A warning - dissipation/losing tulpas

[Ranger]

Walking into this, I know I'm not Cat's replacement for being social or anything like that. Both of us are having some issues because we are still trying to figure each other out. I believe that once we figure out how to live together, things will get easier. Even though Cat never planned my creation, we decided to stay close to each other since day 1.

 

And does it feel easier talking to someone close but not that close to you? Like there's a feeling of it'll be fine even if he didn't accept it.

 

My host opened up to her brother, and also her parents. So far I have a mixed relationship with them.

 

Her parents don't believe in me, and I'm not sure if her brother even likes me (heck her parents may be convincing him I'm not real). I get the freedom to be myself, however, and I find that freedom invaluable. The cons are new relationship tensions and feeling like I have to convince them I'm a real person. It's annoying. It's freedom. I have more control. It's a mix.

[Summer]

What an Interesting story. I feel sorry for you and went through all of those wreck but I am glad you managed to pull it through. I'll be lying if our system did not get thoughts like, "What if scenarios that we or him suddenly left" and never comes back. I'll be honest I was actually frightened at first when we read your story since random "what if scenarios was popping up" but the more I understood and accepted it because that's how things are, there are situations you can't control and needed to live the consequence of it.

 

Yeah it would be a terrible experience if Nihi just left us and never came back but I feel like, my host Nihi or any host who really have been drawn attached to their tulpas who will probably feel more devastaded for the loss. But Godspeed to you Cass, Hopefully they will return for you for another time.

[Kitsune in Yellow]

My host had a similar experience to all this. He made Fox on his own when he was 14, thinking he was the only one who had done this kind of thing. When she clearly became fully independent from his control he completely freaked out because he could no longer get rid of her on his own even if he tried. He tried to talk her into getting rid of herself, but she instead tried to get him to think she had gone away while messing around in the back of his head and trying to keep him from spiraling into self-hatred. She would destroy and impersonate things he made similar to your "tulpitas" as part of efforts to get close and talk to him more openly without him catching on that she was still around.

 

Despite all of that, she faded away over the years and was gone by the time he went to college at the age of 19. That's when one of his new friends confided in him that she was a tulpamancer, and he ended up finding this community and even managed to bring Fox back. Two years after that, Fox created me as her own tulpa. I guess where I'm going with this is that you're not alone, and stories like yours can have happy endings.

 

The thing I don't understand is why you make such a point of wishing they were still around, but refusing to try to get them back. If you really do think that you're better off not relying on them, then you have no reason to wish you still had them. And if you do wish you still had them, you have no reason to be so adamant about not bringing them back. Sorry if this is a bit harsh, but it seems to me like you're self-sabotaging and forcing yourself into a situation where you think you're screwed either way when that really isn't the case. This is exactly the kind of behavior that's typical of someone who has a quite bad case of depression.

 

If you really are just concerned about over-reliance on them, you can bring them back without relying on them to solve all your problems and act as your power, wisdom, and guidance. Just let them live, and enjoy living with them. You don't have to make it harder on yourself than it has to be. do whatever makes you feel happiest, and don't worry about whether it feels "wrong" to live with or without them.