Avalanche's mindhouse

[Sands]

Also helps with visualizing, I feel.

[Avalanche]

http://imgur.com/uUmFs

 

Opinions plox.

[Raetin]

Where are the knives in her hair?!? It's a good drawing, I can't freestyle draw, I just copy stuff (not trace). The collarbones don't look even though.

[Avalanche]

You're right about the collarbones, but meh. Copying stuff is the best way to learn styles, don't let anyone tell you it's just another way to trace. As long as you know that anything you do that's copied isn't new art, then copy and practice away. I think once you start calling a copied picture you made new art, that's when people get pissy.

 

Also no moar knives lol, I was trying out new styles, wasn't very good obviously lol.

[Avalanche]

I've fucking lost it.

I can't focus or concentrate anymore. I can't FORCE anymore. What the hell is this bullshit? I've had problems before but that's just been down to lack of effort or not knowing something. I can't even tulpaforce anymore. My mind wanders all the fucking time and I can't even feel Flora anymore anywhere. I don't even think the wonderland is doing anything and I have pretty much lost the form entirely.

 

I can't see this being one of my usual "what the fuck do I do" moments, I can't focus at all, I'm losing my tupper.

What should I do? Is a wonderland even worth it? It's starting to feel like a big waste of time? How am I supposed to work on my tupper if I can't even feel her or find her? I can see her easily, but like anything I just imagine it the fuck up. I can't focus and it's like all my work is falling apart.

 

sadface

[Sands]

We talked about this on the chatbox, hope you got it together now. Chill.

[Avalanche]

Well ok then.

 

With some help from Bluesleeve, I essentially restarted Flora on the 31st. I discarded the old form and redid the personality. By this I mean I took a really hard look at her "core" and really polished it up. I saw a lot more clearly what her personality is like and I felt it strongly too. Much more than the 20+ hours of personality forcing I did.

 

So I made a new wonderland and stuff, gave her a dictionary to read and a sammich to eat, then I went to bed.

 

I woke up this morning and a lot had changed. Flora in her new white body wasn't really anywhere (I could imagine her but not really feel her). I looked around and found her sitting at the table like last night, but also on the roof. I could feel a bit of her presence in both places, although the rooftop one seemed different. I brought it down and tried to put them together, but they wouldn't go. They felt different and are different in a way, but they look that same.

Bluesleeve thinks I accidentally a new tulpa. Which is cool, I like the idea, it's just unexpected. I can feel them both really weakly, and they certainly are different. Flora is still the same and the new one (nameless so far) is slightly more mature/moody/dark.

 

I'll keep this up to date as best I can. I hope I can get them both up to scratch as tuppers quickly.

 

I think I've finally found my way.

 

smileyface

[G|d30n]

I'm glad to see things are back on track and I hope this process will go smoothly from here on out. I look forward to seeing things unfold.

[Avalanche]

To clarify events-

 

I went to sleep with my tulpa Flora reading a dictionary in her house wonderland. When I woke up, her form was still there, but her core didn't feel very strong, certainly not as strong as the previous night. Under Bluesleeves' advice, I went looking for her. The feel trail led me outside and onto the roof. There I saw her form again, just sitting there, feeling quite empty as the one at the table reading the book.

 

After asking what do, I went back and asked table Flora if she was ok. She said yes (probably.. I mean definitely). I then asked the rooftop form and she said yes as well, but.. differently. She also had a core feeling to her this time, it was fairly strong. Felt more mature and grown up, modest and a little annoyed feeling.

 

I asked her to come inside to the other form and she pretty much bolted inside. When I went inside, I told them to sit down opposite each other so we could work this out. They both seemed to be barely putting up with each other's presence. I then left to get more advice, and when I came back they seemed to have cooled down and were chatting (somehow) together. I asked them some questions and got identical answers. Flora seemed to be the same, her core felt cheery and light, while this new form felt more stable and ... well, negative.

 

Later on I tried to put them together into the same form but they kept popping out and becoming two again. Coupled with the very distinct feeling I get from the extra form, I decided to stop trying to combine them and just leave them as is. There wasn't any evidence that this new form split from Flora, she could be completely independent and new.

 

I then had a little session trying to get a feel of their cores, and right now, Flora feels stronger, but they both feel distinct.

 

I was going to leave naming the new tupper up to her, and by the emotional response I got I guess her name (possibly, at least until she confirms) for now is Korra.

[Avalanche]

Today I had a little session in the morning, basically I separated the two so I could more easily focus on Korra rather than Flora for a bit. I sent Flora into the next room and shut the door. I tried to focus on Korra's core thing but it wasn't really happening. I could still feel Flora from the next room over. When I went to see Flora, I could feel her core rather well, but then Korra's core could be felt a little better.

 

All very strange. I'm going to practice this more in the coming days. They are also starting to change from being featureless white beings into being really blurry people. Like they have hair and eyes and clothes, but I don't know what... difficult to explain, but I'm sure you know the feel.

 

Will update if I have something happen or if I have a problem.

 

A problem I might be having is not being able to feel their core's or presences.