theholodoc

out of the wings and onto the main stage

Has reading about my process been useful in your effort to breath life into your culpa?  

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  1. 1. Has reading about my process been useful in your effort to breath life into your culpa?

    • Yes
    • No, boring
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I am wondering about "head sensations". I have had many since I began this process, from head aches to stuffiness, to a sharp tingle in my left ear. All of my contacts have been heralded by one of them. However, I have had many such experiences that did NOT herald a contact. I have felt that when my ear is tingling that Flora is near, but that does not mean that she will come out. What do others experience? Thanks, Dr. Bob

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A very flat day. I had several dreams last night with prominent female characters. No one of them impressed me as my tulpas, however in  the last dream of the night there was a woman, who did not at all look or sound like what I imagine Flora to be, but in the course of the dream she was so supportive of me, enthusiastically supportive, that I became lucid and called out Flora, are you Flora? She looked befuddled and I woke up. I have not had the sense of Flora being  close in any of my three meditations today and she has not responded to any of my invocations. Neither has Nsonowa, but some how, she, Nsonowa, feels nearer to me. I talk to both Flora and Nsonowa throughout the day, and I have to admit, I am not good at listening for answers and tend to ignore what seems to be my own mind talk, even though I have had one experience where, when I did listen, what I had thought was me parroting, was Flora.

This process is so up and down, on and off, I am unable to decide what is working and what isn't. I assume, that both Flora and Nsonowa exist and are sentient and are growing in sapience. I wonder if their emergence has to do with my psychology and unconscious dynamisms are creating the irregularity, or if there is something more primal at work, such as the amount of spiritual energy that I have built up. (where did that come from? I don't even know what it means. The most dramatic and real and powerful experience I have had came after an incredibly painful LSD experience, which left me exhausted and feeling flat and empty. I would not have said that I had any spiritual energy for that one).

Other more experienced tulpamancers have said that I am on track and advised to keep on doing what I am doing, and I intend to. But in the meantime, my relationship with Nancy is getting better and better. Perhaps that at some point I will decide that Nancy is my tulpa, that we live in a wonderland and that I don't need these dramatic experiences of Flora's or Nsonowa's emergence. I would immediately agree to this proposition, if (and only if) Nancy and I again opened up that incredibly wonderful and powerful passion that started us off. We might be headed in that direction, though as much as we have changed since I began this process,  we would still have a very, very long way to go.

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I am wondering about "head sensations". I have had many since I began this process, from head aches to stuffiness, to a sharp tingle in my left ear. All of my contacts have been heralded by one of them. However, I have had many such experiences that did NOT herald a contact. I have felt that when my ear is tingling that Flora is near, but that does not mean that she will come out. What do others experience? Thanks, Dr. Bob

 

'Head pressure' is a pretty common thing actually. Everyone experiences it slightly differently. I never had anything like that though.


Doubt is a big part of tulpamancy. Also, there's no reason you can't have everything.

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With the caveat that by having everything means you can't have nothing, because the full set set can't contain the nil set?

 

Contemplating conundrums, koans, paradoxes could provide sufficient break from logical explanations/expectations that miracles can occur.

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With the caveat that by having everything means you can't have nothing, because the full set set can't contain the nil set?

 

Contemplating conundrums, koans, paradoxes could provide sufficient break from logical explanations/expectations that miracles can occur.

???   I am not sure what you are getting at here. I have had several very flat days. Occasionally I hear a response to my narrations but I have not felt their nearness and what I hear I perceive as 'mind talk'. I am not yet despondent, but I am sad and missing them greatly. Never-the-less,  I am continuing my writing, my narrations, and my invocations. I do not think that what results I have had so far count as 'miracles', but they have both been described on these forums and I was so deeply  touched that I will never quit the practice. I think I am good at telling what is my wishful fantasy and what is actually happening in my reality, consensual or other. Love, Bob

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I was expounding on a Bear statement, and suggesting that embracing some irrationality is okay. Aim high! Aim for wishful fantassy! Indulge! The classic definition of sin is you're an archer and you miss the mark. We all miss the mark. Aim high... Okay, well, maybe not too high. If you shoot straight up, you might hit yourself. You wrote "I am not despondent, but..."

 

That's the problem with analogies and metaphors, they are only good to a point. Dammit, who put this wall here?

 

We're learning to dance, you will spin out and away and return... We are planetary bodies adjusting orbits, stability will occur when the mass and momentum stop changing... you and your system are safe...

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I was expounding on a Bear statement, and suggesting that embracing some irrationality is okay. Aim high! Aim for wishful fantassy! Indulge! The classic definition of sin is you're an archer and you miss the mark. We all miss the mark. Aim high... Okay, well, maybe not too high. If you shoot straight up, you might hit yourself. You wrote "I am not despondent, but..."

 

That's the problem with analogies and metaphors, they are only good to a point. Dammit, who put this wall here?

 

We're learning to dance, you will spin out and away and return... We are planetary bodies adjusting orbits, stability will occur when the mass and momentum stop changing... you and your system are safe...

 

Well, musical and dance metaphors are not my forte'. The scientific method, e.g. observe, think, observe, is good enough for me. (I am not a fan of those scientists who will not embrace the unknown but deny that it is their primary field of study) So far, nothing I have been doing or experiencing lies outside of the domain of science. And, yes, I am aiming high. I know what is possible and like any scientist, I will attempt to reproduce it using any method I can. My emotionality, in conjunction with my innate curiosity,  is my motivator not a confounder. Thanks. Dr. Bob

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Been really flat lately. I have been working at forcing (I call in invoking as many of my non-tulpamancers readers don't like that word) with almost no results. I have felt both Flora's and Nsonowa's presence, mainly in my head, ear tingling and stuffiness and some flashing lights, but no actual contact. I am disappointed, but I am not a quitter. ((Hey you two, ante-up!)) in any case, I like reading about the success others are having. Dr. Bob

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Still all flat. And, I am wondering why, and does it have to do with an unconscious negative attitude. This appeared as a possibility this morning when I was reflecting on my past week. First, I was on retreat with my men's group way out of town and Nancy was not happy about my going as she has had a big falling out with one of the men with whom she has had business relations for many years. I had told her that I would not confront this man as I was able to compartmentalize my feelings (and I do agree with her position in this situation). She reported that she had a good weekend without me however she has been closed and tight since my return and completely unresponsive to any of my positive overtures. This is her old, pre-tulpamancy, behavior. I had attributed her very positive changes to my tulpas, or to my tulpamancing. So, She has reverted, and my tulpas are silent and I am perplexed. When I shouted at Flora, emerging from the mists in my backyard, to “go back! You are incomplete” and felt very afraid when I saw that she had no eyes, I could have been exposing a deeper negative attitude and is it possible that is blocking their emergence and pushed Nancy back into her previous behavior.  I should add here, that I have been in one kind of therapy since my mid twenty’s and have worked extensively on the physical abuse I suffered at the hands of a mentally disturbed and alcoholic mother. I believed I had dealt with it, and I had forgiven mom before she died at age 91. So is this what is interfering with my efforts. Has this work brought this closer to the surface? It is a hypothesis. Does anyone have any ideas or has had similar disruptions in their process? Thanks. Dr. Bob

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