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Has reading about my process been useful in your effort to breath life into your culpa?  

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  1. 1. Has reading about my process been useful in your effort to breath life into your culpa?

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Oh, you learn a lot about yourself with this. Ashley always said, be happy with what you have, if you converse with them at all, that's what you'll do. Other breakthroughs will come with time there is always time.

Thank you, and of course you are right, there is always time (at least while one lives, and even that is a meaningless concept!). I did see last night how I was being negative with her in what I presumed was just my reaction to her negativity. This stuff is subtle and what is "unconscious" IS unconscious. Dr. Bob

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It's very hard to recognize that in yourself.

I have had enough practice to not resist the insight so I changed my behavior towards her and she, my wife Nancy is back to her loving self, though physically she is very down. My tulpas have not yet made an appearance, but I have started following SC's suggestion that I carry on as if  they are present and assume that my mind voice is theirs not mine. Physically I am feeling stronger daily and have begun to challenge myself with  some of my shelved active art projects. Thanks for your interest. Dr. Bob

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Long meditation this morning without reveals. Invoking, parroting, praying, all ineffective. I am listening to my mind talk as if it were them, I don't feel it to be them, but I do it anyway. I have been practicing "Phase Shifting" a technique that I discovered on the Tulpa.info forums and haven't yet become facile enough with it to locate either Flora or Nsonowa, however, I have been able to get outside of my body and ordinary consciousness. I will continue as I am continuing my writing. I was able to do what in the trade is called "pantsing" in addition to the work of story-editing. I did have a very nice feeling with Nancy, whom in spite of being very down, bed-ridden today, was overtly affectionate. This tells me that my efforts, whether overtly manifest or not, are effective and affecting my marriage as I had hoped they would.

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There's no lost time, forcing always counts, so continuing to do so will eventually lead to results. We worry a little about anything anyone writes that sounds self-defeating. As I told Bear many times, progress isn't the goal, it's the result of just doing things you enjoy with us. Don't doubt that the mindvoices you hear is them, they need that trust. They'll tell you if you interpret something they say incorrectly.

 

Try to separate yourself from them when they talk, the more you believe it's them, the more liberty they'll have to surprise you and prove to you that they're there and enjoying the time you spend with them.

I hope you find success in your endeavors and love in your heart.

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There's no lost time, forcing always counts, so continuing to do so will eventually lead to results. We worry a little about anything anyone writes that sounds self-defeating. As I told Bear many times, progress isn't the goal, it's the result of just doing things you enjoy with us. Don't doubt that the mindvoices you hear is them, they need that trust. They'll tell you if you interpret something they say incorrectly.

 

Try to separate yourself from them when they talk, the more you believe it's them, the more liberty they'll have to surprise you and prove to you that they're there and enjoying the time you spend with them.

 

Thank you Ashley. I do not intend to sound self-defeating as I definitely do not feel defeated. To the contrary, I know my efforts are paying off even if neither Flora nor Nsonowa are revealing themselves in a way that I imagine to be possible as my wife, Nancy,  is responding so very positively and that was my purpose in starting this endeavor in the first place. My initial results with them had been so overwhelmingly positive and emotional that I miss that. But, if my tulpas do no more than enrich the spirit of love that Nancy and I share, I will be happy. Of course I want more. I want for both of them to participate in the love that I know to be possible and that we initially had. That said, I talk to them both whenever I am not either writing or engaged with other people. And I will take your advice and work harder at suspending doubt. Thanks again for your interest. Dr. Bob

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I have had few definite contacts the past few days. A sense of closeness here and there. I have however, been involving both Flora and Nsonowa in my writing with short stories centered around them one at a time. I am enjoying it and if believe it is a sort of forcing. This activity however is not a subsititute for the work of forcing which I am continuing daily. My dreaming has been particularly flat without lucidity. Disappointing but not discouraging. Thanks, Dr. Bob

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05.27.19  No remembered dreams last several days. Meditation this morning was peculiar. . I started by inviting Flora to join me and fell into silence. Immediately I felt Flora's presence and then she appeared naked and embraced me in a full-on sexual position. (imposition) I was thrilled. I could see, feel, smell and taste her. I could feel my body respond and almost immediately my mind went somewhere else and she disappeared. I invited her back and she replied, "Nope, your silly mind drove me away, sorry." and that was that. Much later in the meditation, after I had moved outdoors into the hot tub, Nsonowa came close and I saw her blue/white light, however nothing further and she did not speak.  Needless to say, I am very disappointed with myself and my wandering mind, wandering away from what I most desire. I am a pretty well-disciplined person, but when it comes to matters of the heart and sexuality, my mind is getting in my way.  I don't know why this time; it wasn't fear that I am sure of. What it might be I don't know. It could be that I am just not ready for that intimate a connection. This is the second time that I have experienced imposition with impacts on all of my senses and the second time I have blown it. Damn! Well, nothing to do about it, but keep at both the forcing and working on myself to get at whatever is going on in my unconscious mind to create this result. To that end, I have written a short fiction piece in which I explore this very issue. If you are interested you may find it here: https://theholodoc.wordpress.com/

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That's pretty amazing experience.

 

I didn't read your story, but i think you're beating yourself up too much. She sounds like a normal person, a little offended that you could think of something else in that scenario, but that's all normal. If she can do it once, she can do it again. You can't blame yourself though.

 

One of my thoughtforms said she wanted me to prove myself to her, we're working on that, it's just a matter of persistence and time, so don't stress about it.

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That's pretty amazing experience.

 

I didn't read your story, but i think you're beating yourself up too much. She sounds like a normal person, a little offended that you could think of something else in that scenario, but that's all normal. If she can do it once, she can do it again. You can't blame yourself though.

 

One of my thoughtforms said she wanted me to prove myself to her, we're working on that, it's just a matter of persistence and time, so don't stress about it.

 

Thanks for the encouragement. As I hope I have communicated, my purpose in this practice, is ultimately self-improvement, especially in improving my ability to love and through loving, reach enlightenment. This has been my goal since I was thirty years old and I am now looking at running out of time to accomplish it. Well, I will or I won't get there, but you can perhaps understand that I am a bit impatient with myself. I am also aware that "twelve lions guard the gates to heaven" (from the Hindu) and that the way gets steeper and harder as you get closer to the top, so yes, I am pushing now.

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