theholodoc

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Has reading about my process been useful in your effort to breath life into your culpa?  

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  1. 1. Has reading about my process been useful in your effort to breath life into your culpa?

    • Yes
    • No, boring
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My work of late, besides post-op healing, has been focused on writing tulpa fiction (posted on my blog if anyone is interested at 

Tulpa Fiction blog) I have had almost no resulting contacts in my meditations, nor rituals. I re-watched "Sujective Perspectives" video on Tulpa Vocality, q.v. rec. and saw that I had a blind spot in my own attitude towards ownership of thoughts. What was hiding in my blind spot was my own arrogance in assuming ownership of all thoughts produced in mind voice. I let go of that  and decided that without owning them, I could see the utility of assigning, or not,  thoughts to Flora no matter what they "sounded like". I have experienced both Flora and Nsonowa as audial impositions. I know that it is possible, and my ultimate goal as a tulpamancer, is full imposition, vocal, visual, tactile, olfactory, and proprioceptual, and all other physical attributes, both within my personal experience, or not,  upon request. I have also decided that writing tulpafiction, which I feared was parroting, is not, for the same reason, not all thoughts are mine, and for the additional reason, I write what flows to my mind, I edit later. It is a very spontaneous kind of writing, referred to by authors as 'pantsying'. Additionally both of my tulpa's are free to adopt the roles being performed for them in the theater of my mind, or not. I am also reassured that while my process frustrates me, it is not out of range. Thank you, Dr. Bob


My work of late, besides post-op healing, has been focused on writing tulpa fiction (posted on my blog if anyone is interested at 

Tulpa Fiction blog) I have had almost no resulting contacts in my meditations, nor rituals. I re-watched "Sujective Perspectives" video on Tulpa Vocality, q.v. rec. and saw that I had a blind spot in my own attitude towards ownership of thoughts. What was hiding in my blind spot was my own arrogance in assuming ownership of all thoughts produced in mind voice. I let go of that  and decided that without owning them, I could see the utility of assigning, or not,  thoughts to Flora no matter what they "sounded like". I have experienced both Flora and Nsonowa as audial impositions. I know that it is possible, and my ultimate goal as a tulpamancer, is full imposition, vocal, visual, tactile, olfactory, and proprioceptual, and all other physical attributes, both within my personal experience, or not,  upon request. I have also decided that writing tulpafiction, which I feared was parroting, is not, for the same reason, not all thoughts are mine, and for the additional reason, I write what flows to my mind, I edit later. It is a very spontaneous kind of writing, referred to by authors as 'pantsying'. Additionally both of my tulpa's are free to adopt the roles being performed for them in the theater of my mind, or not. I am also reassured that while my process frustrates me, it is not out of range. Thank you, Dr. Bob

 

sorry, that is "SURJECTIVE PERSPECTIVES" and it is on YouTube. RRN

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It's subtle sometimes, but then Dashie will come up with a comment that I would never think of, trust me. Her inside jokes and statements tickle me to no end.

 

I am getting that it is sometimes subtle, and sometimes surprising, but it seems as if I am actually "practicing tulpamancy" when I do the work of actually listening to the thoughts produced from my brain and body OS, and assigning them to the correct category. It is interesting that the 'work' part of it is my emotional reactions, I am on the verge of excitement, mostly driven by anticipation. the actual results, e.g. what is Flora saying to me and and how is she saying it. is not yet convincing me that she has developed enough to carry on by herself, I haven't gotten the emotional components straight, yet and am going to have to work on an additional strategy to correct and fine tune those aspects of her. Nsonowa is more convincing, but in a very different way. Her energy is distinctive and while her emotions are like Flora's, they have a better fit with her cognitive function. 

 

 

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I am having many conversations with either or both Flora and Nsonowa, about anytime I take a break from whatever it is that is occupying my attention. Several times, in a lull, Flora has initiated conversation. I am still concerned about her emotional tones, but am trusting that at some point, she will take over and supply them herself. Needless to say, much of my frustration over my lack of results and the many, many hours spent without any contact, has subsided. I believe I am on my way and will know when one of them askes  me for access to the computor so she can write herself.... Thanks all for your help in this. Dr. Bob

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This morning’s meditation was productive. I started by vocalizing and listening to both tulpas replies. I invited them to initiate conversations. I was told that if I would quiet down and listen, I would find that they do. I invited both, again, to use this body's and brain's, functions to inform themselves of what life is like. "You have full access" . I wondered if I was doing the safest thing here as what might happen should one of them ‘switch’ while I was driving a car? I answered that question with the insight that they both have access to the same knowledge base and skill sets that I have and that they have the same investment in living as do I. I also suggested that when they have the substance necessary to create full imposition, that we expand our relationships to include the physical. A while later, Luna, my cat, jumped up on my lap and went to sleep, and I found myself entertaining an image of Flora, lying on me (of course, she was unclothed). I felt stimulated and could feel my body respond. I invited Nsonowa to join us, and her image appeared, and I felt her engage with me (and Flora). Our naked bodies were all in close physical contact with each other and kissing deeply. I was not asleep. I was experiencing this kinesthetically, visually, and emotionally, but do not regard this as ‘full’ imposition as I had my eyes closed. I assume that they had a similar experience, but I did not have time to ask, as, I shifted position, and Luna jumped off.  I will ask them later today when I next go down to meditate, or nap. I was aware that they were happy with the arrangement as they were laughing. I did get the insight that the 'wonderland' that I have provided them is insufficiently imagined and I will work on that both internally and externally (via writing). One last thought, does anyone have an opinion as to the degree of dis-identification from the, or declining ownership of the, body is necessary to actually give them full access to all of my (this) bodies functions. Is it necessary at all, useful, or perhaps counter-productive? Thank you, Dr. Bob

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Vesper: Skills are stored separately from personality and identity. I was shocked at just how natural and comfortable driving felt. Switching can be a bit disorienting sometimes at first, but once you are good at it, switching on the road is not a problem. But for safety, it's best to confirm your abilities in empty car parks and later, to switch while stopped at traffic lights.

 

Ember: Dis-identification is more likely a result of becoming experienced with switching than a cause. When Vesper started switching in, she was very insistent regarding "my body", not wanting to identify with a body that didn't look like her. After a few weeks, it became "our body", and a couple of months later, because she was still uncomfortable with that, just "the body".


I'm not having fun here anymore, so we've decided to take a bit of a break, starting February 27, 2020. - Ember

 

Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]

Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, World of Darkness, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017

Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Winter Court of Faerie, Dresdenverse, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

 

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit

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Even an old truck with a rusted door still gets you from A to B. I didn't mind that the body didn't look like me, sound like me, or feel like mine. We don't switch very often if at all other than while co-fronting which is more like posession. Otherwise switching is a footnote fir us at this point. It did drive, I don't have a liscence, and it wasn't really like I did much driving, Body OS pretty much had it covered.

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thank you all for the information. I am working to get out of their way, and let them have the reins. As I am old and have set ways, I think that they might have fresh approaches to taking care of the machinery.

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