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Apologies for the confusing title, but I wanted to get straight to the point-- One of our system mates, Chloe, feels pain and general discomfort more than everyone else. What I mean is, if I, for example, stub my toe, it'll hurt more for Chloe than for me or any other system mates. Pain and general stimuli is described by my system mates a "diluted" when they aren't switched in or possessing, and if they aren't active, they generally don't feel anything.
We first noticed this about a month or so ago, so it is a new development, but the "why is still unknown. Chloe is, for all intents and purposes, a young child, and with her feeling pain and such more than everyone else, it just... pains me to see. She deserves the least strife of all of us, yet she experiences the most.
For reference, when I say "Chloe feels amplified pain", I don't mean that in the wonderland she feels pain, I mean if she fronts(and pain is a trigger for her, mind you), the pain physically gets worse, in the most literal of senses. She also can feel aching joints and such very clearly, whereas I and others might not notice. We haven't done tests with "positive stimuli", so to speak, because, quite frankly, what would that qualify as? A massage? All the same, she's insisting that it's only occured with negative stimuli.
We just want answers. I don't want Chloe to have to bear this weight. I don't want to be haunted by her screaming "MAKE IT STOP!" when my wounds hurt. Does anyone have any advice? Does anyone have any similar experiences? We beg for help.
Edit: I feel like I should add context to the line "I don't want to be haunted by her screaming 'MAKE IT STOP!' when my wounds hurt." I recently fell and messed up my arm and knee pretty badly, and last night as I was getting into bed, I mistakenly put my weight on my injured knee, which as you can imagine, was insanely painful. Chloe describes what she felt as "white-hot searing pain, shooting through the whole body, making me only want to scream in agony." Thus, her screaming "MAKE IT STOP!" And let me tell you, it was utterly terrifying and heartbreaking seeing her like that.
I had this idea circling in my mind regarding the way tulpamancy experiences are being discussed that I wasn't sure how to express. So generally, the things that we experience can be divided into either events that are certain or those that take a specific place on a spectre. A certain event is something that can be easily put into words, like the lack or presence of something (for example lights on/lights off), but there are also things that can't be, due to their nature, conveniently described with words. As an example, take a person who's being asked what the temperature in the room is like. They can say that it was too warm or that it was too cold, which is something most people will usually agree on. But they can also use the expression that the temperature was "pretty average" or "ok", and here's the problem that comes with it. The temperature that the person in question considers to be "ok" or "average" can be very subjective. And I don't mean the subjectivity of an experience, I mean the subjectivity of concept definition.
There are words that we use that we don't give much thought, because we tend to assume that their definition is universal. We obviously don't clarify every time wheter our understanding of concepts like "tall" or "wide" match that of a person we talk to. It would simply be too inconvenient, so we instead run with the assumption that our understanding of the concept is the same, deeming it easier to just clarify it should a misunderstanding arise. But I think that this aspect is often being overlooked when people discuss tulpamancy experiences. What I'm getting on here is that possibly a significant portion of doubts that people get to deal with could be attributed to these discrepancies in concepts understanding.
Here's an example of what I mean. Imagine a person who's trying to help their headmate achieve vocality. They read a guide or maybe a post that describes vocality as essentially a way of communication where one hears their headmate. They associate those words with their understanding of what hearing is and start practicing. They spend a month, two months, three months consistently practicing, and they do achieve certain results, but they never quite get there. They assume that they're doing something wrong or that something wrong is with their headmate. They start doubting. But in fact, they did everything right and had gotten exactly where they should've, it's just that the current way they hear their headmate ended up not matching their expectation of what hearing would work like. It happened both because the guide/post they read didn't describe what hearing a headmate is like, and because they didn't give much thought to where exactly their definition of hearing is on the scale from complete lack of any thoughts and a vivid hallucination that feels completely alien as if it was coming from another person outside their mind.
From cases like these come questions like "How well can you X" or "What does X feel like". But that's not as much of an issue if they do receive a good answer to their question. The problem here is in that not everyone will ask those questions, and even if they do the answer may introduce even more confusion. Someone might say "I can hear them clearly". Well, what does "clearly" imply in this sentence exactly? Is it supposed to feel slightly muffled, but still be easy enough to make out words? Is it meant to feel like it's coming from inside or from outside? And if neither of these details match does that mean the person is not able to hear their headmate clearly? What if they already achieved the best possible quality, but expect it to be better and think that it's not in fact clear. Because of these discrepancies, someone (person A) may claim they do hear their headmates clearly, because they think that it doesn't get much clearer that that. At the same time, another person (person B) who in fact had gone a lot further than person A may claim that they can't hear their headmates very well, because in their understanding it should be even clearer. This way you end up with a false comparison when person A seems to have better developed skills thatn person B, while in fact it's the complete opposite.
And it gets the more dangerous the more complex the concept that's being discussed is. There aren't many words that can describe how sentient and independent someone is. Headmates are a relatively novel concept in terms of how we think of them nowadays, and therefore the languages we speak don't really have words that describe how we experience the sentience and independence of someone inside. When we discuss these concepts and how far we've gotten in developing such skills we have to make do with what our language offers. How red is that red exactly? Uh... MiIdly red? Slightly more saturated than regular red? Oh, no, it's not red, it's crimson. Except we don't have crimson, cherry, ruby, scarlet, garnet, and rose words equivalents for describing the concepts of sentience and independence. I think it's a very important thing to keep in mind when judging own progress.
What do y'all think of this?
I had written this note for those who find themselves struggling with procrastination or general lack of motivation when it comes to active forcing and 'mancing practices in general. Not sure what section this should go under, but I myself wouldn't consider it to be a guide hence why I named it the way I did. Critique on this piece is very welcome! I suspect I might've written it with a slightly too confident of an attitude. Same for grammar. I kinda suck at constructing fluently sounding sentences and using commas, haha.
Getting There_ A Note on Productivity.pdf
By Apollo Fire
The purpose of this essay is to warn new tulpamancers of the many possible consequences of allowing their system to grow beyond a manageable amount of members, we well as emphasize the positives of keeping their system small, with about 1-2 tulpas being the best possible range.
This essay is not meant to imply that systems that are currently large should not exist. It is only meant to dissuade newer hosts/systems from getting large themselves, or else they risk experiencing neglect and a variety of other troubling issues that take away from the quality of life for the system.
Additionally, the end of the essay has a list of points that a host should consider before adding new tulpas to their system.
Here is the link.
Tulpa Systems Why Less is More.pdf
(Submitted for Articles)
Tulpamancy is a heavily subjective phenomenon where there are no set right and wrong so the written content may not be useful or applicable for you. There are usually exceptions to many things and when reading a blanket statement it is likely to keep the text short and sweet. If any claims are made it is likely based off of personal experiences and interactions of others. Please enjoy your read!
Written by Cjero
Many tulpamancers struggle with distinguishing their tulpas' thoughts with their own leading to confusion and loss of motivation in. This exercise is aimed to help increase the marginal gap between the host and tulpa. This will be done by simultaneously exercising conflicting emotions, ideals, opinions and the likes.
At first glance this may seem similar to puppeting*. However the clear distinction is that you have your tulpa do their part. This exercise can be done with younger tulpas as well since all that is required is for them to understand and comply.
*puppeting is also an option, it'll be similar to personality forcing
- You and your tulpa project opposite emotions aimed at a certain individual or character. One could for example love Superman while the other could hate them. One intensifying their like and the other dislike for this character simultaneously.
- Focus on an orb within the mind and keep pouring opposing emotions within it as a meditation exercise.
The exercise comes down to forcing conflicting thoughts and emotions to split the two minds from each other more and more over the course of time. As a result it should be easier to distinguish your thoughts from your tulpa by getting used to the sensation and telling the brain that you two are not the same.