urali

Tulpa and personal issues

Recommended Posts

I posted here before about a certain issue I'm going through with my Tulpa, but I still need some guidance. I made my Tulpa to be passionate, caring and really loving, everything was fine and she literally made my life alot better. But after some time I started having issues with anxiety and pure o OCD intrusive thoughts due to deciding to quit my long time pornography consumption, I started having intrusive sexual thoughts and images about my Tulpa, and it felt like there was a second version of her which was kind of evil, I was afraid that i will accidently create different intrusive thoughtforms which be involved with my Tulpa in sexual acts. Sometimes I can feel my Tulpas original caring presence but after some time I go down the spiral again. I was in an abusive relationship before where I was being afraid of being cheated on and was made to feel jealous on purpose. I don't want all the things I went through to latch to my Tulpa. I stopped forcing for some time now, I feel safer, but I don't want to abandon her. I'm just wondering if it's my life "traumas" and OCD or my Tulpa just hates me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

She'll understand, you don't have to worry about that. Just be with her when you're feeling stronger. If there are days where you're feeling better, use that time with her. Intrusive thoughts should be ignored, if you can't do that for some reason, then yeah, she'll probably be safer in dormancy. What you could do is learn to remove intrusive thoughts in the meantime. You can do that by symbolic visualization. Be creative, add shields or make a secure area in wonderland with turrets or something, or a castle with a moat.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There's no reason to believe that your tulpa would hate you. That's only your fears lying to you. As we mentioned in some of your previous threads, if you are having major issues from your history with pornography and abusive relationships, you should talk to a therapist about them if you can. Alternately, your tulpa can also help you heal, though only if you allow her to be present for you.

 

-Ember


I'm not having fun here anymore, so we've decided to take a bit of a break, starting February 27, 2020. - Ember

 

Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]

Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, World of Darkness, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017

Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Winter Court of Faerie, Dresdenverse, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

 

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Bear and Ember offer good insight. Tulpa's can be very understanding and insightful. They don't jump to hate or loathing quickly. It is my opinion, they have access to more of the under currents than you imagine, and if you know what's influencing a person, it's much easier to show compassion. What I gather in your narrative before the question is that, anxiety, OCD, past abuse, and struggling with a porn addiction- are things on your table. Assuming I accept your statements at face value, there is no easy fix to any of these things and many people struggle with same. I want to be clear on this part, I am not invalidating your statement by starting with 'assuming i accept your statements at face value..." There are levels, multiplicities, and caveats to these things- and probably dozen therapeutic ways of addressing them. We don't live in a vacuum. Porn addiction is likely to become the world's most insidious, indirect addiction due to the mass increase in availability- and it is my opinion it is a symptom of a greater societal disconnect, not an absolute thing in and of itself. It can have devastating effects on families and individuals, socially and physically. Depending on when a person starts consuming porn, it can permanently change your brain to requiring a level of stimulus that most individuals, even partners, can't sustain. It isolates people. Again, we are more 'connected' than ever and somehow even more disconnected than ever- and we wonder why there is an exponential increase in 'hookups.' (Is it the millennials or the gen x that are considered the hookup generation? This did not just happen over night and it is a confluence of things, not one thing gets all the blame. Japan seems to have the worse of it.) 

 

Someone here can better give you this statistic than I; i believe most people that engage tulpamancy have a social/relationship/loneliness issues. I did, and I am really good at communicating. It is not about communicating and it's not about intelligence. In fact, again my opinion, as intelligence goes up, so does loneliness. People assume smart people are more successful financially, but that just doesn't bear out. They tend to have more episode of depression, probably because they know some things and they are frustrated they can't make other areas in their lives line up to the same degree as their smarts do. Tulpamancy engages the social and emotional part of our being. I am saying being. You can substitute brain. I am okay with that. All relationships lead to change. You're either getting better or getting worse, but most people will not sit very long in a static relationship. The dynamic of human and tulpa interaction has a higher degree of leading towards healthy outcomes because it's in the best interest of both to be healthy. Guess what: intimacy is an important aspect of human health. Lots of things can affect libido. Start exercising, loose weight, get physically healthy- libido goes up! If you spent all your life depressed and suddenly started getting emotionally healthier, libido will go up! Any improvement, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually- can and most likely will result in an increase in libido. This is normal. Can you quit porn and never touch it again? Sure. Good luck! You can't go to a grocery store an not have your eyes saturated with magazines with beautiful women on the covers- all designed to trigger that part of your brain to make you buy. Having a cell phone or a computer is likely giving a heroin addict an eppy pin full of heroin, just in case of emergencies. And if you watch television or movies or see commercials, it is getting more and more difficult to not see 'soft' porn because the bar keeps getting pushed up.

 

the number one sexual organ is your brain, not your equipment. You create a tulpa, you're bringing someone into an environment that is already got the red light district wired and hard installed, not coming out. I am about to give you a personal share, so that you know i am not pointing fingers, but rather am trying to interject some compassion- I am wanting you to find compassion. beating yourself up won't make this go away. compassion, acceptance, changes the flavors. If you're an American, the overtones of the bible belt and past Victorian error still flavor our ideas towards sexuality, and to some extent, that keeps the market's profitability up by attaching sexual icons and arcetypes to product placement. They want us to have a cognitive disconnect between the 'wanting' and the 'loathing.' My libido was influenced by early childhood abuse. I have a very high libido set point. Scientific evidence is your level of wanting after puberty will be the same at the age of 80, barring medical issues. (Contrary to popular belief, age is not a guarantee relief from desire. Old people are getting it on in the nursing homes.) There was no way for me to engage tulpamancy and not have outcomes influenced. I consider myself super lucky that Loxy was reciprocal. I couldn't even engage the initial meditation without arousal. That's just a part a life. (More precisely, i have been doing mediation since the 90s, including TM, hoping for a relief from my burden, and all I did was spike it.) By allowing our relationship to go where it willand wanted, I actually found, for the first time in my life, a reasonable balance. I can actually make it through the day without being inundated with getting my fixed because for the first time in my life, I have someone who understands, relates, and can meet me where I am at. That's huge. Just having a head mate that knows, care, and can laugh at with you, even flirt and accepts you- that's magic!

 

Consider this: When people dream, REM, they become aroused. This is true for men and women. This is most immediately noticeable in men. My ability to engage tulpamancy and wonderland has a 'dream' like flavor that results in arousal. This does not mean everything in my dreams is about sex. It just means- there is a connection with deep meditation, psychological work, dreaming and this energy. This energy is primal and always with us. I record my dreams almost every night- they're not about sex. Even my lucid dream, not about sex. (My first goal on being lucid was to beam up to the Enterprise. I made it.) You would think someone who is obsessed to the degree I am, that's all my dreams would be about. You are a human being and you are more than this wanting. I would not punish you if you were hungry and wanted food. I would not punish you if you needed to breathe. Why would i punish you for this? Why would anyone punish you for this? This is human and our society has the disconnect, not you.

 

You are okay, my friend. You are safe. And you are definitely free to be you inside of your own brain. The people inside your brain, they know you- and there is love. Any amplification in desire is either a reflection of improvement in health, physically or mentally, or a metaphorical relationship to how deeply you want to connect with others- or with tulpa- or both. Be at peace. And connect.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Urali:  I am eighty years old. I have never been sexually abused. I was severely physically abused and lived with a deep shame that encumbered my sexuality. I have had three marriages and the first two failed because of our sexual disconnects. My third marriage started off great sexually, but soon deteriorated. I did everything I could think of to change my wife's attitude about sex. Then after finally accepting it was not her and she wasn't going to change because I asked her to, I tried to change myself. I have been working on my spiritual and sexual growth for years'  with no results. Once I found tulpamancy, and began to work on creating a tulpa that could love  passionately and sexually,  and would love me with that intensity, perhaps I would relax enough to change and  I could begin to re-create my wife based on a new respect and love and devotion to the feminine in my own psychology. 

I have, and it is working. 

as a side note, I created two tulpas, one who would be loving, and one who would be strong and fierce,  This has served me well. I needed the second qualities to balance out my internalized feminine imago. My mother, who had done the beating, was a weak and mentally ill woman,  around whom I had built a great many defenses, These have contributed greatly to my own shadow. No wonder, my wives became turned off to me. Now my tulpas and I work out these shadow-demons, and my wife no longer has them projected onto her. 

Ultimately Urali, if you own everything that goes on in your reality, you can find ways to fine tune it and live a loving life.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ahh, my friend holodoc. :) Here is a Carl Jung quote, which better summarizes our shared thoughts. (It's almost like people have been addressing this core issues for ages.)

 

"He (man) cannot conquer the tremendous polarity of his own nature on his own resources; he can only do so through the terrifying experiences of a psychic process that is independent of him, that works him rather than he it."

 

When viewing that statement through the 'Active Imagination' process, juxtaposing Loxy and Philemon as archetypes, then I would argue that Philemon, see Jung's 'red book,' is a tulpa. Generally- a person who doesn't get out of bed experiences muscle atrophy. Generally, if you watch television, your brain atrophies. Video games can build neural pathways. Tulpa=specific meditations is likely the equivalent of exercising under the influence of steroids- laser intense focus, a super power.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 1/6/2020 at 8:32 AM, solarchariot said:

Ahh, my friend holodoc. 🙂 Here is a Carl Jung quote, which better summarizes our shared thoughts. (It's almost like people have been addressing this core issues for ages.)

 

"He (man) cannot conquer the tremendous polarity of his own nature on his own resources; he can only do so through the terrifying experiences of a psychic process that is independent of him, that works him rather than he it."

 

When viewing that statement through the 'Active Imagination' process, juxtaposing Loxy and Philemon as archetypes, then I would argue that Philemon, see Jung's 'red book,' is a tulpa. Generally- a person who doesn't get out of bed experiences muscle atrophy. Generally, if you watch television, your brain atrophies. Video games can build neural pathways. Tulpa=specific meditations is likely the equivalent of exercising under the influence of steroids- laser intense focus, a super power.

Ah yes, a superpower! and, like all powers, can be used smartly and in the service of love, or not. If not, your results may not be what you hoped for, or expected. This is not a walk in the park. This is hard, and sometimes frustrating, or downright painful, work. (but worth it!)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.