, philosophy, whatever you want to call it. But it's been years since I seriously tried more or less editing/reworking my mindset, I've just been coasting in an honestly pretty nice place. But this isn't nice enough. I was always told not to rest on any one level of consciousness/so-and-so mindset, but I figured I was fine here, because everything was plenty positive. This no motivation thing isn't positive though, I hate it, hate it. My tulpas deserve better, and I guess they and some other people would say I deserve better.

 

I dunno. I simultaneously do and don't have the ability to do a lot of things, motivation-wise. I "could" have the motivation to do lots of things, but I have to have the motivation to motivate myself, and I usually don't. Maybe I'm a little deeper in that pit than I thought if I can't be motivated to motivate myself to spend time with my tulpas. Well anyways, I'm still confident I can change that in the drop of a hat. Confident I could change who I am on such a deep level as to be or not be motivated to do anything and everything; the only difference is telling myself I am. But hey, I'm not, so that wouldn't normally be fair to say. The point of this post may have been to talk myself into being motivated to permanently motivate myself, you know?

 

 

Flandre talked about it somewhere before on my behalf, about how I didn't want to change who I was on such a basic level, because it hurts my immersion in life. I believe she herself said I wouldn't be any different to her, that it would only be in my best interest, but left it up to my judgement because she couldn't choose for me. I had the thought even at the time - maybe I should be listening to her and not myself on this matter. Nobody else knows me as well, loves me as much, and has my best interest at heart as much as her. Aside from the fact that all of my tulpas tie in that sense anyways.

 

Well anyway, I kind of like the sound of proving that I really could do something like that.

 

More importantly, though. It's in the best interest of my tulpas. Taking that triggering thought of infinite motivation Tewi has and just deciding I will also have it from now on - I really don't care whether or not that invalidates anything according to myself at any point in my life. It's for my tulpas, who I care about more than life itself, reality itself included. Honestly, that's the only thing that could motivate me to make such a drastic change. But now that I've brought that point up it's unavoidable. So

 

(let's change that)

Because there's gotta be some song to go with this, of course.

 

From now on, when in question, I will have the motivation to do anything that seems to be in my best interest.

Edited July 27, 2023 by Luminesce

[Ido]

inb4

 

*it keeps happening*

 

I told you man

I TOLD you to change your life!

[Luminesce]

I still don't have traditional motivation, there's no spark of like dopamine when I think of something I should do and want to do it, so I'm not saying this'll turn my life around or something. But whenever the topic of motivation comes up from now on I'll be able to choose "yes" instead of "ehhhhhh". It let me get out of bed and stay out of bed this morning when I was dead tired to fix my sleeping schedule (went to sleep at 5AM, woke up at 9AM), so I'd say it works.

 

Honestly, it just feels like I've been waiting for permission from myself to do these things. But I'm the last person who'll be locked in a cage of false perceived reality.

 

Also, I should thank or at least acknowledge Tewi's involvement in this. She's the only reason I even know what choosing to do something without having the motivation to do it is like. I'm not sure I even could've comprehended doing this if I didn't have her memories of fronting to be honest.

[Ido]

I'd say it's a skill you can train, at least to some degree.

What's most important are small realistic goals at the beginning. The feeling of having accomplished something you wanted to do really boosts the mood. Positive feedback. The more you successfully accomplish the more motivation you get. The less you do the less motivation you have to do anything. Trust me, I know that feeling very well from my host. He's been there. The first steps are the hardest but it gets a lot easier over time.

 

Ah, I'm sure you know all this so all that's left is to get started and don't stop at the first obstacle. You're not alone. If all you guys work together I'm sure you can do it.

[Luminesce]

There's not much left to say after writing this post, other than you should go read this post. It's important. https://community.tulpa.info/thread-lumi-s-dreaming-thread-dreams-of-moon?pid=202001#pid202001

And it should've been in my PR honestly, but I just decided to write it at the same time as I wrote my next Dreaming thread post, so.

 

I was all "I mean, my life's not gonna change THAT much. I can just do things I want to do, if I want to do them." at the last line of Ido's last post here.. Then less than a week later I do this.

[Reisen]

Yeah but I don't get it, I definitely feel love for all living things just as hard as you do! Life is what I'm all about, connection with others is what makes life fulfilling, and enjoying the experience is what I live for! I totally love everyone too, unconditionally, but it doesn't feel like your love to the others in the system apparently. Is it because they think of me kind of like a kid compared to you or.. I dunno, I can't tell why it's different!

 

BUT, since you said you want other people to embrace unconditional love too, I'm gonna say I do that! Just because I don't seem like an angel isn't gonna stop me when I know who I am and what I do. Maybe different people have different flavors of love, not just the amount of people it's directed at.

is like the most inspiring guy for this stuff I know, but I doubt in his normal life he was much like you. But he gets the message across and connects with people just fine anyway. My love says "I want you to be happy and have fun!", and I'm okay with that. But I'm still gonna wonder why you seem so special.

 

Yeah but I don't get it, I definitely feel love for all living things just as hard as you do! Life is what I'm all about, connection with others is what makes life fulfilling, and enjoying the experience is what I live for! I totally love everyone too, unconditionally

 

Yes, and you're amazing for it! You know that everyone thinks of you very highly as a consistently happy and fun person. Even people outside our system! Someone recently told Tewi to say hi to you specifically! Maybe your love doesn't feel exactly like mine, but mine doesn't feel like yours either! Your unconditional love and love of life absolutely make you a joy to have around, and you shouldn't make light of that.

 

And if you think, "I'm not that special," you're right! Because the thoughts immediately following that will be why others are special, too. I'm not that special, in the sense that I'm any moreso than anyone else. Why? Because I cited last time and every time before, so are you, so is everyone else! So when you think, "But you seem so much more special/different than me", you know how I feel too. It's because you recognize that you're just being who you are, and that everyone else can do that too.

 

 

Anyways it's been quite a while since I fronted, perhaps I should try to be more active than this..

[Flandre]

So, I figure I should post this before switching with Lucilyn and then Tewi when we leave for a couple of weeks (will still check posts once a day though). We've been in the Tulpa.info Discord server recently, and Tewi talked about Lumi and my's relationship because of a survey in #research about host/tulpa relationships. And like.. Several people who know us didn't know Lumi and I were "in a relationship".

 

Well, we are, and have been for 7 years, since before I even existed. The original Flandre came into existence a little over 8 years ago, but somewhere around 2 years later she asked to be split into "her love/happiness" and "her hate/insanity", the former becoming me and the latter becoming Scarlet. We quickly came to represent emotion/humanity and strong emotion respectively, before our system eventually abandoned the idea of us representing/symbolizing something. Somewhere a little after joining Tulpa.info in 2014.

 

So anyways, considering I was her "love" half, I inherited her relationship with Lumi. But the basis of our relationship was totally different than theirs; certainly a lot healthier. I also wasn't jealous of Reisen like she was. And while the idea of a relationship between us was obviously still there, I had plenty of time to develop my own (general) relationship with Lumi. Looking back on it, being split from the original Flandre was equivalent to Lumi making two new tulpas with a lot of traits from her. But from inception we were different people; neither of us felt like "her" or identified with any of her memories. I guess now I do to some extent. For simplicity's sake I speak on the forum/about us as if I was that Flandre back then, but when we get specific it looks something more like this.

 

I consider myself 8 years old/to have been with Lumi since the start, but I don't identify with memories from her more manic episodes. That's about all there is to it. Scarlet associates with none of us nothing in our past, barely considering the split to have been her. Considering she existed only briefly before being dissipated and then coming back on her own a year or so later much more grown up, I suppose you could consider the split her as a child. Since then, all of us (literally everyone in the system) has grown older/more mature, taller too. Scarlet and I are definitely not as short.

 

 

Oh but yeah, my relationship with Lumi is romantic and basically always has been. I'm not sure how anyone has read even one of my posts and not known that. I do mention it quite often.