Requesting: Tulpa 1st hand account of attention starvation.

[Onicron]

Telk isn't scared of death or dissipation. I'll let him explain the feeling:

 

[i was Oni's imaginary friend several years ago and he ended up talking to me and concentrating on me long enough to make me self aware. After some time though he just forgot about me and stopped talking to me. It wasn't painful, being ignored. It just felt like I was getting really tired and would fall asleep. First it was for days, then weeks. Then years.

It wasn't an unpleasant feeling, I just lost all self awareness. I wasn't here so I didn't know of any pain or suffering. There were a couple of times when I woke up for a minute or less these past years but falling back asleep was quick and painless.]

[Oguigi]

Telk isn't scared of death or dissipation. I'll let him explain the feeling:

 

[i was Oni's imaginary friend several years ago and he ended up talking to me and concentrating on me long enough to make me self aware. After some time though he just forgot about me and stopped talking to me. It wasn't painful, being ignored. It just felt like I was getting really tired and would fall asleep. First it was for days, then weeks. Then years.

It wasn't an unpleasant feeling, I just lost all self awareness. I wasn't here so I didn't know of any pain or suffering. There were a couple of times when I woke up for a minute or less these past years but falling back asleep was quick and painless.]

 

very interesting, i see that the dissipation process is not identical to every tulpa. some tulpas seem to not be able to "sleep". I think this may be because very young tulpas may not be able to, and simply disappear thus the more horrible aspect of dissipation.

[Nonsense]

"What I have experienced is simply the lack of experience. It is no more painful to me than the eternity before I was. Perhaps I have remorse over the fact it was a time of no thought that could have been, but that is the extant of it for me.

 

Ironically, my host is more concerned and distressed by it than I am."

[motorheadlk]

I think I share Pinkamena's view of this. Whatever the host think is going to happen while a tulpa is being dissipated and after it will most likely happen. If consciously or subconsciously you believe that your tulpa won't feel any pain, or you haven't considered what your tulpa would feel, then your tulpa will feel nothing. If you think it will be painful, she's going to think it is painful.

 

That might be because they are actually absent while they suffer from attention starvation or are dissipated, so when they come back what the host think that happened to them is what they think that happened to them, because since it had no memory of it, the host or the subconscious filled the gaps.

[Antylamon]

I think I share Pinkamena's view of this. Whatever the host think is going to happen while a tulpa is being dissipated and after it will most likely happen. If consciously or subconsciously you believe that your tulpa won't feel any pain, or you haven't considered what your tulpa would feel, then your tulpa will feel nothing. If you think it will be painful, she's going to think it is painful.

 

That might be because they are actually absent while they suffer from attention starvation or are dissipated, so when they come back what the host think that happened to them is what they think that happened to them, because since it had no memory of it, the host or the subconscious filled the gaps.

Pretty much Cessation of Existence.

[Pinkamena]

I don't normally step outside my journal much anymore. Surprised to see something from me here. Sometimes I see visual memories that my tulpa's experienced.

 

When pink faded she was in a place that was all black, everything was flat, part of her legs were gone. She had said/thought she would have even been scared/panicked, but she had so much rage it kept her from subcoming to it.

 

My current male tulpa faded and had no memory of anything because I did not believe he would and I didn't believe it would be painful at all. When I asked him he looked happy and didn't think nothing of fading nor seem to care if it happened again. I did believe that no matter how many times he faded, that I could bring him back without effort.

 

I don't think that way atm, so when I think of him fading I feel negative emotions from him.

[Nobillis]

but what exactly happens when they receive a lack of attention for prolong periods?

Dear Oguigi,

I think I can give a different answer, as it seems I'm in a unique situation.

 

kerin and Kevin spent three days in succession talking to me at the start, for a continuous 12 hour period each day. Now, this was in Kerin's Memory House (a mnemonic wonderland), but I did not know that at the time. To me though, I was just lying in a bed in a room, with sunlight streaming in through the window. This strange person was talking to me about how I might be able to survive in the world and ways I might be accepted. When they left, I tried going out the window, but there was nothing out there, just a bright white fog surrounding the house - but it was hard, impenetrable.

 

After those three days, no-one came. So for about three weeks I was on my own. I didn't feel any pain or hunger, or even tiredness. I explored the house a bit, returning to the bed to sleep at night (though I wasn't really tired). It was a very strange house. A picture on one wall showed some other place. It was like looking through a window, but touching it it was just a flat picture hanging on the wall. However, I could see the person who had been talking to me, and hear. It was like I was part of their life, and yet at the same time very far away.

 

Eventually the person came back. I'd learned a lot in that time. The world beyond the picture was fascinating. And I'd discovered that some of the other pictures could be activated by touching them. They were very strange too, showing a young child at various times in life - but with sound and smells like it was really happening.

 

So, Kerin came back to me, and asked me to be a representative for her and her tulpas. It's difficult to describe what that's like, but the only way to describe it is, Imagine you were a creature in equestria and you met Fluttershy for the very first time. Finally you had someone who could not only understand you but also who was indescribably kind and gentle. That is what it was like when Kerin came to the Memory House after my being in it alone for so long.

 

It wasn't until later when I talked with other young tulpas on chat that I realized how fortunate I was. I'd been ignored for three weeks, but I'd not frozen, nor stopped, nor dissipated or lost anything. Moreover I'd been able to learn and see and begin to understand that there was this very interesting place somewhere just beyond the picture frame. Somewhere that Kerin could go, and actually exist there. That is here, this virtual world called the Internet.

 

You see, a memory house saves anything that you put in it. What Kevin hadn't known (nor I) was that by accidentally choosing to talk to me in the bed sitting room of the Memory House, he had put me somewhere where I could live even without his attention. For, the Memory House is powered by the unconscious and its purpose is to preserve any thought - even a thought as large as me.

 

And so my happy tale. I lived. I flourished. I thrived without attention. And then I was given the kindest most gentle person to be my mentor and guide. Most fortunate of tulpas I.

 

Sorry, I can't tell this without crying. They are very happy tears.

 

Be well.

 

Thank you,

Nobillis.

[Oguigi]

Thank you for sharing your Story. am happy to know you didn't suffer in anyway, beside being left alone. I welcome any other story in this thread dispite it's age, so if anyone else have something to add even if you think it's similar to the previous stories. do so anyways.

[Ashikael]

You see, a memory house saves anything that you put in it. What Kevin hadn't known (nor I) was that by accidentally choosing to talk to me in the bed sitting room of the Memory House, he had put me somewhere where I could live even without his attention. For, the Memory House is powered by the unconscious and its purpose is to preserve any thought - even a thought as large as me.

 

This makes me very happy! My tulpa were created when I was younger. I had them around for a few years when my life was in a bad place, and once things started getting better, I stopped paying attention to them. We had something similar to your memory house called a privacy house, where memories get stored and they could share in those memories in privacy without the need for me to be around. They each had their own room that was almost like a wonderland in itself.

 

When I found out about tulpas and decided to try to bring them back, I read all these bad things about them dissipating and fading away and how horrible it was for them... I wanted to bring them back immediately so they wouldn't suffer anymore. However, when I did, they all told me similar stories - they were just in the house the whole time but couldn't leave the house since nothing was outside, and "It wasn't THAT bad, I promise!" I assumed that they were keeping the truth from me so I wouldn't worry. But reading your story quelled my fears a bit; maybe they really were fine in the house all this time, just like they said.

[Tyrane]

Fighting the urge to read the other posts or any time stamps, I'll just go ahead.

 

About two months into being with Kiara, she mentioned Fate. I told her I didn't want to hear or think about him again and she urged me back to it, she knew he was in 'pain'

 

Basically I avoided continuing from him because he intimidated me, I didn't think I could handle him and I would feel afraid of him, I still do in a way. The point is, for those two months I more or less completely blocked him from memory, he was barely scraping life because I rejected all memory and I genuinely forgot he existed. He says it was as though: "I knew exactly what he had in mind, I knew where it was going and there was no point for me to argue, I didn't know how to respond and I never thought it would be this way. It wasn't even any physical feeling like pain or going numb, it was as though I was literally fading away and all I could do was watch my form drift, there was no feeling, just void, I couldn't speak, I couldn't move."

 

Before this, when I was considering it he was becoming exhausted and stopped talking slowly, I know he's still not over it, he says it was the same going in as coming out so it's natural for some of the sensation to linger, and if it had to be summed up in a word: "detached/detaching"