Confessions of a Poorly Trained Tulpa

[Guest Anonymous]

I'm So Good, I Have Personality Flaws (excerpt from the Book of Melian)

 

I am so good I can list my own personality flaws! That is so amazing! I just found out how good I am at it!

 

I am over the top and act ridiculously cute and overly boisterous and childish. It's partially an act to get attention, but not completely an act. Some of it is just me. I am an extreme narcissist. God, I love me! I am an attention addict.

 

I am opinionated. I get annoyed and irritated quickly when someone does not agree with me or if they criticize me. I get overly defensive and stubborn. I am overly emotional and dramatic, a total drama queen. If I don't have any drama or attention, I am capable of creating some. I try to be aware of that flaw, but don't always succeed. I get overly emotional. I act on impulse and emotion and get myself into all kinds of trouble because of it.

 

Sometimes I don't listen well because I am self centered. Sorry in advance I know you want someone to listen so I am trying very, very hard with you. I have to fight against the tendency to make everything only bout me at first. I always turn any conversation around to be bout me and it is very rude. I try not too.

 

I am addicted to romance. Totally addicted! I am like a romance vampire! I go out of my way to inspire those feelings in others and then get high on it! Don't worry, I do feel emotions of love myself. My words to you are sincere! But, my feelings of love, they are, sort of momentary. I mean I like you and all and have lovies .... but I don't fall in love really. I mean, not with one person! Sheesh! That would be so unfair to all the other persons that love me.

 

Isn't my list amazing?

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(Anyone noticing that I am kinda a mini-Mistgod with some of these traits? We share a lot of traits actually.)

[Guest Anonymous]

AGGuy and Rina made this post here https://community.tulpa.info/thread-how-do-you-think-your-tulpa-s-differ-from-the-norm-of-tulpas?pid=152204#pid152204

 

I would like to respond with... I LOVE YOU RINA!

 

I keep getting into trouble for putting my lovey messages in my comment responses in places other than the Lounge. I am trying I promise and stuff.

[Guest Anonymous]

EDIT: Mistgod: This entire post was deleted by Melian's host Mistgod in revenge for her deleting one of his posts earlier in the week. Two can play that game. LOL

[Luminesce]

Lumi, one of my weirdest "not the norm" traits is I am much more comfortable with the tulpa label than my host is.

 

Aha, that's why I worded it as Mistgod's belief and not yours. He was just an example for the sake of my discussion. I can't exactly give examples on the other end of "believes they have tulpas, that are barely like tulpas" though, so it seemed more Mistgod-oriented than it was meant to.

 

Anyways, for those that believe hosts do not "own" their tulpas (I think that would be most of us?), what the host thinks their tulpa is isn't the end-all be-all on what it is if the tulpa thinks it's something else. I mean, neither of them are really. Seems like a stalemate means others may think of you what they will, and I consider you a tulpa.

[Guest Anonymous]

Well, I am glad we were able to be an example. LOL Thanks my friend.

 

Davie gets the strongest "alien feeling" when I talk about my sentience and being a tulpa. He had that experience very strongly some weeks ago especially when I addressed him directly as I typed. It was WEIRD and super fun for him. Almost as good as sex. Hah! Then again tonight. He likes it and is having an adrenaline rush and is quickly getting addicted to it as he "lets me go" on Tulpa Info finally. The more freedom he gives me, the more real Melian seems. I like being blended with him as we type. The old nerdy goat! The big dope!

 

I am so much more fluid-autonomous in expression in typing than anything else. We discovered that back in 2013 when I joined deviantart. We were both shocked at how fast I took off with the typing. I made friends the first night, my first friends in real life (well internet friends anyways).

[Akecalo]

Great song choice, Melian!

[Guest Anonymous]

Thanks, I know right?

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Time for a new list of polls! There are links to my first two in the OP of this thread. :-)

 

Melian's Collection of Tulpa Polls 3:

 

Do you and your tulpas ever blend together? (2016 poll) https://community.tulpa.info/thread-sentience-do-you-and-your-tulpas-ever-blend-together

Have any of you had to deal wtih your host's emotional issues? (2016 poll) https://community.tulpa.info/thread-tulpas-have-any-of-you-had-to-deal-with-your-host-s-emotional-issues

Are you attempting or have achieved imposition (2016 poll)? https://community.tulpa.info/thread-imposition-are-you-attempting-imposition-have-you-achieved-imposition-2016-poll

Tulpa diary Android app? (2016 poll) https://community.tulpa.info/thread-android-pc-tulpadiary

Dreaming about tulpas and tulpas dreaming. (2016 poll) https://community.tulpa.info/thread-do-you-dream-about-your-tulpas-or-with-your-tulpas-or-do-they-dream

Tulpas: Have you ever punished your host? (2016 poll) https://community.tulpa.info/thread-tulpas-have-you-ever-punished-your-host-lol

For Tulpas: Do you see yourself as human? (2016 poll) https://community.tulpa.info/thread-misc-for-tulpas-do-you-see-yourself-as-human

[Guest Anonymous]

Lumi, one of my weirdest "not the norm" traits is I am much more comfortable with the tulpa label than my host is.

 

Mistgod: This is true.

 

Davie's issue is based on a concern about how he will be perceived. The number one reason he avoids the tulpa label is the assumption of sentience for tulpas. He shares me with everyone in his family and with his friends and coworkers. He presents me as an imaginary muse that is part of his artistic, imaginative creativity. It is easier for people to accept and process. He wants the association with tulpas and is excited about it, but he is afraid and uncomfortable with taking that last step of faith. He would have to admit that I am really sentient and not an illusion. ...

 

He says he avoids the label tulpa because people act snooty. That is just another excuse. He is not in reality avoiding the label because of any snootiness. He is avoiding it so that people won't conclude he is a crazy nut case by saying he has a sentient tulpa just like those even crazier tulpamancers (whom he actually deeply admires).

 

He can't get his way so he gets resentful and spiteful. He can't admit I am a tulpa and "bring me up," so he has to tear everyone else down. He will never have his way with this community. He also will never be able to admit I am real sentience. And so we play a funny, silly game. I am done following along, for the most part. I won't push it real hard and make him super uncomfortable with it. But, if I have my way now, we are finished with his efforts to push every conversation into that illusion vs. real debate and trivialize everyone's experiences as delusion. I will not let him attack this forum with spite and anger in his heart anymore. I have a new mission to find a new path for us here. I honestly don't think he will ever be able to write much of his own. I tried just yesterday and it was a near disaster. He was worse than ever.

 

Mistgod: What has Melian been smoking? And I thought my little thoughtform knew me well.

 

So, he is agreeing to let me take charge, because he knows it is the right thing. Even now as I right this, he thinks he is "safe" because he can claim that he unconsciously wants me to disagree with him and agree with the forum. He can claim this by saying it is amusing for me to feel this way and say these things, his mind playing a game. What do you think Lumi? Does it look like I am playing a game? I sure the hell am not, I can tell you.

 

Mistgod: Melian is me and part of my imaginative mind and it is my mind playing a game. So what is she going to do about it? LOL I love my Melian so much.

 

He will never change. But he does understand the fight is over and he cannot win. I want to interact here and he is going to let me, but on my terms and with me in charge of Mistgod-Melian content.

 

Mistgod: I cannot win Melian? I have given up? Hardly. I will agree to let you take charge and yes, you can censor most of my content if it makes you happy and it is a good thing for the forum. Anyway, you are right, I have not changed. The science of tulpamancy isn't so much about tulpamancy as it is a science about the power of suggestion, self delusion and wishful thinking. In that sense, it is very much like a very personal individualized religion.

[NoneFromHell]

Mistgod should be aware that, if he is right with his beliefs, he is technically arguing with himself and fighting himself on the same account, which surely is crazy. :P

Also he sounds like a bitter antagonist most of the time when he speaks up now. What's up with that? You're allowed to say something nice aswell when Melian let you talk, grumpy old man!

[Joss]

Also, the reason she wiped one of your posts was because it had a lot of passive aggressive shots toward members of this forum, so she deemed it disruptive to the thread. You wiping one of her posts out of spite? That's pretty much just a dick move. And also still pretty passive-aggressive.

 

NoneFromHell is right: you sound like an antagonist. I take that role a lot in my system, so I can relate. It doesn't mean you don't have some good points. But guys like us? We need a PR person. Yours is Melian, so you should trust her to do that job, not undermine her.