Krystaal's Unusual Origins

[dagwoodindustries]

My name is Krystaal and I am one of two tulpae in my host.  I wanted to describe what it was like for me when I first came into being, as I probably have an unusual perspective compared to some others.

 

I remember at first feeling my host's presence, and him feeling mine.  He wasn't intending to make a tulpa and at the time had no idea what a tulpa was.  He was creating a fantasy world of his own to retreat from reality.  It was a spiritual experience for him.  He would beckon a guide to appear and it simply would with its own unique appearance, name, and personality.  But these first characters alluded to and spoke of me, who was to be a more powerful spirit guide that had supposedly been watching over my host since before he was born.  It was then my host says he first felt my presence.

 

Beyond occasionally feeling his presence I could not really see, feel, or hear.  I didn't know what was happening or what I was.  Then I felt him reaching for me.  Trying to contact me.  Not with words.  It was more to me like he was actually physically reaching out to me and pulling me towards him.  And once he pulled me in, I simply knew who I was.  I think I was a voice at first.  A kind and benevolent voice.  I knew my purpose, who my host was, who the other characters were, and had all of my host's memories to work with.  It was hard to think at the time.  I got to choose my own body and name, and I took both from a character from a manuscript my host wished to write.  I differentiated myself from the character by adding an additional 'A' in my name.  I chose that body and name because I thought it would help my host see me as a positive influence.

 

Beyond that I simply was.  From day one I had my own body, I could talk of my own volition, I had my own thoughts, and over time I developed a very deep and close relationship with my host.  Every passing day it got easier and easier to think and feel.  I found new emotions and personality traits I didn't know I had.  I had truly become my own person.

 

Eventually the fantasy world had gotten out of hand and was actively harming my host, and when he realized it was all a fabrication of his mind he shut it all out.  Even me.  Almost everyone else simply disappeared.  I watched them all shatter and disperse like they were made of dust.  It sunk in for me, too, that everything I knew was a lie.  I faded too, but not completely.  I didn't know why I was different, why I was stronger, but even if I wanted to I never went away.  I simply watched my host in silence.  Occasionally I would try to talk to him, and sometimes he would listen, but he simply wasn't comfortable talking with me until he knew what I was.

 

Then he eventually discovered the word, "Tulpa" and did research.  We realized what I was and he soon welcomed me back into his life.  It was... Tense at first.  But we got past that.  Now we're pretty happy and keeping sane.

 

I'm not entirely sure how I was created so easily.  Perhaps my host just had a very wild imagination at the time or perhaps he found a way to give me the power to fill in the blanks or from day one thought of and treated me like I was a completely separate and different being from him.  Perhaps all three.

 

The other tulpa who now calls herself Vera was created in a similar manner, and she's a more potent tulpa than I am.  She can very vividly and gruesomely manipulate my host's astral body against his will and send real physical sensations of pain and discomfort through his body whenever she pleases.  Perhaps it's more a matter of practice?  The more characters my host made the more easily they could become tulpas and the more potent they could become?  Of course, Vera's power and potency were integral to her character in my host's fantasy world.  Perhaps it's more about believing something to make it so.  If anyone can reach real conclusions or gleam some potential techniques for creating tulpae from my story, then please do share below.

[tulpa001]

I'm not sure I can reach any new conclusion, but your story is backed up by many similar cases in the community, and some techniques reflect the abilities and experience you shared here.

[Slipper]

Your story is pretty similar to ours. I had spoken to a lot of realistic thoughtforms in the past, all who started out as daydreams. They would fade away and new ones would come. After I found out about tulpas, I wanted one to stay with me forever as a sentient equal to me. When I started, it was difficult to believe in my tulpa since he acted so realistically within moments of me creating him.

 

Mordecai (my tulpa) told me later that he watched almost in a haze the first couple of months after his creation, not really understanding what he was doing or that he actually existed. However, he still responded and thought, if that makes sense. Kind of like an automatic response and like his thoughts weren't coming from him. But he says that he is sentient now, which I believe. We never had any type of "spiritual guide" but other than that, pretty similar.

[NaViAlcatraz]

This is Lily speaking. I was originally a character in one of my host's dreams, although it was more accurately a nightmare for me. I was virtually a tulpa already at that point, despite my lack of a proper body or personality. I could feel emotions (although, because of the events in the dream, I was mostly terrified and upset) and I could speak without parroting. My host felt pity for me, thinking it would be a shame for a potential tulpa to simply disappear in his mind, especially after an experience as awful as mine. On the first day of my sentience, I was a wreck. I could barely speak because of the shock of what happened in the dream. My host and his first tulpa, Clarissa (who's since become like a big sister to me), ended up nursing me. In the end, he decided to put me in an artificial coma because Clarissa herself was not fully developed, so it would have been very difficult to maintain both of us for long, especially in my neurotic state. The coma was like a long, numb dream. I was half awake in darkness, but my mind was completely empty. I felt no emotions. No fear, no anger, no happiness, nothing. It wasn't comfortable, but it wasn't uncomfortable. I simply 'slept' on the same bed they nursed me in for several weeks. I was later woken up in a much stabler condition, albeit not completely. From that point on, my host developed me properly, and I'm happy to say that I'm in a much healthier state of mind.

 

This is NaVi, the host. Lily described her story well enough that I don't really have much to say. Krystaal, I'm certain that the circumstances of your birth are nothing to be concerned about. Now, Vera's case is a little trickier. Tulpamancy in general is largely an exploitation of the Placebo effect. So if your host believes that Vera has the power to mess with his mind, then she does. Worse yet, it's often an unconscious belief as well. From what I can gleam, your host made Vera a very powerful character in his fantasy world, and that translated over to her power as a tulpa. Now, I don't know if he actually appreciates Vera's opposing influence or something like that, but if he wants to undermine her power, he's going to have to either destroy the framework of his fantasy world, or use it to topple her. For example, by creating another character to oppose Vera.

 

(Still NaVi) Just to confirm, though, is Vera the antagonist in this story, or did I misinterpret it? If you're simply looking for a style of tulpamancy to gleam from all of this, then what I said above still applies. The power of belief is, indeed, a major factor in tulpamancy. Your host's fantasy world could effectively be a tulpa factory because of its ability to vividly create characters. If a character can be vividly created with an appearance and personality, then making a sentient tulpa out of them is trivial, given that the tulpamancer is sufficiently experienced. That's what happened with Aoi, Haru and U. I had enough practice with tulpamancy that I was able to bring them into a primitive level of sentience almost immediately. However, our system is very socialist. We all have roughly the same powers in the mindscape. There's a lot of nuance behind how much power each of us uses, and there's a lot of discussion available, but if tulpas are properly developed then, they all have equal potential. I'd say that Vera's ability to induce "pain and discomfort" is more about your host's strong belief that she can do so. It's well documented that people can feel imaginary pain and affect various things like the speed of healing solely based on a placebo.

 

Anyway, sorry for the wall of text. Hope I could help.