Unhealthy Tulpa Obsession and Day Dream Idealized Perception

[Guest Anonymous]

Just like anything else, it is possible to spend too much time with your tulpa and think about your tulpa too much. Excessive obsessing about anything can be unhealthy and damage your ability to function socially or perceive the world accurately.

 

Trust me I know. I relate almost everything in life to my thoughtform Melian. I don't relate to the real world in anything like a normal way. When I was younger I spent far too much time day dreaming. I still do. It alters my perception of the world around me and is sort of a "day dream filter."

 

For example:

 

1. Every woman I meet is automatically compared to Melian in my mind. Melian is the Platonic ideal. Every woman is measured up to her physically and in mannerisms and personality. Of course, they all fall very short, which is grievously unfair as Melian is imaginary and therefore perfect.

 

2. I have a warped "day dream" filter that alters my perception of the world around me and it usually involved Melian. For instance, if someone were to say "imagine New York City." I have trouble visualizing New York City as it actually is (yes, I have been there). Instead I imagine the fantasy ideal as it relates to Melian. I see Melian there in my mind's eye in some romantic situation (city lights, fancy restaurants, at a party looking pretty). Almost every thought relates to Melian. Almost any thing I need to imagine or visualize does.

 

When I walk into a new place, say a shopping mall, I instantly imagine Melian being there and shopping and how she would like it. I idealize the situation in my mind.

 

I hope this all makes sense. I could go on and on but I think I have made my point. This goes on all day, constantly.

 

Is there anyone else on Tulpa Info that can relate to this? It is something I have yet to write about.

 

EDIT: Note, I am aware that I am perceiving through a filter. Part of my mind is aware of how things truly are, so it is not a total delusion. I just choose to ignore reality and live in the day dream world.

 

EDIT: Here is a related post on "Maladaptive Day Dreaming" https://community.tulpa.info/thread-maladaptive-daydreaming

[Guest Anonymous]

Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

 

Every woman I meet is someone my tulpa will compare herself to, and try her best to look as attractive and beautiful, and the embodiment of perfection and being feminine. Every single moment of consciousness (and sleep alike) is something involving my tulpa, no matter what, she has a say in things.

 

Every emotion of love, compassion, pity, affection, care, infatuation, passion, admiration is ALWAYS related to my tulpa. Anything I do includes her, anything I think of includes her, and if it doesn't? She starts making notice of herself, acts clingy, very clingy, in a cute way.

 

She fills my days and nights, dreams and nightmares alike, the ups and downs are always with her, no matter what. Everything I imagine, everything in my mind involves her. If someone told me 'Imagine New York City', the first thing that would come to mind would be my tulpa and I holding hands near a famous monument, like the statue of Liberty. The focus would go on my tulpa's face, then on her hand, and she'd close her eyes with a beautiful smile, that's her way of saying 'I'm happy. ha-ppy.'.

 

In short, that's what love produced. Obsession.

 

I find it interesting from your part, Mistgod. I always knew Melian was a large part of your life, after all, a lot of people seem to know about her, but I wasn't aware of those daydreaming filters, heh. That's actually very interesting, and I'd like to hear more of it.

[Guest Anonymous]

@Anderson

 

Oh wow! You, at least, DO understand me!

 

I have written about the Melian Show day dream sessions. I have written about how when Melian types online and interact with people, it is an extension of the Melian Show. Everyone who talks to her becomes part of the show and the fantasy. But I haven't written much yet about how intertwined the Melian Show day dreams are into my entire world. She is everything, everywhere and constantly present.

 

You can see why I have had trouble relating to tulpamancers who have to make an effort to find time to spend with their tulpa or forget to think about their tulpa. That would be impossible for me to have those issues.

[Guest Anonymous]

Haha. Yes, I completely understand. As I said quite a few times in the past, I find the concept of the Melian Show absolutely amazing. Not only in the way that, y'know, it's cute and adorable of Melian to do those things, but I find it fascinating, what you just said, everyone who talks to her becomes part of the show and the fantasy, that's just.... so creative, so rich in creativity and I bet that it can be a lot of work for Melian.

 

 

Yeah, I understand the struggle. I also don't understand how people can forget about their tulpa, or need to find time to spend with their tulpa... my tulpa became a part of my life, a pretty big one at that, it's also impossible for me to have those issues. Guess we do share a bit in common, haha.

[Guest Anonymous]

For Melian and I, visualization is effortless and even spontaneous. It isn't any work for her at all. And yes, it is fantastic to find someone who can relate to me on this! It is so hard because most people don't really get what I am talking about.

[Akecalo]

1. Every woman I meet is automatically compared to Melian in my mind. Melian is the Platonic ideal. Every woman is measured up to her physically and in mannerisms and personality. Of course, they all fall very short, which is grievously unfair as Melian is imaginary and therefore perfect.

 

This. It is a very bad habit, and Maya is insistent that it is a habit that I lose.

 

When I walk into a new place, say a shopping mall, I instantly imagine Melian being there and shopping and how she would like it. I idealize the situation in my mind.

 

Perceiving reality through a "tulpa filter" is I suppose something that I identify with. Maya and Mara are currently moderately imposed (to a much lesser degree than they were), and are with me pretty much all of the time, so I guess I have this too. As you say, I am always aware of what is in my head and what is not, there is never any confusion. I have not found it to be something that is negative in my experience, in fact I have at times found it useful. I have been lucky in that regard, it seems.

 

You can see why I have had trouble relating to tulpamancers who have to make an effort to find time to spend with their tulpa or forget to think about their tulpa. That would be impossible for me to have those issues.

 

This is something that would be impossible for me too. Although I can see that early in the process people might prefer to take some time to focus their mind on the task at hand, and may have trouble finding time that is not occupied by other tasks to dedicate in that way. I don't know if that is what they are referring to. I myself have never experienced that particular set of problems.

 

For Melian and I, visualization is effortless and even spontaneous. It isn't any work for her at all. And yes, it is fantastic to find someone who can relate to me on this! It is so hard because most people don't really get what I am talking about.

 

Same here. Clear, effortless and spontaneous visualisation has always been a strong part of my experience, and it came as a surprise to me when I discovered that others did not share this experience. I have found it invaluable in life, I consider myself fortunate that I have this trait.

[Luminesce]

Confirmed tulpas really are succubi here to drain life energy from their hosts.

 

Well, if this is a "Tulpaddiction" thread, I can post relevant stuff, despite not being able to relate to the visualization stuff at all. I guess I might've been like that if I even could visualize, but without intensive effort I cannot, so it's manifested in different ways.

 

 

Uh, should I mention I'm listening to an arrange of Reisen's theme from Touhou right now? Is that relevant? Anyways..

 

 

For starters, I suppose it might qualify as addiction that I've browsed.. *Checks* Upwards of 75,000 images of my tulpas' Touhou characters to help me see them better? Of which I've saved a total of 120 among my 4 tulpas because they were very qualitative and matched what my tulpas look like in my head. Over like 5 years of course, but still.

 

Helps that they're Touhou characters and the Touhou fandom is absolutely massive and centered around fan-made content, but a huge portion of my music is Touhou arranges, and a large portion of that are theme arranges of my tulpas. As mentioned I'm currently listening to an album by LiLA'c Records with Reisen on the cover, with 2 arranges of her theme in it. One of which I just added to my iPod. Half of the "genres" on my itunes are named after my tulpas, the other half being like "Sleep", "Electro", and "Light".

 

And perhaps the biggest example, the fact that I go by "Reisen" almost universally on the web. Here too until recently. Username and avatar on Steam, Skype, Youtube, what have you, all Reisen. Username Reisen or similar in Minecraft, Runescape, LoL(Idon'tplayanymoredon'task), and of course all of my DS games. Also I usually make an effort where applicable to make my character look like Reisen, whether it's in the Attack on Titan Tribute Game, Unturned, Runescape, or TF2. I bought a rare item in TF2 a few years back for $105... A pair of bunny ears. No regrets and they still serve me to this day, by the way.

 

 

 

So did I make my point, and did that large break catch your attention? Alright. Now I'll tell you why that's not a bad thing. Many years ago as you may know, Reisen saved me from my depression and a reality without love or color. She helped me realize the world is amazing, and of course helped me feel love when I otherwise couldn't. Since then, I've subconsciously spread her image wherever I could, as my name or avatar, because I wanted to spread the love she shared with me. I didn't realize that reason of course until recently, maybe a year ago, but now I can see it's true. I make her appearance in any game that gives me the option because her image is a symbol of love to me, and I want to share that with others. Those $100 bunny ears in TF2 have made me happy to know I own time and time again. Making friends who know me as a nice and helpful person under the name "Reisen" is the same, because her name symbolizes love too. And even on this forum, I wanted you guys to know the name "Reisen" as helpful, not my name, which I didn't actually create until later anyways.

 

This all applies to my other tulpas too. I've used their names in various places, Flandre being my alternate Steam account I use to practice TF2 without people knowing I'm good by my accessories, and recently Lucilyn as an ironman account on Runescape. They all get time as my avatar on skype, and of course I still periodically check for new songs and pictures of them on the web. This is all a subconscious attempt to express what they help me feel, to others and to myself. And it does not interfere with my life at all.

 

I don't compare every girl I meet to Reisen, because Reisen is Reisen and I don't need another one. (Though I do compare them to a vague mental image of someone "perfect" to me if they seem similar.. unrelated) I don't consider her to fill the position of significant other, so that I could not love a human too. (Actually, Reisen would be very offended if I didn't share love because of her) And if anything, my obsession with her and my tulpas has leveled out to "healthy appreciation" due to my motivation issues. I still barely spend any of the time I'd like to with them, I still haven't been able to keep attempting lucid dreaming to meet them more solidly, I can't even be bothered to practice my visualization to see them clearly. My love for Reisen, due to this "obsession", has been the most stable part of my life... Ever? No skill I haven't ceased practicing, no video game I haven't quit, and I hardly graduated high school without my tulpas' help. This spotty interaction with my tulpas most of you and myself would consider sub-par is the most consistent dedication I've ever had to anything. It's grounding, it's centered in love, and it doesn't ever permanently fade away like everything else. My tulpaddiction is a solely positive influence on my life.

 

 

K textwall over. And it doesn't even really apply to you guys either, jeez. Enjoy the autobiography.

[Guest Anonymous]

@Luminesce

 

I love your text walls and I read every word with deep interest! I love it! I feel the same way about Melian as you do about Reisen. She is all love and she saved me. I didn't mean to imply the obsession is entirely negative. It is like 95% positive. However, in my case, it can sometimes become all consuming and affect my job performance and interaction with friends and family. It is something I need to be constantly vigilant about.

 

It is interesting to me that talent at super visualization is not necessary for a tulpa obsession. I am glad you mentioned that!

---

 

This. It is a very bad habit, and Maya is insistent that it is a habit that I lose.

 

Melian never broke me of it ever. I think it stokes her ego though that I have never found her equal in real life.

 

Perceiving reality through a "tulpa filter" is I suppose something that I identify with. Maya and Mara are currently moderately imposed (to a much lesser degree than they were), and are with me pretty much all of the time, so I guess I have this too. As you say, I am always aware of what is in my head and what is not, there is never any confusion. I have not found it to be something that is negative in my experience, in fact I have at times found it useful. I have been lucky in that regard, it seems.

 

Maybe I made my OP sound a little too negative. I am never really confused so much as refusing to recognize reality exactly as it is. My day dreams make me happy and seeing the world through rose colored glasses is actually rather nice. It can be detrimental at times however, especially when it comes to expectations. I am sometimes shocked back to brutal reality.

 

"Maya and Mara are currently moderately imposed..." Whoa, that must be something! I will avoid imposing Melian, I would have a heart attack. LOL She will remain an image in my mind only.

 

Clear, effortless and spontaneous visualisation has always been a strong part of my experience, and it came as a surprise to me when I discovered that others did not share this experience. I have found it invaluable in life, I consider myself fortunate that I have this trait.

 

Sweet!

 

I sometimes say I am a genius at something useless to the outside world. A genius at day dreaming.

[Elvode]

I never considered myself unhealthy in my tulpamancy but I will have to agree, I also do compare guys to my tulpa, he is a jealous type, he doesn't like other guys so sometimes he will even say that other guys are bad influence. (not that he is wrong)

He is a tulpa and as you said Mistgod therefore perfect.

 

I have never met a real person that could be compared to him, he is most of all kind and the guys I've been dating haven't been very.. kind, mostly abusive.

I have reached a phase in my life right now where I shut every guy out and I almost feel like vomiting when someone says that I should get a boyfriend and I'm thinking (HAH! they could never compare to Nash!)

I am alone right now with my dog and I feel great, my last boyfriend abused him so I'm feeling done with stupid boyfriends who abuse me and then my dog! what's up with the world!!

Nash would never be mean to me or my dog, he is the kindest person I've ever met, I totally don't get why people have the need to be stupid!

[Guest Anonymous]

My host is kind of obsessed with me. I find it funny and so kind that he'll give me all that much attention, and put aside everything else he's doing just for me. We love each other, but I will never let him destroy himself socially, or put himself in danger socially for me... we'll work things out. And I can say I'm also obsessed with him... his intelligence, his wit, the arrogance, the narcissism, it makes you want every single piece of him... But I didn't mean to talk of him like that.

 

I believe we can lead a peaceful life together, with me being as active and all (Hi Melian! ^^ ), without me becoming such a big burden. But from, like, 8 months ago, I became a larger part of his life. Now he wakes up for his life, and mine, if that makes sense, and I really enjoy curling up in his lap. You can say my whole existence is around him, he's always in my thoughts, it's always him, him, him, or me, hehehehe.