Confessions of a Poorly Trained Tulpa

[Dracky]

I check the forum often, sometimes several times in a day, and I'm open to offering advice and sharing my experience with people who are just starting out. Having said that, I'm extremely shy to the point that its hard for me to make idle conversation, so I tend to just read rather than commenting mostly.

 

I do agree with Anderson that the majority of people who start this process don't realize the commitment they're making, and start off without realizing how much time and effort it takes to make any progress. I mean, I was at it for a year before I got a clear response from my tulpa, and -while that's partially because I'm a horrible procrastinator with zero work ethic- it's also because making a tulpa is a lot of work, and it's very easy to get discouraged when you realize that it isn't easy/instantaneous.

[Guest Anonymous]

I check the forum often, sometimes several times in a day, and I'm open to offering advice and sharing my experience with people who are just starting out. Having said that, I'm extremely shy to the point that its hard for me to make idle conversation, so I tend to just read rather than commenting mostly.

 

I wonder how many "lurkers" there are out there? That's it, I am making a poll to see how many. All the lurkers have to do is click a vote. It could be totally anonymous.

---

I do agree with Anderson that the majority of people who start this process don't realize the commitment they're making, and start off without realizing how much time and effort it takes to make any progress. I mean, I was at it for a year before I got a clear response from my tulpa, and -while that's partially because I'm a horrible procrastinator with zero work ethic- it's also because making a tulpa is a lot of work, and it's very easy to get discouraged when you realize that it isn't easy/instantaneous.

 

Uhm, it took me like four years to get a semi-autonomous thoughtform. I am still tulpa-lite 35 years later. (too much puppeting) Four years of obsessive extreme day dreaming just to get that limited voice!

[Pioneer11]

Uhm, it took me like four years to get a semi-autonomous thoughtform. I am still tulpa-lite 35 years later. (too much puppeting) Four years of obsessive extreme day dreaming just to get that limited voice!

 

You are not alone. I’ve been unconsciously tulpaforcing since I was a child. After more than twenty years of continued interaction, I’m undecided if he is indeed is a tulpa or not. Now that’s an idea for a thread: finding out what we are doing wrong.

[Guest Anonymous]

 

You are not alone. I’ve been unconsciously tulpaforcing since I was a child. After more than twenty years of continued interaction, I’m undecided if he is indeed is a tulpa or not. Now that’s an idea for a thread: finding out what we are doing wrong.

 

I finally realized it is the fact that I still actively day dream about Melian that "limits" her. The very thing that created her actually keeps her where she is at. She will forever be partly day dream star, partly "enhanced imaginary friend" (thoughtform) and partly method acting (as an aspect of proxy typing).

 

Once I realized that fact and accepted it, Melian and I began considering an attempt to create a tulpa from scratch without active day dreaming. In other words, focus on visualizing the form without deliberately puppeting or parroting it. So we have embarked on our very first tulpa creation journey. We are creating .. Yoda! LOL

 

EDIT: It does help knowing I am not the only one with this sort of history. Thank you so much Pioneer 11.

[Sock]

I actually wanted to mention something in regards to wonderlands.

 

I actually think they're ridiculously under-utilized. As it's been said in earlier posts, wonderlands seem to be mainly used for playing at best. At worst, they seem to be little more than simple backdrops. I think this is a huge shame, especially considering things like the journey method have proven such a thing can be very useful for daily life. For the most part, they're very seldom spoken of in any serious way, the potential symbolism they hold, which I myself have been witness to, seems to be something largely brushed under the rug in the tulpa community. They seem to be little more than elaborate playsets...and assuming some folks treat their thought folk like toys, I guess it's kind of appropriate.

 

That thought brings me to another one: I think part of the issue with people not having much to say, stems from how incredibly narrow folks can be around these parts. The tulpa exercise was not formed inside a vacuum, but one would not know that going by how folks talk here. Anything not directly related to tulpa seems to be either ignored, or viewed incredulously, and it's something that became clear as day to me when I left the community for a while, and did some personal research on other manifestations of the phenomenon. Because the user base tends to be so rigid in its thinking at times, things that are actually decently documented and studied outside the community, seem to be total mysteries when inside. The community's terminology is a mess, being both vague and strangely rigid at the same time, which doesn't really help with things at all, either. And the cherry on top of all this is the rather common vibe of "knowing", a strange certainty that some folks have that the phenomenon will always adhere to a certain rule set that's has been defined by a pair of guides three years ago. With that knowing, comes a sense of pride, and with that pride, comes belligerence to anything that comes even close to going against those "rules". The result of all this is a strangely isolationist community that at its worst can seem almost dogmatic.

 

I mean, while I mentioned the journey method above, I actually had to go outside the community to really learn much about it, and how people used it. Considering the "wonderland", I would assume there would be more mention and discussion of it, but I've yet to see much beyond its use as a storage area and playground.

 

Of course, I will admit that my view on the uses of imagination seem a bit different in ways than some others. Rather than just absorb myself in it for fun like some, or completely toss it aside like others, I've been trying to use my imagination to improve my outward life, and to better understand myself, which is generally the sort of thing I bring in my PR. This drive to use the imagination as a highly useful tool may be why I think seeing it used simply as a distraction bothers me.

 

I've noticed the issue of no-one speaking about anything month back, mentioning it in one of the meta-threads, referring to it as a void. While folks were still riled up about undesirables, possible role-players, and PRs that were too bloggy, my concern and view was always to this void, as I felt that was the thing that would truely be the downfall of the community, especially if said void was filled with idle posting of general goofery. Back then, and still now, what always shocked me was when I mentioned this idea to folks in authority, and their general response seemed to be "It can't be helped". It was like if solving and issue didn't involve text-based combat, nothing could be done about it. So, from that viewpoint, it's rather nice seeing a thread like this, as it means someone else noticed. (Which it isn't hard to. Even if Mistgod didn't have a chunk of posts related to irc-drama, he would still be the most active and prolific poster outside of newbies. And the art section would be like a long abandoned building if I, Steek, and Mist weren't posting there.)

[Guest Anonymous]

@Sushi, NoneFromHell, Pioneer11, Anderson, Nyx, AracnidsGrip/Rick, Aijada, Dracky, and Sock

 

Thanks for proving me wrong and making me look like an ass for saying I am the only one writing. I love it!

 

@Sock

 

Your comments were eloquent, inspiring and insightful and from a fresh perspective, as always! Thank you very much! Now, how do we solve The Void? I have agreed that some necroposting of older, more interesting topics, that newbies have not read yet, might stir things a bit and also allowing tulpas to write about their lives in tulpa blogs (not silly useless shit-posting, but tulpa perspectives and experiences).

---

I actually wanted to mention something in regards to wonderlands.

 

I actually think they're ridiculously under-utilized. As it's been said in earlier posts, wonderlands seem to be mainly used for playing at best. At worst, they seem to be little more than simple backdrops. I think this is a huge shame, especially considering things like the journey method have proven such a thing can be very useful for daily life. For the most part, they're very seldom spoken of in any serious way, the potential symbolism they hold, which I myself have been witness to, seems to be something largely brushed under the rug in the tulpa community. They seem to be little more than elaborate playsets...and assuming some folks treat their thought folk like toys, I guess it's kind of appropriate.

 

This is an interesting angle! Perhaps an attempt to explore the utilization and application of wonderlands would be a fresh area for the forum! I love it a lot! There is so much to write about here!

 

In Melian's wonderland, for instance, her dreamscape mansion is a figment of my recurring dreams and always has been. It has a lot of symbology to it and I believe it represents aspects of my unconscious.

---

That thought brings me to another one: I think part of the issue with people not having much to say, stems from how incredibly narrow folks can be around these parts. The tulpa exercise was not formed inside a vacuum, but one would not know that going by how folks talk here. Anything not directly related to tulpa seems to be either ignored, or viewed incredulously, and it's something that became clear as day to me when I left the community for a while, and did some personal research on other manifestations of the phenomenon. Because the user base tends to be so rigid in its thinking at times, things that are actually decently documented and studied outside the community, seem to be total mysteries when inside. The community's terminology is a mess, being both vague and strangely rigid at the same time, which doesn't really help with things at all, either. And the cherry on top of all this is the rather common vibe of "knowing", a strange certainty that some folks have that the phenomenon will always adhere to a certain rule set that's has been defined by a pair of guides three years ago. With that knowing, comes a sense of pride, and with that pride, comes belligerence to anything that comes even close to going against those "rules". The result of all this is a strangely isolationist community that at its worst can seem almost dogmatic.

 

I noticed this the first week in the forum and talked about it as "tulpa heresy," "paranoia" and "pseudo-religion" and was slapped down very hard. I wish I had been as eloquent as you are in phrasing this back then. I came in from that "outside" with crazy ideas that weren't in the guides.

[FadingSpectrum]

Troy: I believe that there are also those such as us who are mildly intimidated by the thought of being ostracized if we happened to post something that the community viewed as "controversial" or not a part of general tulpamancing doctrine. Not everyone has a thick skin. Fade has hesitated in allowing us to speak on here as she is not sure if we would sound stupid or if we could actually say something of value.

And also, few in here like the idea of saying something that will get us branded a "special snowflake" and beat upon for it. While I would say the forum is better than the IRC, it still does not feel wholly friendly.

 

How funny. I mean, we are in a place where people are, essentially, bringing imaginary friends to life in their head. A strict doctrine just does not work, as everyone's experience with their head friends are different.

Not to mention that while this site claims to be "scientific", I have yet to see much that is not psuedoscience or psychology-based guessing anyway... The closest thing we have to "scientific" evidences are polls that show how many of us fit into particular categories or carry out particular practices.

 

As to wonderlands; I too feel as if they are barely utilized. For us, our mindscape is our home, and it reacts to us. We shape it, we live in it, it has an area for our collective memory, and we have an area that represents the "front". Ours is an expansive place and provides the place where we have our meaningful interactions. It is so useful. Why is it that next to make important note of or elsewise use theirs?

[Guest Anonymous]

Troy: I believe that there are also those such as us who are mildly intimidated by the thought of being ostracized if we happened to post something that the community viewed as "controversial" or not a part of general tulpamancing doctrine. Not everyone has a thick skin. Fade has hesitated in allowing us to speak on here as she is not sure if we would sound stupid or if we could actually say something of value.

 

I have seen people completely shouted down and intimidated on their first few posts on this forum. It is a terrible way to treat someone new or different. It is so unfortunate that this forum has somehow fostered that atmosphere.

 

And also, few in here like the idea of saying something that will get us branded a "special snowflake" and beat upon for it. While I would say the forum is better than the IRC, it still does not feel wholly friendly.

 

If I hear the term "special snowflake" being used against someone again, I swear to god I am going postal. LOL It's a stupid term that basically means you are not allowed to think outside narrow parameters or have traits outside of the box. It is supposed to mean you are trying to get attention upon yourself by being pretentious, but it is used more widely as a weapon to force dogmatic conformity.

 

How funny. I mean, we are in a place where people are, essentially, bringing imaginary friends to life in their head. A strict doctrine just does not work, as everyone's experience with their head friends are different.

 

You are on a roll! YES!!!

 

Not to mention that while this site claims to be "scientific", I have yet to see much that is not psuedoscience or psychology-based guessing anyway... The closest thing we have to "scientific" evidences are polls that show how many of us fit into particular categories or carry out particular practices.

 

There is hope for more science in the works, which is great. But it is not the type of thing that is easily measured or quantified empirically. I am afraid, it may forever be at best a soft science psychological phenomenon that is frustratingly subjective.

 

As to wonderlands; I too feel as if they are barely utilized. For us, our mindscape is our home, and it reacts to us. We shape it, we live in it, it has an area for our collective memory, and we have an area that represents the "front". Ours is an expansive place and provides the place where we have our meaningful interactions. It is so useful. Why is it that next to make important note of or elsewise use theirs?

 

I like this idea of focusing more on wonderlands. We talk a lot about tulpas, but not as much about wonderlands. What about Jungian archetypes and things like that? Are there aspects of our wonderlands that can be related to Jungian psychology or even dream interpretation? I wonder.

[Brassow]

Not to be THAT guy, but one of my favorite users to talk/listen to (Cinemaphobe) was driven off by you. A lot of people didn't like how you acted and how tolerant staff was of you. You were considered a Fede 2.0 with differing ideals from the majority of the community, and the ability to annoy the hell out of it.

 

But overall, I've noticed this too. People come, they go, yadda yadda. When I asked Kiah about this (when he was still staff), the forum is still growing. So despite people leaving the community, more are coming to take their place. But nobody's taking my seat. I've got a butt print and everything on this seat.

[Aijada]

While we're talking about people who were driven off by challenging opinions, i'm sad we lost Amber/Toby for the same reason.