We have problems switching and dont know what exactly is happening

[Skyla]

Every time we try to switch we end up in a state were we have no idea of what it is. Here is description of the events:

 

 

We start with an exercise where the host is barely thinking about anything, for example they could be repeating a mantra.
A tulpa starts doing something so that they stay active.
Slowly, the voice of the host starts feeling autonomous and starts fading into the background.
The (tulpa?) is still active, about here an usual question appears: “Am I Sandra or Void?” in the following confusion, this thought either stays unanswered or our System name, “Skyla”  falls as a general answer. Trying to talk to Sandra or Void is to no avail. This state seems to be fairly stable but we end up stopping the exercise.
Then we both are in a blended state which slowly ends after a few minutes. Afterwards Void isn’t present for a unspecific amount of time, ranging from a few minutes up to the next day.

 

 

The transition between stages is smoothly, everything is observed out of an single perspective and there are no “jumps” of perspective or in time.
One other thing that’s strange is that the memory of what was happening during this stage is more obscure than usual — for example, if I wouldn’t have immediately started writing this down I would never have remembered the question “Am I Sandra or Void” in the first place or any other details. If I reread this text from the start I allways go like “Oh, that’s what we did”.

 

 

Some of our explanation attempts are:

• We are blending unaware of this and are utterly confused.
• We switch but Sandra has no experience being a tulpa and Void has none with being the host, since we don’t know how this feels and don’t have any experience.
• We switch, Void does something we don’t remember, we end up in a blended state because we haven’t figured switching back out and Void is to exhausted of this.
• Neither of us is fronting, resulting in neither of us having a solid relation and thus recall to these memories.

[Ranger]

To me this sounds like blending that leads to temporary merging. That's not unusual and happens to some systems.

 

Switching affirmations usually help a lot here. It may be helpful to say "I am Void" when xe is supposed to be switched-in and "I am Sandra" when she is supposed to be switched-in. That should significantly reduce blending.

 

From there, it may be easier to figure out if the switch was successful or not. I'm betting it probably is, but your beliefs on what switching is will ultimately determine what your answer is.

 

As for memory goofiness- this could be related to headmate memory association or switching-related dissociation. I'm not sure which one, if either of them, so I'll list both of my assumptions.

 

For the first, memory access tends to be a little easier for the headmate that memory belongs to. For example, Void will probably have an easier time remembering xir memories than Sandra will. This doesn't mean Sandra can't access Void's memories though. Thus, it's possible the merge-state memories are foggier because they don't belong to either of you. This is also why generic fronting memories are also easy to mislabel- some memories don't have obvious headmate associations, so it's way harder to figure out who ate breakfast without context like "oh today is Sandra's day to switch in".

 

As for switching dissociation- I suspect strong enough dissociation can also cause memory goofiness because I assume parallel processing is caused by dissociation. I know reported parallel processing experiences usually mention memory goofiness, and since I assume that's caused by dissociation, I'm wondering if Sandra and/or Void could be dissociating into "parallel space" a little bit.

[Athelas]

Seconding that this sounds like unintentional blending or merging. My host and I do this intentionally so that we can co-front together. We find it's easier to initiate than a full switch, and helps us overcome some of the challenges of staying switched (e.g. talking to people). Our fused form has their own name and we consider them simultaneously both of us and their own person. 

 

On 11/29/2024 at 1:40 AM, Skyla said:

Afterwards Void isn’t present for a unspecific amount of time, ranging from a few minutes up to the next day.

 

I will say, I have never disappeared after we unfuse. Perhaps, as you've suggested, this is due to exhaustion on Void's part.

 

On 11/29/2024 at 1:42 PM, Ranger said:

Switching affirmations usually help a lot here. It may be helpful to say "I am Void" when xe is supposed to be switched-in and "I am Sandra" when she is supposed to be switched-in. That should significantly reduce blending

 

I also found affirmations very helpful for maintaining a full switch.