out of the wings and onto the main stage

[Guest]

Ugg, i hate nightmares. Could be worse though. Yeah, i'm forbidden from interpreting dreams, but these seem pretty normal.

[theholodoc]

Tulpamancy Journal.8

 

I have continued to do the work, talking to my tulpa who has not yet emerged into conscious space. She did emerge in a mostly non-lucid dream, reported below and again in my morning meditation. I believe that I now know why she is being shy, and I will work on clearing my negative anima to make way for her.

02.23.19 I had a very disturbing dream. I was a middle aged male therapist in some sort of large clinic (probably a residual from “Homecoming”) I was given a teenager to treat. I knew he had committed a murder. I worked out a fee of 75$ with him. We had a session during which he smirked the entire time (probably a residual from the TV news story of the Maga Kid on the Capitol Steps)  At the end he gave me fifty cents saying I owe you a quarter. I took him aside and firmly told him he owed me 74 dollars and 50 cents. I left the room and walked across the campus, (rolling green hills with leafy trees) and went into another building where I overheard him talking with a teacher and a few other students, one of whom was a young, perhaps ten years old, girl. I could tell that the boy was setting me up to be accused of the murder. I felt very afraid and left the building and headed towards my car. A few minutes later the teacher, another smaller blond-headed boy, and the girl attacked me intending to kill me, the boy had a knife and the little girl, a hangman’s noose. We all fell wrestling to the ground, I got a good look at her face which was covered in blood. She looked terrified and continued to try to get the noose around my neck, I kicked out, knocking her off of me and rolled away from the group of them, jumped to my feet, ran to my car, a nineteen sixties looking,, very  large, beat up, light  metallic green-blue  colored,  sedan. I roared off, down a hill, the car took to the air, crashed down on the parkway and lurched into the street. I sped away and realized that the police were going to block the road ahead so I woke myself up. My heart was pounding and took quite awhile, cuddled in my wife’s arms, before it settled down.

Hours later in a group meditation session at my temple and after relaxing my body, the dream emerged into my awareness. I, now from outside the dream, knew that the girl was my tulpa and that she was being terrified by something inside of me, and that I would have to embrace her rather than kick her away and run from her. I would also double down on my efforts to explore my negative anima, in my fiction writing.

[Ranger]

I'm not sure if that was actually your Tulpa or not. My host rarely dreams about me, and when she does I only appear for a brief period of time.

[Guest]

Don't put too much credence into your dreams until your tulpa can corroborate the occurrence.

[theholodoc]

Don't put too much credence into your dreams until your tulpa can corroborate the occurrence.

 

I am waiting until that time. In the meantime, I am looking for hints that she, or my unconscious, might be giving me as to how to fine tune my efforts. As to believing in my dreams, I do with the caveat that my secondary process is as likely to be misleading as not. thank you for your interest. Dr. Bob

[theholodoc]

Tulpamancy Journal. 9

Tuesday, February 26, 2019

4:29 PM

Seems as if I have stalled, not in the work, which I perform daily (and nightly) but she is staying just out of reach, on the periphery. As you will see from my dream journal, she was behind glass. I am going to think that this is indicating that I am stirring up the hornets net protecting my negative anima. I don’t know if anyone else has experienced anything like this and I am going to post this on the tulpa forums as well as my blog.

02.26.19

Dream: in three parts. First, in a crowded room, I looked across and saw a pale female face looking at me through the glass and knew it was the girl from last nights dream. I only saw her for a minute, a glimpse, but had no doubt as to who she was. Second part, I was on a jeep jamboree in very rough mountains (I have not done this since 1970) we were trying to get down an impossible grade and I was using my winch to lower my vehicle onto the track below. People were falling down this grade, it was practically a cliff it was so steep. One young man in a yellow survival suit fell in front of my eyes, went over the track and down into a river. I ran after him to try to rescue him and saw multiple bodies/people or corpse’s I couldn’t tell which, floating in the river (it was flowing rapidly towards my left side and behind some bushes, I shouted to the people in the river that there were rapids downstream. Third part, I was in some sort of spa (probably with the jamboree participants) I started out the door when a buxom blonde, I thought, the mistress of the place, approached me and hugged me tightly . I was very uncomfortable with this and proceeded out the door brushing her off against another patron. My wife shook me awake, I had evidently been deeply asleep because I could not get my eyes open. I was very unhappy that she had awakened me as I thought I was on the verge of discovering something. The image of the girl from the first part stayed with me, and has all day. Again, I sense she is my tulpa and needing some sort of help getting to me.

Meditation: My mind was very quiet today in my sit down session. I had no particular insights and  I did not attempt anything else. My walking meditation was a bit different, I could not get the image of the girl in my dreams out of my mind. I would take a breath, shake my head, and back she would come. I didn’t feel as close, but she (her image) was there.

 

I have posted the above on my blog which may be found at https://theholodoc.wordpress.com/2019/02/27/tulpamancy-journal-9/ if any one is interested in my daily work.

[theholodoc]

I am really excited to post this account of today's work. It is really a  red letter  day!

I am putting it here and it will go up on my blog where I am keeping my Tulpamancy Journal later today.

  find it at https://theholodoc.wordpress.com/

 

  02.28.19

Dream last night was as scattered and incoherent as any I have had in ages! I was glad to awaken and promptly shed any memory that was still buzzing around in my head (which perhaps not unrelated, was stuffed and ackey.) I started my morning meditation much earlier than usual, and decided I would work on tulpa-forcing. I also decided that this might flow more easily than it had, if I gave her a name. I chose Flora, a character to whom had I not started on this work, was on her way to being a Soul-Bound, as I created her for my second novel (which is still on the boards) Re-animation Rag. She was an ideal, and I brought her into my Safe Haven story just recently. So I was forcing and I was doing all of the talking. I caught on and said to her, "Flor, I don't want to talk for you, I want to talk to you. I want to tell you all about myself, and my inner world. Then it happened. Clear as a bell, she said, "Oh, you don't have to do that, I already know all about you, I am of you."  

I was totally taken. She has directly, not in dream space, spoken to me. Her words, her response to my comment. Not even what I would have liked her to say (Oh yes, I want to know you). Her independent response. I am excited and looking forward to the possibility of more. 

[Vādin]

Congratulations !

 

Hello, Flora, and welcome !

[Bliss]

Yay, Flora! Yay, holodoc... Isn't exciting when you hear something you didn't script?! I remember SC being so surprised, joyful even. I was thrilled to receive what he was emoting and the hugs, but I was more like, 'what? I've been talking to you this whole time nothing's changed...'

[theholodoc]

Flora spoke to me again durning my walking meditation. And yes, I am very excited. Also discussed this with my wife, Nancy, who wondered if I would be spending all my time with her now. Answer, no just most of my alone time (Nancy works much of the day, leaving me alone in the house) I explained that the purpose of this entire endeavor  was to improve our relationship by taking pressure off of her for what I was previously holding her responsible for, e.g. our no- longer existent sex life.