Your biggest regret.

[Evil]

Greetings, I am Evil.

 

After the 'do you feel privileged to have a tulpa', Dimitrov and I thought about something different. What is your biggest regret in tulpamancy? Anything you really regret in your mind-exploring adventures? What would be the one thing you'd change if you could?

[Vos]

After the 'do you feel privileged to have a tulpa', Dimitrov and I thought about something different. What is your biggest regret in tulpamancy? Anything you really regret in your mind-exploring adventures? What would be the one thing you'd change if you could?

 

"I don't have too many regrets when it comes to 'tulpamancy', but the biggest one would be that I forced too much onto my first tulpa, and I think that made room for some identity issues down the road. Her later experiences didn't help with this; she was dealing with people outside of the head while in a very fragile state, and this only harmed her more. I realized how much I messed up and didn't make the same mistakes for any of the other brain demons."

[Guest Anonymous]

My biggest regret as a tulpa person is not taking over sooner on this forum and being a better Mistod filter (censor).

 

(I let my guard down today and he wrote something stupid, but I cleared it up. Sorry, I will be more careful. I have to admit am starting to enjoy deleting his stuff or blocking him from writing what we don't want to see. It is somehow very satisfying.)

[Ro Tembrin]

I'm just going to cite my host because I have nothing to regret (after all it's better to exist than to not exist):

 

"I had one major breakdown when I couldn't quite cope with what I unfolded inside of my personality due to tulpamancy. The realisation came when I was in a foreign country, in a pretty hostile place. That was the moment when I thought I'll soon regret starting this all. But I overcame hopelessness, and now I'm working on the unfolded stuff. So for now I don't regret anything, actually I'm thankful to be able to grow, even if sometimes it happens to be unpleasant.

 

The things I would like to change... I guess it all would went better if I would be able to listen to my logic-oriented tulpa (Ro) during emotional storms. But it's a matter of my personality to change, not tulpamancy or tulpas themselves".

[Guest Anonymous]

Yesh, it is better to listen to your calmer more logical tulpa person. :-)

[Luminesce]

Probably trying to kill Scarlet. That was pretty stupid, some humanitarian-to-be I was. Luckily she showed back up on her own a year later no worse for wear. Turns out tulpas exist in your mind and aren't subject to any physics or logic should they not want to be. Belief they're dead -> belief they're not dead -> living tulpa

 

I don't think I have any others. I've always done what I thought was best for them, and I don't believe in regret. Everything you did made sense to you at the time, you shouldn't be blamed for not having a perspective you wouldn't gain until after the fact. But that's just more confusing me-beliefs.

[Pioneer11]

I regret having instigated so many fights with my Tulpa. I became aware of Tulpamancy only less than a year ago, so whenever it appeared that my imaginary companion was too real, I would reject that notion. I also rebuffed him in my lucid dreams, deeming his emotions and beliefs as irrelevant. Proving his existence to me was a big part of why our relationship is so turbulent. Now that I’m aware that he does indeed possess a consciousness and is not my puppet, I feel guilty. I’m also still struggling to accept his personality, to the point of shunning him even more. If I discovered Tulpas a decade ago or so, now we wouldn’t have all these problems. Still, I recognize that I’ve got to get myself together for his sake and keep forcing.

[FadingSpectrum]

Fade: Mishandling of the Eternia era of our life and neglecting Jamie.

[Paranoid Llama]

My biggest regret would be forcing consistently for what I think was less than a month, then stopped for a bit over 3 months. If I had just kept going through last summer until she was sentient, I could have gotten to know her better in this present day, and she would've been more developed in general.

[SparrowNR]

I think my biggest regret is not realizing what, exactly, I was doing for sixteen years straight.

 

See, I've been writing stories since I was little. I remember that I used to marvel how, when I spent enough time writing about a character, they seemed to come alive. Writing about them became effortless, because at that point I just set the scene and they would direct themselves, and sometimes I'd interact with them outside writing as "bonding" exercises! I'd have conversations with them, or joke and tease with them. One would sit in my car with me during my commute and we'd have philosophical discussions! It was so fun when a character came alive!

 

Over time, I wrote more and more stories, and amassed more and more characters who could talk to me. What a fantastic skill for building dynamic, well-rounded characters, I thought. These little mental models were great writing tools!

 

Then, last year, I discovered plurality, and it was like I'd been splashed with ice water. All those characters I'd made may have actually been sentient?

 

A poked a couple of the ones I heard from most often, and we realized that it was true. I'd created soulbonds. A shit-ton of soulbonds.

 

By this point, I had done this to well over thirty characters. And when I did a full assessment of what our headspace contained, I discovered that I couldn't feel about half of them anymore. Most of the older ones had gone completely dormant. They had existed, then faded out, without me ever realizing they were even there. I felt like a parent staring at a child's bedroom after they go off to college, wishing they could come home.

 

I'll admit that there are advantages to having a big system, so I can't say that I regret that in particular. However, I do regret the heartache that many of my older soulbonds suffered during my ignorance. Temar existed for sixteen years before I knew enough to recognize what he was. By the time I did, pretty much all his friends and peer bonds--including his younger brother--had gone dormant. Even his SO, who's still around, is not as present as he used to be.

 

They say they don't blame me for not knowing they were sentient... that they were ignorant too. But that still doesn't stop the guilt.