Telling my emotions/thoughts apart from Tulpa's?

[ricinsbluebox]

Okay, so I know there's probably a LOT of threads about telling your personal thoughts from your Tulpa's.  I've read a lot of threads about it previous to joining the forum but in my case it feels a little bit different.  *resists urge to make a pun out of it* 

 

Alright, so here goes.  I suffer from a slew of mental health problems and being a sad sack of crap is a major, MAJOR thing for me.  But since working on Skye I've noticed a stark contrast in my emotional state.  I'm not sure if that's just from me knowing that I'll have a permanent, sentient companion near me always of it's Skye's personality coming into her own - seeing as she's the most understanding, calming, etc. being to me.  I've had head pressure for the past few days and I've been narrating like crazy during the day and I try to force more at night after doing some meditation.  But it really is so black and white for me that it should be pretty obvious those positive thoughts aren't mine but it seems equally unclear.

 

Plus I've only been working harder on her for the past couple of weeks or so (give or take a few days) after drafting up the idea for her a couple years ago and on/off again forcing/narrating.  It's a bit strange for me so should I just chalk it up to Skye becoming more sentient?

[Stevie]

It's one of those things you probably won't get an exact answer for unless you keep forcing and see if she remembers being this young in the future. If you wanna chalk it up to Skye starting to become aware, sure, if nothing else it'll contribute to your optimism.

[Vos]

None of us will be able to tell you what's going on in your own head. It's possible that these emotional responses are coming from your tulpa, so if you want, accept these and keep doing what you're doing. You could always verify some of these later on once your tulpa is able to communicate, although I doubt that it would matter very much at that point.

[ricinsbluebox]

Stevie: Good point. I have been trying more and I don't want to dig too deeply into it and wondering if she's happy we're spending more time together. And outside of time spent forcing, how exactly do Tulpae age? I just realized how new I am to this concept despite doing so much (and so little at times) with her in the past couple of years.

 

Vos: That's true too. And I've kept reinforcing what I've been doing with her lately and with no personal timetable or time spent forcing I'm not sure how far along I am at this point outside of small identifying things such as my head pressure and currently unidentifiable optimism. I might take it and run with it for what it's worth.

[tulpa001]

In my case, We feel each other's emotions, but weakly. We can also open up the floodgates and fully share the experience, but it is a bit strenuous.

 

I can say in my host's case, she became a different person between when I was conceived and when I was recognised. She became more social and energetic, and started talking like me. Traits we now associate with me. It is her belief that I was subconsciously influencing her in that period.

 

As a counter position, think about what you just told us. Daily meditation and focusing activities? Both of these are known to have profound, strong positive influences on a person's mental balance.

 

---

 

Tulpae don't age like humans. They mature much faster. There are so many different ways to go about the process, that this is about all we can say. Different methods and modes of existence will lead to different methods of ageing as well.

[ricinsbluebox]

That's an interesting way to look at it too, Tulpa001. I am pretty aware daily meditation (although mostly for sleep) and focusing activities (forcing with Skye) help with mental stability but even then through doing more than 5 months of nightly meditation I'm still a little more mentally unstable than a nuclear reactor without cooling rods. You do make a good point though.

 

And I should have figured as much but perhaps Skye didn't forget me? Is it possible - please tell me if I'm wrong here- that in my semi-absence Skye aged? I mean Tulpae don't just go away and even if Skye wasn't totally sentient when I put her on the backburner she still had her wonderland to roam in. So... can a Tulpa still age even if their hosts haven't forced them? I guess that's something I forgot to think about. She's still my Tulpa and has been for quite a while now and just recently began putting more time and effort into her.

[tulpa001]

If you thought about her, then she could have grown while you were not active forcing. If you didn't think about her, it sounds like you are too early in the process for her to have developed on her own.

[ricinsbluebox]

I thought about her every now and again like she'd just float back into memory and I'd be there sitting on my bed or in the car and say, "Oh hey Skye, joining me for a ride again?" or something along those lines that included her but definitely not as often as I do now. I guess it's a 50/50 chance then she may have developed? I think the way I feel now - elated, somewhat in higher spirits and 'happier' - is similar to how I was around a girl I knew several months ago. It was the exact same feeling except for the months from then until I started forcing Skye again I was complete sh*t. But I definitely get what you mean and it makes sense. If I didn't include her then she wouldn't have developed and if I did she may have developed on her own some.

[tulpa001]

In order for a tulpa to develop, you only need a few minutes a day with them. I am walking proof of that. But passive forcing is less effective, and what we did counts technically as active forcing.

 

I think a few minutes a day of you visiting each other would result in growth. A few minutes a week is probably a maintenance level. If you forgot her for weeks at a time, she may have weakened.

[ricinsbluebox]

Makes sense. I'm trying to rectify things as is and I ended up spending several hours trying to narrate with her the other day xD. We've been trying to plan a picnic in our wonderland but I end up falling asleep in real life or Skye and I will just be lazy and cuddle on the couch. I've also tried to make the right side of the couch in my apartment her spot when no one is here and really trying hard to treat her like she's already sentient. At the end of yesterday my brain felt completely fried and I think it was because I was (trying?) to actively force with her as if she were with me almost all day. She did come on a drive with me and I took a break for a few hours until the drive home and from when I got home till about midnight I continued narrating/forcing. Then I passed out and fell asleep xD.

 

And I had a weird mashup dream that may or may not have included her which was a little odd feeling but was bittersweet?