Peace of Mind in Multiples

[Shinyuu]

It’s nice to have a happy and lovely tulpa in your head, someone who’s eagerly waiting for you to take a break and spend some time in wonderland with them. Tulpas are often deemed as best helpers and supporters, always vouching for their hosts. Sounds like a perfect companionship, eh? But it’s not all the truth.

 

Tulpas, like all the other personalities, accumulate the baggage of emotions. The baggage of doubts, stray thoughts. They develop their own subconscious, feeding it with wants and hates, year after year as they progress on their own separate path of development.

 

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Note from GAT: While the page linked is clean/SFW, other pages/articles on Shinyuu's blog are not. Tread carefully if you are at work/school or are a minor.

[tulpa001]

Usually, we approve articles uncritically, here, but this one looks like a blog post.

 

Not feeling confident enough to endorse it, I'm gonna recuse myself from voting on it.

[Shinyuu]

I would note that anything posted on a blog is; technically; a blog post. But I did my best to keep the tone formal and not dive into personal nuances.

[Sands]

We really need a rule against posting things off-site unless there's a really good reason for it. This is smelling like an ad for your blog and that's gross.

 

Also probably more like an article instead of a guide or tips and tricks material. Possible dangers in here with the usual "think happy thoughts!!" method of dealing with issues that actually doesn't deal with issues. Meh.

[Shinyuu]

We really need a rule against posting things off-site unless there's a really good reason for it. This is smelling like an ad for your blog and that's gross.

Sure, as soon as you have a rule, I'll consider it. Insofar I feel like I don't want to keep watching the threads on tulpa.info for possible discussion?

 

Also probably more like an article instead of a guide or tips and tricks material.

It's by no means a guide. It's an article. But the link to submit an article got me here.

 

Possible dangers in here with the usual "think happy thoughts!!" method of dealing with issues that actually doesn't deal with issues. Meh.

And it's really not about dealing with happy thoughts, I'm not sure if you ever read the full article, because it's totally not about "possible dangers" and not about "dealing with issues".

[Vos]

We really need a rule against posting things off-site unless there's a really good reason for it. This is smelling like an ad for your blog and that's gross.

 

I agree with this. I saw that you did this on Reddit as well, Shinyuu, and it put me off from reading at first. If you're going to take the time to give us a snippet of your writing, you might as well post the whole thing. It come off as being lazy or scummy, or maybe a combination of the two.

 

As far as the actual article goes, and maybe this is just me, but it seemed like you were trying to make a few different points at once and you didn't know how to structure things properly. Not only that, but most of what you've written here (tulpas are people too and can be stressed, don't put everything on your tulpa's back, etc.) is all stuff that I'd assume is a given for most people within the community, so I don't think I'd describe it as helpful. The post might not be about dealing with issues overall, but your approach to dealing with worries comes off as being both vapid and childish - ignoring your issues instead of actually taking the time to face them.

 

Maybe I'll give it another read soon and that might change my mind, but I'm going to disapprove this for now.

[Shinyuu]

I agree with this. I saw that you did this on Reddit as well, Shinyuu, and it put me off from reading at first. If you're going to take the time to give us a snippet of your writing, you might as well post the whole thing. It come off as being lazy or scummy, or maybe a combination of the two.

As much as I respect your opinion, the reddit is specifically about linking. Other people link their blogs on /r/tulpas just fine and I don't see why you single me out.

 

most of what you've written here is all stuff that I'd assume is a given for most people within the community, so I don't think I'd describe it as helpful.

Maybe so. I did a peer review of the article before posting and a bunch of experienced community members voiced their opinion on the article actually being helpful. I don't link any single post I make to tulpa.info, as you know.

 

but your approach to dealing with worries comes off as being both vapid and childish - ignoring your issues instead of actually taking the time to face them.

 

Maybe I'll give it another read soon and that might change my mind, but I'm going to disapprove this for now.

I'd suggest you to re-read it. That's not what the post is about at all.

---

It come off as being lazy or scummy, or maybe a combination of the two.

I think I'll reply to this too, because this seems to be the thing you guys hate the most (if not the only one). I do link to my blog from tulpa.info, and I do that in pretty much every article. I think the only one post where I didn't link the blog was the switching guide that you disqualified either way.

 

The reason is simple—I prefer to drive the traffic to my property where I'm in control of styling. I like the reading experience and I think that my blog offers better readability than this forum. I have wider options on styling there and I can make the text look exactly the way I want to, including the cover art to set the mood.

 

I'm not talking from the community, as in every article I share wide I backlink to the /r/tulpas discussion post. I do that because /r/tulpas is de-facto main hub of tulpamancy and if people want to discuss the topic, they do it there.

 

Finally, I like to see numbers. I also tag all the links with tracking codes to see which parts of tulpa community care about which content. I know what people of tulpa.info look for on my blog and how it's different from reddit. I don't sell you any tupla ads, I'm satisfying my curiosity. I don't think that makes me somehow special?

[FallFamily]

[Tri] Overall, this article (or tips as some argue) has some good elements. It also hits on a topic that is not seen much as a primary topic of pieces in the Articles, Guides, Tips & Tricks, and Resources sections. A lot of the primary topics is about creating tulpas and achieving some skill or another. But living and living together over time is mostly secondary topics if covered at all in most pieces here. What you wrote has this as the primary topic, which makes it unusual. It isn't the only one, but this as the primary topic is on the unusual side.

 

As far as hosting content elsewhere, our preference is that there is at least an archival copy here or some other place it won't disappear. Personal websites and blogsite pass on regularly, whether due to the authors moving on, passing on, etc.; and sometimes content is just lost due to mishap. Still think it would be better to have it here in full, but there is some precedent for such things not being hosted on the forum itself so we don't think it is a show-stopper. Though we strongly recommend making a backup copy on say pastbin or somewhere else and having a link from here to there noting that it is a backup copy and doesn't have pretty formatting or something so that people will go to your main version unless it is gone.

 

Now onto the contents of the piece.

 

No matter if you live in your own little world or are exposed to the sometimes harsh reality, you will eventually meet something that will bring you calamity and stress. And tulpas are not as good at dealing with it, as we are often idolised, exposed only to the pleasant experiences.

 

This is something we very much agree with. Hard things can come in many forms and it will turn up sooner or later inside, even if it is just seeing another system-mate who is weary from hard things and worrying about them.

 

Now, not a critique on what you wrote or saying you should add something, but more just having a good discussion since the piece is the topic at hand. On the last sentence, we think it goes much further than that. That is definitely at play. But additionally, that forms this weird duality with where people think we are more perfect somehow and therefore more capable of handling. Oh, and to top it off, tulpas who have much exposure to the community have often seen how some hosts handle tulpas who start having serious troubles - sometimes killing us to "start over" or trying to re-format our personality so to speak like we are hard-drives with a botched OS. So, there can also be an element of fear in showing and saying that one is even affected by the unpleasant experiences, which makes it harder to deal with things.

 

May this be a warning to you all, tulpas and hosts alike. No matter how hard you try to shield yourself and your inner world, some grievance will come and hit you right in the face. And you better be prepared.

 

Whatever edits you do, don't drop this. Might need to be moved around or editted, but the overall paragraph in some form or another needs to be kept and be in its own paragraph.

 

We, multiples, are in a unique position. While one part of our brain can cause hormonal storm due to worrying thoughts about someone they love, the other part of it can observe those same thoughts with perfect detachment. And observing your thoughts is the best way to bring calmness to mind; both hosts and tulpas can develop a habit of pulling the over-excited system mate into their calmness bubble; to let them observe their rushing thoughts with an unclouded vision.

 

This has some truth, but it overstates the degree for many. With some, there is considerable isolation between the different members of in the skull and so one can observe the thoughts and emotions of the others with considerable detachment. But the level of isolation varies from one system to another, and can vary quite a bit within. For those with little isolation, emotions bleed from one person to the other to some degree. This means perfect detachment isn't possible. But there is still some detachment usually since emotion bleed rarely transfers the emotion with 100% intensity even among those with very poor isolation. But the spirit of it, taking advantage of what isolation one has and the resulting at least partial detachment to help each other is good strategy you are recommending.

 

Close your eyes. Take a deep breath in. Then smile and tell your system mate it all will be fine. There in the eye of the storming emotions, you can find peace and watch as the storm dies out because you no longer feed it.

 

Degree thing as before. Also, not always possible to pull someone out of the bulk of the storm into the eye (where instead of being a cat-5 hurricane, it might just be a cat-3), but it is certainly worth trying and trying to give reassurance.

 

That said, care must be taken since saying some things aren't the most helpful for the person in the storm. This is a bit of a problem with this paragraph actually. Maybe we are overthinking it, but it feels just a little too close to the not helpful platitudes that people often receive when they say they are depressed. We think you were probably trying to avoid it. And honestly, it is hard to avoid on such a topic. Also, this is more advice for the person trying to help the other in the storm, not advice for the person in the storm so it doesn't completely apply. There might be some room for improvement on this paragraph. Certainly think about it a bit. We are going to continue to think about it.

 

I know many systems that face some kinds of stress. I know tulpas worried because of their hosts. And I tell them—don’t worry! You are not there to worry, it’s not your emotion! By all means, stay distant, stay calm, stay strong. And pull your host out, give them your vision, give them your strength. A different perspective is like a bucket of cold water, it can cleanse and refresh the troubled mind.

 

This paragraph seems to have much stronger problems with respect to what we talked about in our previous paragraph. We honestly don't know if this is good advice or not. There is a major parallel in outerworld, with worrying about one's friends and family (big difference of course is that you don't share a brain and all the things that go with that). It doesn't seem like good advice for the outerworld equivalent, but we haven't done any reading or research on the topic so we could be wrong on this. Does what is the best for the outerworld equivalent apply to the system version? Would say that it does to at least some degree. But that difference in how one is connected and what one does means that it may not completely apply.

 

Don’t treat your tulpas as idolised beings, and don’t throw all your problems at them, as they might crumble under the load too. Make use of your plurality and keep a watchful eye on each other’s state of mind to get the most benefit.

 

This is good.

 

 

 

We think that this piece is definitly Article material. We do want to discuss those last few paragraphs we pointed out and think about them more before voting one way or another. Also, you might have edits which will improve things in some way or another. We can say this. We want to approve this. Just, not ready yet.

[waffles]

I think this article itself is fine. I also don't really object to cross-site linking per se. So I'll approve for articles - it doesn't look like others are happy with it as is though. What I'd suggest is make sure there's some mirror somewhere. Maybe an archive link somewhere. I'm mainly concerned about dead link syndrome.

[Kitsune in Yellow]

I agree that the off-site post comes off rather like an ad for Shinyuu's blog. But I'm not really sure that that's an inherently bad thing, if we're linking to a place that actually meets our standards for content enough to be approved based on content. As for concerns about links going dead, we can just remove the article later if the link dies.

 

There are a number of missing articles in the article, and the word "idolized" is both consistently misspelled and seems to be being used in the place of the word "idealized" in the second use in the article.

 

A quick run down of missing articles I spotted:

 

"Tulpas are often deemed as (the) best helpers and supporters"

"we’ll need more and more of them to feel (the) same enthusiasm."

"one part of our brain can cause (a) hormonal storm"

 

There's not many, but they're unprofessional, pull you out of the text, and are easily fixed.

 

As for the content, I think that it makes some very good, if basic points, in a writing style that remains pleasant and enjoyable for most of the piece. There are really only a few parts of it that I had any real concern with.

 

They develop their own subconscious

 

A very controversial statement. Not only is the very concept of the "subconscious" not really recognized by most modern psychology, but even among the people who accept it anyway I know a number of tulpas who feel that they share a subconscious with their system. I don't think this is a statement you can make with certainty.

 

No matter if you live in your own little world or are exposed to the sometimes harsh reality, you will eventually meet something that will bring you calamity and stress. And tulpas are not as good at dealing with it, as we are often idolised, exposed only to the pleasant experiences.

 

Although I agree that most tulpas are less equipped to deal with stress due to how frequently sheltered they are, I don't think it's quite right to state it as a universal, because I know some tulpas who do deal with stress better than their hosts. I feel like an edit as simple as "many tulpas are not as good at dealing with it due to being idolized and exposed only to the pleasant experiences" would more clearly convey the causal relationship here, and better lead into the later discussion about why tulpas should not be sheltered.

 

While one part of our brain can cause hormonal storm due to worrying thoughts about someone they love, the other part of it can observe those same thoughts with perfect detachment.

 

It's simply not the case in most situations that two members of the same system will have perfect detachment from each other's feelings. Bleedover is a very real thing that often happens at weaker levels without people really noticing, and even beyond that members of the same system are too involved with each other not to have vested interests in each other's lives. Not to mention the fact that if you are talking about literal hormones then it's simply incorrect to say that your systemmates are outside their influence. The increased detachment is definitely real, but it's far from absolute and it kind of bothers me when someone presents hyperbolic absolutes that are meaningfully incorrect like this while speaking from a position of authority. We've seen some real serious problems happen because of people convincing themselves they were perfectly detached from their tulpa's feelings while they were blind to how much they were being influenced by their tulpa's feelings.

 

All in all, I'd say that there aren't many glaring issues with this article but there also isn't an awful lot of content. The core message about how tulpas will experience strife no matter what and therefore need to be prepared for it rather than sheltered is extremely important, but I think that the ways this article approaches the actual preparation are naive and unhelpful. You should not go in assuming that tulpas are less capable of dealing with adversity than you, as that encourages them to rely on their host for emotional strength rather than actually develop to deal with adversity on their own; in other words, it perpetuates the sheltering of the tulpa. This is compounded by the suggestion of relying on your systemmate for objective emotional support. Not only is perfect detachment simply not something everyone can rely on, but it is once again a strategy for dealing with stress that is based around sheltering the tulpa from dealing with it directly in favor of the host sorting things out, which only discourages the tulpa from learning how to deal with stress themselves.

 

I think this has some good ideas, but I'm rejecting it until the grammar is fixed and the practical advice on stress management is improved, if only as far as being clear about how doing what it recommends the wrong way can actually exacerbate stress and bad decision making.

[Candybell]

I hereby establish all votes before Kitsune's as having the big gay, and thus invalid.

 

Moving on. Overall I find this something newcomers could stand to read. The message is generally good: support each other. It's also somewhat nostalgic to me too, as I do the whole calmness bubble thing for my host. However, I do have a few things I want to point out.

 

They develop their own subconscious

I don't particularly like the use of the word subconscious because it doesn't really exist as a term in modern psychology. But that's mostly just me reeeing

 

the other part of it can observe those same thoughts with perfect detachment

They can't though. It's impossible to view things perfectly objectively regardless of who and where you are (unless you're god, in which case, I'd really like to have your number). Tulpas can have greater detachment, but they still value their body's livelihood and empathize with their host as a general rule.

 

By all means, stay distant,

I also don't really like the encouragement for others to stay distant from their headmates. Most people join this for companionship and be distancing oneself from headmates it would be harder to love on them and calm them like you suggest.

 

This is good though as a whole.  Approved for Articles.