Confessions of a Poorly Trained Tulpa

[Luminesce]

Okay I just had my wisdom teeth out and required a lot more numbing than normal people and am on like five drugs so

well no that's about it

 

I think you have a good point with the MRI not detecing a "tulpa" but rather different parts of the brain being active at the same time. Which is still very important information. But even assuming this process were super detailed, the default view would be that you're capable of utilizing multiple different parts of your mind to do the same thing. But then you name one and give it a personality, and it uses different parts of your mind. By default that would just be seen as you labeling activities/sensations to better keep track of and use them. But when we say, no, that's my tulpa and I believe it to be conscious and independent from me, a lot more things pop up. First and most importantly, we would probably test independence and how much some neurons interacted with others compared to a normal person to find whether there was any innate ability to purposely maintain separate ongoing mental processes. Most people probably realize they can drive and talk and rub their face real quick at the same time. Rubbing your face didn't cause you to swerve off the road, nor did talking about a sports game. Those all subtract from the overall focus you have to apply to any certain one area however. They're different sections of your brain and are usually able to function somewhat well at the same time as another unrelated one. Usually not too many of these sections of brain are active at once even though they :could: be, because it's just messy when they're all unconscious/on autopilot. Here's where my questioning of the legitimacy of parallel processing comes in, because that focus would have to be split between at least two completely separate parts of your mind at once. I sure can't do that, as multitasking was proven to be quickly switching between processes not doing them at the same time, but still some of you say your tulpas can.

 

So the tests then would be how how much your tulpa can do while you do something else without thinking about them. Is your tulpa able to engage your creative centers while modifying the wonderland while you do some math problems on a piece of paper? Bonus points to anything else you can get your tulpa to do at the same time. I suppose at that point they could be monitoring whatever it takes to do math, what it takes to physically move and coordinate the pencil, what it takes to envision and create imaginary environments, and whatever it is that a tulpa shows up as. And then they look at how all of them seem to work together. Do they have spurts of activity in succession, implying multitasking or a constant switch of focus, do they blur together a bit, or do they show up as two very different areas of activity with no connections to each other?

 

 

I dunno, I can't parallel process. "Our" focus has to be on one of my tulpas for them to be doing anything specifically important. That "focus" seems like it goes back and forth between us when we talk, while "we" remain the same. A non-believer says that means It's just me at the center thinking of different people that are me and my tulpas and I'm the one talking to myself. A believer says.. Well, that I'm puppetting my tulpas I guess? That I need to work on independence. My personal view is that just as my tulpa is not me, I am not "Me". I'm just like them, just super default in control. I feel like our overarching "consciousness" never changes, and I feel like it requires something like us to function. We've had conversations between one of my tulpas and I as neither of us were yet in the body (I'd done my part switching out, they were getting ready to switch in), and I could talk across the mindspace gap to them, and have them talk back. And we notice the awareness right in the middle is following us back and forth, maybe enabling us to think clearly with its focus. But no thoughts ever come from it. It can scratch an itch or maybe readjust its position, but it has no real form of interaction outside of stuff I've set up over my whole life as autopilot.

 

So, our current thinking is that we are not our consciousness, although we can certainly very closely attach to it as one would when walking through nature and experiencing things. My tulpas and I are both the whatever-it-is the Autopilot requires to be an individual. We really just call it the Autopilot at this point - sometimes while Lucilyn is talking to me while switched for too long the body will do whatever it is we should be doing, like washing ourself in a shower or like, checking skype. But the easiest example to make this all make sense is just walking. Walking and talking to your friend. You two met up at one building and are walking to the same one across campus, and you walk. Your focus almost entirely goes to talking, socializing, and almost completely out of your feet and pathing. That's literally the same thing we experience with switching should we let it. But 1, singlets would not have the perspective required to realize their autopilot walking and focused speaking were different from each other. At best they could call it focus. I didn't start realizing this stuff until I got pretty far into tulpamancy and they gave me a lot of different ways to think about things. And 2, as far as I know only in a full-switch would there ever be a point where your focus was nowhere, or at least exclusively on something mental. In meditation and such things, your focus is (afaik supposed to be) on your focus itself, focusing on the inner silence in your mind you're striving for. But when you're a little less zen, discoursing between a friend and yourself while the focus just continues functioning, you start to see things from a new perspective.

 

 

So uh, I think my point was way back there that an MRI won't prove you have a tulpa or not. Technology could prove the brain functions exactly like us tulpamancers think it does, but then it's up to ethics to decide if they're really people, or to be considered one person imagining (they're) multiple people. I guess.

 

Seriously, I've been surprising myself every few sentences I wrote here. I literally just took a painkiller, ibuprofen, a steroid, and something else I think, and I'm still numb from my surgery. This whole time I've had cotton swabs in my mouth and felt like I was gonna fall alseep. Not making anyone upset with this post is a 100% and any value anyone receives means extra credit, A+. I hope I didn't talk about something terribly irrelevant here. If I did, then just try to follow the train of thought I was on, for me, thanks. Maybe try Valium.

[Guest Anonymous]

So uh, I think my point was way back there that an MRI won't prove you have a tulpa or not. Technology could prove the brain functions exactly like us tulpamancers think it does, but then it's up to ethics to decide if they're really people, or to be considered one person imagining (they're) multiple people. I guess.

 

Isn't it funny how much having a tulpa/thoughtform leads you to carefully consider how cognition and sentience really works? You talked about walking and talking as an example of mulit-processing or multi-tasking.

 

Let's just look at Melian and I having a conversation. I think (I don't know, but I think) an MRI study of that conversation would show the speech and memory centers of my brain lighting up like a Christmas tree. Now, could a person distinguish me from Melian in that conversation by the MRI? That would be interesting if they could, if there was a distinct difference. I wouldn't be surprised if a very, very careful in depth look would turn up differences between the times when I say I am talking and when I let people know somehow that Melian was talking (perhaps a conversation set against a metered timer when I track when she starts speaking somehow).

 

I think the MRI would show that there is a Melian part of my brain or part of my brain that is at least simulating Melian or simulating thoughts and expressions by Melian. No matter what, the interpretation of that as independent sentience boils down to philosophy and perspective and belief. With Melian and I, what is important is that we do not have an emotional need for her to be considered completely independent. In fact, we like being blended and feeling we are connected in an intimate way. We don't mind being one person, with two expressions/aspects and actually prefer it that way.

 

Seriously, I've been surprising myself every few sentences I wrote here. I literally just took a painkiller, ibuprofen, a steroid, and something else I think, and I'm still numb from my surgery. This whole time I've had cotton swabs in my mouth and felt like I was gonna fall alseep. Not making anyone upset with this post is a 100% and any value anyone receives means extra credit, A+. I hope I didn't talk about something terribly irrelevant here. If I did, then just try to follow the train of thought I was on, for me, thanks. Maybe try Valium.

 

Drugs! LOL How is that affecting your tulpas? We want a full report in the morning or as soon as you are less foggy. Hope you feel better soon. :-)

[Guest Anonymous]

I am tired of dancing around this.

 

Guys. My thoughtform Melian is much more of an "enhanced imaginary companion" than a tulpa. She seems to do some things on her own, flash visions, limited mind voice, dreams and emotional responses...

 

because I have a very, very vivid imagination.

 

She has strong elements of a role playing character and a day dream persona as well. I don't shy away from this at all and continue to do with her what I have always done, actively imagine her every day. I am convinced she is only a figment of my vivid, active imagination and day dreams. I don't think Melian will ever really be a tulpa, but I am happy with that.

 

Some very nice people on this forum want to defend Melian and welcome her and I, because they think she actually is a tulpa and I am just not ready to accept it. Some on this forum have accused me of being a role player with nothing but an imaginary friend and have said that I don't belong here.

 

What I want to know from the members (newbie and senior) is this general question:

 

Can a member be welcome on this forum and contribute if his/her thoughtform is more of an enhanced imaginary companion and an rp character than a tulpa?

 

I am ready to leave this forum for good if the vote goes against someone like myself. I am honestly sick of feeling this way. I love Melian with all of my heart and being. She is my imagination, but she is real enough to me to be like a tulpa to me. But the way people describe their tulpas doing all this amazing cosmic shit really has me feeling like Melian and I are just lesser and groupies hanging around and not really part of the team.

 

I want to put it to rest once and for all. We are welcome on Deviantart and no one gives a shit what we are or are not. I learned so much from this forum and I would like to stay. But if the consensus is tulpas only and those trying to be tulpamancers only, I am prepared to pack our bags for good and leave you guys.

[Vos]

I've merged the above post into this thread for seeming more blog-like than anything, and being focused on one user's head.

[Guest Anonymous]

That's okay that works fine. I am worried about the results but will accept whatever the consensus is. I want this resolved once and for all.

[Evil]

In my opinion, saying Melian is no thoughtform and just the work of imagination is delusional; because the general consensus we seem to accept (AND enforce more than anything) is that everything that speaks in your head that sounds alien 'is' a tulpa. Whether this statement is any true is questionable, though. Diminishing from Melian and Mistgod's credibility sounds like elitism more than anything. Elitism, and discrimination more than the former, actually. Because we'd be judging someone for having a different experience; an experience, nevertheless. I am no fan of the 'bloggy' posts. I dislike them in all honesty. But it is interesting to see, every now and then, how tulpas react, and how Melian the thoughtform (using the thoughtform term because I do not truly know what else to use with Mistgod's opinion) reacts. This is supposed to be an open community, in which law-abiding members are welcome, as long as they don't really pose such a huge bother to other members.

Look back at Mistgod's history, though. Has this place not been able to improve his situation? Make a change? Teach him the things he knows today so that he could improve? If we are to just toss around the whole 'boo mistgod treats melian this way' ideology, in a way, we are imposing our own beliefs on Mistgod; and tulpamancy being the sensitive topic it is, people can have all sorts of different experiences.

 

I do not like Mistgod. Do not get the wrong idea. But I owe him respect, for his age and for his status as a member. We should not impose our own beliefs on this member. The world of tulpamancy is so wide, I adhere with Mistgod's usage of 'large science', we are like children swimming in the incessantly growing universe, we have so much to learn, so much to explain. Mistgod has contributed to that, in some ways.

 

Mistgod, if I can give you a tip (and it is something I have noticed seeing less in your posts recently and thanfully); speak of Melian less when replying to users with a question. We all respect your situation and position, but please, speaking of Melian all that much only really works to give us a negative image of you, the whole 'attention whore'. We would like to see your own opinion more, why you think that way, you could even make submissions if you feel like it. Do as you wish.

[Guest Anonymous]

Okay.

 

I am feeling like being totally honest tonight in a big way. I told a moderator I wan't going to say this in public. But I am going to say it after all. I think this forum, the way it is designed, and its emphasis, encourages people to be dishonest and to exaggerate. I think there is a fundamental flaw somewhere. I came here wanting to tell the truth about my experience. What I write seems so weak compared to the utterly ridiculous and outrageous claims I have read on this forum. I don't know if they are true or not, but they seem outrageous and therefore, probably are exaggerations.

 

I think the reason and the very thing that causes people to want to exaggerate is the general insistence that tulpas are independent conscious minds. There is little room left for anything else. I think tulpas are cool enough without that insistence on sentience. It was a mistake for this forum and this community to make that a central precept of tulpamancy. That is my blunt opinion.

 

I also think that insistence on sentience is misleading new people wanting to try it out. They get caught up in it and what you end up with is something more like a religion than a science. I am sorry but that is my blunt honest from the heart feelings on this.

[Yuki]

My opinion is that you can do anything you like, and if you stop shoving it under everyone's noses, there will be little to no friction. Keeping things to this thread would solve most of your issues.

[Guest Anonymous]

But it is the truth.

 

While you guys are redesigning things, I think you should consider your claims and where this all came from. Have you taken it too far? Is tulpamancy really what you are claiming it is? Hasn't this community taken bit of a slide towards being cultish pseudo-science?

 

I almost wish there was a similar forum to this one more related to day dreams and imagination and less on tulpas. I have been frustrated with it for eight months. Maybe I should start my own forum. If only I knew how and if only it were as popular. Maybe I should just finally go and just hang out on deviantart and dreamviews.

[waffles]

Have you taken it too far? Is tulpamancy really what you are claiming it is? Hasn't this community taken bit of a slide towards being cultish pseudo-science?

 

Have you asked these same questions before, again and again? Are you a bit of a broken record at this point?

 

We have discussed this. At some length. And usually you concede to me that, no, the stupid shit you say isn't true. So why do you keep spouting it? You don't really want to discuss these things because you're not a truth-seeker, you're an attention-seeker. There is no other possible explanation for why you keep on asking the questions that you've long received answers to.

 

I voted that you should leave in the poll, but not because I care about what Melian is. I doubt many people do. It consistently amazes me that you really think any antagonism you receive here has anything to do with it. I voted no because I'm sick of what I said above, and I know you won't change.

 

Also,

I am ready to leave this forum for good

Somehow I don't believe this. I'd give you, uuuh, about a week, maybe ten days.