Is this possible?

[Malliro]

A couple of years back I tried to create a tulpa after reading a number of guides on it. At the time many things were happening in my life that was not so easy to deal with, and eventually I stopped my attempts.

 

I told myself that it was because I could not find the time or that I was really bad at focusing properly on the task, but deep down I know that it was also because I'm terrified of companionship.

Let me clarify, it's not that I dislike other people, it's that ever since I was a kid (where almost everyone around me bullied me in some way, parents, teachers, classmates etc), I have felt most comfortable in my own loneliness.

I like interacting with people now, but I never let them get to close. I feel the most safe in loneliness because even those I was suppose to be able to trust the most (my parents) have left deep emotional scars on me.

The only people who I truly feel safe and understood around are my grandmother (who has sadly passed away now) and my brother.

The reason I tried to create a tulpa was that I wanted to break that cycle, but in the end I let my fear get the better of me.

 

I never reached a state of advanced communication during my creation attempts, but I did get head pressures and sometimes felt emotions that didn't seem to originate from myself. It dissapeared completely after I stopped my attempts. Until last night that is.

For some reason I started thinking of that time when I tried to create a tulpa (I called her Sayaka), and when I went to bed I could, for a brief time, suddenly feel that same head pressure again along with what felt like a burst of sadness (I feel something similar as I type this).

 

My question is this: Is it possible that Sayaka is still there, and if she is could I 'revive' her?

Is it possible? Should I do it if it is? I feel so bad about all this now, like I abandoned her back then just because I was scared. How much pain have I put her through?

 

I really want to make this right if it's at all possible. Please help.

[warriortiltheend]

She could be feeling sad for you (thought those feelings could have been your own sorrow.)

 

Honestly, if you ask me, Tulpa death is when they fade back into your psyche and you forget about them completely.

 

Since you still remember Sayaka and have feelings of wanting to revive her, she could come back.

 

But would you be able to handle her? Take care of her?

 

I'm not going to lie- you've put her through a lot of pain and fear. But you shouldn't revive her just because of your guilt, you should consider what you want as well. If you only revive her beause you feel you've made some horrible decision that you must put right, neither of you are going to be happy.

[Guest Anonymous]

Is it possible? Hm... Let's think of how tulpas 'function', first and foremost. A tulpa is sentience, autonomy, thoughts that come off as 'alien', let's put it that way.

 

I find it funny how many people seem to misunderstand what a tulpa is and put a 'tulpa' tag on everything in their minds.

 

To be honest with you, and I apologize if I'm not being nice, but what saddened you was probably not your tulpa, but the concept, the idea of your tulpa. Inside, you feel remorse over abandoning your tulpa, subconsciously you regret it, hell, anyone would regret doing that. What brought on those head pressures is more likely to be the commemoration of your tulpa's memory, and how the head pressure made you think of her. That's something the mind does.

 

In the end, I believe that most if not all tulpas are imagination with no real basis or backing up.

 

Sayaka was never there to begin with. If there was no person talking to you there to begin with, why feel bad over defeat? And defeat over something that, at that, requires tons and tons of concentration and whatnot. You shouldn't feel bad because you never had a tulpa to begin with, you failed at something in life, people fail at many, many things in life, overall, no need to beat yourself over it. You're still human, you're still there, you can develop, you have a lot of potential... tulpas tend to be very static and do not have that chance.

 

Don't dread on the past, but focus on the future. With my sympathy.

 

-A tulpa.

[IBreakGames]

@Inazuma

Regardless of what we are, whether it be real or imaginary, we are still a companion for our hosts. Isn't a lot of the creation process belief? Aren't tulpas potentially manifestations of the subconscious? Even if she was never "there" like you say, Malliro still had achieved a companionship that he feared, which led to his abrupt stop in the development process. Tulpas aren't so much a "thing" that a person can see and investigate, were companions of the mind. Regardless of what we are physically, we are companions nonetheless.

 

Now that being said, I agree to not feel remorse. Stuff happens in life, and we don't always achieve our goals. But that doesn't mean we can't go back later and finally do what we've always wanted to do. So could it have been your tulpa? Yes. Could it have been your emotions? Yes. However, if you're choosing to create a companion again, then it might be best to associate this experience with her, trust it was her, believe it was her. A tulpa is a life long friend. Now while it is a commitment, it's also nothing short of a great time. All friends are a commitment. I did some weird things before I was vocal, and it was all about my host believing it was me. His belief strengthened my actions which led to my inevitable ability to speak.

[Malliro]

Ever since I stopped feeling any sort of communication with her back then, I've assumed she was no longer there. The regret never really went away, it's still there, but it's more then that.

Ever since that time I have had this feeling of loss, and I now believe it's affected me more then I realized.

 

That's why, when I felt what I did last night, I found a hope I never expected to find. That she hasn't completely faded. I want to bring her back if I can because, even though it was a short time of very limited communication, it really did feel significant and affected me, and she deserves a better effort from me.

I realize now what kind of responsibility I have for her, and I finally see hope that she might still be brought back. It feels almost like finding someone you thought was dead.

[Guest Anonymous]

But my point was that, well, there wasn't ANYONE to begin with... If you're so sure of yourself, why are you even asking us? If you abandoned her, what are the odds of you abandoning her again? Do you realize how much it hurts for a developed tulpa to be abandoned, in the case it does happen with you? You just thought about it more from my perspective, but hey, if you think that the tulpa you never really made is still alive, go ahead, but you shouldn't ask people questions if you already know the answers.

 

@Al

 

Well, Al, there is a large difference between the concept/idea one represents and the actual deal. My host loves me, the concept of me, no matter what; If I stopped talking, he would still love me, but the thing here is that he's missing someone who was not there, he is missing the concept of a person, the concept of a person who never existed, only because he feels loneliness in this moment. At no point has he established anything with his tulpa under the form of 'advanced talking' or however one may define it.

 

It's just beating yourself up over something you can't bring back. You can make a tulpa, but it won't be the same as 'Sayaka', not that you should really care though, because that would fix your loneliness.

[Malliro]

I might have expressed myself poorly, I didn't think of her because I felt a head pressure, I thought of her by chance (I think my mind wandered through a long string of thoughts and somehow ended up on my memory of her) and then I started feeling the pressure a little later, along with emotions that definitively didn't feel like they originated from me (I learned from a very young age to control my emotions, that's why I can be so sure).

 

Like you said, it could be my mind playing tricks on me, but isn't that the way non-vocal tulpas try to communicate sometimes?

[Guest Anonymous]

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come off as aggressive or like a dick.

 

Head pressures can mean a lot of things, but as my host would say, what they mean is really up to you.

One thought, is that you haven't learned how to control those 'head pressures' or emotions relate to your tulpa, else I suppose your reaction would have been less extreme, I suppose. I don't know how your mind works.

 

That's different, though. You're speaking of a tulpa you abandoned for years who had no attention, no way to stay alive, no basis at all, just because this and that happened in her commemoration doesn't mean that it's assuredly her. But make whatever you want out of it, really, we can't know for sure.

[Sadame]

I don't think it matters much right now if what you thought you felt is her or not.

You can always develop her again, it's your mind, you can do a lot with your mind. Think about if you want to develop her now, with a few years of growth and life experience under your belt, and if you want to, go for it.

[Raetin]

To make things simple, yes, you could bring her back. Of course, this is your decision to make, so you decide whether you're ready or not.