Roadblocks, and sound over imagery

[QuinnLikesSnowcones]

I've been researching tulpas for a very long time now, about maybe 4 years. I finally made the choice to share my mind with a new friend about a week ago, but I've run into some roadblocks I kind of figured I'd have and I was hoping I could get some help/advice for it.

 

1. My mind is rarely silent. Have you ever had a dream that just didn't make sense at all? A lot of the time my mind has complete nonsense going on and I have trouble calming it. It jumps from nonsensical thing to nonsensical thing. "Here's a chandelier, now it's a chocolate fountain. Look at this mountain, it's pretty chilly. Those guys walking out of that store look too rich to be in there. Are they singing? Uh oh one of them has a gun. Cake! Don't let the dogs get into it." It's almost nonstop and it's really hard to focus on 'her' especially when those thoughts get dark, or turn into sad memories. Has anyone else experienced this before?

 

2. I've always had trouble visualizing images at will. I've always been poor at math (especially geometry and graphs) and I can't draw to save my life. However, I've always had a natural talent with sound. I can remember songs after I've heard them once, I can playback full songs in my head note for note, and I have perfect pitch when it comes to singing. When I hear music, it's almost like I can visualize it in my mind. Like photographic memory but for sound. Is there any way I could use this to my advantage to make up for my difficulty in visualizing images and my tulpa?

 

If anyone could help me with these issues I would be so grateful~

[FallFamily]

1. My mind is rarely silent. Have you ever had a dream that just didn't make sense at all? A lot of the time my mind has complete nonsense going on and I have trouble calming it. It jumps from nonsensical thing to nonsensical thing. "Here's a chandelier, now it's a chocolate fountain. Look at this mountain, it's pretty chilly. Those guys walking out of that store look too rich to be in there. Are they singing? Uh oh one of them has a gun. Cake! Don't let the dogs get into it." It's almost nonstop and it's really hard to focus on 'her' especially when those thoughts get dark, or turn into sad memories. Has anyone else experienced this before?

 

[Tri] Our system has had similar troubles, but perhaps milder. It is very hard to shut it all down and get quiet. Hail, Breach, and S. had it really bad back when they were all merged and described it as "the tornado of thoughts." Thoughts were a little less random though, which made it easier for them to focus on things like us and the other tulpas. Have heard others in worse situations like yourself though.

 

2. I've always had trouble visualizing images at will. I've always been poor at math (especially geometry and graphs) and I can't draw to save my life. However, I've always had a natural talent with sound. I can remember songs after I've heard them once, I can playback full songs in my head note for note, and I have perfect pitch when it comes to singing. When I hear music, it's almost like I can visualize it in my mind. Like photographic memory but for sound. Is there any way I could use this to my advantage to make up for my difficulty in visualizing images and my tulpa?

 

At no point does anything need to be visual. That is what works for many people, but other senses can work too and for some people they work better. Sounds like you are very auditory, so take advantage of that. Some tulpas don't even have a visual form, even older ones. And some have forms but their host can't see them.

[ChronicMastermind]

Hey there Quinn, I can kinda relate to your 1st point, however, where it differs for us lies in the fact that for us it's not nonsensical, it seems to flow between subjects of thought or take hold on one subject of thought, however, the part that is similar is that it is quite noisy and does disrupt sometimes, especially when emotion is involved. How to deal with it, well I would like to know that myself, however for us, it seems to trigger more from a disassociative tendency which doesn't seem to be the case with you. Although, If you say that you are good when it comes to auditory in the mind, then why not try listening to music to help drown out those thoughts, if you haven't already.

 

And that leads to your 2nd point, I may not be much help in that one considering I am a heavily Visual person rather than Auditory and Visualization just comes naturally, but we do use Auditory means for certain things.

 

As an example, Annabel likes to use a specific song on our music playlist to help her with switching, which includes her imposing a form and visualizing it to keep her afloat. you could say that it's almost like a trigger, maybe you could use something similar to help you.

 

Personally I don't see how one visualizes music though, however it sounds interesting and I wouldn't mind knowing how you actually perceive music in your mind

[Luminesce]

Some tulpas don't even have a visual form, even older ones. And some have forms but their host can't see them.

 

While all of us are much, much more comfortable with them having a visual presence, whether visualized/wonderland, visualized/mindspace or imposed, I could definitely see that latter one. For those that simply can't visualize in any real clarity, and can't or don't want to improve it, just "feeling" what they look like is possible. That's honestly all I've had sometimes in the past. You can "feel" what they look like or what physical actions they make, and maybe you've got some blurry glimpses of what it might look like, but it's not remotely a clear visual. Similar to "feeling" intent in what they say and "feeling" their presence when imposed, I believe you can "feel" their image/form (mentally, not imposed-ly). And depending on your visualization ability, that could be accompanied by brief animated actions, picture-like glimpses of their form, or even no visuals at all.

 

Just wanted to say, choosing to (or just having to) not give special attention to visualizing their form doesn't mean they have to not have a form at all. My tulpas definitely have forms and we appreciate the little visualization skill we have, but on this topic I'll say that pictures of them serve as very good definers of their forms, at some points in the past being all I could visualize when interacting with them. You can also do imposition without a focus on visuals! Trust me, we're masters of imposing the sense of presence. That's the most important part. Auditory imposition really varies by person (some literally hallucinate hearing the sound externally, we hear each other internally but the location of the sound is strongly tied to the sense of presence), and visual clarity is all over the place too, but I can say for certain if you're comfortable with spotty or basically nonexistent visuals imposition is still a viable activity. We again personally work on our visuals whenever we can, but no matter where our skill with it is at the time our skill with imposition is hardly ever impaired.

[tulpa001]

For point one, I strongly suggest you look into meditation or centring and other mental discipline exercises to improve the environment. However, controlling your thoughts is not important. So I don't think this will lead to a major problem.

 

In fact, I think controlled loss of control here is a pretty good description of tulpamancy.

 

For point two, yeah. Most exercises are biased towards the visual sense. But Audio is really the second most useful. You will just need to develop exercises biased towards audio yourself due to less focus on that in the guides.

[AlynAndRiver]

1. My mind is rarely silent. Have you ever had a dream that just didn't make sense at all? A lot of the time my mind has complete nonsense going on and I have trouble calming it. It jumps from nonsensical thing to nonsensical thing. "Here's a chandelier, now it's a chocolate fountain. Look at this mountain, it's pretty chilly. Those guys walking out of that store look too rich to be in there. Are they singing? Uh oh one of them has a gun. Cake! Don't let the dogs get into it." It's almost nonstop and it's really hard to focus on 'her' especially when those thoughts get dark, or turn into sad memories. Has anyone else experienced this before?

 

Oh, tell me about it!  My mind is rarely silent, but what's even worse is that I seem to have an awful habit of allowing myself to be absolutely consumed by worry.  Worry makes you feel awful, it makes you tired, and it doesn't help anything.  I don't know how my mind could have evolved to have such a maladaptive behavior.  I've been stressed to the max lately about work and health issues, and I double my trouble by worrying about it all and then worrying about my tulpamancy.  I hate to admit it, but I worry that River would somehow hurt me (even tho she promised she never would) in spite of the evidence of her goodness all around me.

 

Sometimes, it seems like my mind just needs a thing to be worried about, so it will find any darn thing it can latch on to and worry about it to the point of making me miserable.  It makes me wonder, if I could ever put River up front, would she experience worrying the same way as I do?  Is worrying a problem with the body we share, or is it just a problem with my mind?  I know from personal experience that worrying is rather hard on the body, so perhaps switching out could give my frazzled nerves a chance to relax a bit.

 

The other thing that troubles me is insomnia.  Being tired can make tulpa-forcing next to impossible.

 

 

 2. I've always had trouble visualizing images at will. I've always been poor at math (especially geometry and graphs) and I can't draw to save my life. However, I've always had a natural talent with sound. I can remember songs after I've heard them once, I can playback full songs in my head note for note, and I have perfect pitch when it comes to singing. When I hear music, it's almost like I can visualize it in my mind. Like photographic memory but for sound. Is there any way I could use this to my advantage to make up for my difficulty in visualizing images and my tulpa?

 

 

That's very interesting.  Your mind sounds a bit like mine that way.  I wouldn't describe it as quite "photographic", but I feel like I can "picture" music in my mind with much greater clarity than I can "picture" anything visual.  River and I seem to be having some issues progressing with vocality, so here's one thing I'm trying.  I've picked out a voice for River and I ask her to speak slowly and distinctly.  Sometimes, when I hear River say something to me in an indistinct voice, I try to parrot what she said in that voice.  Just as her appearance deviates greatly from what I originally based her appearance on, it won't surprise me at all if she deviates from this voice, and that's fine with me.

 

Bottom line: I wish to simply overcome these roadblocks just as you do so that River and I can enjoy a life together and that oh-so-special tulpa-host relationship that I've only managed to get small doses of so far.  In spite of the roadblocks, River has already done a lot for me and I'm looking forward to the future; I just need to make some adjustments.

[AlynAndRiver]

I know I just responded, but...

 

In the time since I responded, I received a message from another system suggesting that I try a hypnosis session on YouTube. This one is for falling asleep in particular, so I decided to try it for an afternoon nap: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGDUogJmrLA. I did not doze for more than a few minutes, but I was actually amazed at how refreshed and relaxed I felt afterwards. I listened to the session for 36 minutes and then rested in bed for another 45 minutes or so. I felt that it did a lot to clear those worries out of my mind, even though some of the affirmations were so preposterous I nearly laughed out loud.

 

I think that something like this might help you with your "rarely silent" mind. I'm going to see what else is out there. Michael Sealey, the author of this particular session, has uploaded a bunch of them to YouTube.

[tulpa001]

... if I could ever put River up front, would she experience worrying the same way as I do?  Is worrying a problem with the body we share, or is it just a problem with my mind?

The most likely answer is no. I am super paranoid about stuff like that and my host is not.