Lumi's Dreaming Thread; Dreams of Moon

[Lucilyn]

We got Christmas avatars! You can see them all here.

 

So apparently in the last dream Tewi had last night, which was really long and changed a lot, two of the characters turned into Flandre and I. Whatever we were doing was lost in translation to reality, Tewi could only describe it as us using water guns, but without really making anything wet. But anyways that's pretty cool! Flandre and I are the last two people Tewi talked to before going to sleep last night, and we showed up for a proportional amount of time in her last dream. I think there's something to the "Your dreams are a re-interpretation of the previous days' events" theory. We've had lots of dreams that brushed upon subjects that'd been relevant the previous day, and always they happen in chronological order. Even though, well I guess for example Tewi's dream, the very last thing she did right before sleeping and then dreaming was talk to us, she still didn't dream about us until the last moments of the last dream she had before she woke up and couldn't really sleep any more. That's really interesting!

 

We've still had plenty of completely random dreams that weren't even close to being related to our day in subject or feeling, like the series of dreams all in one night that Sylvia came from. But I still think there's something to that theory.

 

Tewi just found this song a couple days ago, it's really nice and we might add it to our collection. Reisen's theme is like programmed in our mind to make us happy, it's great!

 

Edited July 28, 2023 by Luminesce

[Lucilyn]

I don't really remember the dreams I had last night, though I think they might've been interesting. I should probably not do that, I'll make sure to do recall throughout the night.. day.

 

I feel like there's some kinda invisible progress being made. Feels like we're a little more in touch with our dreams maybe? But last night's weren't the most vivid, detailed or interesting, so idk why it feels that way. By the way, Tuesday's the full moon and when we'll start doing a lot more holiday celebrating stuff together. Also it just snowed for the first time since 10 days ago, sheesh, global warming.

[Lucilyn]

considering it's 11:40AM and I woke up yesterday, I don't remember my dreams, but I remembered my dreams. Not all of them though, I'm still getting the immediately-delete-all-memory-of-dream thing sometimes, but some of them I remember (early and late ones, but not really 6-8 hours in)

why the early ones I have literally no idea, it's never ever been like that before

 

I kept myself awake pretty long to maybe fix our schedule, I spent the last couple hours listening to ASMR-type stuff. ASMR videos are really good at keeping us up lol. Also look at this! It's basically my part of the wonderland visually, if above the waterfall it's just more forest and streams and stuff (I have a waterfall -> pond just like this). Awesome!

[video=youtube]

The sounds might be annoying to some of you though. Sounds like the animals havin' a party. My wonderland's a little quieter (probably just hear frogs and water), but it doesn't bother me.

[Luminesce]

I have literally no idea how long it's been since we last posted here. Okay, looking at the post time it's been exactly two days, but.. whatever. Lucilyn decided to do some weird polyphasic-nap type thing - I think? Maybe it was me? So at this moment, as things went, I've slept two hours the last two times I've slept. I think two. Possibly only one time. Six hours last time before that. All I know is I've transcended you mortals' understanding of a "sleeping schedule" and have lost all sense of date. I'm still good with day and night (despite sleeping at complete random) but not the part where the number changes...

 

Tulpa posted an hour ago while I was in the shower dangit, asking about me missing a day. I'd say "I was so close to posting first" but honestly I was about to go to sleep, just turned my computer back on to post this because I realized I hadn't yeah. Basically, I think Lucilyn was aiming for a bi-phasic "schedule" of 6 hours, then a two hour nap later, then 6 hours, then a 2 hour nap, etc. Ahhh I don't know. I do know that she was hoping the naps would be a good time for lucid dreaming and vivid dreams. The.. one time? I can remember us sleeping two hours, it seemed like we were basically around hours 4-8 of REM, so we skipped the first few stages. That sounds like exactly what she hoped for and I would expect, based on my knowledge of polyphasic sleep.

 

Have a video that's as confused as I am.

[video=youtube]

I would've quoted you Tulpa, but I accidentally copied this link over the quote. Also I have no idea what the heck I'll be doing with my sleep schedule. But I'll remember to post in this thread regardless of when I sleep. Also this has to be temporary, all I have to do is sleep for 12 hours and I won't be able to nap and I'll be back on my broken 26 hour schedule again...

 

ever so slightly more context reference post https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas?pid=179313#pid179313

[Luminesce]

I'm pretty sure I went twenty three hours without eating any more than an ice cream cone, at hour 3. I went to sleep not really hungry and then woke up not really hungry and then after a few hours decided I should probably eat anyways. Not feeling hungry or tired isn't too unheard of for me, but I wonder if the broken as heck sleep schedule affected that. Or, effected that. Those are both words.

 

anyways

 

I don't think I've done anything? When thinking of what to write about, I only thought of what I technically just didn't mention yesterday, time I spent with Flan. Done both wonderlanding and normal visualization, but I forgot to not forget dreams. I was distracted by trying to set things up in the wonderland but falling asleep, and Flan. She distracted me. Which is more than fine, spending time with them is the point of all this anyways. I gueesss I'l try and remember dreams tonight, maybe I'll try wonderlanding when I wake up instead. Seems kinda boring to me, but it's a lot more likely to work.

[Luminesce]

{None of this is relevant to the thread lol, skip to the bottom if you want on-topic stuff. Also, I wrote two posts to make up for missing a day. Also that first link is a song, it made me un-embed it}

 

2:00 PM - I'll write something right now, but I'm about to go leave to take a test in an hour, so I'll write something when I come back too before going to sleep. The word apathy is stuck in my head. I was more or less "fine" earlier before school was brought up. When I think about it, I guess this is nothing new, one of my tulpas commented last time that I tend to get depressed about my lack of motivation every long once in a while. But it's hard to treat it like not a big deal. It's always a big deal. Pretending it isn't, not feeling apathetic, is just lying to myself and honestly even more apathetic. That's why I get depressed again and again, when I realize again how things have been going. Take my word for it, the things that "matter" and require any real effort are not going well at all. Nothing's changed in years, but time keeps progressing, so that may result in new circumstances from old behavior.

 

I'm not emotionally apathetic in day to day life (by my standards anyway), honestly to me and people around me everything seems fine until you look at the details. Even to me, lol. Anyways, maybe I feel that way right now, but history shows that's temporary, and I'll be back to not caring about not caring soon.

 

It would be nice if how Tewi thinks was rubbing off on me. Lucilyn is a bit, I find myself having a bit more fun or being happy where I normally wouldn't be sometimes. But if anything I'm rubbing off on Tewi (but I'm not really). She can't run my entire life only part-time. She's still extremely helpful and productive when she is around, but it's not her life and she doesn't want it to be. How I function will still be the primary decider of how my life goes, as it should be. Apparently I don't function well enough. I function well enough in what I do do, I'm smart, I have a lot of support from my tulpas. But there's still parts of my life I ignore, and while I do them just fine when I'm not ignoring them, not ignoring them doesn't last long. How am I supposed to not feel apathetic when reflecting on that? My tulpas are amazingly supportive and have changed my life immensely. I learned an absolute ton of useful information in the years I spent learning from self-improvement... people? And I've been on a slightly higher dose of the same anti-depressant (which isn't quite a typical anti-depressant, wellbutrin) that works for other members of my family for more than a year now. It's still a struggle to make myself shower or, god forbid, do any sort of schoolwork. And I imagine the lack of motivation's got a strong long-term effect on lucid dreaming, if not in the short term.

 

Gotta go, here's a mood-fitting song for the post above. You guys click the song before reading, right?

 

---

 

5:00 PM - I had a feeling I'd be in a better mood when I got back. As three hours ago me would say, I'm being "apathetic" to my apathy again. Lucilyn would say happiness is happiness, period. But the present is what determines the future. I'm pretty good at not being too down about my problems, possibly too good. Kinda just makes me feel worse when they become relevant again, you know? Well, I'm pretty sure if you just read what I wrote earlier you do know.

 

I feel kind of bad thinking about Tewi handling this stuff, and how she's never really "lighthearted" about things except very rarely when spending time with us. I just feel like she couldn't be if she wanted to, because of what she has to deal with. But.. apparently trying to deal with my problems is its own problem, so I'm really at a loss.

 

Here's the other song that I was going to post before I wrote a bunch of negative stuff and found a more fitting song for. Used to be strongly associated with Sylvia, maaany years ago.

[video=youtube]

 

 

Hey if you were skimming this looking for some kind of progress, oops, I forgot to write any! I remembered my dreams pretty clearly last night, it felt like I had an easier time tracing them backwards than I have recently. Still haven't done the wonderlanding, I was trying to set up our other very-forgotten house in the wonderland with a fireplace but couldn't think of a material/design for the area in front of it, and fell asleep literally three times trying to do so. In fact once I had slept like 11 hours and meant to then wonderland/be awake I still fell back asleep for another hour. I believe in that hour's dream, I woke up on a couch and very foggily/hazily wandered over to some blinds and a sliding glass door, which I proceeded to rest my face against as I tried to stay awake to talk to someone. Strangely, or perhaps not, gaining and keeping awareness in dreams (not necessarily lucid levels, but awareness nonetheless) tends to feel like fighting falling asleep while tired. If I do "fall asleep", the dream becomes much less vivid and much more floaty. Generally when I gain my awareness (as I did in that dream - managed to wake myself up in-dream and played out the rest pretty vividly) it's because I felt a strong need to do something. That time, I was mid-conversation with someone, and I thought "I can't fall asleep, I have to keep talking to them". Last time, I think was Lucilyn at the time (yep it was, very relevant), it was because we were "falling asleep" during a timed test and needed to refocus on it. God forbid any of our reality-checking training give us that motivation. Do you know how many times I've pulled my arm up to my face in the middle of the night to reality check (pinch nose and try to breathe through it) despite being 99.9% asleep and very reluctant to move, because it's a rule we aren't allowed to ignore the suggestion to do so? Not enough, apparently.

 

My sleeping schedule's back to normalishness. I did exactly what I said before, slept 12 hours and fixed it. Going to sleep at 6 PM is basically normal, right?

[tulpa001]

Host: So wait, did you just bury the lead? You managed a lucid dream!

 

Yeah. Also, you are a team, so get rid of those unrealistic thoughts that it all depends on you. That marginalises the rolls of the others. Please focus on the other half of life. The half that is not obligations and requirements. Your tulpas are there, asking you to enjoy yourself. (I assume.)

[Luminesce]

Not a lucid dream, just a vivid one. That dream convinced me that vivid dreams are ( /can be) their own unique type of dream, just like lucid and non-lucid ones. My dreams tend to be very unconscious, with little "thought" (well, just little thought, no quotes) on our part as they play out very vaguely. But in our vivid dreams, we always feel a lot more aware, not that we're dreaming, but in the sense that we're definitely thinking as if we were awake. Things are still random as heck - went from looking out a house window to looking through the windshield of a truck to riding bikes - but at the very least, the environment is clear and we have internal thoughts as we go through the dream. You might say it's a lucid dream without the awareness of being in a dream, but in my experience and many others' becoming truly lucid increases the vividity of the dream even further.

 

But with two recent experiences of feeling like we were "fighting falling asleep" in-dream, I'm convinced it's really fighting to wake your mind up while you sleep. Which is, obviously, very related to lucid dreaming. Unfortunately they were both extremely random and coincidental, so we still have the same old problem as we do with reality checking. We just can't affect what happens once we're asleep.

 

I remembered most of my dreams pretty well again last night. I honestly remembered them a full hour after I woke up and meant to mention them here, but I've forgotten now. We did some wonderlanding though! Among other things, we finished redecorating and solidifying the bottom floor of our second wonderland house (the upstairs is just a few rooms for each of us) and have a comfortable area in front of the fireplace. It's officially very snowy there too. Our second house is vaguely a "holiday house" as I once thought about calling it, a pretty decent ways off from our main one. They don't actually quite connect, but it does have its directional presence in relation to the rest of our wonderland. It's basically just a small two-story house in a coniferous forest (yes, another forest, and it's different from all the others). The area came from a random visualization I once did, that had a large lake in front of some mountains and was otherwise surrounded by forest. Was supposed to be a one time thing, but then I watched Mondaiji Tachi etc. etc. (long title), which was for a while my favorite animated anything. The start has the main characters transported to exactly, one-for-one the same place the visualization took place at. When I saw rabbit ears peaking out from the forest, I knew the place was special.

 

It wasn't and aside from building a small house nearby we never actually visited it lol. But it exists, and since there was no fitting location for a fireplace in our main home we put one there, so it's like our holiday house as I once thought it could be. Still too small to actually hang out in though.

 

 

Anyways, yeah no if I have a lucid dream you'll get a heck of a lot more detail than that. Vivid dreams are still important and a sign of progress though. And yes, my tulpas want me to be happy. Tewi does want to help me overcome my motivation issues and become more self-reliant, so she doesn't totally baby me, but she does do what she does for all our sake, so we can be happy. Her general goal is to make sure we're happy (specifically, wants us to feel "Happy, safe, and fulfilled" in life), so while she wouldn't support me giving her all of my responsibilities and no longer worrying about them, she's willing to do any or all of them when I can't. I can usually manage to shower lol, and I got a 118/150 on my final yesterday, but it is otherwise occasionally close to "all of them". My inability to change that no matter how hard I've tried (I won't say "no matter how hard I try") is what depresses me sometimes. Because my tulpas rely on me. Even if I'm technically relying on Tewi and not the other way around, that makes me a liability, and I don't want to put stress on anyone for my own sake.

 

But superanyways, we're all happy right now, it's fine. And school is technically over now. At some point probably post-winter the plan is to work for my older brother for a while, as he literally owns hundreds of thousands of dollars' worth of fair stands. If you consider us a "team", the idea that Reisen could be better than any of us at serving food and interacting with customers has come up. Certainly neither I nor Tewi are, you know, specifically pleasant to interact with (we're both rather neutral). And I don't know if we should trust Lucilyn with like.. something as important as preparing food and handling money (no offense to her, just not cut out for it). So that could potentially be a nice way for Reisen to be more active.

 

ITT: Things that should probably go in my Progress Report. But to be honest, this thread is more casual and less emphasized when someone decides to read through all our stuff, so I'm kind of picky about what I actually choose to put in the PR compared to here.

[Luminesce]

That was enough posting to cover today right? Because I'm really, really tired. Friends got me playing a vanilla WoW server (never played WoW before) so I've been up from 5 AM to midnight now. Uh, as in started playing soon before I meant to go to sleep. Anyways. I can't remember what's happened between yesterday and today again. I think because I wrote a big post already today. So it's really cold out tonight and we (and by we I mean unbeknownst to me) set up a little pen downstairs near my room for our outside cat so she can sleep inside during the night. But I know she can easily jump it, so I'm hoping she doesn't do so in the middle of the night and get into a fight with our inside cat. But she's seemed pretty content to just sit in this new warm place for the last 4 hours, so I dunno.

 

I'll keep working on dream recall (specifically, backwards-tracing what happened in them) but I'm too tired to do vivid dreaming stuff. That always sounded silly before, being "too tired" to work on lucid dreaming, but after above post^ I think there may be something to that. Let's find out?

[Luminesce]

Well, no dreams last night, immediately erased by the cat meowing every 1-2 hours after 2 AM until 7. But the one who's putting her outside gets up at 4:30 AM on weekdays instead of 8, so.. One hour and twenty minutes. Can't stop me this time!

I've found that I can't sleep through even slight noises, although mundane/common ones I'm just vaguely aware of, except in the first ~90-120 minutes of falling asleep. Apparently I sleep through things pretty normally at that point. But 3+, I remember whatever was going on while I was asleep. Only during NREM stages though, REM is still dreams or foggy dreamlike thoughts and imagery. Noting again that this is an old house and I can hear pretty much everything going on in it, especially since my roof is the living room floor.

 

I don't feel "too tired" tonight, so I guess we won't be testing that. Just back to normal dream recall.