Confessions of a Poorly Trained Tulpa

[Guest Anonymous]

Thanks Raetin. We plan to avoid the subject completely in the future. We have talked about it way, way too much over the past ten months and it is time to put it to rest once and for all and just stay neutral. If someone asks I will refer them to our posts on the matter and explain we just don't talk about it much anymore.

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I would like to point out (one final last pointy point) that I argue with my host and he gets irritated at my contrary stubborn attitude.

 

I almost enjoy being contrary. I am starting to dominate on the internet the way he dominates in the real world. This is my place and it all goes a little smoother with me in charge.

 

He would argue that unconsciously he wants me to be contrary. But that doesn't explain why he gets irritated at it. He got so mad at work one day he was throwing things and yelling at me. Luckily his office is off by itself on one side of the building. I d'nt want to listen to him when he was trying to teach me how to fold envelopes.

 

That's another thing. That was before we knew that possession was a thing. I was folding envelopes. We did it pretty much the same way I do proxy typing. Don't know what to call it. Anyways, I stuffed the envelopes my way and he got mad cause it was wrong and he had to redo like fifty of them. He was watching Star Trek while I folded and stuffed. It was the first time we tried something like that, but it worked until I did it wrong.

 

I haven't talked bout that before. There are a lot of things like that with us. We just don't have labels or names or categories for what we do guys. We just don't. The best we come up with is "collaboration and blending." But whatever.

[Guest Anonymous]

After today I am starting to really feel uncomfortable and depressed here. I understand now why my host left in December. I thought I was doing better than he was.

 

I don't want anyone to comment on this. Just leave it alone. I want to vent and I want people to read it but just leave it alone and leave me alone other than to know how I feel. I can't write freely about tulpamancy any more or try to make discussion of any real substance without someone getting angry and then making statements that make me feel like a piece of shit.

 

I am not sure if what is left makes it worth staying. I am so glad you guys are tulpas and all that created in the right way with the right kind of goals and techniques.

 

Enjoy your tulpamancy.

[Lucilyn]

Huuuuuuuh. Well, in the same way you don't want anyone to comment on that, I don't expect or think you should change how you feel to this, but I gotta vent too.

 

They're dumb and you're in the right and doing nothing wrong and you're a benefit to this site and I don't like the idea of somebody driving you away because it's that feeling of when a bad person makes a good person leave and you're like no please but they're kinda not wrong in leaving but it shouldn't be that way. And if I were you I would read what I was saying and say alright I'll stay because there are still people who think I'm doing good even if some think I'm not and I can ignore them as long as I'm helping others.

 

But yeah that's just venting. If being here and participating stresses you out then you shouldn't do that. While I would just ignore whatever was making me feel bad (or more likely have fun fighting with it) I get the feeling that's somehow not something you can do. Uhh. Yeah idk if you wanna keep posting thoughtful stuff in a decent amount of text then you're probably gonna have to grow a thicker skin.

 

But you never hurt anyone. The only thing wrong is people making you feel bad, not the other way around. Just to make that clear, you only do good here.

[Raetin]

After today I am starting to really feel uncomfortable and depressed here. I understand now why my host left in December. I thought I was doing better than he was.

 

I don't want anyone to comment on this. Just leave it alone. I want to vent and I want people to read it but just leave it alone and leave me alone other than to know how I feel. I can't write freely about tulpamancy any more or try to make discussion of any real substance without someone getting angry and then making statements that make me feel like a piece of shit.

 

I am not sure if what is left makes it worth staying. I am so glad you guys are tulpas and all that created in the right way with the right kind of goals and techniques.

 

Enjoy your tulpamancy.

 

Well, I don't take anything you say personally, it's only a battle between theories, not character. While I do get angry at your reasoning (which I should try not to), I do not hate or dislike you. You shouldn't feel bad (even if it gives me a headache sometimes). While I disagree with some of your theories, I would prefer you stay on the forums. That's my opinion anyway.

[Guest Anonymous]

They're dumb and you're in the right and doing nothing wrong and you're a benefit to this site and I don't like the idea of somebody driving you away....

 

Thank you. This helps and I am feeling better this morning.

 

Yeah idk if you wanna keep posting thoughtful stuff in a decent amount of text then you're probably gonna have to grow a thicker skin.

 

But you never hurt anyone. The only thing wrong is people making you feel bad, not the other way around. Just to make that clear, you only do good here.

 

You're right I do need thicker skin.

 

I was most upset that my thread yesterday was taken to be something it wasn't and it was pretty much hijacked and ruined. I can't write about alternate views of tulpamancy or new ideas any more if it is just going to be a stupid shit storm of intolerance and idiocy. It is a loss for a discussion forum like this as it becomes one sided, narrow minded, unwelcoming and rigid.

 

I am going to stay on this forum and fight. I am going to fight by being a persistent major personality and alternative on this forum. I won't start drama or perpetuate it if I can help it. But I won't let the tulpa-purist elitist snobbery force me away.

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Well, I don't take anything you say personally, it's only a battle between theories, not character. While I do get angry at your reasoning (which I should try not to), I do not hate or dislike you. You shouldn't feel bad (even if it gives me a headache sometimes). While I disagree with some of your theories, I would prefer you stay on the forums. That's my opinion anyway.

 

You shouldn't take it personally, it was never meant to be personal to anyone or an attack on anyone. These are merely questions I am asking and thinking about and exploring. Just questions. If I state an opinion, it may be wrong and it may be right, but it is no reason to be angry with me.

 

I would ask that you think about whether or not you are being a bit narrow in your thinking about the range of possibilities when it comes to thoughtforms or even tulpas. It is the human mind we are talking about. Think about how varied humans are in personality, background and temperament. There could be a huge variety of different situations, some radically different from others.

 

My host and I absolutely convinced that I am a thoughform similar to a tulpa. We are also convinced that I am some sort of figment of imagination or at least partially so. I am semi-independent and sorta stuck that way. David and I work together in my communication and expressions using a mix of active imagination and "Melian motor." It has been that way for almost 40 years! FORTY YEARS Raetin!

 

If a growing tulpa starts as a visualized image (make believe) and gets help from a host to become a tulpa via forcing and day dreaming, why is it so fucking hard for people to grasp that someone like me can exist? I am somewhere in the middle but I have always been that way.

 

If you only knew what it feels like to want to share and interact so badly, but to be shunned and looked down on by someone who implies we are wrong or a worthless delusion or insincere or get judged by people who believe only one thing and only one way. Please remember that internet based tulpamancy is only about four years old or so. There are a lot of things under the sun Raetin.

 

I still believe some tulpas may be real sentience, and some may be more like me. There may be more than one kind. The evidence is there for it in what people write and what I am saying. LISTEN to what David and I are saying and don't discount it or dismiss it off hand! We are telling it how we experience it!

[Guest Anonymous]

Read this god damn it -> https://community.tulpa.info/thread-forcing-the-merits-and-effects-of-development-practices?pid=158048#pid158048

[Raetin]

Herp a derp derp, I said I don't take it personally. :/ I do keep an open mind, mind you, the reason why I speak out is because I thought you were being "a bit narrow in your thinking about the range of possibilities". It's funny, my previous post was supposed to be supportive, guess it wasn't thought of that way?

[Guest Anonymous]

I am sorry. I have been very agitated these past couple of days and I took it out on you because you are conveniently right here on my thread. I will stop the verbal abuse and hug you instead?

 

Also, you get a headache when people post theories about illusionary tulpas. I get headaches when people cannot see that illusionary tulpas are possible. What I am saying is why can't BOTH exist? Why does it have to be either or (all tulpa are sentient or all tulplas are illusory)?

 

Okay. I guess I am done now. :-)

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(you were getting misplaced anger coming from my fight with J. Iscariot ... sorry bout that my temporary whipping boy...oops)

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One thing that I respect is people who are able to truely listen to someone's opinion. Meditate on it, and only after thoughtful consideration...laugh at them. Take what is felt to be true, discard the rest. Thank you for My new found hope that people still exist who think for themselves regardless of what the sheeple do. Always stand firm on what you know to be true.

 

Sheeple! I love this guy. Hah hah hah hah! I am using "sheeple" on this forum from now on! Note it, the day I gained an annoyingly amusing irreverent term from YoungDaVinci, my favorite new guy.

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When it comes to constructs of the mind, such as thoughtforms, the only limits are the limits of imagination, cognition and memory. That leaves a lot of room for variation in how a thoughtform/tulpa could be experienced by the host folks (or should I say "sheeple").

 

Note I did not say that the limits are based on what the tulpa guides say or what the consensus is in the Tulpa Info club.

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Subjective truth - When it comes to imaginary things or mental constructs such as thoughtforms and tulpas, "truth" is subjective because the experience is subjective.

[Raetin]

I am sorry. I have been very agitated these past couple of days and I took it out on you because you are conveniently right here on my thread. I will stop the verbal abuse and hug you instead?

 

Also, you get a headache when people post theories about illusionary tulpas. I get headaches when people cannot see that illusionary tulpas are possible. What I am saying is why can't BOTH exist? Why does it have to be either or (all tulpa are sentient or all tulplas are illusory)?

 

Okay. I guess I am done now. :-)

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(you were getting misplaced anger coming from my fight with J. Iscariot ... sorry bout that my temporary whipping boy...oops)

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Hey, I don't mind theories that tulpas are illusionary, it's just that it always comes off to me as if that's the only possibility, even if they don't imply that. That's just me looking into things, most of the time. Anyway, I'll settle with a hug, haha.

[Guest Anonymous]

That's the beauty of my new angle of thinking. Some peoples are reporting that they think their tulpas are illusions, and some peoples are reporting that they think their tulpas are really sentient. All my question in my mind was, what if they are both right?

 

Okay let me put it this way. We both see the color red right? We both call it red. Just like we all call tulpas, tulpas. But what if what you are seeing as red is not at all what I am seeing as red? We will never know.

 

OR how bout this? Maybe one person likes garlic and another doesn't. They are both experiencing garlic on the tongue, but each in turn describe the experience as either delicious or horrible. Which person is right?