theholodoc

out of the wings and onto the main stage

Has reading about my process been useful in your effort to breath life into your culpa?  

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  1. 1. Has reading about my process been useful in your effort to breath life into your culpa?

    • Yes
    • No, boring
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I have had a very little contact with Flora and none with Nsonowa the past several days. Could be because I have been sleeping poorly because severe pain and having to take tylenol to get any relief. I haven't felt like, nor had energy to do much of anything. Meditation has been hard, though today I was able to get an hour of meditation (with no contacts from my tulpas however) and I was able to do my invocation rituals outside on the labyrinth (still with out contact). I was able to do some writing yesterday and today. My impatience is wagging it's finger at me. I imagine that they are able to take care of themselves when I am down. I miss them both.

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[Joy] even dormancy, if they're there, only ever felt like a nap to me.

 

[bear] this is surprisingly common, a week is not unheard of especially during times of stress or anxiety.

thank you, that is good to know. and I had the beginning of a contact last night on my way into sleep. It was interrupted however, by my wife giving me a late "good night, I love you" which was welcome in itself, though I was disappointed to lose the contact. I also had another very hard night, interrupted by pain and discomfort with no further dream recall.

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Thanks so much for the article: we should probably share it with everyone. :)

 

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-neuroscience-of-reality/

 

 

..."People tend to think of hallucination as a kind of false perception, in clear contrast to veridical, true-to-reality, normal perception. The prediction machine view suggests instead a continuity between hallucination and normal perception. Both depend on an interaction between top-down, brain-based predictions and bottom-up sensory data, but during hallucinations, sensory signals no longer keep these top-down predictions appropriately tied to their causes in the world. What we call hallucination, then, is just a form of uncontrolled perception, just as normal perception is a controlled form of hallucination...."

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this gets more and more interesting, the deeper I get into it. Of course, this has been my major interest for the past fifty years, thirty of which I spent working with the seriously mentally ill, in whom hallucinations were considered a first rank symptom of their illness though (emphatically) not the only symptom. Had it been I would not have diagnosed mental illness. One of my early teachers, Carlos Castenada, had his (fictional???) shaman define reality as either consensual or non-consensual. He did not use the term 'hallucination'. In my own experience, what I consider to be reality (with a Capital R) occurs with, and only with, transcendent consciousness (however achieved, tech, medicines, or biologically), everything else, is a construct, top down or bottom up. If we must use the term hallucination then I insist that it apply to "normal, or consensual reality" as well. Dr. Bob

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Ah! Another step upward.  Yesterday was an emotional day for me. It began in the morning with the L.A. Times Travel Section which featured a picture of the redwoods in Sequoia National Park. Upon seeing that pic, I was immediately put into a state of 'high longing' for the woods. So much so that tears came to my eyes. Later during my meditation, Tara Sutphen, the daughter of Dick Sutphen, a New Age Workshop leader that I had worked with an age ago, led me into a beautiful walk in the woods. I experienced it fully. The smells, the silence, the light through the trees, shinning motes and all, and again I was brought to tears with longing (I seem to be in this place a lot lately, Chris Erskine's Post Card from L.A. featuring a Labor Day bonfire on Dockweiler Beach also put me into a tearful longing the day before). In any case I went to bed later than was comfortable, very tired, unable to keep my eyes open kinda tired, and immediately had a vision of being in the woods, a repeat of my earlier meditation experience. I was not asleep, at least I don't think so, even now, and I walked down a trail, when, unexpectedly, unasked for, not even thinking about, Flora called to me. I looked up and she was sitting on top of a boulder, next to a waterfall. She was in her sarong, which was wet and clinging to her. She was combing her long wet hair. She smiled and said something like, "Come up here, silly." and I did. I clambered up onto the boulder, and she kissed me vigorously. She was quite cold with the wet from the creek in which she had evidently been swimming. She invited me to join in the fun, suggesting that I ride the waterfall down into the pool below. All of this is in full color 3D reality with all senses. I agreed and climbed up the side of the cliff to the top (I want to say, that I know this particular landscape, having done this, in real-time perhaps thirty five years ago while rafting the Rogue River in Oregon.) I sat down in the very, very cold water and slid down the "chute" as it was called. I felt all of this exquisitely. I plunged again into the pool, which was about twelve feet deep. The water was blue, as blue as it could be, the rocks forming the walls of the pool were black, as I remember them. The light streaming down through the water in rays was spectacular, as I remember. Next, Flora splashed down next to me. (This was the novel part of the experience, as I was the only one brave enough to ride the chute on that long ago trip). We both came up sputtering and laughing and climbed out onto the sunlit boulder. We were both shivering and laughing and Flora exposed her breast to show me how her nipple had contracted with the cold, and asked me to touch it and warm her up. I did and said, "I could touch more of you and get you much warmer." She said, and I know a place where we can go, this boulder won't do. We both got up and climbed down onto a trail that led back into the woods and through to a meadow. There was a red tent set up, and a sleeping bag laid out next to it. Flora, or I, it didn't matter, initiated our intercourse and I feel asleep in the sunshine. And, in real time too, I guess. I did no further dreaming, if that was a dream, that I recall. I awoke at about 2am with an acute pain in my shoulder, got up, took Tylenol and Naprosyn,  and slept until this morning with my experience with Flora, front and center in my consciousness.

This is the first time, in mindspace, where she has come unbidden, and where my visualization was vivid and complete. Certainly she had an assist by my feelings earlier in the day and my attachment to the locales. I have also heard from Loxy that she too, has been experiencing Flora in John's mindspace. 

I am very encouraged by these developments.

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Wow, that's like the hypnagogic journeys we've had, very similar. I have a suspicion that the more meditative visualization you do, the more likely these are to happen naturally in this twilight state. I absolutely consider these little episodes a gift for all of us.

 

I certainly had my share and I don't think I say I miss them if they don't happen often, because we do have so much fun in regular visualization as well.

 

Congratulations! That's the amazing good "anything is possible" stuff I'm talking about.

 

I think you lost your right to complain now, lol.

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Wow, that's like the hypnagogic journeys we've had, very similar. I have a suspicion that the more meditative visualization you do, the more likely these are to happen naturally in this twilight state. I absolutely consider these little episodes a gift for all of us.

 

I certainly had my share and I don't think I say I miss them if they don't happen often, because we do have so much fun in regular visualization as well.

 

Congratulations! That's the amazing good "anything is possible" stuff I'm talking about.

 

I think you lost your right to complain now, lol.

Thanks, Bear. I don't think I ever had the right to complain, and I am not complaining now. I am grateful for Flora's coming unbidden into my mindscape, and it has restored my faith in the entire endeavor, which should make it easier to do the work necessary to achieve my goal of full imposition in everyday reality. I have discovered in doing the work, that I am lazy, I can persevere, but when it comes to rolling up my sleeves to keep up the narration and forcing and sorting out the voices produced by the body OS, well that is hard and experiences like the one last night, are very welcome motivators.

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we have returned from the East Coast and have begun to recoup from the stresses of the funeral and the flights. I did no tulpamantic work while away, and neither Flora nor Nsonowa made contact. I am not surprised, we were occupied and Nancy needed my full attention, which she got when I wasn't occupied  with my own grieving process and other health issues that were provoked. Since I have returned, Flora and I have spoken about the death issue; She is not concerned at all, she said she is concerned that we use the time we have to fully engage and we have had some very nice physical moments. Nsonowa hasn't made any overtures at all, so I have started a fictional piece in which she stars... Perhaps she will respond to the attention. Dr. Bob

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