After 3 years of Forcing, still 0% Progress

[Linkzelda]

You haven't actually gone into what' date=' exactly, you've done in your three years of forcing. Not seeing a progress log or anything.[/quote']

 

Well, it’s probably because applying real-life scenarios with tulpas seems to be off-topic in the progress logs. I’m not sure if people would be content with me putting those scenarios, and I’m sure you know others who tried this, but ended up leaving due to the over-bearing drama. I’m not sure if I’ve forced for three years, or had her for that period of time. You could say ever since 2011, I had her, but never really had awareness that certain interactions with her would be relatable to the information in the forum.

 

I wanted to post image streaming sessions, but they were either too short, or I couldn’t be bothered to process the recording, and then wait for them to render, post on YouTube on some random account. I realized that after the last time I binged on a long term forcing session, I’ve been content with it, and decided that maybe doing it every now and then would be okay rather than over-working myself.

 

Sometimes, PRs aren’t really an indicator of whatever is going on since I’m not confident that language would be enough to communicate what’s going on. And if wordiness is an ongoing issue, it seems it’s not worth the time to vocalize it to others.

 

So... tell us about your tulpa. What's she like? What are a couple things you've done with her in your three years of forcing? What are the things about her that you really like? I get that this is a pretty personal question' date=' but even just talking about her directly (acknowledging her existence to other people) helps reinforce the "otherness" Linkzelda's talking about.[/quote']

 

Well, if you want something recent, we recently applied for a position at our job that’s traditionally suited for females. Not sure if we’ll get it, as we just wanted to do it for the lols, but you could say that Eva ends up being a dominating working persona for me, and she gets that recognition from others through that, and other interactions as well. There wasn’t really a desire for her to vocalize herself in the forums, and I think she has a type of hatred, or distaste for this forum, so I end up not really posting anything about her.

 

This is why when I have to take the role in the forum, I tend to be a bit more blunt, and sometimes irritating to the other members. Before, she used to just find ways to dampen the blow, but is still as wordy as I ever could be, but that’s only when we’re typing. As for actually talking, she’s a total klutz, but that’s because we know that we can get by with basic language. Our boss tends to poke fun at our wording, and we stopped being excessive a long time ago, in work mind you, but even with that, we end up being treated as comedy hour.

 

Another thing is her voice in public. I have people saying “Ma’am” to me even though I’m a guy, and they always end up correcting themselves in a split second....it still cringes me. I even had children look at us funny, but I never thought the voice had any quality of being feminine in real life vs. in my head. And the more I try to use more of my real voice, which is obviously coarser and deeper, the more she seems to prevent me from doing that. Sometimes, I think its better that way because it would be hard justifying the change in tonality.

 

I think if I always had the dominate role at work, I might be people’s living nightmare. I remember one time before corporate came in to do an inspection of the area to see if we’re certified, I shut down on a co-worker that was the all-star for a specific section, and when I discredited her existence, she cried her way up to the leaders to create more drama, but, she couldn’t get me in trouble because I made my own justifications. Looking back on it, I probably should’ve let Eva mediate the awkward relationship I had with that co-worker, but it’s too late now since I think she has a trailing resentment towards me since I put her in her place…she never liked that.

 

As for defining Eva, I did make some posts about her in the past, but they’re probably buried, and I think they’re a bit obsolete. Some concepts remain the same, but I’m not really the type of person to think that a forum is enough for a sense of otherness to be retained. She likes outside interaction more, and I don’t really blame her. And if you want something more than just that, I guess you could say she ends up taking control over the tonality of the voice, and certain movements as well, especially with the legs. The problem is with the legs, and this could be due to the weight loss we went through, is that it tends to retain that disembodied feeling for a few seconds. Probably because she’s doing something it’s not used to, or, I have a physical ailment that needs to be checked. Though, it rarely happens, so I guess it’s due to how fast she’s reacting instead.

 

I’m not really fond of picking a role that they subscribe themselves in, as it’s still an ongoing process to see how she reacts to everything. But, at the end of the day, for us, it’s about enjoying the privacy of one’s mind. Just because a person doesn’t have a PR doesn’t mean they didn’t make personal logs for them to look back on. One example would be to show our dreaming encounters, and I mean with dreaming in general, and not just an encounter with her. There would at least be 1,100+ posts in the PR in that regard, and that’s just touching the surface since prior information was lost due to transitioning through a few laptops, and being neglectful in creating backups.

 

I think sometimes through descriptions of tulpas, we end up over-hyping who they are, and who we want them to represent, but I feel I just learn how to figure it out day-to-day. Sorry if this isn’t what you wanted to see, but I see no point structuring it just to make a person feel at ease. You probably thought there would be some overly big justification when it’s really that some people feel that no matter how you word your progress, it’s just a shell of what’s really happening.

[Red Flame]

ok i really don't understand what linkzelda wants to say. it's because its confusing for me to understand that much complex text.

[Linkzelda]

Sorry, should've sent a PM to them. Wasn't really meant for you, I guess. Also, this only proves my point, Temar. :)

[KarlYoshimura]

@Red Flame: from what you described earlier, I certainly wouldn't say you're at zero per cent. Your tulpa sounds like a nice and supportive individual, and I'm glad you're able to do things like eat ice-cream together.

 

As for not talking, have you ever considered there could be some innate design or over-sight you're not considering? I specifically remember how one host made an android tulpa, and its initial lack of speech was alleged to stem from his robotic and mechanical nature until he had a speaker "installed" on his body.

 

Alternatively, would you consider that perhaps your tulpa just doesn't wish to speak, for whatever reason? Whatever the case, would you be able to request a kind of response like head pressure or a certain feeling in a part of your body? My tulpa enjoys sending powerful chills up my spine, and does so to transmit a kind of special euphoria - she initially communicated like this when she felt happy or agreed with me. It certainly assisted in having her talk.

 

Best wishes. We're rooting for you both.

[Temar]

So... tell us about your tulpa. What's she like?

 

She is kind and brave and curious and loyal and she really likes music.

 

What are a couple things you've done with her in your three years of forcing?

 

The best I made with her was that we have eaten in a Eiscafé both an ice cream. So I ate two large cups of ice. One of them for my tulpa.^^

 

What are the things about her that you really like?

 

that she is always near me and that I feel happy when I talk to her.

 

That is... pretty damn adorable. :)

 

I can tell you're on the right track, at least. You're sharing memories and experiences, and you clearly care about her very much. Also, it sounds like you're sensing presence, which is a great sign. Just be patient with her... maybe she just hasn't felt a need to talk yet, or isn't quite sure how to do it yet. Keep giving it time.

 

Well, it’s probably because applying real-life scenarios with tulpas seems to be off-topic in the progress logs. I’m not sure if people would be content with me putting those scenarios, and I’m sure you know others who tried this, but ended up leaving due to the over-bearing drama.

 

Heh, can't argue with that.

 

Well, if you want something recent, we recently applied for a position at our job that’s traditionally suited for females. Not sure if we’ll get it, as we just wanted to do it for the lols, but you could say that Eva ends up being a dominating working persona for me, and she gets that recognition from others through that, and other interactions as well. There wasn’t really a desire for her to vocalize herself in the forums, and I think she has a type of hatred, or distaste for this forum, so I end up not really posting anything about her.

 

Hey, that's pretty neat. I've got headmates who take over in certain rl situations that we've never even mentioned here, so yeah, I get it.

 

This is why when I have to take the role in the forum, I tend to be a bit more blunt, and sometimes irritating to the other members. Before, she used to just find ways to dampen the blow, but is still as wordy as I ever could be, but that’s only when we’re typing. As for actually talking, she’s a total klutz, but that’s because we know that we can get by with basic language. Our boss tends to poke fun at our wording, and we stopped being excessive a long time ago, in work mind you, but even with that, we end up being treated as comedy hour.

 

Yeah, verbal language is tough. My host textwalls online, too, but verbally? Stutters. I'm better at it, but even I'll admit it's easier to be eloquent when you have time to think about what you're saying before you say it. ;)

 

 

I think sometimes through descriptions of tulpas, we end up over-hyping who they are, and who we want them to represent, but I feel I just learn how to figure it out day-to-day. Sorry if this isn’t what you wanted to see, but I see no point structuring it just to make a person feel at ease. You probably thought there would be some overly big justification when it’s really that some people feel that no matter how you word your progress, it’s just a shell of what’s really happening.

 

That's the trick. While, yeah, you could say describing them is over-hyped, and it gets harder to do that the more complex your tulpa gets... a description can be reaffirming to a being who is, ultimately, mostly concept.

 

You can probably go on for pages and pages more about who Eva is and still not really dig into the core of what makes her Eva, because words just don't seem sufficient for some stuff, and that's fair.... but for a newer thoughtform, it's nice to have something about you put in text. It's reaffirming. Heck, I'm a pretty old, well-established thoughtform, and even I got a pretty big boost of confidence the first time my host allowed me to post online. Because, for some of us at least, there's just something about having your existence acknowledged to a bunch of strangers that makes you feel more real.

 

So, in the OP's case, it's a start, right?

 

Sorry, should've sent a PM to them. Wasn't really meant for you, I guess. Also, this only proves my point, Temar. :)

 

Yep, point taken. :D

[InuYamsXSesshopmart]

The same happened to me, i opened a thread just some weeks ago about it.

There's even a name for it, some people doesn't have a "mind's eye".

 

 

 

 

 

Aphantasia to be exact

[Red Flame]

There's even a name for it, some people doesn't have a "mind's eye".

Aphantasia to be exact

 

 

 

 

 

I had a MRI and they say that my brain is 100% good. It can't be Aphantasia, but i think its more that i dont really understand what visualization is.