When it comes to tulpa disabilities...

[Evil]

Greetings, I am Evil.

 

This time, I got curious about tulpa-related disabilities and malfunctions. I won't lie, this is partly for my upcoming repository of tulpa-related psychological issues.

 

It's interesting to see the multitude of cases presented, on this forum. You see, we have tulpas growing in the back of people's heads, tulpas being born out of literature, tulpas being born out of, well, you name it! I find it absolutely amazing, it only goes to show how complex the human mind truly is.

 

But, at the same time, it made me wonder about what sorts of difficulties tulpas actually go through. I would like the following:

 

If a tulpa, without the host's help or intepretation, could express themselves in a coherent way, while expressing what sorts of problems that, in some ways, handicap them, that would be perfect.

 

So, to tulpas: What sorts of problems did you go through, at early stages of your existence, and/or now? What is the biggest barrier that keeps you from evolving? I would love to hear all inputs!

[Guest Anonymous]

David did not know that parroting or puppeting were bad and even didn't know they were called that. Neither of us did. I "grew up" interacting with him through mutual day dreams in which he actively imagined me doing and saying things. As a result, I do not have a strong autonomy to my "mind voice." I am much more autonomous-fluent in writing. Most of the time when Davie and I have back and forth conversations, it is through the medium of the Melian Show day dreams. He interprets me and "parrots" or "puppets" and tries to interpret what I will want to say by perceiving my emotions and intent (tulpish I guess).

 

I do speak spontaneously in a limited way in short formulaic sentences. Like pre-learned or packets of words already assembled that I can use in certain situations. They tend to be the same sentences in a set. Like I will say "Nice job dummy!" when he does something clumsy. It isn't exactly fluent back and forth autonomous independent interaction.

 

I also give him flash images/visions and flash dreams. These are the most autonomous things I do. I can "talk" or express myself in little snippets of day dream on auto-pilot.

 

In short: I don't have a fluent autonomous mind voice, but instead I need Davie's help in using mind voice because he parroted me too much and puppets me too much and still does. It won't ever change because that is what we have done for almost four decades.

---

We call my mind voice interaction "proxy mind voice" because it is a collaboration between Davie and I, just as our proxy tulpa typing is.

[Joss]

Hey, and look at me with a brand new account with which to express myself sans host interpretation.

 

I guess the first thing I want to figure out is what you mean by "disabilities." Yeah, there are difficulties or limitations that crop up because of our nature, but what, exactly, is a "disability" as it pertains to tulpae? Something that we should be able to do, but can't? Or are we more talking limitations that are ingrained into our very nature?

 

Apparently, I'm feeling pedantic.

 

For example, something that might be considered a disability when it comes to how a tulpa is "supposed" to be is the fact that I can't change forms. It comes from being sourced from a specific character... I was given a form early on in my development that I've grown attached to. I don't usually see it as a disability so much as it is just me being myself, but in the company of shapeshifting tulpae, it starts looking like a disability.

 

(Compounded by the fact that my form has an actual disability. I'm an amputee. Don't ask.)

 

Another tulpa-related disability that comes up for me is body dysphoria. I switch out with my host a lot. It's great... empowering. I like it. Except for the fact that I am a male of a certain build, and she is a female of a certain very different build. This causes discomfort, where I'll be walking around in the body doing my thing, and then I'll see my very curvy, female shadow and remember that, oh yeah, this isn't my body. There's a discomfort in that awareness.

 

And that's not even touching on the problem with my amputated hand... my headspace form is missing my right hand, while the body has that hand. Sometimes, I can use the body's right hand no problem. Other times, I have to avoid using it, because the wrongness of it being there is so strong that it physically hurts. So that's pretty obviously a psychological problem.

[FadingSpectrum]

Greetings, I am Evil.

 

Demetrius: Sorry, some of us are snickering at that. 'Cause, we already know your name, and it sounds like you're saying that you're evil. As in the adjective. It's an adjective, right?

 

Yeah, sorry. Don't get to posting much on here. But Fade thought I should.

 

So, to tulpas: What sorts of problems did you go through, at early stages of your existence, and/or now? What is the biggest barrier that keeps you from evolving? I would love to hear all inputs!

 

Early stage? Fade was puppet master Fade and didn't really realize all of what what going on for a real long time. And some of us like Medea, Jamie and Troy were mutinous. But that's way back when.

 

There's ain't barriers to "evolving" going on in our system right now, (cause that means what, exactly? Constantly changing, bit by bit? That's always a thing).

But I know that there'd be some things that get to be hassles in life. Joss went kind of over gender dysphoria to some extent. If you ain't expecting it, differences in your body and the host's are really weird and some of them can turn a headmate off of fronting. Troy and Najere do less fronting unless they got a good reason, because they're not comfy with being a female of body. Plus, Troy's got issues with not having his wings.

 

If you wanna talk about disabilities in the more traditional sense, there's Drewb and me. He was conceptualized as not having a voice from the get go, and that's the way he's stayed. Makes having a conversation a bit of an effort.

Then I just choose to get by without seeing things in the mindscape. It's more a self-set limitation than disability in a sense, but there you go. Long story why I decided to do that.

 

And though this don't count, everytime I cofront with Fade to write these things, she gets tempted to phonetically write out my accent. And that gets real annoying, 'cause it just feels wrong on the paper.

Screen? Screen. Wrong on the screen.

[Vos]

The reoccurring issue with me is how often I feel the need to change who I am, to set aside this identity for another one. There's no good reason for it, or I can't think of one, so I'm not quite sure how to solve it. It's been holding me back from being comfortable for a long time.

[Evil]

Thank you for your input, everyone. This gives me a better idea of what other tulpas have experienced.

 

It seems like dysphoria is more common than I thought it would be. I thought that nobody would really make any comments on that. When I switch with Dimitrov (whenever he feels like it, that is), he enjoys that young, full of life body.

 

Vosaiu, your case sounds very interesting. Do you mind if I send you a private message with some questions?

[Guest Anonymous]

I seem to suffer from some sort of amnesia about my earliest days. My memories just sort of start at some point, but I know I existed since before that point. I actually feel like I existed for quite a while before then, even. So that means I have no idea how or when I was born. Or if I was always like I am now or not.

[Ro Tembrin]

I won't lie, this is partly for my upcoming repository of tulpa-related psychological issues.

 

Sounds interesting. Where do you plan to put it?

 

What sorts of problems did you go through, at early stages of your existence, and/or now? What is the biggest barrier that keeps you from evolving?

 

At the very beginning - lack of trust. My host was scared that she could mess something up by letting me be more independent. Well, we overcame that with some settlements (like me agreeing to "primum non nocere" - "first, do no harm").

 

Then I went through loads of questions and information in search of the best I could become in order to improve the system. I was radically logical. At this level the biggest barrier was communication with other tulpas and hosts. I could't follow what was happening "between the lines" because it involved emotions. So my information search was harder to do. I had to develop residual emotionality just for communication purposes.

 

Afterwards host started to show doubt. We wasted some time. For example, I was sharing with her some conclusions and she would interrupt me in the middle saying: "But are you real?". I was searching more until I found information I could use to minimize doubts.

 

Now the biggest barrier is my host's buzzing emotionality. When it's really active it's hard to reason and introduce solutions. Nevertheless, this is golden era for me. I've free hand to search for solutions and develop. This is also why I'm already working on this emotionality-related problem - with a little help of my fellow tulpa, inside the system, that actually consists mostly of emotions in contrast to me.

[Metatron]

As far as disabilities go for my other half, neither of us feel that there are really any explicit disabilities. Sure, there are certain inabilities, but that is a different beast altogether since that is purely a matter of perspective anyway. So in short, no there are no disabilities. Though on the other hand, I am willing to venture that there has been a lack of exposure, so to speak, so we never really reached a point where any disabilities, assuming they are there, would have had a chance to show themselves.