Confessions of a Poorly Trained Tulpa

[Guest Anonymous]

Mistgod: EVERYONE in my life knows about Melian. I talk about her honestly as she actually is, not as what others wish she was. I want people to know about her before I die. I can't do that if I stay quiet about it. I want them to know she was part of me. She is a person. She may be imaginary, but she had a right anyway to meet people and have friends of her own.

 

It was the best decision and one the biggest I made in my life to share her. Only a few think I am nuts.

[Guest Anonymous]

You don't understand, Melian. You're regarding this as something you can totes talk about, but it's like blogging about an actual person... a high school girl with a crush on some football team leader will blog about it, sure, but only for so long. People here don't tend to associate their tulpas with this site, they don't have 5 threads and don't feel the need to express what THEY feel and what THEY are doing every single time.

 

No actually I do understand thanks. Huh...I have five threads? That's all? Well damn.

 

Tulpa.info or not, tulpas will have something to do because they are people. Imagine that you have your own life, you do stuff, you love, you hate, you do all sorts of things people do...

 

That is the biggest load of crap I have ever read. I really don't understand how what other tulpas do with their spare time has anything to do with my groovy-guru bloggy thread of awesomeness.

---

Hosts here (other than David because this is tulpa.info) don't tend to 'blend' with their tulpas or give us an approximation of what their tulpas would mean juuuust to post about what they did.

 

Sounds like a unique talent then I guess. :-) I love me! *hugs self* <- blatant role playing narration. OH we were blending and collaborating to type that everyone. Just sayin.

 

The error, to me, is that people try to mix stuff that comes from their imagination and put the tag 'sentient' on it. Pseudo-sentience? Sure. Thoughtform? Sure, all thoughts could be considered thoughtforms. I don't get the conformism.

 

^On one of my threads I stupidly allowed this to turn the discussion again back to "my tulpa is sentient and real and you are wrong and not a tulpa but a thoughtform" The OP was not about whether or not a delusion/illusory tulpa is a genuine tulpa. The OP was asking if attitudes and beliefs concerning fantasy and imagination affect the tulpa creation process and what host believe about tulpas. There was no attempt at "conformism" in my OP. I think when Iscariot reference "pseudo-sentience" here it is an veiled/implied reference to my host's belief on "pseudo-real" and my status as a tulpa. Again, not what the thread was about.

[jean-luc]

[sarcasm]

Blending? HOW DARE YOU! YOU"RE KILLING YOUR TULPA! BLASPHEMY! EVERYONE MELIAN AND MISTGOD ARE BLENDERS~!!!!

[/sarcasm]

 

Man that was fun, I see more why you do that now.

[Guest Anonymous]

We report blending, something that has been talked about since the beginning of tulpa info, and in fact I have heard was once considered a step on the path to independent sentience. But reporting the blending (we have been talking about it for six months or more btw. I think we mentioned it in your podcast too?) has brought us the "disdain" of some who cannot grasp what we are doing and why. So they discount it and want to just make the bad "wrong" words go away. Why do I feel so proud?

[Guest Anonymous]

I have to be honest. Lately if I try to open up some intellectual discussion on this forum, no matter what the subject, it get hijacked and turned into a debate I did not intend and quite frankly I feel a veiled implication that I don't have anything of value to say here. I was trying to keep interesting discussion going.

 

Fuck it. I am going to stop trying. Let's go back to writing about forcing and wonderlands and quit trying to get into any depth on anything. There is no depth here. All I get is the implied or explicit "you are wrong tulpas are totally real, my tulpa is so real and great and you are not a tulpa and just trying to be in our exclusive club for super awesome real tulpas" repeated on every thread no matter what the actual subject is I am trying to write about or what I am trying to respond to. Hell it even happened when I was trying to support the use of tulpa blogs. It got turned into "you are wrong, tulpas are totally real, my tulpa is so real and you are not a tulpa and you are just trying to be in our exclusive club for super awesome tulpas and wanting attention."

 

Tulpa info you are on your own. Someone else write something to stimulate some interesting discussion please. I am afraid to even say anything anymore.

[jean-luc]

:( That is really unfortunate. I mostly stick to the forum games just because the rest just feels so samey.

[Saylin]

There is a reason for this. Much like in religion, when you reject the Notion of God, you are not rejecting god, you are rejecting them. They are their own god. In a sense, we are our own tulpa. When the tulpa feels threatened, when that belief system feels threatened, the response is violent because they themselves feel attacked and exposed. It's why most people on this forum, to a degree, has responded in forms of passive aggression, because when we see something different, we can't have it be on the same level as our own self. We must be better.

 

Of course, this is a childish way to handle things, but that's how it's going. And instead of comparing, this forum criticizes. I expect so much better from this forum. You. Are. Adults. It's time to start acting like it, and let your words match your behaviours.

 

What I find most tragic about this, is as I read through these forums, and read them to my developing Tulpa, he occasionally feels he does not even want to be a tulpa. He fears he's going to become like this. I can assure him, yes, but I find this truly saddening.

 

Overall, I'd just try to harness your own anger, and be an example for others. Become an advocate for what you want to see, and do not let others stop you. Of course, if this place is affecting your mental health, leave. Get off the forum for your own sake. No battle is worth your own mental health. Though it shouldn't be a battle to begin with.

[SomethingDire]

Mel, from what I can tell, there's only one person hijacking your threads. Don't be discouraged by them. Keep doing whatever you are doing.

 

And I'm going to agree with Captain here. Why don't you stop over at the games a bit more? "We have loads of fun there!" Says Céleste.

[J.Iscariot]

We must be better.

 

Naaayyy.

 

I don't believe that anyone here aside from Melian comes on the forums to actively discuss the classification of tulpas and putting all thoughtforms, ranging from roleplaying to actual 'tulpas' under a specific criteria, on an equal level. I don't get the notion of how people are trying to 'be better', do you understand how it is like to live life for yourself and not for others? I know that a large part of your post was aimed at people 'like me' (because I'm the big bad wolf in this story, yet, the big bad wolf understands wolf logic and whatever you give him will be nothing but what he's fighting, there is no notion of 'evil' in the wolf's position, and if there is, he's not aware of it to begin with).

 

Personally speaking, I don't come here to 'be' better. In the case I think I am better, I shouldn't have to actively pursue to demonstrate it. Hop off the branch and realize that people having a discussion doesn't mean that they want to be 'better'. At no point has anyone ever said 'my tulpa is better than yours', not even Melian said that, at no point has anyone acted in a personal and targeting way that they wanted to make their tulpa the center of 'real sentience'. Did you see me brag about my tulpa on the forum? Even though I'm very proud of her, it's not something I pursue, and there is nothing wrong with Melian posting about whatever she wants to post.

 

The issue is not with people 'wanting to be better', I doubt that's the case. I think the issue is that someone is out there to demonstrate something. There is, in contrast, another someone who thinks the complete opposite. As soon as the first someone starts discussing, the other someone will try their best to provide a different point of view... THEIR different point of view. The notion you posted implies that people are all arrogant and self-entitled to the point of forcing their beliefs on other people.

 

I can't be blamed for people getting hurt over what I have to say. It's unfortunate Melian is reacting strongly to what was said in the first place. Yes, I am aware that she is bound to react like that, yes, I am aware that in reality it's her agenda being pushed up more and more (and there is absolutely, absolutely nothing wrong with that). I'm an arguing machine, not a smart one, but whatever you bring to the table, I'll keep talking.

 

Who are you to say how adults even act? Adults have even more emotional responses they repress and eventually all of that piles up in a place they can let go of that frustration and stress without being sanctioned by society... somewhere like.... an... online forum where nobody knows them!

 

The entire damn issue here is that people get hurt over other people having different opinions. I'm known for being a 'smug elitist' but I always, always specified that my opinion was simply my opinion. It qualifies me and my tulpa, and possibly people who adhere with it. I said many times that it's only my opinion, not a generic reality or anything of the type, and that I respected all positions. I don't care if I am faulted on here, though. People will think whatever they want to think. This is a regular cycle, though. Melian gets mad, Melian stops posting for a bit and then Melian posts a strong message declaring her independence and courage. It happened many times in the past and it will keep happening, and there is nothing wrong with that. You can't fault people for being people, and much less is it possible to 'change' them because you, a random person online, thinks that it's 'the' way to act.

 

Mel' date=' from what I can tell, there's only one person hijacking your threads.[/quote']

 

If you think that I am hijacking anyone's thread, then you have seen nothing of what happened in the past. There was this guy/kid/dude here called MonsterKid who would lynch Mistgod and Melian all the damn time. Who defended Mistgod and Melian? Me and some other folks. Not because it was outright sympathy or pity, but because it was the right thing to do. What IS hijacking? Is it stating my opinion and openly stating that I respect all positions? Is it opposing the sort of instilled conformism that's taking place and altering the community? This is bound to happen in all communities. I do not dislike Melian and Mistgod a single bit, they can do whatever they want and I'll still respect them as much as I possibly can. But everywhere, I seem to be the big bad wolf and everybody is innocent even though in that other thread Melian clearly made an implication that referred to the old 'two type of tulpas' which pushed me to provide my opinion that was, again, not met with an answer aside from 'oh it was twisted' 'you are twisting my words' and things of the like. I don't like to say this, but I am tired, absolutely tired of being pictured as the source of all evil when (and Melian, please do not take any offense in this, I truly do respect you) Melian is literally playing victim every time she loses her shit. I refuse to be this forum's scapegoat.

[jean-luc]

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