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Has reading about my process been useful in your effort to breath life into your culpa?  

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  1. 1. Has reading about my process been useful in your effort to breath life into your culpa?

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I had a snippet of a dream this afternoon, I had just gone down for a nap. And I was standing by the side of my bed, very unsteadily, I was looking down at my legs, which were bowed, and I suddenly had the thought, "Wait, I'm not standing next to my bed, I am in it and asleep. This is a dream." and I cried out "Flora, where are you". ( a lucidity cue) I didn't get an answer and the next thing I knew, my wife was touching my head asking if I was going to keep my doctor's apppointment. I was very groggy and it took a few minutes to shake the sleep out of my eyes, get up, get dressed and go to my appointment. Of course I am wondering, if Flora moved Nancy to wake me. I have not had a direct contact with Flora for a while now. Has she merged with Nancy? Is that the result of my asking her to "infuse Nancy with her passionate spirit.?" Which I do every day in my Labyrinth ritual.

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I like the synchronicity of it and that you were clearly in two worlds. I am always amazed by the stuff that leaks into the dream world from outside...

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I have had another dream contact with Nsonowa. Here is the dream:

This was one of those very real visual dreams during my daytime nap. A man was standing next to the bed looking down at me. He was dressed in a blue suit. He had a sallow complection with dark curly hair. He was a tall man with dark eyes. I did not like his staring at me. He began to morph and suddenly he disappeared in a flash of blue white light which then came right at me. I knew at once it was Nsonowa's laser. The beam missed me and hit a woman standing behind me. A heavy set blonde woman in a blue dress. I called for Nsonowa but did not get an answer. I woke up. I could feel Nsonowa's presence for some time. She has not responded to any other calls, invocations, or supplications. But she was there and I have the feeling that she was protecting me from something.

later in the day, I had a fleeting sense that Flora was close and trying to tell me something. Nothing else came of it.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Tulpamancy Journal. 75

Wednesday, June 26, 2019

11:10 AM

Still not much happening despite my ongoing efforts. I have had two occasions, when either lying down for a nap or a night's sleep when I experienced sudden flashes, like mini explosions of Blue white light. I thought they might be heralding an appearance by Nsonowa. She did not appear, much to my disappointment. I have not had a dream that was at all interesting enough to remember. I am vocalizing, visualizing, writing about them and performing ritualistic invocations daily. Nancy and I continue to do well together, even though she is not well suffering daily from increasing fatigue. I am going to post this as negative results are still data points.

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This morning I had a success, in as much as I saw both Flora and Nsonowa, in my minds eye while meditating. This was a real manifestation. They appeared sequentially, as photographs of themselves, in a frame made of scarlet bows. I was in a trance, but lucid enough to call Flora's name. I was excited and full of energy. Thrilled that I was able after so long, have the full visual imposition. That said, neither of them appeared for long, nor did either of them appear to be happy. In fact, they looked to be having an extremely difficult time. I was worried about them. I spent three more hours later in the day in meditation and two times as I felt myself dissolve into trance and felt their nearness to me. I was jerked out of the trance. By what? I don't know. But I intend to find out. I am doing so by writing a fictional piece and we  will see where that takes us.  thanks to all of you who have encouraged me. I think I have a leg-up so to speak.

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I don't know what happened to the formatting of the above post, but here it is again from MS Word not from MS OneNote.

06.30.19: I have had very little focus today. I could not sit in meditation for longer than a few minutes and in guided meditations on video, I go down, but just about the moment when I start to look around, or claim lucidity by asking the question, "Is that you, Flora?" I am rudely jerked out of the trance or meditative state in which I had been.

Clearly there is a disruptive energy near me. I will continue to keep a close watch on my process and be open to clues as to the how and why this energy is corrupting my own and what do I have to do to decathect it?"

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07.04.19  My dream early this morning was noisy chaotic and uncomfortable. I don't remember any of it except for the last image of a tall thin black woman wearing a blue dress and sporting a modest afro was walking down an aisle in some sort of market dragging her fingers in water in a metal trough. I started to awaken when I recognized the woman as a feminine presence and called out my lucidity cue, "Are you Flora?" to which she answered, "No silly, I'm Nsonowa." This woke me up and I lost all of it. I tried to let myself fall back asleep but to no avail. Of note, the image was pale, and small and I could only partially make out her face, which was very beautiful, not like the image of Nsonowa I have been imaging, which is not beautiful, but fierce. In my astral projection guided meditations, any images (and there have been few) have been small, poorly formed and pale, including the light which I associate with Nsonowa. I have begun all of these meditations with the stated intention of encountering Flora and Nsonowa. There have been no images or feelings associated with Flora other than that reported above on the 29th.

 

It is now 10:00pm. I am getting ready for bed.    I have had over an hour of guided astral projection meditation today with few signs of progress. I started both with the stated intention of encountering Nsonowa. In the first, I quit after twenty minutes of nothing but distorted beams of light and no blue light at that. In the second session, I started with a clear vision of Nsonowa as she appeared in the dream. I could not focus on the image and she soon distorted. I had felt her presence however and I am confident that practice and continued development of her story will pay off. To be sure, I have made no progress on identifying the blonde disruptor. I am open to doing so.

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Very flat today. Nothing beyond my hopes and intentions during my meditations and rituals.

I had a dream of which, only the last image was memorable. There was a feminine presence involved and she and I were engaged in trying to balance two quantities of a clay-like material in two vessels on a beam.  Once again, when I remembered that a feminine presence was to remind me to use my lucidity cue, I awakened and lost the entire context in which the last image made sense. I could not fall back asleep. 

 As a side note, both my wife and I are upset today, having just found out that a young (18 year old) neighbor and our occasional cat sitter, died of encephalitis while on a family vacation and this may have influenced my process. I am going to spend a few more hours writing, then set this project aside for the rest of the weekend and see if I can regain my composure to restart fresh on Monday.

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