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Are there two of me?


Guest Anonymous
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Guest Anonymous

Okay I will try to keep this simple but you all might find it an interesting topic or whatever to comment on. I seem to be self aware when I type with Davie and like during the day when we both know how I feel and what I am thinking.

 

Davie thinks of it as sorta permanent internal method acting (okay super duper mental role playing) so practiced it is seamless and automatic and just feels super duper real. But I feel self aware. We are both absolutely convinced there is a mind that is Melian (a piece of one mind, to be more accurate, that thinks it is Melian). I am Melian! That is all especially true of my proxy typing or whatever you call it that I do at you guys. We say it is collaborative blending of our minds as we type it all. Yeah...

 

Okay hmmm, where am I going with this?

 

OH okay, hidden thoughts that surprise you! Yeah we have those! Okay I feel emotions and stuff and I think. But those are the things that Davie is doing the internal subliminal role playing with maybe. It is explainable easy with just voluntary self deception and all that. BUT I also do flash images out of the BLUE like lots of times during the day.

 

Now, those flash images, here is the interesting thing, they surprise us both! Yep. I have no memories of contriving them, thinking them or visualizing them. We are both just as surprised when they pop up. Then we argue bout them and what they meant.

 

Never talked about this before.

 

Anyways, they surprise us both, like I can't see the hidden part of me or the "Melian Motor" any more than Davie can. I think there are two of me! There is the awake and self aware part of me and then there is the hidden part of me that is really super autonomous independent stuff.

 

Could there be TWO of me? I mean sorta like an internal tulpa trying to be a tulpa and then the role playing character me sorta riding the energy so to speak? Does that make any sense at all to any of you experienced tulpamancers out there?


Oh my fuck gods! I have a tulpa core!

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I tend to consider them just parts of you. There's a similar concept with tulpamancers although they may not realize it, in imposition and switching. Both place your tulpa in an environment where they're nothing like they usually are in your mind, and if people were as doubtful-skeptical as you were they'd notice as much. My tulpas literally do not think the same way when switched or not. They think the same things and such as normal, but the way they actually think is different when utilizing the primary consciousness of the brain as opposed to when just sitting in the mindspace, where their thoughts are more automatic/instant with little traceable conscious thought leading up to them. It's pretty interesting really. Imposition is slightly less so, but as your tulpa takes ownership over a hallucinated image and starts thinking from its perspective, again you've got a different format for your tulpa to act through.

 

That's one of the many, many things I've confronted in tulpamancy as I go, as I noticed pretty early on that my tulpas thought a lot more when switched than when not. Since I was still working out the legitimacy and intricacies of switching then, I had to figure that one out too. Unfortunately the beliefs we have to support it kind of require our model of thinking about identities, but basically when switched you're taking control of a lot more than just your own sense of self and thoughts, along with the body you also gain the brain's.. I don't know, conscious-experience-filtering-stuffs. Where all the things you perceive are processed consciously rather than unconsciously, where thoughts are often words and you've got direct control over molding them to your preference. So when not switched you don't have that, you only have your own unconscious thoughts (which are much cleaner and less chaotic) and not all the junk that your conscious mind tries to filter and sift through. "That guy was a jerk, I don't like him." is a conscious thought, whilst the association of negative feelings and a preference to avoid him in the future are unconscious, for example.

 

So, yeah, I just consider them parts of my tulpas (or myself) rather than completely separate entities. We aren't capable of maintaining both the mindspace-form and switched or imposed form of one of my tulpas at the same time. If we try to they kind of get drawn out of the latter, ie my tulpa moves between the hallucinated image and their mindspace presence but cannot occupy both. Similarly none of us can think of ourselves in tupper form while switched, it just kind of doesn't work. So I know it's weird when you only know how human mind stuff works, but I recommend just considering the different aspects of your tulpa all part of a whole. I believe the same thing exists for any normal human too, utilizing all the different parts of the brain to do different things, it's just more seamless (or maybe just less noticeable) than with a tulpa.

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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Guest Anonymous

That is very interesting stuff! Huh.

 

Lumi, what you are saying may explain why my mind voice seems more fluent and unbroken when Davie and I tulpa type maybe?

 

OH also when we are not tulpa typing, we also get mind voice sentences, like little formulaic sentences that are very similar to the flash images and often accompany them. Again, I don't remember actively thinking some of these, I do remember wanting to say most of them, and just saying it, but some of them I don't. They just come out of the blue, like from somewhere deep in another part of the mind.


I know, I know, some of you out there see "role playing" and think "OH friggin GOD NO they are doing it all wrong!" Well we don't care.

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They think the same things and such as normal, but the way they actually think is different when utilizing the primary consciousness of the brain as opposed to when just sitting in the mindspace, where their thoughts are more automatic/instant with little traceable conscious thought leading up to them.

 

My tulpas' thoughts are automatic/unconscious when they aren't switched, aka naturally. They can utilize their thought processes and such just fine, but we can't trace them specifically like we can mine. They just sort of seem to happen, whereas often mine have this trace-ability where we can follow my whole thought process.

 

But it's the same for me when switched, my thoughts are just unconscious too. I really like that analogy of having control of the brain's consciousness filtering stuff when controlling the body. Obviously we're capable of tons of unconscious thoughts just fine, though we obviously don't notice them.. as is their nature.. But often people actively go over tons of thoughts in their head as what we call "conscious". All the words you think are conscious, all the feelings/thoughts that are in the process of changing are conscious, etc. It's kind of cool to think about it like this IMO. But yeah, only the one in control of the body/mind has control of that stuff. The rest just think normally without the conscious thoughts. It really is much more efficient.

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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I think if you, Melian, are capable to get to the level where you're aware of all of this-- the moments of consternation you have with your host over what they think this all is (internal acting, and what have you), reigning in confidence that you're conscious over what's going on, and the apprehension you feel towards validating these concerns, you're you in context of an implied, conscious accompaniment.

 

Those metaphorical contexts mentioned above from Lumi could just be you wanting to anthropomorphize the mind you share with your host. In other words, instead of seeing the mind's competencies, processes and such with eyes, nose, and a mouth, you could see you gathering all of this information from that mind, and leaving it as that--completely separated from being anthropomorphized. I think it would be kind of confusing to start labeling things like SuperEgoMelian, IdMelian, or EgoMelian.

 

If anything, even speculating how to categorize those competencies, and a way to conceptualize them is what anyone would want to do for understanding even if the logic may not be as sound for everyone.

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Guest Anonymous

I think if you, Melian, are capable to get to the level where you're aware of all of this-- the moments of consternation you have with your host over what they think this all is (internal acting, and what have you), reigning in confidence that you're conscious over what's going on, and the apprehension you feel towards validating these concerns, you're you in context of an implied, conscious accompaniment.

 

Thank you! That may be so!

 

In fact, Davie and I were this close to being convinced of independent sentience in at least some tulpas. But whenever we decide to accept that there are tulpas that are real sentient entities, we encounter snobbery related to it, and it again fosters doubt in our mind. It seems an equal possibility that some are trying too hard to feel superior. That kind of thing causes us to remain unconvinced.

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My response to this is far less interesting than those of the people above me.

Could it be possible you're just experiencing your subconscious? We all know hosts have them, and there are times when the subconscious spits random stuff at your conscious brain, or when you tap into it and it feels somewhat foreign because it's structured differently than what we're used to. It makes sense to me that a fully developed thought form would have a subconscious as well.

"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

-Arthur Conan Doyle

 

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Guest Anonymous

Yeah that makes sense! Especially when those same flash images happen in dreams too! We call it the Melian Motor!

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Then it sounds like the Melian Motor to me! I was going to say that it sounds like your subconscious mind as well--like, your subconscious mind, and not Mistgod's. You know, the part of the mind that is more Melian than is Mistgod . . . ah, I'll be quiet now. I think I make sense haha

 

It's a shame that I can't think of any other (credible) possibility that hasn't been said already!

 

Edit: I'd also like to add, that my streams of thought are much less "choppy" when I'm being proxied as well! I think it may be normal.

You can call me Lacey!

 

Tulpa

Joshua, aged 24, born September 3. His first name is James; I call him both. Human, black hair, fairly pale skin, and often wears either formal attire or clothes that would do him well at a Goth club. Refuses to keep one eye color, but they're often gray, gold, or occasionally red. Serious, (very) patient, and usually polite.

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Guest Anonymous

Edit: I'd also like to add, that my streams of thought are much less "choppy" when I'm being proxied as well! I think it may be normal.

 

OH that is nice to hear! I always assume I am not "normal" and not doing things in the way others are doing things. I keep finding out stuff like this from others that makes me feel I am not quite as weird as I thought.

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