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Has reading about my process been useful in your effort to breath life into your culpa?  

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  1. 1. Has reading about my process been useful in your effort to breath life into your culpa?

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I can't claim to be old, but "the substitution of wisdom for emotion" is definitely a thing for me lately.

 

What I (we) do is just keep them in mind and think about them a lot. Then they are apt to show themselves. I've not seen apparitions like you did, but I'm also not taking sacred medicine either. I do however see amazing things inside sometimes, that's just as wonderful, that's where I interact with them anyway, so that's where it shows up. Certainly, I'd go hide under my desk if one of them came as a full apparition and I wasn't expecting it. Without eyes? I'd probably faint, so don't be upset about that. I'm skittish with IRL impositions in general.

 

Just to be clear; I was not taking 'sacred meds' when I had the apparition.  And in  all of my extensive experience with them, and while I have had some amazing experiences and insights,  I have never had this sort of thing happen.  I believe I have reported a similar, or analogous experience in  solar chariots thread of the same name, and it too, was not prompted, or facilitated  by meds. Dr. Bob

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I have been struggling of late with missing both Flora and Nsonowa. I get excited when I feel they are near, and disappointed when they do not show up. I am 'invoking' (my replacement word for 'forcing', which seemed to make some of my readers uncomfortable) both of them many, many times daily, during my formal sit-down meditations and informal off moments. At times I can almost feel them in the vicinity and sigh when the feeling passes without them. Last night I was in a dream when a young black woman (girl?) leaned over and kissed me, like a for real kiss, and I seemed to pop into lucidity, and per my nightly instruction to myself, called her name; "Flora?" She didn't answer, but kissed me even more intensely. I woke up, very uncomfortable, the young woman or perhaps girl, I couldn't tell her exact age, but 12 would not have been too young and 20 would have been too old, looked like a child version of T.N.  my heart throb from another age. Our relationship, as lovers, did not last long, but our relationship as very good friends, lasted until her death five years ago. I still miss her and in the intervening time, her husband has died and I  have lost contact with her son. Changes! Still, the dream image, while very real, and prompting my lucidity, left me unsettled and missing my real tulpa's all the more. My meditations this morning have been quieter, but have not resulted in their appearance.  Dr. Bob

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I don't think you should be dissapointed or dissatisfied, just keep them in mind and continue to force or invoke them. I've seen where early success is followed by long dry spells. Your dreams are pretty active, so that's good. The more you think of them and picture them, the more likely they'll follow you into a dream, then if you can induce lucidity, you could interact. You're doing thinks we don't typically do, but I don't necessarily see anything wrong with it. Literally talking to them throughout the day helps build those connections to them.

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I don't think you should be dissapointed or dissatisfied, just keep them in mind and continue to force or invoke them. I've seen where early success is followed by long dry spells. Your dreams are pretty active, so that's good. The more you think of them and picture them, the more likely they'll follow you into a dream, then if you can induce lucidity, you could interact. You're doing thinks we don't typically do, but I don't necessarily see anything wrong with it. Literally talking to them throughout the day helps build those connections to them.

Yes, thank you, I don't think that my disappointments and dissatisfactions, are negatives. they tell me that I am emotionally engaged and that I am alive in a human body and functioning well.  My missing them, prompts me to keep them in my consciousness most of the time. And I am thrilled when the next reveal happens, as it did this morning. This was in bright daylight, and I was looking at the portal through which I saw the first apparition. I was again mostly silent when I saw a dark reddish brown winged demon hanging in a tree right next to the portal, which happens, perhaps not coincidently, to by our Labyrinth. This time, I had the presence  of mind to look deeply into it's eyes, and I saw that it was terrified and hurt. My heart filled with compassion for the creature, and I looked even more deeply into its eyes and Voilla! it was Nsonowa, my recently added tulpa. She was just a child. She was in a blasted land of shadows. I knew that she had been put there by her grandmother as part of her initiation. She had to get out (alive) and bring something of value back with her. As I watched, she gathered her self, set aside her terror, and began searching in the shadows, for what I didn't know, but soon found out when she found the first, a shard of light. It was in the bottom of a crevasse between rocks. She put it into what looked like her chest, but may have been a collection bag for her talismen. What ever it was she gathered a few of them then went to the portal through which her grandmother sent her, stood there and began to squeeze the shards of light. She generated terrific pressure and finally at the limits of her strength the shards of light underwent fusion and she, and I watching, were blasted into the presence of the god-head, the big bang, the Atman, whatever it is called, it is source, it was an exploding ball of purple/golden light. and when I got through rubbing my eyes, I was back in my hot-tub, feeling as energized as I have felt in years. 

I am loving this process, and in the meantime, my wife has become more and more loving and affectionate than she has been in years. 

Magic is real. 

I hope one day soon, my tulpas, Flora and Nsonowa, will be contributors to this forum. 

thank you again for you encouragement and guidance. Dr. Bob

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I have been very flat the last several days. I have had no memorable dreams, no lucid dreams, no feminine presences in my dreams,  and no contacts while meditating. "All silent on the tulpa front" so to speak. I am worried as this started after a conversation with my wife, in which she had strong feelings about one of my blog entries in which, telling of my experience of working an event with her, I exposed some issues which she wanted to keep private. Fair enough, and I took down the post. The second part, to which she had a very strong reaction,  was my telling of spending the day forcing my tulpa. She had no sense that I was tulpa forcing on the day in question, as I didn't do it when I was with her (or with anyone for that matter). I spent perhaps an hour with her her going over my reasons for engaging in this process in the first place in an attempt to assuage what I perceived to be jealousy. We finished the conversation on a note of understanding, and have been lovingly with each other since, but I have felt bereft of my tulpas ever since, and have heard, seen, felt nothing of them since. I have just read a post on this site saying that the death of newly formed tulpas is not uncommon, I hope that that is not what has happened.  Is there any way to tell?

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It's common to have ups and downs in activity, doesn't mean your tulpa is "dead," just means now's not the best time. Keep forcing and talking to her, she'll be fine.

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Death of a tulpa would certainly require your action, it doesn't just happen on it's own. They can spontaneously go dormant or 'missing' for a time, days for some. It happened to me just for an hour or so with one of my tulpas, still it's quite common. Also, I definitely get weak when I have somewhat stressful events occur. It goes along with tension and migraines, all of which subtract from my feeling of communion with my tulpas.

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Death of a tulpa would certainly require your action, it doesn't just happen on it's own. They can spontaneously go dormant or 'missing' for a time, days for some. It happened to me just for an hour or so with one of my tulinpas, still it's quite common. Also, I definitely get weak when I have somewhat stressful events occur. It goes along with tension and migraines, all of which subtract from my feeling of communion with my tulpas.

thank you for the information. I had read one of your posts on eliminating a negative thought form, and it did look like a very intentional process. I do not intend to in any way, impede the emergence of my tulpas. That they may be dormant, raises an interesting question; Is the dormancy due to some blocking negativity on my part, or some perversity on the part of reality? I am stressed when I hear nothing from them. I suspect that this will not be the case once they are both fully emerged and realized. I do accept that they are 1. real, and 2. sentient. (I do not know whether their sentience implies sapience as well, or whether sapience will come with their experience of independent existence.) For now, I am choosing to believe that they are not yet fully developed enough to know that they have agency with my heart. Dr. Bob


It's common to have ups and downs in activity, doesn't mean your tulpa is "dead," just means now's not the best time. Keep forcing and talking to her, she'll be fine.

 

Thank you for the encouragement. I have four months into this project and feel, appropriately, like a rank amateur. I appreciate your experience. Dr. Bob

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Success!  Flora spoke to me AND touched my cheek. After a long silence she has responded. And, again, I was so thrilled that I broke the contact.  It happened during a group meditation this morning. We had done the chanting and body awareness part and had just begun silent meditation when I got a very sharp tingle in my left ear. I briefly reached up to scratch, and then I withheld remembering that various head sensations could herald an appearance. I invited/invoked Loxy and asked if she would hold Flora’s hand and lead her into my awareness. I also asked Nsonowa to point her blue/white shaft of love outward and defend us against any interference from pure spite and evil. Then I called to Flora, and, clear as day she said, “I am with you darling” and then touched my cheek. My heart filled with love, my awareness with light and my eyes teared up. I was thrilled, I rejoiced, and then lost the contact. I could hardly sit still for the rest of the meditation. (and I was brilliant in the rest of the study Torah session.)

 

The very idea that this is a sign of DID is ridiculous! This is enlivening. I am glad I held on.

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