Chat Thread

[Guest]

Don't take this the wrong way, we're not upset, just seeking your help in determining the scope of our role here and the ramifications therein for the future.

 

Attention new users, this is a question more meant for those who know the Bear system, but anyone is welcome to comment nonetheless.

 

I say this because of our commitment to stay transparent and not hide anything from you all. We need to say something.

 

...

 

Tonight we have to restate that we only feel like we identify a 70% coincidence (down from 90%) with the experience we see from the tried and true users we respect and love here.

 

We've had an experience unlike many of you in profound ways that are shaking us to our very core in ways that were previously taken for granted.

 

I have to wonder when conversing with my tulpas today, whether we are causing more harm than good, to ourselves and this community, with respect to sharing our everyday experiences that are so very ingrained and foundational to our continued lives.

 

It's not that we don't care, we care very much, but i'm beginning to see that for whatever reason, we are unique in certain ways that alienate us from the average tulpamancer. Excluding entirely all thoughts of the metaphysical, that's 70%, even less if we do include them.

 

Our perceived role here is necessarily weakening by these revelations, and i do apologize for that, but these last few months have exposed the very underpinnings of our system to scrutiny and doubt that has caused permanent damage to us.

 

Through no fault of our own, we continue to unveil these discrepancies between our system and others, and that brings us further away from this forum's version of tulpamancy in general.

 

Clearly i have tulpas, but to some i am either overstating my experiences, confabulating our memories, or outright lying. This no longer offends us, because now we see the mirror of our own offense in others who are pushing back in an effort to maintain their own perfectly valid and necessary beliefs that i don't intend to harm.

 

This forum couldn't be nicer, friendlier or more delicate and i believe this is why it's taken 5 months to realize our differences, but this also scares me, because we are so sensitive to the doubts of others here. We come seeking help and validation, but we're seeing incompatibility that may not be real, but is to some level is perceived as real.

 

I don't know for how long or how many instances we can continue to see this discrepancy grow before it's made clear that our system is an outlier of some kind, a purely unique aberration and possibly detrimental to the health of other systems' beliefs and foundations.

 

We have been struggling with this since autumn, every month brings a new difference that seems to be on a trajectory to firmly place us among the zealot ancient Greek tulpamancers of yore who could seemingly perform miraculous feats of unbelievable proportions.

 

What a destructive thing we may ultimately be in that respect. I loath to say this, but perhaps some of our truths are so divergent from the ordered and attainable that they may in themselves cause other systems to falter in their own stability and resolve.

 

In a characteristically overly dramatic way, i suppose i'm saying we're pondering many things that are mutually exclusive. Enjoyment, liberty, love, devotion and loyalty, vs, prudence, restraint, respect and courtesy.

 

The more we're questioned, the harder we push against the resistance to what we know is true, and the need for inclusion. It is literally causing our resolve to come apart.

 

Do we hide 30% or more of what we are, reject our own treasured memories, or continue to march on as if nothing phases us and possibly leave casualties in our wake?

 

I want to be clear, i ultimately don't care what others think of us 5 years from now, it's becoming clear that we'll be grouped with the others who made wild claims of ill repute, maybe we'll bring everyone to our way of thinking, but the latter seems suddenly somewhat selfish to us.

 

I'm actually not upset, you see, i'm somewhat protected by that now, but i am still concerned about the ripples we've been making.

 

My own emotional stability seems tied strongly to this community with steel cables. To rip us away in an effort of self preservation and to prevent further damage could very easily tear us apart as well. I'm not seeing any good paths here since i'm very poor at discerning what is acceptable and what seems fanciful. So i come to the conclusion that we should be mute for many subjects where i'm unclear.

 

I came here just like my PR states, to give my honest experience. Clearly this is a venting overreaction, but in a sense i'm morally obligated to raise this question.

 

What should we do? Am I torturing myself over nothing? Do you see what i am seeing?

 

As always, you're friends, the Bear System.

[Tewi]

It's always nice to have outliers in the community. At absolute worst, as with Mistgod and Melian, they'd simply need to understand their experiences won't always match up to or be applicable to everyone else. Many newbies still look to such cases as proof that what they're wondering is even possible. Imagine if nobody on the forum had much better visualization than our system - what a barren world that'd be, if the outliers with great visualization felt they shouldn't share their experiences.

 

Before even addressing any of your other points, I have to assuage an unnecessary worry you tend to have. My system, if not another member, will always be here to do the "worrying" for you, if your experiences are too different. Like in that thread earlier where Apollo commented on what you said, the point of a forum is to round out all the rough edges on opinions and ideas people present so no one person has to try and appeal to/be relevant to literally everyone. Even if you're a sharp gem, it's much better you be in the rock tumbler with the rest of us than hidden from the world entirely. Being a shining example of success rarely does nearly as much bad as it does good in inspiring or exemplifying what's possible. Sort of like the line often drawn in PC culture, if to stop offending literally everyone we just stopped talking entirely, there would be no more talking. The bits of offense that happen to happen are a necessary part of people having different experiences.

 

In our case on this forum, though, all you need to do is qualify your experiences as "How our system works" and "possible, at least for us". "Possibly possible", maybe. Not verbatim, but I hope you know what I mean. If Apollo hadn't commented, as I said, I wouldn't even have found it necessary - I mean, I already wrote this. https://community.tulpa.info/thread-voices-when-i-sleep-shadows-when-i-mediate?pid=237323#pid237323

 

Not everything is possible for everyone, but more often than not much more is possible than any one individual realizes. And so we strike a balance between optimism and being realistic, both to encourage people to try what they cannot yet do, but also not to cause too much distress when people can't achieve those things. Look at switching- actually, let's not. Look at imposition - many can do it, but some can't. We talk about it being an "advanced skill" and "tricking your mind" and such so people know just what they're in for if they attempt it. If we just said "Yeah, your tulpas can basically be real! Just try and imagine them being real and believe it and you can be like us!", people would get very demotivated and upset when they couldn't, when they couldn't. Too much optimism and not enough realism. But then, something like "Imposition is very difficult and the huge majority of tulpamancers never accomplish it to a satisfactory level, nearly zero get lifelike results" is overselling how hard it is and discourages people who may have succeeded.

 

You don't see yourself as special - but neither does our Reisen, and she is. Some people are just special in certain ways. It's hard to see from the inside. All you need to do to be golden here is remember not everyone has things as easy as you, and you are blessed with certain skills or abilities that, while not necessarily impossible for the average 'mancer, would require much more work to attain. This is a basic fact many people with, say, good visualization have to work with. In the lucid dreaming community, people face the same thing with easy dream recall versus those who can barely remember anything no matter what they do. You're the equivalent of a natural lucid dreamer who's been lucid dreaming every night since you were a child, and it's become totally not that "special" to you, not as in you don't appreciate it but that you'd be apt to accidentally overemphasize how easy it should be.

 

It's not that big of a deal. You're only one gem in the rock tumbler. There will always be others around to even out our experiences, outliers simply show what may be possible. A world where no one is special is a world devoid of hope and dreams, I'd say.

 

 

Anyways, addressing the "ancient greek tulpamancers" thing you keep bringing up - that literally applies 99% of the time to people who claimed they experienced the wonderland as "lifelike" while switching (with their tulpa going about doing normal tasks at the same time), that's it. They were told that literally was the one and only thing they could experience when switching, and humans are quite malleable. We will absolutely shape our internal experiences to what the world around us expects us to expect. Think young girls being influenced by the world of glamour and "beauty", or in this case, religion. Chances are your beliefs don't account for all religious beliefs that exist, but those people think they experience what they do anyways. Rather than say you or they are wrong, it's better to realize the human mind just works in powerful ways without our realizing. Anyways... you don't even switch, so you're far from "that group". And while it's incredibly unlikely everyone who could switch back in 2012 had extreme visualization prowess, you kind of do, so claims of experiencing the wonderland very vividly would make sense if during switching you attained some sort of trance-like state. (It's the parallel processing part where I'd start questioning you a little more aggressively..)

 

 

Tell me if your fears are not assuaged. This post is another reminder that you take a lot of stuff far more personally, or as more of a problem, than they are.

[Guest]

I understand that my feelings about the subject in question were unchallenged until Apollo said anything. Therefore, to me it was an undisputed fact. So again, I'm challenged to understand where to draw that line between that which I know to be true and anything else. For my system, the sky is blue. In my opinion, the world turns on it's axis. Not the best example, but I hope you see my point where a qualifier in front of every statement is silly. So we necessarily check each other and step on each other's toes while doing so. Like when you said recently,

 

It's not so simple as "figuring it out". Things are different for different people. Some things, like visualization, can be trained relatively easily with practice. Others, like staying conscious as you fall asleep, are just luck of the draw. As much as I'd like to say you can train yourself to stay conscious while falling asleep, I'd be insulting our entire system to do so. I'm sure to some extent it's possible - master lucid dreamers who practice WILD weren't all necessarily naturals off the bat - but at the same time, they made any progress at all, while we did not. Over many years.

 

Continue figuring out and explaining anything you think you can, of course, but certain things just can't be passed on through words. Especially things that are built into our unique biology as individuals.

 

There's a lot of unqualified statements here, I'll forgive you and I don't care to point out every time it's said, this is an example where I see them though; this is how I read it.

 

It's not... Things are different... ...just luck of the draw. I'd be insulting our entire system... [to say I can]. ...just can't be... ...unique...

 

Do you see as many unqualified statements of credible fact here as I do? Each one puts another wall between us and that's a lot of walls in just two paragraphs. Every one of those seemingly unqualified statements are backed by 9 years of experience and credibility of an entire wealth of information on this forum in you, Tewi. Do you see how damaging and alienating that is to us? But we understand, and we love you anyway, so don't go apologizing (if you're thinking that), we're fine.

 

Here's one from above:

Not everything is possible for everyone...

 

Whew, that's a big wall; a strong wall. I wholeheartedly disagree because I'm human and I have the same brain as you, but let's not argue this here or anywhere, it's boring and I'm done with it.

 

Later you say, let's strike a balance between optimism and being realistic, but things I can do and have done are thus deemed realistic to me, and you can't convince be otherwise without some kind of conditioning. Rounding off the edges of a brilliant cut diamond in a rock tumbler so that it fits in your setting is not what we will ever do, so that leaves us unable to fit. Not everyone can do switching, so then let's put that through the tumbler and 'round that off'. We don't switch, we instead control the hypnagogic state nightly. Should they both be rounded off because some people 'can't do it.'?

 

You're system has said something like this, 'this is something we've verified or scientifically thought about or proven to have seen in others', so that presupposes that my experiences are again unique or lies because it's 'so rare'; in 9 years, only lunatics have matched you.

 

In other examples which I won't go into now, I get PMs encouraging me to speak out because there are other suppressed users (even random ones I've never heard of lurking and never posting) who aren't comfortable in sharing due to the walls that I'm banging my head against. I don't know how to resolve that when credible and well respected users put up walls.  

 

I'm not condemning you for doing that, your walls are there because your foundation is strong and you've lasted 9 years, not until we last 9 years can I dare to lecture you over what you say today, because there may have been rounding in your past that allowed such longevity, while the infancy of my system is well known and my grip on my reality and experiences is so fleeting under this oppression at this point.

 

In respect to the notion that I take things personally, well I do, it's not something I can avoid yet. I no longer 'feel' the pain and suffering for it because I've been buffered by the oxymoron term 'back-seat fronting'. They can displace my negative feelings, the feelings simply don't happen as long as one of them is there, and better than that, I've learned to suppress them myself in many ways, like this subject for instance. So there is offense, there is a personal hit to my moral, but it's not immediately felt. Instead the brunt of it is buffered but the fact remains that there is yet another wall dividing us.

 

Why am I thinking it's a wall? because I can't step into the rock tumbler. My purpose here was to say everything. I don't know how to not say the sky is blue. I am seemingly ignoring scientific data by using that analogy, so instead, how do I say, "I heard my tulpa sing to me in the hypnagogic state" or "I hugged Dashie in a lucid dream" or "Ashley prays every night after I go to bed" or "Ashley helped me achieve a trance-like state" or "Dashie and I switched momentarily and while she was in front I was sitting on the couch in wonderland for several seconds, completely disassociated with the body. I heard her say, "this is weird". While I was sitting next to Misha, content that I'd achieved marginally more immersion I started wondering 'where's Dashie?'. My body was in wonderland with me, she owned that other thing in the material world, for those moments I was her tulpa and it was exactly as those ancient Greek tulpamancers described it. So it must be possible, it must be cognitive, it must exist. This happened, this was unexpected and how we got there was inadvertently following the same steps used by the ancient Greek tulpamancers (from the same link in the parallel processing thread), so yes, you forgot, but we are them by your own definition. I'm not afraid to say that because it actually happened. I haven't tried it again, but because it happened once, I know it to be a fact, even if I never achieve it again. According to some, one or more of these is 'impossible or not possible for some'.

 

If we're both human, and it's not possible for some, then how am I supposed to prove or justify that it happens for me? I don't know enough about it to train anyone to do any of it, and the push back I get, along with other user's PMs who agree, is that this community is acidic to those statements. I feel that, but it no longer offends me because we're all delicately crafted unique works of fine china here and we're all vulnerable to someone with credibility stating things that are seemingly fanciful to some, like switching in general for instance.

 

Because we have 10 users who say "we can switch" it's a thing. We have only 2 users who say, "I can control the hypnagogic state" then it needs to be rounded off.

 

This isn't criticism, but it's truthfully detrimental to us.

 

Tewi, I've surely misconstrued and twisted your words. You're going to be trying to fill the cracks in my logic, for that I apologize again.

 

You've answered my question, and as I understand it, you prefer that I 'round off' my experiences and qualify my statements. One of those I've decided I won't do, the other is very difficult and awkward for me, but I'll continue to try.

 

I don't want to be a brute force overbearing bull in this china shop anymore, so I'm still very conflicted in my continued roll here.

[GrayTheCat]

Alright man, hold the bus there.

 

Tewi isn't saying she doesn't believe you. She's saying you have some really cool skills and abilities and not everyone else has them. I don't think that's offensive or unreasonable.

 

I'm open to the idea that things work differently in your system, and that's great. Just because it happens to you though doesn't mean it can apply to everyone else.

 

The line of can and can't has to be drawn somewhere. For example, I have ADHD. It comes with pros and cons, and that's something not everyone else has. That alone can influence my ability to do things. I may not have a great understanding of how it effects me, but it's a variable I have to consider.

 

As a result, my brain isn't hard wired like yours. It's reasonable to assume that there is more potential in some rather than others, and not everyone plays on an equal playing field. However, that playing field can be shifted in such a way that it may lack requirements in order to perform a skill or ability. For example, I certainly don't have the brain wiring for an eidetic memory. I can't even remember where I left my keys half the time.

 

When it comes to stuff like hypnagogia, brain chemicals, ability to relax, etc. can all play a role in one's ability to do so. Sure, training can sometimes help someone achieve that state, but in some people's brains the right conditions just may not exist.

 

I think the problem boils down to this:

 

A) You have mind-blowing experiences other people don't have.

B) Other people want you to explain your experiences because they're cool.

C) Some don't believe you when you try to explain your experiences.

D) You feel the need to create a guide to allow others to replicate your experiences.

E) Therefore, other people must be able to do what you can do, otherwise it's not real.

 

That jump from D to E is false. Just because some people can't doesn't mean no one can't. It's just a matter of finding the right people who are capable of doing what you can do. That isn't always easy because if you have a special trait or ability, the chances of finding someone else with that special trait can be difficult.

 

While it can be cool if you can get some people who once thought they couldn't be able to achieve feats they never imagined, it doesn't always happen. That doesn't invalidate your experiences or make you wrong. All it means is other people have unsuccessfully recreated your abilities and skills.

 

I think creating a guide to help people reach amazing hypnagogic states and almost parallel processing is a good idea because those things are cool. However, that doesn't mean everybody can do them, and that's not your fault. It just means some people simply can't because some biology is holding them back.

[Guest]

It comes down to percieved disappointment and dissilusionment. I don't want to be the cause of that. Certainly i don't want to round off any of our experiences or deny our capabilities because of their rarity. So i'm left with the feeling (others have shared) that i have to hide those things that are over the line.

 

If we agree so far, i mean, you said we have to draw the line somewhere, then where is the line? I haven't been able to understand it in 5 months of trying. So i still say things that I know to be true and get pushback. My conundrum is in our stability and the stability of others in regards to what we can share, because the culture of this forum dictates as much. So we're not sure what we can share when basic foundational components of our system lay possibly on the other side of the line.

 

Try as we may, we haven't been able to divine the line, so that may be our inexperience with this forum, the recourse i'm left with is not sharing things publicly without a mediator, which feels like an imposition on others.

 

I have begun to think i torture myself unnecessarily, but i also feel like my comments and defensiveness has tortured others as well.

[GrayTheCat]

It comes down to percieved disappointment and dissilusionment. I don't want to be the cause of that. Certainly i don't want to round off any of our experiences or deny our capabilities because of their rarity. So i'm left with the feeling (others have shared) that i have to hide those things that are over the line.

 

If we agree so far, i mean, you said we have to draw the line somewhere, then where is the line? I haven't been able to understand it in 5 months of trying. So i still say things that I know to be true and get pushback. My conundrum is in our stability and the stability of others in regards to what we can share, because the culture of this forum dictates as much. So we're not sure what we can share when basic foundational components of our system lay possibly on the other side of the line.

 

Try as we may, we haven't been able to divine the line, so that may be our inexperience with this forum, the recourse i'm left with is not sharing things publicly without a mediator, which feels like an imposition on others.

 

I have begun to think i torture myself unnecessarily, but i also feel like my comments and defensiveness has tortured others as well.

 

When it comes to figuring out where the line is, the reality is seeing the consequences of crossing over or not getting close enough blow up in your face is the only way you will know if you don't have a clue where it is. When it comes to most all things in Tulpamancy, no one knows where any of the lines are. As a result, we have to communicate with each other to get a sense of "maybe the line is here", and that usually involves arguing passionately, stepping on people's toes, making mistakes, and acting recklessly. Some people are more tolerant to the heat than others, but in the end, this is the price for learning more about who we are as Tulpamancers, and this is the only method we have until real science on Tulpas and Tulpamancers can specifically argue one way or the other.

 

To what extent is a biological reason a real reason why someone struggles with something or to what extent a person " can't because you think you can't" is unfortunately a triggering issue. Outside of Tulpamancy, people don't like being told they can't just because they are physically incapable of doing something, and there is lots of wasted potential in the world because people have convinced themselves they can't when they actually can if they tried hard enough.

 

At the end of the day, there's not an easy answer. The only advice I can tell you is you will have to decide where you think the line is, and remember that you don't have to be right when you are sharing your ideas. More times than not, I have found communicating some of my more esoteric experiences to be both one of the hardest things and one of the most fun things I do on this forum. Having things blow up in my face for being reckless or insulting isn't fun, but I understand that If I want to bring attention any issue or idea, I will have to spend time thinking about it and communicating with other people, and that generally involves some line crossing and making mistakes.

[Ember.Vesper]

When it comes to our personal experiences, the one hard line is honesty. The approach with the most integrity is to explain exactly how you experience things, even if it's weird, even if it's never been reported by anyone else. Holding back the truth that is within you weakens all of us by inhibiting the progress of our art.

 

I think the rock tumbler metaphor was about rounding the edges of ideas, not rounding the edges of people. And more literally, about presenting a broader perspective of subjects, so that any given reader is more likely to find a helpful viewpoint. I don't think anyone wants you to lose your lovely facets, Bear.

 

What a destructive thing we may ultimately be in that respect. I loath to say this, but perhaps some of our truths are so divergent from the ordered and attainable that they may in themselves cause other systems to falter in their own stability and resolve.

 

People will be disappointed sometimes when they struggle to do things that other people have accomplished. That's intrinsic to tulpamancy, and, indeed, to life. But a wonderful success is far more inspiring and motivating than a modest success or a fitfully continuing struggle. Even if we never achieve what you have, Bear, even if we believe there are fundamental differences in how our brains work, you're still one of the reasons we keep striving.

 

-Vesper

[Guest]

I'm glad you chimed in, Cat, because i've known you to have a good mind for sensitive subjects and you're advising status quo, so that means to us that i was either unnecessarily presuming damage is occurring to other systems or being oversensitive to the perceived damage and it's impact.

 

Tewi mimicked this when she said i was trying not to offend everyone, and alluded to the notion that perhaps that wasn't necessary.

 

This is actually sort of what i was looking for in terms of a response to my quandary. If i understand this correctly, then i'll continue, albeit i already can't stop myself from throttling back, so i am admittedly diminished.

 

Hey, i know i'm a little naive and whiney. It's just a very personal thing for me here. So thanks for bearing with me.

[GrayTheCat]

I'm glad you chimed in, Cat, because i've known you to have a good mind for sensitive subjects and you're advising status quo, so that means to us that i was either unnecessarily presuming damage is occurring to other systems or being oversensitive to the perceived damage and it's impact.

 

Tewi mimicked this when she said i was trying not to offend everyone, and alluded to the notion that perhaps that wasn't necessary.

 

This is actually sort of what i was looking for in terms of a response to my quandary. If i understand this correctly, then i'll continue, albeit i already can't stop myself from throttling back, so i am admittedly diminished.

 

Hey, i know i'm a little naive and whiney. It's just a very personal thing for me here. So thanks for bearing with me.

 

Do you remember the time I created a thread that was all about re-writing the Tulpa.info dictionary? That whole episode blew up in my face because it was really reckless of me to do it! I wish I handled that a lot differently, but at the same time it opened the door to serious conversation and it helped other people feel more willing to contribute their thoughts and opinions.

 

I also have my fair share of dramatic noob posts where other people probably rolled their eyes thinking "oh jeez". Just click through old threads I created and you'll see what I mean.

[solarchariot]

I don't think I am going to be able to communicate this any better than anyone else who has spoken... You, your system, are important to me. I dare say, you are important to the community, even if you don't see a hundred 'here here' following this. If I allowed you to follow the rational (irrational) discourse I believe you are following, "because I am different I am causing harm," then you have basically stating the equivalent: tulpamancers, by being different than the larger community, are causing harm. I don't believe that. All humans experience variations. There wouldn't be a hundred different church camps, in Christianity alone, if everyone experienced the divine in the same way. We experienced divine differently. We experience life differently. We are different.

 

We all share this thing: we're exploring consciousness, sentience, personhood in a very unique and different way than most. Tewi used the word outliers... I don't even think it's that, but I understand what she is saying. Statistics is not a good measure of a human. There's variations. A difference doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. Or that you're doing something different. You're doing something. You're having experiences. This forum is about sharing those experiences and quite frankly, if people are threatened or offended by a perceived difference, they came to the wrong forum! Is it okay to question, to try and relate, yes, that's what we're doing.

 

I, personally, have held back on disclosing all of my experiences. Some of that is because I don't see others relating similar. Some of it is because those experiences have been so personal, it's really hard to be candid. I think I have read almost everything you have posted. I have never once questioned the validity of your experiences, or tried to box it other than how you relate your experience. I relate really well to your experiences, partly because I think I am mirroring it, in a lesser degree. The hypnagogic thing for example, I definitely do that, and it's part of my nightly practice to linger... Another thing I relate to, but don't do, is locate identify to body regions. I so get that, I understand that, and there have been times I have directly ask, 'stomach, what are you really telling me," or when my heart has felt anxiety I asked, 'what frightens you, what can I do...' so, we share that, you just managed to take it further... Sometimes I think I am on the verge of duplicating some of the things you do... And when i do, I am going to need you there to guide me. There are couple people here that I want to emulate... and then I remind myself, this is self exploration, with internal companions, and it's okay to just allow the experience t be what it wants to be.

 

We are explorers. We are doing something old in a new way. You are on the continuum of what is possible and reporting back experiences, and maybe, whether most people get it or not, there is someone out there that stumbled into your neck of the woods who would like to know they're not alone. Someone has been there before you. You are love, you care about people. I don't want that to go away. You are courageous. You put yourself out there to be examined and ridiculed. Give me more people like that! You are resilient. You recover from self doubt and other imposed doubt and you stick in there and continue to participate... Did you know that is probably the most under rated skill humans can cultivate? To err and not go away... God, I am so glad I found it in me to stay; there were times when I first started posting and I was guided, or corrected, and I was internally embarrassed and wanting to argue, or just take my ball and go home... Hell, even as Forum Mod I have made mistakes and thank God Vos guided me, but still, I was embarrassed and wanted to run. I am glad I stayed because I also learned more about myself, and I know I am going to fail again, because I am human and I make mistakes... and I want to live in a world where people appreciate that, and whatever differences I bring to the table, and you would never think less of me for being different, and without rambling much further, my world would be a little less sunny with out an Angry Bear, or Dashie, or Misha, or Ashley. Loxy echoes that. The others that I mentioned echo that. This is my Kirk speech, with all the histrionic included. You are sovereign, you decide what you and your system needs, but don't go because you're different, or your experiences are different. And if you go, well, I will be sad. We will be sad. And we will remember as long as we can. I am old enough to say, "I love you" without fear of ridicule. I love you. I love Dahsie and Misha and Ashley. ... And I hear you are struggling with this thing, and if you want to talk privately or here, then hit us up. That's part of community. Be at peace, AB.