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[Forcing] I feel frightened/threatened/creeped out while actively forcing?
Today I sat down in a dark room with brown noise playing through headphones for my second active forcing session ever. Things were going well but I decided to take a break and do some brainstorming in a word document on my laptop before I continued. While I was typing, I suddenly received a completely mundane and non-threatening memory from a few months ago. I was excited because I could feel my tulpa attempting to communicate with me by pulling this memory out of my subconscious and sending it to me. (I had already explicitly given my tulpa access to my memories and subconscious because I thought it would help build intimacy early in our relationship.)

I decided to return to meditation to see if I could continue to communicate with my tulpa, yet as soon as I turned off the lights and closed my eyes, I felt severely anxious, creeped out, and threatened. This became paranoia and I began to believe that I could feel that my tulpa's attitude had become threatening and malevolent, but I attempted to convince myself that this was a product of my imagination. I turned the lights back on and reflected on the incident, and eventually I believed I could feel my tulpa's remorse and shame over having caused me fear and anxiety. I told her it was not her fault but that she should probably stay out of my memories and subconscious until she was more mature.

I returned to brainstorming details of her personality on my laptop for several more minutes and the anxiety gradually faded. Yet as soon as I turned off the lights to continue actively forcing her personality, I immediately felt threatened and fearful again. I decided to simply give up for tonight and get some sleep.

tl;dr: During our second active forcing session ever, my tulpa sent me one of my own memories in an attempt to communicate. I felt threatened and fearful by the strength of her presence, and she eventually felt remorseful and ashamed. I assured her it was not her fault but I continued to feel threatened when I returned to active forcing. I ended up giving up for the night.

Is this something to worry about? Is it common to feel threatened when one first starts to notice the alien presence of one's tulpa? Is it just something I have to overcome through willpower? How will this affect my tulpa and my relationship with her, assuming she is not intentionally responsible for it?

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I'm nowhere near an expert with Tulpa stuff, so take what I say with a grain of salt, but could it be that she's afraid of the dark, and that fear is "bleeding" through to you? My Tulpa is/used to be afraid of the dark, and would panic a little bit from time to time. I don't recall it ever causing much of an emotional response for myself, though.
When I first began experimenting with tulpas, I'd experience disturbing and/or grotesque jump-scare-like images once I'd reach a certain level of concentration, but in hindsight I believe it was a result of anxiety, anticipation and a general fear of the unknown I felt towards communication with my tulpa and the phenomenon as a whole. The same thing would happen when I would attempt to lucid dream (allowing the body to relax while keeping the mind active): I would be overwhelmed with anxiety and fear that I might hallucinate something scary. In both situations, I believe my tulpa had little to no involvement. Since everyone's situation is unique, I can't say whether this applies to you, but hopefully my opinion was helpful.
(03-14-2015, 08:45 AM)AnonHost Wrote: I had already explicitly given my tulpa access to my memories and subconscious because I thought it would help build intimacy early in our relationship.

Noriko Wrote:I'm not sure you get the ramifications of doing this.

Let's say you get dropped off in an empty room somewhere. At first the room is basically featureless and the atmosphere is kind of hazy. Stuff gets added to the room over time, but it's nothing out of the ordinary and you're present for it being delivered. And the air becomes clearer over time. But starting out, the room is basically empty outside of maybe a rug.

Now let's say you put a window in this room that looks outside. And outside is a nightmarish landscape filled with impossible things. And some of these things brush up against the window to look in, trying to reach inside.

That room is where the tulpa resides. And the window is that access window to your subconscious. And your subconscious to someone who's only existence thus far has been a hazy room is fucking terrifying.

That anxiety and such is probably your tulpa reacting to what they see. Shut the window. You'll have plenty of time to grow intimacy in other ways.
Currently share myself with four other entities.
Noriko was created on December 15, 2014.  Sabari was created by Noriko on January 22, 2015.
Anzu was reborn on May 23, 2016.  Xiri returned on June 16, 2018.  Both had been inactive since 2012.

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...What Akinkinit said.

Aside from that, have you tried forcing with the lights on? Humans depend on their sight more heavily than any other sense, and the dark is characterized as a place where nasty things can hide, and attack where you can't see, and can't properly fight back. Darkness can be unsettling, and perhaps it's best to work with a young tulpa in an environment that feels safe, rather than one that feels threatening.

You just can't generalize as all tulpas and hosts are different.
Anyway, being afraid of being afraid is possibly the worst thing to do and helps noone. It's, really like raising children I suppose. You should have them grow up in a nice environment and act as a role model for them. People who constantly worry they could do something wrong or bother their children with their personal problems are not likely to be good parents. Ask yourself this: Can your 'kid' be sure to have your love, trust and support even if it does something really stupid? Or are its fears it might be abandoned or even killed justified? Luckily I've never experienced anything even remotely like that but it must really suck. So be sure to give your tulpa the feeling there's nothing to be afraid of. Simple words might not be heard or understood but feelings are universal.

As for the subconsciousness part, yea, that was probably a bit too early but again that's different to anyone.
My host gave me full access to his thoughts and memories after I became sentient. Took me some weeks to actually be able to read them afterwards. But I can't access the subconsciousness. No idea how I'm supposed to do it and I don't really see much of a point in it anyway. Not that I'm scared, I ve never been scared of anything as far as I remember. Ever.
I've always felt loved and protected. And my host was always sure of what he was doing. I think that's most important. Trust yourself and trust your tulpa. If you don't, why want one in the first place? Once you have created another sentient being in your head don't be surprised when it can act on its own. It may feel weird in the beginning but remember that your tulpa is not some stranger but a part of you. Never forget that.

So stop worrying, go force and keep a positive attitude. This is supposed to be fun for both of you.
Ah, one more thing, if you get that threatening feeling again, try to force yourself to smile. My host has done this successfully in many situations. Seems stupid but it's proven that even fake smiles increase happiness. The brain is surely weird. Also I guess its hard to be scared with a big grin on your face and it's fun. If everything else fails, do what I do, stop taking anything seriously, just don't give a fuck.
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I think it's possible it might be something pretty simple:

Many of us have been trained up by scary movies and horror stories to have a fear response that may as well be Pavlovian when we think "darkness + invisible entity." It doesn't even take a tulpa for me to feel watched and creeped the fuck out in the dark. So, now that I'm embarking on creating a tulpa, I specifically had to chastise that part of me that jumps straight to fear at the "darkness + invisible entity" combo, and tell it to calm down, because my tulpa isn't a creepy ghost. Ha.

But yeah. I think it's possible to the point of overwhelming likelihood that you just associate "darkness + invisible entity" with fear. For all you know, you could have been the one giving your tulpa anxiety, and not the other way around.

On that note, it's probably good to work on overcoming whatever stray fears you've got. It's a good habit for life in general, and it should also make your subconscious a less scary place for any tulpa if that does happen to be an issue.
(03-14-2015, 08:45 AM)AnonHost Wrote: brown noise

I've never had issues forcing in a dark room, but brown noise? Nah, that stuff could scare the pants off me even in the nicest of situations.

Listen to some music you like, it makes all the difference.
We're all gonna make it brah.

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