Xarbern

Psychosis and similar disorders

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We're wondering if anyone have some knowledge, theories, experiences, or anything to share about tulpa and psychosis. This subject is something that seems to be pretty unknown in tulpamancy. I'll try to update if I find something about it. 

 

 

[hidden] 

I'm getting a lot of hints of something coming up lately. Thought are randomly getting overwritten with other thoughts, conversations with random thoughtforms based on people close to me is popping up no matter what. Meditation is literally impossible lately and is getting harder and harder by time. Let's not forget self-deception which has started to happen automatically more often than ever. 

 

Matsuri is really trying to help which means a freakin' lot. I'm honestly scared and excited at the same time. For whatever is happening. [/hidden]

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Intrusive thoughforms did plague us early on, we fought them at first, eventually we simply pushed them out 'the door' and ignored them. They stopped coming around.

 

In the beginning we had to give 'powers' to eachother. Misha was a high level mage so she could banish them. Ashley was an Amazon Huntress with a long magic spear and Dashie used a powerful sword to literally cut them in half, but there was never any blood, everything was white magic so it would cause them to dissipate into light and return to my subconsious mind. I could push them out the door (or through the floor which is where my subconsious is, just under the floorboards in our apartment.)

 

You have to banish them and stop thinking about them if their hurtful, or simply have them leave if they're benign.

 

I think this is a phase in many tulpamancers experience. They will eventually stop and your ability to control wonderland will be stronger afterwards if you're anything like me.

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Do keep in mind that most shrinks would consider tulpamancy its self to be some kinda crazy. ;)

 

Have your experiences to date been consistent with the mainstream of tulpamancers here? I know systems that don't fit that mold and experience before the arrival of a new member.

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I am currently having a related, but different experience. I'm having really bad problems with false memories, I used to just about never get false memories, but now even recent things that I have no reason to want to change my view on, like whether or not I turned off the light in a room that I just left. I don't have any problems with intrusive thoughts though, and I can't offer a solution to your problem


I have a tulpa named Miela who I love very much.

 

 
"People put quotes in their signatures, right?"

-Me

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Some of the things you guys are talking about are worrying me a bit... dealing with this stuff on your own will not work out, and IS NOT related to tulpas, you can talk to a psychiatrist and not even mention them (it's pretty 50/50 whether that goes well or not, if you say they're a very positive influence on your life they might be like "Okay, very weird, but acceptable")

 

I'm honestly scared and excited at the same time. For whatever is happening.

 

that stuff is NOT something to be excited about, life isn't a scripted video game, you could literally just have the onset of a mental disorder, and should really see a psychologist* at some point.. preferably before negative symptoms start affecting your life


Hi I'm one of Lumi's tulpas! I like rain and dancing and dancing in the rain and if there's frogs there too that's bonus points.

All of my posts should be read at a hundred miles per hour because that's probably how they were written

Please talk to me https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas

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Xar had some form of psychosis when he was little which he tried keeping for himself at the time. I wasn't around so there's no tulpa involved. It's like the self deception technique just made us vulnerable to what I like to call, intrusive thoughts. That's literally what psychosis is anyway so why not try looking down on it like it has no power here! Maybe it turns out to be something positive tomorrow instead? 

 

I agree with you Lucilyn. We'll see tomorrow if it changes. If it gets worse even by intrusive thoughtsing them away, I'll make sure that Xar gets some form of help. 

 

I still feel normal besides the blendines earlier which is interesting. Xar seems to be the only one feeling exhausted with some voices which literally have the same feelings as falsifying memories. They're basically like copies of people who makes Xar feel stressed. 


Hi! I'm one of the most active fronters of Unicorn Cavalry. I like timey wimey stuff and blue boxes. Make it timey wimey blue box stuff and we're set to explore all time, forum and space!

My system mates on here: Kurisutina, Xarbern

 

>Come talk, ask or just casually vibe with us

>Season 2 Progress Report

 

"Does anyone know this song? It goes: ue ue ue, heeeeee, Kalinka Kalinka Kalinka x3"

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I have had intrusive and dark thoughts long before I discovered Tulpamancy. I don't think they count as psychosis though.

 

I became bothered by dark thoughts once my anxiety became more severe and it would get worse with depression. I soon built up some kind of tolerance to them, as if they were still scary but they seemed less and less meaningful. Every so often visualizing random strangers attacking me when I was stressed simply became the new normal.

 

I used to have these periods where I was so anxious I visualized really dark stories or would get hooked on an aggravating memory. I reffer to these incidences as "anxiety spirals". Sometimes I wasn't immersed in the wonderland and everything was fuzzy, but when I was immersed I felt trapped. The things I saw play out were generally violent.

 

When caught in the stress I wasn't thinking clearly and sometimes I became delusional. Hoping to hallucinate or pass out by letting myself hyperventilate and not use a brown paper bag is one example.

 

Sometimes I feared I would eventually halucinate a scary thoughtform that would want to hurt me. it never became a reality. In the wonderland, I would watch a thoughtform violently attack me and while I didn't impose the pain I would wipe my hand over my nose to see if I was bleeding.

 

I never visually hallucinated any of that though. I believe that's a requirement for psychosis.


Pretty much my main wonderland form minus the cat parts, that's a separate form. I'm not a hippo, I promise.

I sometimes speak in pink and Ranger sometimes speaks in blue (if it's unmarked and colored assume it's Ranger). He loves to chat.

 

My other Tulpas have their own account now.

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I've spoken enough about my "internal radio" of intrusive thoughts. One of Gavin's main duties is to police them and make sure I'm not getting bothered by them, since they can often be of a personal, distressing, and/or carnal nature.

Visual hallucination? Honestly, I don't know where the line is. There were a few days, when I would be put in a room alone after refusing to hand-write a test (while I had an extreme phobia of hand-writing) and I would just talk to Gavin, heavily dissociated. I don't consider it imposition in the slightest, and I didn't know what tulpas were, so I could be misinterpreting signs like "feeling presence" or some kind of proto-imposition. What happened is, I would see him out of the corner of my eye, almost, and I would get really scared and he'd stop it. Just a green shadow, but I saw it dozens of times, and I looked all around that room to make sure I wasn't misinterpreting anything else. I would also spend time staring into the table, and the grain in the wood would shift, just a little at first, then it'd start swimming in massive swirls. It was actually pretty in retrospect, but at the time I was also extremely freaked.

 

I don't know what to tell you. I worry quite a bit that I'm in the prodrome phase of something: that I'll look back and say, "I knew it all along, I knew something was wrong!"

Gavin tells me, what a self-fulfilling prophecy. The thing to do is protect my health, and monitor things closely, without projecting any diagnoses or label on prematurely. Some things are distressing at some points, but for the most part, I have a healthy relationship with my little "things." If the deep-seated feeling inside you says, "No, no, no, something extremely bad is happening", then listen. Just be careful: I have sensory processing disorder, but I can tweak my wording of the symptoms and it can sound like OCD, autism, or just being a brat. I don't know what the correct procedure there is, but just know, professionals don't always correctly judge how severely you experience symptoms, so word them carefully to reflect what's going on. "Hallucination" is an extremely charged word, but it's almost entirely accepted that people might hear their name when no one said it, or feel their phone buzz when it didn't. If you open with "I've been hallucinating", though... it's hard to backtrack. Says the idiot who started a conversation with "I hear a voice in my head that isn't me, and he gives me advice and is always there."

 

I've had better luck with starting at the beginning, and relaying to the doctor what you experienced, but leave out the buzz words, the labels. "A week ago, I was really stressed out and I started having a thought pop in my head, over and over, and it scared me a little, but I didn't think it was a big deal. Now, it's been a full week and I'm still thinking like this, and I figured, it's time to see a doctor." is better than "I've have all these thoughts that pop into my head over and over, all the time! It's been a whole week! I'm so stressed!" even though they share about the same information.

 

Whatever happens, I wish the best for you. The tulpa community is one of the most accepting I know. Whatever's going on, we're here to be understanding.

 

-Jamie



>tf when you google for "famous quotes by Marcus Aurelius" and had a fake one as your sig for months

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Well, we're trying to view the intrusive voices the same way Bear described. It's going well now at the time. 

 

We're gonna try not thinking about what stressed Xar, which seems to be blocked and intrusive thought streams pop up when we tried thinking about it.

 

Xar kinda already had a defense against falsifying memories but it seems to have left the cage and is now running around free after he pretty much let it loose by using falsifying memories to make my mindvoice clearer for Xar, which helped but also awoken the beast. 

 

 

 

Also, psychosis comes in many forms. Symptoms can differ pretty much from person to person and hallucinations is just a bonus symptom which we seem to have control over pretty good now. 

 

Though Xar have symptoms like illusions (like someone is behind us but isn't really), intrusive thoughts, hard guessing things that turn out to become like a false memory (same thing that creates paranoia in many patients), and the brain constantly changes thinking subject without notice which has been a problem when Xar's talking with others and writing. Weird thing is that I don't feel affected that much, just sometimes by blending but never besides that. That's also why I'm writing basically for Xar because his writing would turn out pretty messy compared to my messy writing. 


Hi! I'm one of the most active fronters of Unicorn Cavalry. I like timey wimey stuff and blue boxes. Make it timey wimey blue box stuff and we're set to explore all time, forum and space!

My system mates on here: Kurisutina, Xarbern

 

>Come talk, ask or just casually vibe with us

>Season 2 Progress Report

 

"Does anyone know this song? It goes: ue ue ue, heeeeee, Kalinka Kalinka Kalinka x3"

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